Cynics to break silence on Toro Talk Radio
Last Updated: | 08 Myrodia 28 AZ | 10:15 EST
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
The Cynics, who have remained tightlipped amid the controversy surrounding one of their best-known songs, plan to break their silence next week in one of the most unlikely places -- in an interview with radio host, Yannis Tavros, on Toro Talk Radio.
The radio station, whose slogan, "All Bull. All The Time," reflects its strict and exclusionary policy, explained the exception in a statement released yesterday afternoon:
"We at Toro Talk Radio are deeply committed to freedom of speech in The Park. When that freedom is threatened for any reason, we feel it is important to speak up and to defend this most sacred of rights. As a result of the unfortunate decision taken by the Association of Park Radio Stations regarding a song by The Cynics, we feel it is incumbent upon us to provide The Cynics with a neutral environment in which to discuss the implied charges. For this reason, we have invited them, along with their manager, Damien Skyle, to discuss their situation with Toro Talk Radio host, Yannis Tavros. We have also reached out to the APRS, but have not had a response from them to date. We look forward to providing The Park's citizens with a free and open discussion regarding censorship and music on 18 Myrodia.
Thousands rally against calendar harmonization
Last Updated: | 22 Varrah 28 AZ | 15:15 EST
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
Thousands of Animals flooded The Park's grounds today to demonstrate their opposition to new legislation that many believe will negatively affect life in The Park.
The legislation, whose formal name is "The Calendar Harmonization Act" ("An Act to harmo
nize The Park's calendar with that of the calendar or calendars used outside The Park and to amend certain Acts in consequence thereof") is scheduled to come into effect later this month. According to the 28 AZ Archons' latest press release, however, "the full impact of the Act will not be felt in The Park until 29 AZ."
Although there has been much discussion about a change to a harmonized calendar, Park citizens were taken by surprise this month when the Archons announced their plans to act on the idea. That announcement has resulted in a spate of criticism from a number of The Park's citizen aid and action associations.
"We're all for change, but this is too sudden and too soon," declared Carlisle Chameleon, whose group, Lizards for Liberty, was well-represented at the rally.
"We believe in change, but in a more gradual way and we think the citizenry should have a chance to respond when it's a change as big as this," he said.
That sentiment was echoed by members of other groups who were in attendance. Rowena Goose, president of the vocal Association for the Preservation of Individual Currencies (APIC), told The Mammalian Daily that her group is adamantly opposed to any kind of harmonization.
"It's just a first step, but that step leads downhill, mark my words. Next, it will be currency amalgamation, then currency harmonization and, before you know it, there will tail croppings, stripe swappings, our dams will be torpedoed, and you'll see Humans living in The Park. They say it's for the good of commerce, but it will do us no good -- that's for sure," she said.
Not all Park Animals are against the new law, however. Mason L. Tortoise, head of the Small Animal Reform Group, says he believes a harmonized calendar is "the only reasonable response to an ever-changing world that is opening up all around us."
Noticeably absent from the demonstration today were several groups representing The Park's hibernating communities. A spokesanimal for the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP), said his members appreciated the fact that the Archons had waited until the end of hibernation to make the announcement.
"If they'd wanted to be devious about it, they'd have done it during hibernation, when a significant portion of The Park's population was asleep. Instead, they waited, so I don't see why some Animals think they're trying to put one over on us," he said.
For their part, the Archons say they are committed to providing full disclosure of the contents of the legislation. Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, confirmed today that plans are underway to conduct several "open meetings" with Park residents to enable them to understand the changes that are about to happen.
"This is a step-by-step process and we plan to offer a step-by-step explanation of it," he said.
Archons to move forward on calendar harmonization
Last Updated: | 8 Varrah 28 AZ | 11:00 EST
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
Less than two months into their term, The Park's 28 AZ Archons are poised to enact legislation that many believe will forever alter life in The Park.
The announcement came in a press release issued today, just minutes after the Archons emerged from meetings that ran into the wee hours of the morning.
According to the press release, the Archons intend to enact legislation "before the end of the middle of Varrah" to harmonize The Park's calendar with that of Animals (including Humans) who live outside The Park.
Critics of the proposed legislation believe that the Archons are bowing to pressure from business groups within The Park, while those in favour of harmonization see it as an essential first step in the creation of "The New Park."
"Once again, I think, we're going to see Animals pitted against Animals in the struggle for survival," said Winston Whistlepig, founder and current president of The Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS). "But the old ways are working against us, now. This time, there's no turning back. It's do or die."
Whistlepig's group began lobbying for calendar harmonization in 25 AZ. The idea did not gain real momentum, however, until The Park experienced a full-blown economic crisis in 27 AZ. The effects of that crisis are still being felt throughout The Park and the 28 AZ Archons began their term with a promise to end the hardship that many Animals have experienced for over a year.
The Archons' ambitious agenda, of which calendar harmonization is the first component, includes immigration reform, support for Park businesses and, possibly, the introduction of taxation.
Animals jailed as Groundhog Day violence overshadows
Archons' message of renewal and hope
Last Updated: | 8 Barnabus 28 AZ | 11:30 EST
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
An outbreak of violence during an otherwise peaceful demonstration threatened to mar Groundhog Day festivities and overshadow the message of hope and renewal delivered by the Archons in their annual address.
The demonstration, which was held to protest The Park's policy of open immigration, began outside the Law Courts at approximately 08:30, just minutes after the Archons concluded their address.
Participants described the demonstration as "initially peaceful," until a particularly aggressive groups of Animals, wielding heavy placards, hijacked the cause and "beat up on the [other] participants."
"It got ugly pretty quick," said Randall Rhinoceros, a protester who was taken to the Park Hospital with injuries to his feet and snout.
While hundreds of Animals were treated for their injuries as a result of the violence, there are reports that some injured Animals were hauled off to jail before they received any treatment at all. Some of those involved blame the Guard Dogs for a substantial number of the injuries that were incurred in the demonstration.
"They were too quick off the mark, as far as I'm concerned," said Yvonne Aardvark. "They didn't wait to find out who was causing the trouble. They just rounded everybody up and sent them to jail."
An investigation into the incident is underway, according to The Park's Chief Officer of Peace, Raymond H. Mink.
Mammalian Daily reporters to blog live from Park's
Groundhog Day celebrations
Last Updated: | 26 Proto 28 AZ | 13:15 EST
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
In a statement released today, The Mammalian Daily confirmed that it will be sending some of its reporters to blog live from The Park's Groundhog Day celebrations on 1 Barnabus (2 February outside The Park).
"The Mammalian Daily is seeking to amplify the amount of fun of Park residents at the annual Groundhog Day Festival by hosting a live blog to report on events as they happen in different areas of The Park. This should allow our residents to enjoy virtually everything the Festival has to offer this year," part of the statement read.
This is the second year that the newspaper has committed a part of its staff to reporting live from the annual celebration.
According to a TMD spokesanimal, the blog should be up and running as of 26 Proto. The blog can be found at: http://www.groundhogdayinthepark.wordpress.com
Park Postal Service issues first
commemorative stamp
Last Updated: | 19 Proto 28 AZ | 13:15 EST
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
The Park Postal Service introduced its first commemorative stamp yesterday. The stamp, which honours Jor, The Park's first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy, features a rarely-seen photograph of Jor. The caption reads, simply, "Our First Leader."
The stamp carries a value of 55 in Cow currency (approximately .11 Ftoo) and will be available for purchase by 22 Proto.
This is the first time in its history that the Postal Service has issued commemorative stamps. According to a Postal Service spokesanimal, the decision was taken because it was felt that "such honours were long overdue."
28 AZ Archons announced
Last Updated: | 10 Proto 28 AZ | 10:15 EST
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
With little fanfare, the names of the 35 Animals who will form the 28 AZ Park government were released today.
In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park's Constitution, the list of Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning. In order for Park citizens and residents to review the names, the list will remain posted until the end of the week, a spokesanimal for the Archon Transition Team told The Mammalian Daily. Those who are unable to attend at the Law Courts may click here to review the list.
The Archons, who were selected through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place at 10:00 on 16 Proto. Thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.
Lab rage ends in violence at UWT
Last Updated: | 24 Alepou 27 AZ | 11:00 EST
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
Park Police say they blame personality conflicts among laboratory staff members at the University of West Terrier's Faculty of Dentistry for the recent spate of violence that resulted in the deaths yesterday afternoon of 11 laboratory volunteers. The dead include six Onions, four Carrots, and a Radish.
Investigators believe the victims were resting comfortably in their chambers following the completion of an experiment in the Faculty's laboratory when they were fatally attacked. Laboratory volunteers are required to rest for a period of at least one hour before leaving the University's campus.
Although the Police have not named any suspects, they confirmed that they are, at present, investigating laboratory staff.
"There is no doubt in our minds that the victims knew their attackers," Chief Inspector Martin of the Murder Investigations Unit said at a press conference held yesterday.
All 11 victims were members of a group that volunteers its services to UWT researchers. The group, which calls itself Produce for Progress, issued a short statement late last night:
"We are deeply saddened by the events that took place at the University of West Terrier and we mourn for the victims and their families. While we have confidence in the Police and look forward to the results of their investigation, we feel it necessary to advise our members to cease their voluntary activities until such time as the perpetrator or perpetrators of this crime are apprehended."
This morning, UWT's Faculty of Dentistry issued a press release condemning the violent attack and assuring the University community, as well as Park citizens, that they will cooperate fully in the investigation. In the meantime, according to the press release, the Faculty has halted the experiment in which the victims were involved.
