Park Museum releases schedule of opening weekend events

Park MuseumThe Park Museum has released the schedule of events for its opening this weekend.

The Museum will open its doors to the public on Sunday, March 1 but a special opening ceremony will take place on Saturday, February 28.

The special ceremony will be attended by the last ten sets of Park Archons, as well as by a group of dignitaries and special invitees. According to a source close to the Board of Governors, the invitee list includes the architects, engineers, construction workers, and others whose work resulted in what Chief Archon Abayomi Cuckoo has called, “the greatest feat The Park has achieved since the establishment of zoocracy.”

The Museum will open to the public at 10:00 on the morning of March 1. After a short welcoming speech by the Board of Governors and the Museum’s architects, attendees will be treated to an orientation tour and a buffet-style lunch courtesy of the PurrBoy Café. Souvenirs will also be available free of charge.

The Museum, which chronicles the social, cultural, political, and economic history of The Park from 3000 years before zoocracy until the present time, was conceived of in 2007. Plans were set in motion by the 2008 Archons and construction began in 2012. The Museum has received financial support from both the Archons and the private sector.

The full schedule of events is available here.


Gossip site: Thisbe had relationship with Mammalian Daily Balls columnist

Let's Talk Balls!

Was Bailey the father of Thisbe’s secret family?

The Park’s “most-watched”  gossip web site headsNtales is reporting that, some years ago, Thisbe had a relationship with Bailey, The Mammalian Daily’s longtime Balls columnist.

According to the report, the founder and lead singer of The Park’s most successful and beloved musical group had a “short but productive relationship with Bailey, who was the Mammalian Daily Balls Columnist for over a decade. Sources say they remained friends long after.”

Although the site does not define the word, “productive,” and does not elaborate on “long after,” many are speculating that Thisbe might have raised a family secretly with Bailey.

headsNtales co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo says she contacted the group’s manager, Hilde Blaft, for confirmation, but has not heard back. Despite that, Guacamayo says she feels confident in going to press because the site has more than one “reliable source” for the information.


He’s baaaack! Leaner and “mellower” Tab Tricolore returns to The Park

Tab TricoloreRenowned chef, restaurateur, and award-winning author Tab Tricolore has returned to The Park and is back at work, says the manager of Tricolore’s fine dining restaurant, Klo.

“He’s been scooting around the kitchen here for a few days now and we’re already starting to get sick of him,” joked manager Léopard Mirepoix in a radio interview this morning.

Tricolore, himself, has not spoken to the media and, according to Mirepoix, has not mentioned his absence at all.

“It’s as if he was never gone, though he has acknowledged the tremendous support of Park residents. He said he found it overwhelming and intends to thank everyone formally in the coming weeks.”

Mirepoix said he’s found Tricolore “mellower” since his return.

“He has definitely mellowed out. You can see it in his face. Before, the stripes on his face were zig-zagged; he was always in a hurry, always suffering from stress. Now, [the stripes] they’re straight … he has a smile on his face. And he’s lost a bit of weight. I don’t know whether that’s because he wasn’t fed or what. Only he can tell us. But he isn’t in distress; if anything, he’s happier than before.”

Tricolore’s former saucier, Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla says he’s not surprised that Tricolore is back at work.

“Food is his first love. I think, in many ways, it is his only love. And it would be his comfort, no matter what. Whether he’s sadder or happier, food is where he would go first. I’m glad he’s come back,” says Burmilla.


Interview with Thisbe, Part I: “Life is what happens after the credits roll.”



A partial transcript of the Mammalian Daily Radio (TMD Radio) interview with Thisbe, hosted by Winsell Tamarin and broadcast live December 3, 2014, appears below. Please note, this transcript has been edited due to space limitations.

