• Home
  • About The Mammalian Daily
    • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
    • A note about our style
  • Welcome to The Park
    • About The Park
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Park Life
    • Educational Institutions
      • University of West Terrier
      • Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life
      • Leonardo Language and Culture Institute
      • The Hani Gajah School of Art
      • Park School of Aesthetics
    • Shops and Retail
    • Restaurants and Pubs
    • Financial Institutions
      • Currency
    • Health & Well-Being
      • Hospitals and Clinics
      • Directory of Park Health Services
    • Grooming Houses
      • Amoltrud’s Aesthetics
      • En Garde Hair and Skin Salon
      • Halcyon Days Canine Coiffure
      • KwikLiks
      • Tallulah’s Toilettage
      • The Mane Event
      • The Pluming Room
    • Park Services
      • Architects and Construction Services
      • Employment Service
      • Entertainment and Party Services
      • Legal and Financial Services
      • Home Services
      • Image and Consulting Services
      • Park-Sponsored Programmes
      • Personal Services
      • Real Estate Services
      • Translation Services
      • Travel & Transportation Services
    • Charities
    • Citizen Aid & Action Associations
      • Associations, Federations, and Alliances
      • Political Reform Groups
      • Environmental Groups
      • Immigrant and Citizen Aid Groups
      • Education Groups
    • Sports
  • Arts in The Park
    • Art Galleries in The Park
    • Theatres and Cinemas
    • Music Makers
    • The Barkettes
      • History and Legacy of The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and the Barkettes Celebrate 10 Years of Sensational Signing Success
      • Olden Goldies: Noreen Interviews The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and The Barkettes: Hits and Recordings
    • The Library
    • Book Reviews
  • Media in The Park
    • Newspapers
    • Magazines
    • Radio Stations
    • Television Stations
    • Publishing Companies
    • Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
  • Fun
    • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
    • See Our Ads
      • A Different Reality
      • Canine Standup Comedy
      • Fake News
      • Financial Crisis
      • Liquid Assets
      • Monkey See
      • Solid Ground
      • Who We Are
      • Think Outside the Book

The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen
  • Breaking News
    • NewsBits
    • Whoa! Braking News
  • Politics/Law/Crime
    • Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Economy and Business
  • Education
  • Health and Medicine
    • Media
      • Month Without Metaphor
  • Focus on
  • Science and Technology
  • Arts, Entertainment, and Culture
    • Park Life
      • Ask a Poodle
      • Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
      • Passings
      • Gossip and Rumour
    • Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)
    • PIFF Piffle
    • Thisbe and the Barkettes
  • Noreen
    • Dear Noreen Advice Columns
  • Sports
    • Let’s Talk Balls!
  • Interviews
    • Five Questions For…
    • Survivor Profiles
  • Archives
    • Wednesday Rewind
    • Nostalgia
    • From the Vault

DWBS to move forward on plan to track Human foot traffic in Park

August 20, 2014 By Thaddeus S. Loris, TMD Health and Safety Reporter

Human foot traffic

BREAKING NEWS
The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) announced today that it is moving ahead with its plan to track Human foot traffic in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo confirmed that the 2014 Archons had signed off on the controversial plan after several weeks of intense debate.

“This is a major milestone,” said Kakapo. “We are moving in the direction of ensuring the safety and security of Park Animals.”

The monitoring plan, which is scheduled to commence in mid-September, was originally proposed by an ad hoc group after the publication of what they called “disturbing” statistics surrounding the number of accidental deaths of Park Animals that occurred due to “trampling” and other types of collisions with Humans. The leader of the now-dissolved group was Fatima Formiga, great-great granddaughter of the renowned Park poet Aubrey Ant. Ant, a seventh generation Park citizen, was best known for his poem, “If the Shoe Fits.“ 

In a statement issued this morning, Formiga said she was “extremely pleased” to hear the news. She also wrote that it was “an honour for me and my family to have played a part in the solution to this devastating problem. It shows the power that poetry can have.”

To read Aubrey Ant’s famous poem, click here: If the Shoe Fits.

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook

Related

Share

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

Accolades for The Mammalian Daily

The Mammalian Daily “Lightens The Morning Cup o’ Gloom,” says Margaret Atwood

Follow the story on Twitter!

My Tweets

Mammalian Daily-Related Sites

  • The Park Census
  • The Park Museum
  • The University of West Terrier

The Mammalian Daily on Twitter

  • Chef Tab Tricolore
  • Gunnar Rotte
  • Hieronymous Hedgehog
  • Mammalian Daily
  • Media's Month Without Metaphor
  • Millicent Hayberry
  • Noreen
  • Park Groundhog Day Celebrations
  • Pieter Paard
  • PIFF Reports
  • Yannis Tavros

Looking for something?

Archives

Where in the world can I buy Noreen’s Book?

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

Amazon.com

The Cardboard Café

Trojan Horse Press

Gunnar Rotte’s Tweets

My Tweets

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

TMD quick links

  • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
  • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
  • Shop Mammalian Daily!
  • Nostalgia

Yannis Tavros on Twitter

My Tweets

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

See what others say about us

Millicent Hayberry Tweets!

My Tweets

Follow Noreen on Twitter!

My Tweets

Join Hieronymous on Twitter!

My Tweets

Contents Copyright © 2023 The Mammalian Daily