Raymond H. Mink bows out of UWT gig


The University of West Terrier is scrambling to find a replacement for Raymond H. Mink, who was scheduled to speak at the UWT Annual Open House on January 29.

Mink had planned to deliver a short address on the subject of the rôle that higher education plays in the maintenance of peace, order, and interspecial harmony on January 29, according to an announcement posted on the university’s web site.

The Mammalian Daily learned this morning that Mink, who has been The Park’s Chief Officer of Peace for over five years, bowed out of the speaking engagement on January 17, a day after he was selected as The Park’s 2016 Chief Archon.

In a short communiqué sent to the university, Balthasar Alouatta, spokesAnimal for the Archons, said that Mink felt it inappropriate “at this time” to appear at the event.

“While he acknowledges the great importance of education and of inspiring The Park’s young, His Honour believes that his focus at this time should be on governing. He would be grateful to the University of West Terrier for granting him this time and he would be more than happy to appear at a future event,” the communiqué said.

For their part, the UWT President and Governors issued a statement saying that though they were disappointed in Mink’s decision, they understood that this was primarily an issue of timing.

“We understand the newly-assumed burdens of the Chief Archon and we are happy to arrange for him to speak at the university at a later time. We wish him every success in his new position,” the statement said.

The next time the Chief Archon will be heard from will be on Groundhog Day, when he reads the all-important Archons’ Address.


Let’s review: Sortition

As the 2015 Archons prepare to relinquish their titles, let’s review the process by which The Park chooses its annual government:

Focus on: Sortition

January is the most important month in the political life of The Park. It is the month during which, every year, 35 Animals are selected and sworn in to serve as The Park’s leaders, or Archons. Together, these Archons will establish policies that will affect the lives of all who live in The Park.

Today, we focus on sortition, the process by which The Park’s Archons are selected.

The Park’s 35 Archons are selected each year by a process known as sortition or the lottery or allotment method. This was the system put into place by Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy.

Sortition has its origins in some of the oldest Human societies. After completing an exhaustive study of ancient Human political systems, Jor concluded that the basic tenets of zoocracy would best be maintained through the use of sortition rather than by direct elections. With the assistance of a panel of consultants, Jor made modifications to some of the original rules of sortition and crafted the system that has been in continuous use since the establishment of zoocracy.

The first step in the selection of Archons requires the cooperation of The Park’s citizens. By the end of October each year, all adult Park citizens are required to submit and confirm their names. Traditionally, all Animal names have included some reference to species. Third, fourth, and later generations may choose to drop this reference in their names, but some indication of species is required when Animals make their submission to stand as candidates for Archon to the Department of Political Administration (DPA). Illness constitutes the only exception to this rule. Animals who are ill and who believe they would be unable to fulfil their duties as Archon due to their illness are required to advise the DPA of their circumstances by submitting a Form 12.

On January 5 every year, these submitted names are divided into six groups, according to six Animal classes. These classes are: Amphibians, Birds, Fishes, Invertebrates, Mammals, and Reptiles. The names are then inscribed on cards and placed in one of six opaque boxes, according to Animal class. Each of the six boxes is shaken three times by three different members of the Department of Political Administration.

The final selection of Archons is made by seven Department of Political Administration staff members. The staff members must have been in the employ of the department for at least five years and have no record of criminal activity. The chosen staff members are required to swear an oath of “honest and impartial fulfillment of the task” and to sign a declaration of the same in front of two witnesses. Six of the staff members are blindfolded and asked to reach into each opaque box and to pull out one card from the box. This is done a total of five times to ensure that there are 30 Archons chosen and that each of the six Animal classes is represented by five Archons.

The cards that remain are placed together in one box and shaken three times more. The seventh staff member, blindfolded, chooses five more cards. These are the five “wild card spots” that fulfill the number of Archons required. There is no restriction on Animal class or species for these spots.

When the final selection of Archons has been made, the remaining cards bearing candidates’ names are destroyed. The cards with the names of the 35 new Archons are placed in one opaque box, which is, again, shaken three times. The name of the Chief Archon is selected from these cards by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The choice of the 35 Archons, including that of the Chief Archon, is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons is posted at the Law Courts on the morning of January 15 each year, ten days after the final selection has been made. In order for Park citizens and residents to review the names, the list remains posted until the end of the week. Any Park citizens who wish to contest the selection of any Archon or Archons may do so by submitting a formal contest form (Form 15C) to the Department of Political Administration. The deadline for Form 15C submissions is January 31.

This article was originally published on January 17, 2013.


The Does of Peace: The Mammalian Daily’s choice for Animals of the Year

Does of Peace

The Does of Peace: The Park’s accidental heroines


The Mammalian Daily has chosen the Does of Peace as its 2015 Animals of the Year.

In a press announcement this morning, TMD managing editor Orphea Haas said the newspaper’s staff chose to honour The Park’s newest peacekeeping group because of their “tireless and graceful efforts” to achieve peace and harmony among the species.

“As Alfredo Ox said so eloquently last year, they have added a whole new dimension to peacekeeping in The Park,” Haas said.

It was their inauspicious beginning that makes their success even more noteworthy, Haas wrote. Referring to them on more than one occasion as “The Park’s accidental heroines,” the editor reflected on the serendipity that brought them to their present position. In September of 2014, the Does responded to a recruitment advertisement sent out by the Doves of Peace. The printed ad included a typo, which altered “Doves” to “Does,” and the Does hastened to attend the recruitment event.

The peace-loving Animals that they are, they responded without anger to being sent away. But, to their credit, the Doves had a quick change of heart and hired the Does, producing, as Doves spokesBird Georgina Golub calls them, “the most gentle, caring, and effective peacekeeping group” she has ever known.

The Mammalian Daily salutes the ongoing work of the Does of Peace and wishes all citizens and residents of The Park the best in 2016.


TMD Animal of the Year: Which Animal would you choose?

TickLater this month, The Mammalian Daily’s editors will reveal their choice of 2015 Animal of the Year.

In the meantime, we are inviting readers to voice their own opinions. Participate in our poll below:


Remember November? Here’s your reminder of what happened in The Park

RecapNovember 1-15

Hieronymous Hedgehog invokes uncle at emotional swearing-in ceremony

POPS election update: so many candidates, so little time for debate

The polls are open, the race is on. May the best candidate become POPS 2016

Dear Noreen: Humans need an answer? There’s a stat for that!

TMD Exclusive: Stinktier throws his hat in the ring for 2016 Keeper of the Nut

Holstein Fashion signals its intent to move into the hibernation market

Hibernating community breaks with tradition in Keeper of the Nut selection

November 15-30

Trees of hearts line path as friends say “Au Revoir” to Park hibernators  Recap

Harmonious Hannah found in dumpster

At last, Mikko Tiikeri’s light burns bright

Hieronymous Hedgehog to tweet during hibernation via Keeper of the Tweets

Gunnar Rotte accepts part-time position as counsellor at Extinction Anxiety Clinic

ZEAL backs out of performance at Celebration of the Winter Solstice

A Hare as a spare? Park Election Office to designate runner-up in POPS election


October’s come and gone. Here’s what happened in The Park

Bird readingOctober 1-15

Searching for the Spitman: Noon Nuttiness Review

TMD managing editor may bow to pressure on bylines: rumour

Dear friends and fans: This time I am asking you for help

Groups cry foul as “politics” nixed at 2015 Harvest Festival

Justice Dindon to rule on injunction against Department of Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations

The Righteous Among the Humans: Kinky Friedman: The Utopia Rescue Ranch

Less than three weeks left to confirm your eligibility for Archon selection: DPA

Snowbird Farewell shocker: more come to the party, but fewer leave

October 16-31

Bird reading

Nesthetics gets the nod again to build Groundhog Day prognostication pad

Born a Skunk, Stinktier set to embrace life as a Zebra

Canine Music Association, PHS join forces to push for Barkettes museum

Tricolore, VVTV team up with gewper for Park’s first scented holiday show

Today’s Account of the State of The Park: what to hope for, what to expect

Hieronymous Hedgehog named Park’s first official Hibernation Ambassador

Millicent Hayberry to star in new Gianfranco Colocolo mystery series

Election Office braces for deluge of POPS candidates as deadline looms


Try to remember…here’s our September recap

Mouse reading newspaperSeptember 1-15

Cackling Goose Tavern to host fundraiser for Jerzy Szop on Friday

UWT Art Gallery, Park Museum vie for art of endangered species

Beasts of Burden to hold second pre-festival open mic at The Draft

Park innovators to watch: Bulb Beacon

Retired novelists’s film to open PIFF 2015

Charities want say in distribution of funds from Beats of Burden music fest

Stinktier drops bombshell: “I’ve always known in my heart that I was a Zebra.”

Zorro sentence: one month in jail, five years of repayment to community

Peacekeepers to attend first Stereotype Sunday since Stinktier revelation

Alert: Harmonious Hannah missing after tumultuous Sunday in The Park

Mouse reading newspaper reversed

September 16-30

Humans capable of feeling pain: study

Beats of Burden lineup announced

Police called in as Zebras block stage to SCENTient Beings at music festival

Zebra activists to appear on Yannis Tavros call-in show Wednesday

The Righteous Among the Humans: new TMD section to be curated by Noreen

The new face of GoUnderground: Hieronymous Hedgehog

Ready, set, shake! The semi-annual Shakeoff starts now!

PIFF Preview: Herman Stoat: Mon Chemin Compliqué



August in the rear view mirror. Here’s our monthly recap of Park news

August recapAugust 1-15

One last time: Barkettes announce final Park date of Bring Your Own Bone Tour

Zorro verdict likely this month; court transcripts to be released in October

Park Museum to host major exhibition dealing with rôle of sport in Park life

UWT to investigate allegations of unethical experimentation on Humans

PIFF sneak peek: Noon Nuttiness

Majority of new Park jobs are in field of security law: Department of Statistics

PMoCA offers sneak peek at its new exhibition, “Art of the Domestic Feline”

Fur flies at UWT journalism conference

Park Museum, ISML end feud over beloved Park tome

August 16-31

August recap reversed

Barkettes announce collaboration with Noreen on new song called “Yield!”

Budget preview: “The budget is a very hard needle to thread”

PIFF extends deadline for submission of films to PIFF Pockets category

Budget 2016: Analysis and commentary

Noreen in talks with TMD to curate new section of newspaper: gossip site

Pro-election group urges Park Animals to take next step in zoocratic evolution

Raimundo Zorro found guilty of two of three charges; sentence to be announced next week

Organizers move Beats of Burden Music Fest to third weekend in September


July’s a wrap, so here’s our recap

Dog with paperJuly 1-15

“Harmonious” pair newest tool to promote rapport among Park’s young

PFO head’s remarks hint at new attitude to tourism promotion

This year’s first case of Small Ball Fever diagnosed at Park hospital

Hayberry superfan succumbs to illness

July 16-31

Second Tree found hacked in Park

Flyball Finals attract diverse audienceDog with paper reversed

Tall Tail Books moves into Human market with “explainer videos” of its books

Hayberry eulogizes superfan at Saturday’s memorial service

Winners of tickets to Barkettes’ free concert to be announced Tuesday

AnonyMoose claims responsibility for latest Tree hacking in Park

Plumpen Rolletariat” artist to open new PMoCA exhibition in August

Hacked Maple Tree dies as police continue search for AnonyMoose

Barkettes issue invitation to bring Tartan Crab artefacts to Sunday concert

Noreen to appear on Yannis Tavros show to discuss phenomenon of superfans

DWBS issues warning to Animals regarding Humans vacationing in Park

Park ART Walk, Extinction Anxiety Clinic join forces to celebrate work of endangered species

Mark your calendars: August 18 is Budget Day in The Park

Archons’ office hires full-time consultant to build legacy: rumour

Noreen shocks Tavros listeners: “Let’s organize a Superfan Saturday!”