September on our minds

The Park is a busy place in the Autumn, so The Mammalian Daily is giving you a heads-up on some of what’s in store for September 2016.

Ready, set, mark your calendars!

Official end of estivation

End of EstivationMouse and balloonsIt’s time to welcome back our friends and fellow Park residents!

Let the celebrations begin on September 14!


The Beats of Burden Music Festival

Beats of Burden logo

The third annual Beats of Burden Music Festival promises three days and three nights of continuous music-making, with all our great bands and singers performing in aid of The Park’s refugees. Expect some surprises (as well as surprise appearances) along with the great sounds. And don’t forget the fabulous food and all sorts of other fun. September 16-18.

The Park’s Semi-Annual “Shakeoff”

The Park's semi-annual "Shake for Charity" have changed

It’s all about Animals helping Animals at The Park’s semi-annual “Shakeoff.” The event encourages Animals to donate their hair in aid of those whose coats can’t protect them from the harsh elements. In addition to helping others, you can also partake of free refreshments and get a new hairstyle from our on-site groomers (gratis, of course!). September 27
“If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”  


Gunnar Rotte tweets, then takes his case to the Archons

Screen Shot 2016-08-10 at 9.00.45 AMGunnar Rotte has never backed away from a fight.

Indeed, he rose to prominence almost two years ago, when he published a controversial editorial in The Rodent Commoner comparing the plight of his own species to that of The Park’s striped and spotted citizens.

Now, the beleaguered journalist and part-time counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic is doubling down on his mission to make all Park citizens understand the real life challenges of Rodents and, in particular, Rats.

After taking to Twitter yesterday to react to the announcement that this year’s Park ART Walk will celebrate the work of our striped and spotted citizens and to complain that no Park event honours Rodents, Rotte has begun a campaign to pressure the Archons into establishing just such an event.

Calling for an annual , “Rotter Day,” Rotte says he plans to march in front of the law courts and all government buildings until the Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations agree to his plan.

And he just might be successful.

“I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he got it done,” says Rosbritt Piggsvin, President of Rodents at Risk, a Park charity that aids The Park’s at-risk Rodent community.

“Gunnar is nothing if not persistent,” says Piggsvin, who has known Rotte since his birth.

“He gnaws at things and doesn’t let them go. And on this particular subject, I can tell you, he won’t rest until all Park Animals understand and acknowledge the pain and suffering of Rats and many other Rodents.”

Still, many say it will be an uphill battle for Rotte to get the Archons to agree to add an event to The Park’s calendar so late in their term.

“Yes, he may have to march in the snow, but I’ll bet he’s already put together a plan to confront the new Archons on the day of their swearing-in,” says Piggsvin.


July, July: What a month in The Park!

  1. Mouse reading newspaperWhere’s the comma? Ancient Open-Air Theatre rebrands itself for a new era
  2. Harmonious Humphrey and Hannah one year on: what have we learned?
  3. Security workers threaten bark-to-rule action over right to bite policy
  4. Park Museum to present Holstein Fashion’s EDAM Collection
  5. Literacy rates lowest in Park’s feral communities: study
  6. ZEAL to perform at Stereotype Sunday
  7. Is” long haul” government the way of the future? New political group says yes
  8. And then there were ten: Endeka Elephant Band member murdered on trip home to visit family
  9. Park ART Walk to honour bass player Zuberi Tembo with new logo
  10. Flyball Finals take on new significance
  11. Tab Tricolore establishes new annual event: The Feral Roots Festival
  12. Draft Summit update: farmers demand end to Human Direct Investment in Park
  13. GoUnderground Park’s most hospitable shop: survey
  14. Body of Zuberi Tembo interred in Africa; memorial service to be held in Park
  15. Mark your calendars: August 17 is budget day in The Park
  16. Art museum confirms theft of iconic painting, “Swine with Ewe”
  17. Holstein Fashion honours Zuberi Tembo
  18. Coalition calls emergency meeting at Cackling Goose to discuss budget
  19. Did DWBS safety alert come too late for some?
  20. EDAM statistics show how economy affects Animals’ view of domestication
  21. Park Museum’s EDAM Gala sells out

June was bustin’ out all over. Here’s what happened in The Park

bear newspaperEnforced Domestication Awareness Month 2016: Official Schedule of Events

Members of Park’s endangered species feel stigmatized: study

Memes of Production, Beasts of Burden to join pop-up at Cackling Goose tonight

Chef Mikko Tikkeri tries to cope with June slump at The Feeding Station

Tab to take on Tavros with launch of “Liberation Libation” at literary awards

“Diary of a Domestic Dog” favoured to win fiction prize at literary awards

Alvin Tinamou’s nest reported missing

Holstein Fashion adds third show to EDAM lineup

Whoa! BRAKING News: What’s in our new section will stop you in your tracks

Farmers, weather makers, tech company reps agree to summit at The Draft

DWBS to Archons, PFO: increase aid to immigrants, domestication survivors

Tavros-Tricolore war escalates as chef bars radio host from PurrBoy Café

Following in the Barkettes’ footsteps: Belles and Whistles make their debut tonight at Concert for Charity


It’s May! Here’s what happened in The Park during April’s showers

cowcoffeeMammalian Daily becomes first Park newspaper to ban Human jokes

Civet calls for freeze on development of all food-related technology

TMD Exclusive: Millicent Hayberry and Gianfranco Colocolo in conversation

First quarter results prove opening on Groundhog Day a profitable move

Raimundo Zorro strikes again: new web site violates conditions of sentence

Tinamou blames TMD’s Haas for drop in Month Without Metaphor participants

TMD managing editor schedules press conference for Monday morning

Court reaffirms right to remain stupid

TMD’s Haas on no-name policy: “We have to honour our reporters’ contracts”

Sierpinski Squirrel appointed head judge of 2016 Toe-Hair Contest

Tinamou disputes rumour he paid media to join Month Without Metaphor

Park Animals sighted at celebrity can opening

Toe-Hair Contest exacerbates fear of extinction in some Animals: therapist

Prepare for an all-out food fight as farmers and app makers engage in war of words


Marching into April: Here’s what happened in The Park last month

Dog reading The Mammalian Daily

Balls columnist lends private collection to Park Museum’s new Flyball Exhibition

Police, DWBS confirm Humans took photos of Park Animals in hibernation

Yannis Tavros threatens to reveal names of Mammalian Daily reporters

TMD policy could harm Park media’s Month Without Metaphor: Tinamou

New director brings big changes to annual Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic

PMoCA announces 2016 live art installation, “Anatomy of a Bath”

Tickets for Hayberry mystery series gala opening on sale today: Burrow Theatre

We owe our quick success to the fast pace of Park life: KwikLiks owner

UWT research group pinpoints location of harrumphocytes in Mammals

Shakeoff 2016: “If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t!”

Food growers, app makers at odds as Tulip season begins


Time Marches on: here’s what happened in The Park in February

WatchDog groups warns of impending newspaper warFocus On: Archons’ Address

Groundhog Day recap: great weather, massive turnout, POPS sees shadow

Directors’ Guild ousted me as prez due to my politics: Douglas Cheetah

Politics, violence mar celebration of the birth of The Park’s first leader

Gunnar Rotte, Douglas Cheetah to debate tomorrow on Yannis Tavros show

Wilkommen, Bienvenue: A guide to welcoming back our hibernating friends

No-biting rule suspended for police at Saturday’s Return of the Nut: gossip site

Rapper under fire for criticism of zoocracy after Return of the Nut

Mating Dance organizers announce partnership with gewper for 2016 event

Rehearsals to resume in March on Millicent Hayberry mystery series

Hair and skin colouring, stripe removal hurt Park, says Artifice Destiny author


Raymond H. Mink bows out of UWT gig


The University of West Terrier is scrambling to find a replacement for Raymond H. Mink, who was scheduled to speak at the UWT Annual Open House on January 29.

Mink had planned to deliver a short address on the subject of the rôle that higher education plays in the maintenance of peace, order, and interspecial harmony on January 29, according to an announcement posted on the university’s web site.