WT: Welcome, Thisbe. It’s a great privilege to talk to you today.
T: Thank you, Winsell. It’s a privilege to be here.
WT: I’d like to start off, if you don’t mind, by addressing some of your fans’ concerns about your upcoming tour and your career decisions in the last decade.
T: Yes, that’s fine. I knew you would want to talk about that.
WT: You embarked on a farewell tour some years ago—
T: Yes. 2007
WT: 2007. And—
T: And I fell ill and we cancelled the tour because we didn’t know when I would be well enough to resume work. And the Barkettes … particularly Estelle … had other commitments, so—
WT: And that brings me to my question. Not about the tour. About your relationship … with the Barkettes. There have been many rumours, as I presume you know, that you aren’t particularly close. Some even say that you aren’t on speaking terms.
T: That’s nonsense. I mean, about not being on speaking terms. Of course we’re on speaking terms. We practically grew up together. But, are we close? Who is to be the judge of that? We have all lived our own lives, even while performing together and spending almost every waking moment together for many years. We are our own Canines. But we care about each other. Deeply. And, to a great extent, we understand each other. Perhaps more than any other Canines could ever understand the five of us. And not just because we’ve been together for so long.
WT: And Noreen? What is your relationship with Noreen these days? I see that she dedicated her book to you.
T: Noreen is a very special Canine. We have a special relationship that defies definition. I was the one who rejected her as a Barkette, so I was the one who had to live with that guilt for years. I was afraid it would destroy her, but she is the most resilient Animal I’ve ever met. In the end, it was she who helped me to survive, rather than the other way around.
WT: So, would you say that you are close friends?
T: I don’t understand why you keep asking that kind of question. Noreen has her own special abilities and she has her own life. However close or not close we are, is our business.
WT: We’ll move on. What do you hope to gain through this new tour?
T: Gain? I don’t think we hope to gain anything, per se. We are continuing with our careers, after a hiatus of about 7 years. We did do a few concerts together during that time, but we didn’t tour. The Barkettes, themselves, toured and pursued other interests. Mercedes went back to school; Lorraine has a number of charities that she works with; Carmen loves to garden and Estelle has done a number of 
television spots. We have all been busy. We are not returning from the depths. We are all well and happy and ready to start a new phase in our lives.
WT: What did you mean when you said that Noreen helped you to survive?
T: As you know, I was very ill for a long time and part of my illness was diagnosed as melancholia. I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. I was frustrated and agitated a lot of the time and I took to chasing my tail. I didn’t know how to move forward. As I’ve said to others in the past few years, life is what happens after the credits roll and I found out quite quickly that I didn’t like it and that I really didn’t know how to deal with life. It was something I’d been able to avoid by working so much. My concerns weren’t of the everyday kind; they were all career-related. When I was faced with the sorts of things that most Canines … most Animals are … I didn’t know what to do. It was Noreen who steered me in the right direction.
WT: How so?
T: She visited me one day and gently suggested to me that there were certain truths about my life and my upbringing that I hadn’t faced head-on … that I had spent many years running away from who I really was and, even more than that, who I was supposed to be. She said maybe it was time for me to take a look at all that. 

Stay tuned for PART II: “I was made for the shows.”


Noreen: TMD’s Animal of the Year

lovely-to-look-at-back-coverBREAKING NEWS
The Mammalian Daily has chosen Noreen as its 2014 Animal of the Year.

In a press announcement this morning, TMD managing editor Orphea Haas said the newspaper’s staff chose to honour the advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies because of her “tireless efforts” on behalf of zoocracy and her commitment to achieving harmony among the species.

“Noreen has been at the forefront in the struggle to achieve harmony among the species. She has been committed to interspecial understanding from the beginning of her career. She has worked tirelessly in an effort to help other Animals achieve awareness, understanding, and acceptance of our differences, thereby upholding one of the most important tenets of zoocracy. Her recent book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans, is just another example of her endeavours in this regard. Noreen is a true champion of zoocracy and an upstanding Park citizen and we are pleased to honour her as our 2014 Animal of the Year,” said Haas.


TMD Animal of the Year: Which Animal would you choose?

TickLater this month, The Mammalian Daily’s editors will reveal their choice of Animal of the Year.

In the meantime, we are inviting readers to voice their own opinions. Participate in our poll below:


Could Tricolore’s “tabbiness” be connected to his disappearance?

Tab Tricolore: "You have to offer an extraordinary culinary experience or else Animals will not dine at your restaurant."

Could the chef’s disappearance be connected to his “tabbiness?”

As the fourth day of Chef Tab Tricolore’s absence brings no clues as to his whereabouts, many have begun asking what might in the past have been a forbidden question: is it possible that Tricolore’s “tabbiness” is somehow connected to his abrupt disappearance?

Increasingly, there have been whispers about a theory that is at once unpalatable and believable.

The celebrated chef and award-winning author went missing on December 2, after he left The Park to source ingredients for that night’s service at his fine dining restaurant, Klo.

There are few who have seen him since and yesterday’s update from Park Police left much to be desired. They are at a loss, it seems, to understand what might have happened to him or where he might be.

Increasingly, though, there have been whispers about a theory that is at once unpalatable and believable. Could it be, as many Park Animals are beginning to wonder, that Tricolore is the victim of anti-stripe prejudice?

“The timing makes me suspicious,” says Blandine Okapi. Okapi, who recently resigned from the Archon Transition Team, is acting president of Sisters and Brothers of the Narrow Band, a Park organization that offers assistance to striped Animals.

“After all, wasn’t it just the day before his disappearance that [Rodent Commoner reporter Gunnar Espen} Rotte published that despicable editorial?”