Nestor wins second term as Keeper of the Nut
Last Updated: | 12 Alepou 27 AZ | 17:00 EST
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
For the first time in Park history, an Animal has been selected to serve a second term as Keeper of the Nut.
Known Park-wide for his prowess in the fields of science and poetry, Nestor P. Cat became 28 AZ Keeper of the Nut on 11 Alepou, when the members of The Park's Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) voted unanimously for his installation.
At a press conference held to announce the selection, Malinda L. Hamster, SAHC President, spoke glowingly of Nestor's scientific knowledge, his artistry, and his integrity.
"These are all important factors when considering candidates [for the position]," she said.
The position was created in pre-zoocratic times, during the second wave of immigration to The Park. While the role of Keeper of the Nut is now largely a ceremonial one, it remains a powerful symbol of the trust that is held among the different species that inhabit The Park.
In a statement released today, the 27 AZ Archons, all of whom will attend the Surrender of the Nut on 14 Alepou, praised the Community for their selection of a "great citizen and a true Park icon."
PIFF Takes Park by Storm
Last Updated: | 15 Felis 27 AZ | 17:00 EST
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
After 11 months of rabid anticipation leading up to this year’s 21 film screenings, 4 free concerts, 2 charity auctions, 12 parties, 15 different Top 10 lists (selected by and published in as many different Park newspapers), 5 days of celebrity sightings, 10 prizes, and enough flashbulbs snapped to keep The Park alight through the next Winter, the 5th annual Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) officially closed just after 3:00 a.m. on 6 Felis.
“It’s a wrap,” declared award-winning director, G.D. Zebra, as he and his entourage posed for one last picture before leaving The Park.
“How are you spelling that?” quipped S.L. Pomfret, a.k.a. Fish Rap, who hosted the first of four free concerts at The Park’s open-air theatre on 2 Felis.
The crowd of film fanatics ate up every moment and vowed to return next year in even greater numbers. As of today, that seems likely: according to PIFF organizers, the Festival has become such a popular Park event that it could, conceivably, become a week-long affair.
Tens of thousands of Animals attended the films at this year’s Festival, which ran the gamut from the controversial opening oeuvre, Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed, to the poignant, Down Under tale, Joining Joey, which closed the event. In between, Animals were treated to some humour (Mum and Pup Shop, Willoughby Wallaby), some tragedy (Horse with No Mane), a bit of animation (Peter Popinjay), and some fantastic footage (best-documentary winner, Stag Nation).
In all, 21 films were introduced at the Festival, but, by no means, were they the only draw: the celebrity-studded parties brought fans out in droves and had photographers snapping pictures until the wee hours of the morning. The most notable (and outrageous) of these, of course, was the “InFESTation,” hosted at The Battering Ram Café by the producers of Fleas Ticked Off. That party is likely to be the talk of The Park for some time to come.
On the evening of 5 Felis, as the Festival drew to a close, PIFF organizers dealt with their last order of business: handing out the much-anticipated awards. As is usual for these events, the decisions were controversial, but well-received, particularly in the case of the Golden Cougar, the Festival’s highest honour, which was awarded to Hyenic Verses.
Popular Park restaurant shut down by health inspectors
Last Updated: | 15 Felis 27 AZ | 17:00 EST
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
The popular Park restaurant, The Compost Heap, was shut down by health inspectors early this morning after several of its patrons fell ill on Tuesday.
Seven Animals, who describe themselves as "regulars" at the 24-hour eating establishment, reported feeling "violently ill" and were taken, separately, by the Elephant Emergency Brigade (EEB) to the Park Hospital. All were treated for gastrointestinal problems. Two Animals remain in hospital, while the other five have returned to their abodes.
According to Inspector Konrad Eule, head of The Park's Commercial Food Safety Agency (CFSA), the Animals fell ill several hours after ingesting food served at the restaurant. Inspector Eule said his agency, which has close ties to The Park's Department of Well-Being and Safety, is treating the incident as a food safety issue unless it uncovers evidence of suspicious or criminal activity.
"We are currently investigating with regard to food preparation and storage, but we have sent samples to the laboratory for testing and we are on alert for signs of tampering," he said at a press conference held this morning. He dismissed rumours that chemicals were found in the food and criticized such statements as "inflammatory and, generally, unhelpful."
At the press conference, the restaurant's manager, Winifred D. Raccoon, reading from a prepared statement, said that the restaurant "values its clientele beyond measure" and will do everything in its power to ensure that its food is safe. The restaurant's owner, Gilbert Bartholomew Ratte, was not available for comment.
Asked whether the incident would affect The Park's upcoming food festivals and other celebrations, the Inspector said he did not believe there was any reason to delay any events "unless and until we receive results that would prompt such action." He warned, however, that even though most food establishments adhere to The Park's strict safety code, Animals should always be vigilant when eating away from home.