The Department of Well-Being and Safety has issued an urgent warning to Animals who are planning to travel outside The Park this Autumn.
In a statement released this morning, the Department informs Animals of the increased incidence of enforced sterilization of Animals outside The Park.
“The number of reported incidents of enforced sterilization outside The Park has increased 700% over the past year and, therefore, the DWBS warns Animals to exercise extreme caution when travelling,” the statement reads.
The statement also lists a number of precautionary measures that Animals should to take in order to ensure their own safety. These measures include not socializing with Humans who are not known to you, refusing all invitations to enter vehicles, especially large ones such as vans and SUVs, and refusing any and all “suspicious” invitations.
“If there is any doubt in your mind as to the intent of the invitation, the DWBS advises you to refuse politely and be on your way,” the statement reads.
In a controversial move, the Department also warns Park citizens against “fraternizing with the local Domestic Animal population outside The Park.”
“We know how that sounds and our intent is not to pit Animal against Animal or Park Animal against Domestic Animal,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo. “But the sad fact is that many Domestic Animals have become convinced that sterilization is good for them and many have become its advocates. We don’t want to see our citizens and residents taken in by these ‘sterilization evangelists’.”
And, as always, the DWBS advises Animals to take an adequate amount of food with them when travelling.
“Humans have an unusual ability to spot a hungry Animal,” Kakapo says. “And hunger makes us that much more vulnerable. We advise travellers to take an extra four days’ worth of food with them, just in case there is a delay in their return.”
The DWBS has also established a new helpline dedicated to those who are in danger of enforced sterilization. That number appears at the end of this article and Kakapo advises Animals to use it if they feel at all threatened.
“We are doing our best to avoid having our citizens rounded up, put under the knife, and sent home without anyone here knowing anything about it,” Kakapo says.
Enforced Sterilization Helpline: 1-899-73544680
Assaulted Animals Helpline: 1-899-27728583