Rotte’s article expressed his lack of sympathy with striped and spotted Animals and the difficulties they encounter.

“I come from a species that is universally hated,” he wrote, implying that striped and spotted Animals were not the only ones who suffer prejudice.

Okapi is one of many who say they are worried that some Park Animals such as Rotte may have ties to anti-stripe “elements” outside The Park.

“It’s possible that some Animals who feel the same way as he does may have called in a few favours,” she says.

Park Police, however, say they have no evidence of such a situation.

“At this time, we have no reason to suspect any Park Animal of any wrongdoing,” says Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU).


Park Finance Officer goes AWOL amid calls for his resignation


Park Finance Officer Milton Struts has not been seen since Wednesday

Park Finance Officer Milton Struts has not made any public appearances since last Wednesday, when he allegedly made a number of specist remarks during a massive budget protest.

“We need new blood, that’s for sure. – Oliver S.P. Franklin, head, Confederation of Ground Squirrels 

As a result, a number of Park citizen groups are calling for his resignation, saying he has “lost his way” and become “too entrenched” in the budget process.

“We need new blood, that’s for sure,” says Oliver S.P. Franklin, head of the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS) and a long-time critic of Struts.

Small Animal Reform Group (SARG) head Mason L. Tortoise agrees.

“If he can’t face us and defend what he calls a budget, then it’s time for him to go and for us to have an Animal who understands Park life,” he says.

Meanwhile, Sylvana Rana, president of the pro-sortition group Save Our Political System (SOPS) calls the budget “a threat to our way of life.”

“I don’t know what Struts was thinking when he put this thing together,” she says. “It’s as if he was panic-stricken and couldn’t make a decision.”

Rana says Struts’s seeming indecisiveness and what she calls the “total inappropriateness” of the budget might serve as fodder for those who advocate moving to an elected system of government. Presently, the lottery system known as sortition is used annually to select the 35 Animals who serve as our government. The Archons, who are the de facto heads of the Park Finance Office, have not as yet made any statement regarding the 2015 budget.

“To say that I’m disappointed in their silence is a gross understatement,” Rana says. “If they can’t defend our political system by supporting their choice of budget head, they are effectively handing us over to the other side.”


Ready, set, go! The Shakeoff starts now!

The Park's semi-annual Shakeoff runs today until 8 p.m.

Our semi-annual Shakeoff runs today until 8 p.m. at locations across The Park

The Shakeoff (formerly known as the “Shake for Charity”) is in full swing in The Park today.

The semi-annual charity event “is all about Animals helping Animals” in the lead-up to Winter, says organizing committee head Andras Yak.

“Our goal is to enable those who cannot grow an adequate coat, for whatever reason, to be protected from the harsh elements of the seasons.”

Last September, the event yielded one tonne (yes, you read that correctly!) of hair, all of which came in handy during the unusually cold Winter.

“Our senior residents, in particular, were very grateful for the yield,” Yak says. “And we’re hoping to surpass that this year.”

Also making a return appearance are the on-site groomers who are offering free, new hairstyles to participants and, of course, lots and lots of refreshments courtesy of Florette’s Fine Edibles, The Nut Bar, Ants in Your Pantry, and Clowder.

So, remember:  “If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”

The Shakeoff runs today from 10:00 a.m. to 8 p.m. at locations across The Park


Data Tree hacking was likely the result of “Human error,” says Noreen

Official Noreen

April’s Tree hacking was likely “human error,” says Noreen

The hacking in April of one of The Park’s largest data Trees was likely the result of “Human error,” rather than malicious intent, Noreen says.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and University of West Terrier adjunct professor of Human Studies was participating in a panel discussion on Toro Talk Radio when she made the comment.

“Humans act as much out of ignorance as they do out of self-interest,” she said.

“And, often, the two go hand-in-hand. It wouldn’t surprise me at all to discover that the Humans who did the hacking had no idea whatsoever that the Tree was being used to store precious data.”

In fact, the Tree had been used for years by Sierpinski Squirrel, Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners. The company’s long-term lease allowed the Squirrel to store his raw data in the Tree. Much of that data was recovered during the investigation into the hacking, but a significant amount was lost.

“I would bet the Humans thought that the Tree was ill or interfering with other vegetation,” she said. “I can’t imagine any other reason that they would deliberately hack the Tree.”

Noreen also cautioned the panel to remember the limitations of Humans’ senses.

“There are many things that Humans are not able to see and often they misinterpret the things they do see. And we shouldn’t forget, either, that the majority of them lean toward taking a negative view of things they do not understand,” she said.


lovely-to-look-at-front-coverNoreen’s book, Lovely To Look At, will be published in October.
For more information or to place a pre-publication order, please use this email address: