July’s a wrap, so here’s our recap

Dog with paperJuly 1-15

“Harmonious” pair newest tool to promote rapport among Park’s young

PFO head’s remarks hint at new attitude to tourism promotion

This year’s first case of Small Ball Fever diagnosed at Park hospital

Hayberry superfan succumbs to illness

July 16-31

Second Tree found hacked in Park

Flyball Finals attract diverse audienceDog with paper reversed

Tall Tail Books moves into Human market with “explainer videos” of its books

Hayberry eulogizes superfan at Saturday’s memorial service

Winners of tickets to Barkettes’ free concert to be announced Tuesday

AnonyMoose claims responsibility for latest Tree hacking in Park

Plumpen Rolletariat” artist to open new PMoCA exhibition in August

Hacked Maple Tree dies as police continue search for AnonyMoose

Barkettes issue invitation to bring Tartan Crab artefacts to Sunday concert

Noreen to appear on Yannis Tavros show to discuss phenomenon of superfans

DWBS issues warning to Animals regarding Humans vacationing in Park

Park ART Walk, Extinction Anxiety Clinic join forces to celebrate work of endangered species

Mark your calendars: August 18 is Budget Day in The Park

Archons’ office hires full-time consultant to build legacy: rumour

Noreen shocks Tavros listeners: “Let’s organize a Superfan Saturday!”


In case you missed it: our monthly recap

Sheep reading newspaperJune 1-15

Enforced Domestication Awareness Month: Schedule of Events released

Enforced Domestication Awareness Month: The Official Schedule of Events

Police confirm early morning break-in at Holstein Fashion’s main factory

Yannis Tavros in hot water again after “temptsters in the teapot” remark

By invitation: Feral Four to perform newest song at Feline Fiction Fest

Chitter Radio Literary Awards: Woodruff Dalmatio’s “Fine Lines and Wrinkles”

Noreen’s commencement address: five phrases for you to grow forward with

June 15-30

Sheep reading newspaper reversedLottery will decide who gets tickets to Barkettes’ free Memorial Pond concert

Tab Tricolore shocker: “I was neutered.”

Six arrested for stripespotting: Police

The Park Museum presents…”The Wall”

Archons ask DWBS for report on “state of hate” as SplotchWatch trial continues

Extinction Anxiety Clinic to open second location next year


In case you missed it: May wrap-up

Month Without MetaphorMay 1-15

The Barkettes at the Wishing Well: Tickets go on sale today!

Cynics to open Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

Gecko credits “stick-to-itiveness” for victory in 2015 Toe-Hair Contest

Noreen to be Barkettes’ special guest at opening concert in The Park on May 8

Barkettes triumph at sold-out concert

Barkettes’ set list disappears from theatre moments after concert ends

Alvin Tinamou to offer Month Without Metaphor advice daily on radio show


May 16-31

Two rival Park chefs engage in war of words over award-winning artist’s work

Anselm Alpaca, former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist, dies at 19

Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja to present 2016 budget in August

Lookin’ good feelin’ fine, lost those metaphors and your prose will shine. Whoops!

Park’s journalism failing us all: Dean

Delay over, Tab Tricolore’s “La Langue au Repos” to open at PMoCA June 6

Park Weather Makers make impassioned plea at Agrarian Jubilee 

Noreen to deliver commencement address at University of West Terrier

Fowl Ball face-off: Police to be stationed outside grooming houses this Sunday

Tinamou: “We’re ready to call it. Month Without Metaphor is a roaring success.

No rest for the judiciary: ruling to come on grooming house call for injunction

Does of Peace to attend at grooming houses, no ruling on matter yet: Dindon


Fowl Ball face-off: Police to be stationed outside grooming houses this Sunday

FCSW President Gareth Shepherd

Grooming houses to have police stationed outside on Sunday

Park Police have decided to station at least one officer outside each of The Park’s grooming houses on Sunday, May 31, the day of the second annual Fowl Ball.

Quite frankly, as an Animal in business, I am offended by this aggressive move.—Wellington Whistlepig, President, Park Association of Shops and Services .

The decision was announced this afternoon in the following communiqué:

“In an effort to prevent a repeat of last year’s difficulties, and after consultation with the Archons and with the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), Park Police have taken the decision to station at least one officer outside each grooming house during the hours of 6:00 a.m. and 6:30 p.m.”

Grooming house owners were swift to react to the communiqué.

“This is outrageous,” said Tano Pagun, co-owner of The Pluming Room.

“I don’t understand why they consulted with the Archons and the DWBS, but they didn’t consult with us,” said Tallulah, owner of Tallulah’s Toilettage, the grooming house at which 68 Animals were injured in last Spring’s “stampede.”

“We don’t want police at our door,” she said. “We have businesses to run and our clients are not going to feel comfortable with this situation.”

Amoltrud Poedel, owner of Amoltrud’s Aesthetics, echoed that sentiment and went even further:

“We dealt with this ourselves, subsequent to the disaster last year, in an open and honest fashion. We worked with PASS [Park Asssociation of Shops and Services), held public consultations, and announced our findings along with our report. We had no problems during the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) and, up until now, we considered the matter closed,” she said.

Wellington Whistlepig, current PASS President, agrees.

“We worked with the grooming houses, before and after the report was released, to make sure they had adequate resources and employees for big events such as this. I see no reason to involve the police ahead of time and, quite frankly, as an Animal in business, I am offended by this aggressive move,” he said.

See also: Grooming house stampede “logical outcome” of changing times: PASS


Delay over, Tab Tricolore’s “La Langue au Repos” to open at PMoCA June 6

The Tongue At Rest

“La Langue au Repos/The Tongue at Rest” opens June 6 at PMoCA

The long-awaited and much-delayed 2015 art installation overseen by renowned Chef Tab Tricolore is set to open at the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) on Saturday, June 6.

The installation, which is entitled, “La Langue au Repos/The Tongue at Rest,” is a collaborative effort among Tricolore and five other Park artists who were chosen by Tricolore himself.

“Not all the artists I chose work in media that are, strictly speaking, the visual arts,” Tricolore said at a press conference yesterday.

“It was a stretch for many of us to translate what we do best into this medium. But I think we have succeeded admirably. My compatriots are great artists in their own right and I am honoured to have had the opportunity to work with them. I will be eternally grateful to them, for reasons only they and I will ever fully understand,” he said.

The five other “artists” chosen by Tricolore are renowned autochthonous artist Hervé Huard, Nesthetics designer Romulus Bowerbird, choreographer Gustav Hermelin, Slow Artist Fionn-Fionnoula T. Snail, Clementina Araña, and Reekabilly singer and composer Faramund Stinktier.

While Tricolore served as creative director of the project, he was quick to emphasize its collaborative nature.

“We all have the greatest respect, not only for each other and for each other’s work, but for the medium in which each of us expresses ourselves most often,” he said. “There was no competition among us. The competition was to produce the best art installation the PMoCA could ever host.”

This installation will be the first to open at the museum since its announcement last April that it intends to host an annual art installation. The PMoCA’s curator, Aamuun Maroodiga, was not involved with the installation, the museum says, since it was initiated last Autumn and her tenure began in March. It was the museum’s former curator, Dorika Pumi, who signed off on the project.

See also: Tab Tricolore: Working on this art installation has saved me


Park’s journalism failing us all: Dean

Don't read that!

“Don’t read that!” says Dean Gertrude C. Owl of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism

“There’s no other way to put it: our  journalism is failing us all in The Park.”

So said Gertrude C. Owl during her guest appearance on Alvin Tinamou’s Month Without Metaphor radio show on Wednesday afternoon.

 I see a creeping Humanization, not in the selection of stories so much, but in the style of reporting. —Gertrude C. Owl, Dean, Cuthbert School of Journalism

The Dean of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier went on to launch a scathing attack on Park media. No medium, genre, or publication escaped her criticism, including The Mammalian Daily.

“What are they doing quoting gossip [web] sites, such as headsNTales? What happened to good old investigative journalism? Is it true or is it not true? Are you ready to call it or wait for more confirmation? How does quoting a source at headsNTales substitute for that?” she asked.

Tinamou sounded momentarily stunned, then bounced back to agree with Owl.

“I think we may be pandering to the crowd a bit too much these days. Or, as I say, using overblown language to tell what is an important story,” he said

Owl went further, insinuating that Park media was become “Humanized.”

“I know that reputable publications, such as The Mammalian Daily, cover important Park issues and that they don’t refer to the species of the Animals involved in their stories unless it is of some relevance. But I see a creeping Humanization, not in the selection of stories so much, but in the style of reporting,” she said.

“We have to remember, Humans are very different Animals; we must not emulate them. While Humans seem unable to see the big picture, Park Animals are much more aware of the consequences of actions. We must not always be bringing the story down to one element or one participant. Journalism has a raw power than is diminished by such a tactic.”

Owl, who was a popular guest, will join Tinamou again at the end of the month to discuss what she calls “writing clean.”


Anselm Alpaca, former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist, dies at 19

Anselm Alpaca

Anselm Alpaca: 1996-2015


Former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist Anselm Alpaca has died.

In a statement released this morning, Alpaca’s family confirmed that he died “of natural causes” last night at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. Alpaca was nineteen years old.

At the time of his death, Alpaca was working for The Equine Echo, but he spent the better part of his career as a reporter and columnist for The Mammalian Daily, where he was known as a “star.”

“He was the gold standard,” said Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas in a statement this afternoon.

“He was extremely thorough, he refused to print anything for which he had fewer than four sources, and he gave everyone a fair hearing. There was no journalist like him at any paper in The Park. We were lucky to have him for so long.”

Even after his departure, Alpaca retained his friendships with journalists and support staff at The Mammalian Daily, many of whom describe him as “a great champion of Animals.”

Hamilton Snowcock of The Canary Courier agrees.

“He was on our side, no matter what species you were from,” he said. “He was just a great Animal who believed, above all, in fairness.”

Alpaca also taught part-time at the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism, where his students say he was always available for them and happy to give students as much time as they needed.

Alpaca leaves his mate Gillian and two sons, Ronald and Stanley.

Funeral arrangements are pending.


In case you missed it: April wrap-up

APRIL 1-15

Holstein Fashion lends its support to The Park’s striped and spotted citizens

PFO head Valentina Abeja: “A budget is a very emotional thing.”

Barkettes donate original Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed sheet music to Park Museum

Fowl Ball organizers on second annual event: “We are all systems go!”

Court date set, SplotchWatch owner Raimundo Zorro to face three charges

Food insecurity to become Park Animals’  biggest challenge: DWBS

Pro-election group finds support in renowned director Douglas Cheetah

Clementina Araña appointed head judge of 2015 Toe-Hair Contest

Barkettes’ first concert sold out: promotercow coffee reversed

Park innovators to watch: abSCENT

APRIL 16-30

Mating Dance to offer pre-registration to endangered species

New date announced for Park’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

Prionailurus Press to promote the literature of the striped and spotted

KwikLiks: Park’s first “flash groomer” opens its doors

List of participants grows daily as May’s Month Without Metaphor nears

Police launch early morning raid on Sneak-a-Snuggle outside The Park

Sneak-a-snuggle refugees healthy and happy to be free: Hermione Hippo

Cynics to re-release Take the A Frame

Stereotype Sundays go bold: Hello. My name is Filthy Pig, Stupid Sheep…”

Follow Month Without Metaphor participants on Twitter during May

Park Historical Society calls for new, mandatory census within two years


List of participants grows daily as May’s Month Without Metaphor nears

Month Without Metaphor

Every day, more members of the media join Month Without Metaphor

The list of participants in Park media’s second annual Month Without Metaphor (MWM) continues to grow, as newspapers, radio and television stations, and even web sites sign on.

“We are very pleased with the growth this year. We are particularly pleased with the addition of the gossip web site headsNtales. I think their interest proves that this initiative is well worthwhile,” says Month Without Metaphor organizer Alvin Tinamou.

As of today, the new participants are :

Print Media:

  • The Silvestris Star
  • The Rodent Commoner
  • The Panther Post
  • The Salamander Evening Post
  • The Panther Post
  • The Insect Intelligencer
  • The Rodent Commoner
  • The Insect Intelligencer
  • Laulaa—The Official Magazine of the Canine Music Association

Radio Stations:

  • bRaydio 4
  • CLucK Radio
  • Chitter Radio
  • Marine Mammal Radio
  • Reptile Radio
  • Toro Talk Radio

Television Stations:

  • Maple Tree Television
  • Vertebrate Vision TV

Web Sites:

  • headsNtales

Tickets for first Barkettes’ “Bring Your Own Bone” concert go on sale today

Barkettes ticket

Chew on this: Ticket sales for the first concert in Thisbe and the Barkettes’ ” Bring Your Own Bone,” tour go on sale at 10:00 a.m. this morning at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

In a text sent this morning at 6:00 a.m., the band’s manager Hilde Blaft confirmed that the first batch of tickets will be available for purchase today.

“Overjoyed to announce 1st concert date May8@Ancient Open-Air Theatre. Tix on sale@10 am.,” the text read.

The tour, presented by Iglu Entertainment, includes four concerts in The Park: two at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, one at the Wishing Well and one at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond. The Tartan Crab Memorial Pond concert will be free of charge.

Dates for the remaining three concerts have not yet been announced.