The Mammalian Daily learned this morning that Mink, who has been The Park’s Chief Officer of Peace for over five years, bowed out of the speaking engagement on January 17, a day after he was selected as The Park’s 2016 Chief Archon.

In a short communiqué sent to the university, Balthasar Alouatta, spokesAnimal for the Archons, said that Mink felt it inappropriate “at this time” to appear at the event.

“While he acknowledges the great importance of education and of inspiring The Park’s young, His Honour believes that his focus at this time should be on governing. He would be grateful to the University of West Terrier for granting him this time and he would be more than happy to appear at a future event,” the communiqué said.

For their part, the UWT President and Governors issued a statement saying that though they were disappointed in Mink’s decision, they understood that this was primarily an issue of timing.

“We understand the newly-assumed burdens of the Chief Archon and we are happy to arrange for him to speak at the university at a later time. We wish him every success in his new position,” the statement said.

The next time the Chief Archon will be heard from will be on Groundhog Day, when he reads the all-important Archons’ Address.


Let’s review: Sortition

As the 2015 Archons prepare to relinquish their titles, let’s review the process by which The Park chooses its annual government:

Focus on: Sortition

January is the most important month in the political life of The Park. It is the month during which, every year, 35 Animals are selected and sworn in to serve as The Park’s leaders, or Archons. Together, these Archons will establish policies that will affect the lives of all who live in The Park.

Today, we focus on sortition, the process by which The Park’s Archons are selected.

The Park’s 35 Archons are selected each year by a process known as sortition or the lottery or allotment method. This was the system put into place by Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy.

Sortition has its origins in some of the oldest Human societies. After completing an exhaustive study of ancient Human political systems, Jor concluded that the basic tenets of zoocracy would best be maintained through the use of sortition rather than by direct elections. With the assistance of a panel of consultants, Jor made modifications to some of the original rules of sortition and crafted the system that has been in continuous use since the establishment of zoocracy.

The first step in the selection of Archons requires the cooperation of The Park’s citizens. By the end of October each year, all adult Park citizens are required to submit and confirm their names. Traditionally, all Animal names have included some reference to species. Third, fourth, and later generations may choose to drop this reference in their names, but some indication of species is required when Animals make their submission to stand as candidates for Archon to the Department of Political Administration (DPA). Illness constitutes the only exception to this rule. Animals who are ill and who believe they would be unable to fulfil their duties as Archon due to their illness are required to advise the DPA of their circumstances by submitting a Form 12.

On January 5 every year, these submitted names are divided into six groups, according to six Animal classes. These classes are: Amphibians, Birds, Fishes, Invertebrates, Mammals, and Reptiles. The names are then inscribed on cards and placed in one of six opaque boxes, according to Animal class. Each of the six boxes is shaken three times by three different members of the Department of Political Administration.

The final selection of Archons is made by seven Department of Political Administration staff members. The staff members must have been in the employ of the department for at least five years and have no record of criminal activity. The chosen staff members are required to swear an oath of “honest and impartial fulfillment of the task” and to sign a declaration of the same in front of two witnesses. Six of the staff members are blindfolded and asked to reach into each opaque box and to pull out one card from the box. This is done a total of five times to ensure that there are 30 Archons chosen and that each of the six Animal classes is represented by five Archons.

The cards that remain are placed together in one box and shaken three times more. The seventh staff member, blindfolded, chooses five more cards. These are the five “wild card spots” that fulfill the number of Archons required. There is no restriction on Animal class or species for these spots.

When the final selection of Archons has been made, the remaining cards bearing candidates’ names are destroyed. The cards with the names of the 35 new Archons are placed in one opaque box, which is, again, shaken three times. The name of the Chief Archon is selected from these cards by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The choice of the 35 Archons, including that of the Chief Archon, is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons is posted at the Law Courts on the morning of January 15 each year, ten days after the final selection has been made. In order for Park citizens and residents to review the names, the list remains posted until the end of the week. Any Park citizens who wish to contest the selection of any Archon or Archons may do so by submitting a formal contest form (Form 15C) to the Department of Political Administration. The deadline for Form 15C submissions is January 31.

This article was originally published on January 17, 2013.