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OTD in 2012—WatchDog group warns of impending newspaper war

December 15, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The Park may soon become the battleground in a major newspaper war.

That is the opinion of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP), a group that monitors changes in Park media policy.

“The Park’s media are gearing up for a significant scuffle, if not an all-out war,” said the Centre’s Executive Director, Noburu Akita, at a policy conference held in conjunction with the publication of the group’s semi-annual SNAPshot report.

The report, which was released at the beginning of January, cited a number of key factors that led the group to conclude that a serious war of the “word worlds” was in the offing.

Among the most significant of these, according to C-SNAP, is a change in editorial policy at a number of Park publications.

“We have seen this demonstrated most notably at The Insect Intelligencer, The Rodent Commoner, The Eagle Star, and at The Mammalian Daily, with the introduction of their undercover reporting,” Akita said.

Each of these newspapers has added investigative reporting to its regular news coverage. The Insect Intelligencer added six investigative journalists to its roster in order to service its now regular “Fly on the Wall” feature, while The Mammalian Daily is planning to use four of its senior journalists on a rotating basis to fill its investigative positions.

The SNAPshot report cited several significant changes at The Mammalian Daily which, it said, could signal the newspaper’s intent to do battle openly against its rivals. In response to recent criticism by the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN), for instance, The Mammalian Daily released the names and photographs of some of its higher-ranking journalists. Their bylines, however, still do not appear in the paper. The report also noted that The Mammalian Daily has gradually changed its focus by “casting an eye toward the world outside The Park.”

“Considerable space has been devoted, not only to events, but to the opinions and reactions of those who live outside The Park. Some of the stories that have been reported have had the outside world and, specifically, the Human world, as their focus,” the report said.

In addition, the watchDog group says that it has detected a sizeable increase in advertising revenues derived from non-Mammalian businesses and services. This increase, the group feels, may reflect a change in the definition of The Mammalian Daily’s target market.

“We believe that TMD may be directing some of its advertising and content at the non-Mammalian members of The Park, namely the Avian, Amphibian, Reptilian, and Insect population, in order to secure its position as [The Park’s] official newspaper,” Akita said.

Other factors predictive of “war,” according to C-SNAP, are a series of “strategic defections” of key staff members across the medium’s spectrum, and the high number of influential journalists who have “shifted position” in the last few months.

“Position shifting,” Akita explained, is Park media-speak for a change that involves not only employment, but editorial outlook, as well.

“Journalists move from paper to paper and, sometimes, from medium to medium. There is nothing intrinsically significant in that. What is significant in these changes is that reporters moved from a paper with one political outlook to another with a distinctly different political viewpoint. Some even moved to a paper that serviced another species, altogether. This openness to courting from other journals demonstrates that the reporters’ politics and species identification might have taken a backseat to a strong desire for change.”

Akita specifically noted the late December departure of Mammalian Daily star reporter, Anselm Alpaca, who now writes for The Equine Echo, and of the Galliformes Gazette’s Hamilton Snowcock, who was rumoured to have been wooed by a number of publications until he finally came to roost at The Canary Courier.

Filed Under: From the Vault Tagged With: journalism, newspaper war

OTD in 2012—Will Nestor’s pivotal water study result in a paradigm shift?

September 21, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Human manipulation, extra-hortulanial topology, weather, technology, and Animal magnetism: all these elements and more are responsible for the high degree of academic and public interest surrounding the results of Nestor P. Cat’s pivotal study of the flow of water.

The results of the study, which are to be published this February in the prestigious scientific journal, Eureka, come some four years after Nestor set out on his quest to understand the intricate twists and turns of water behaviour.

Sparked by his innate curiosity and funded by the independent scientific agency, The Four Ws (Winter, Water, Weather, and Wellbeing Experts), the crucial investigation has the potential of changing the way water patterns are thought about in The Park. This, in turn, may have the unprecedented effect of altering the way in which water is gathered and dispensed by Park agencies, including The Park’s weather office.

“There is definitely potential for a trickle-down scenario,” said a spokesAnimal for The Park’s weather office.

Early findings from the study, which were leaked last month to this newspaper, suggest that, in an adjunct study, Nestor, inadvertently, may also have tapped into a water source that was previously unknown to Park authorities.

Many Park scientists remain skeptical, however, not only about the study’s results, but about its methodology.

“Nestor’s scientific method is impeccable,” said University of West Terrier scientist and waterworks expert, Francis G. Beaver. “He is a devoted scientist and his study was arduous. Still, we believe that there are inherent problems in his methodology. At the risk of appearing specist, many of us in The Park’s scientific community believe that, because this was an observational study, it should have involved more than one species of Animal.”

Others are critical of the fact that Nestor chose to broaden the scope of the study by taking it outside The Park.

“While I commend him [Nestor] for refusing to limit his study to the behaviour of Park water (her emphasis), I believe that expanding the study into an arena in which the major actors are Humans adds a degree of vulnerability to his conclusions,” said Dr. Milada J. Goose, head of the Honking Hollow laboratory at the UWT.

Despite the controversy, The Park’s scientific community says that it stands firmly in support of Nestor’s research.

“He is a meticulous scientist and an acute observer,” said Dr. Beaver.

This issue originally appeared in Issue #116 of The Mammalian Daily.

Filed Under: Breaking News, From the Vault, On This Day

OTD in 2006—Prehistoric paintings discovered in northeastern cave

September 16, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Four paintings that could be 20,000 years old have been discovered on the walls of the cave at the northeastern end of The Park, officials confirmed this month.

Archaeologists and zoologists at The Park’s Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life (ISML) characterized the paintings as a major discovery.

“We believe this find could confirm the autochthonous nature of Animal life in The Park,” said Catriona Cairn-Terrier, chief archaeologist at the Institute.

The four paintings, which depict a Goat, a Donkey, a Lioness, and a bucolic setting, are believed to predate The Park’s oldest cave paintings — the 12,000 year- old paintings in the Grewsome-Grumsack Grotto at the southwestern corner of The Park.

Staff members at the Institute were unable to confirm the existence of a fifth painting, reported to be that of a Dog sprawled out on a rug or mat.

Park officials have sealed off the entrance to the cave for the Winter season. In early Spring, members of the ISML team will conduct radiosputum dating tests, as well as other studies of the paintings.

The paintings were discovered in late September by two Goat kids, Lila and Nardo, aged 7 months, who were playing in the area.

“I butted them out of the house and told them to go and play,” said their mother, Nanette.

“After they came home, they kept bleating about these drawings they saw in the cave. I thought they meant the G-G [Grewsome-Grumsack] cave, so I didn’t think anything of it. But when they told me it was the other cave, I thought I should inform the authorities right away.”

According to ISML staff, the newly-found paintings are of particular interest because they appear to depict an earlier period of life in The Park.

As for the question of who might be responsible for the artwork itself, the Institute says that it cannot offer any definitive answers until it has undertaken further study.

“Some of the strokes appear to be the work of an Elephant, but we really have no idea what Animal might be responsible for these paintings,” said Cairn-Terrier.

Filed Under: From the Vault

OTD in 2007—The Wolves at Our Door

September 4, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

EDITORIAL

Two pieces of news came to our attention this week: the Archons intend to debate The Park’s open immigration policy and Humans have declared open season on the Wolves roaming lands outside the Park.

It is as easy to see the connection between the two as it is to see the likelihood of tragedy as a consequence of both.

Here, in The Park, our policy of open immigration has suffered some damage to its reputation, of late. The withering economy, population growth, food shortages – all these things, and more, have caused some Park Animals to call for a re-thinking of our policy. Why extend to strangers what we worked so hard for, their reasoning goes. Why not keep the good thing that we have to ourselves, and let others fend for themselves?

Why, indeed.

In these difficult times, it is insufficient to respond with the usual arguments: that more Animals from different places make for a richer Park, both culturally and economically, or that The Park has always been a refuge for the unwanted, the hunted, the wounded, the poverty-stricken, the starving, and the scared.

These arguments will not work on Animals who have turned away from The Park’s fundamental principles. We must invoke stronger arguments, lest the pressure on the Archons to enact changes become too much for them to bear.

Fellow citizens, we need only look outside The Park to see the consequences of exclusionary policies. The Human world is built of countries, cities, towns, and villages that would refuse us succour. Is this the model that we wish to emulate?

Hope, decency, concern for our fellow Animal – these are the qualities that separate us from Humans, the qualities that make us distinct. Why should we demean ourselves by hoarding instead of sharing, by shutting our doors, instead of welcoming newcomers, by limiting the numbers of those who might prosper here, unfettered and unafraid?

When the Wolves come knocking on our door this Winter, this is the question we must ask ourselves: Are we Mice or are we Men?

This editorial originally appeared in Issue #119 of The Mammalian Daily.

Filed Under: From the Vault, On This Day

OTD in 2004—Mongoose captured in Florida

May 18, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The search for the whereabouts of Geraldo Mongoose and the weather he allegedly stole has ended in the Swamps of Florida.

Mongoose surrendered to authorities late last night, bringing to conclusion a hunt that has lasted for almost twelve years.

In accordance with the extradition treaties that have existed for 25 years between Swamps and Parks, authorities in the Everglades finalized transportation arrangements early this morning in order to facilitate the speedy return of Mongoose to The Park. Indictment is expected to take place this afternoon on charges of fraud, theft, misappropriation of funds, and intent to confound.

All charges date back to the Autumn of 1991, when Mongoose entered into a contract with Park Finance Officers to purchase weather for the summer of 1992. That Spring, however, it was reported that he had abandoned his residence and fled The Park. When the sun failed to shine for 32 days in a row, Park Officials became supicious that Mongoose had absconded with the weather. Those suspicions were fuelled by reports from a Donkey, the last Animal to see Mongoose.

“His bags were filled with sunny days. He probably thought he could get a better price for them down south,” he said.

Filed Under: From the Vault, On This Day

OTD in 2008—New evidence emerges in Crab murder investigation

May 17, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Park police have confirmed the emergence of new evidence in the investigation into the brutal 2006 murder of the Tartan Crab.

At a news conference held at police headquarters, Chief Inspector Martin of the Murder Investigations Unit announced that recent findings had prompted Park Police to consult with external investigators. Results of that consultation are not yet known.

Although the Inspector did not say, specifically, what findings were responsible for the newest action on the part of the Police, he did confirm that foreign bodies or “hairs” had been found during the analysis of the Crab’s stuffing.

“Forensic tests have resulted in the identification of certain foreign bodies, known as ‘hairs’, that were attached to the Crab’s stuffing. We believe these hairs hold the key to the identity of the perpetrator and we are conducting further laboratory tests in order to determine that identity.”

The Inspector also confirmed that the two domestic Dogs who had been held for questioning in the matter had been released. No charges will be brought against them, he said. The Dogs could not be reached for comment.

When asked whether Park Police believed the perpetrator of the crime could be Human, the Inspector was careful to assure Park citizens that no such link had been found.

“The Park Police Dogs (PPD) have sniffed out a number of leads and they intend to follow up on them,” he said.

Two hours after the news conference, however, the Murder Investigations Unit issued this official statement:

“We do not believe that the murder of the Tartan Crab reflects any feelings of resentment by any species toward any other. Citizens of The Park live together in peace and harmony and are not currently engaged in any conflict, either among ourselves or with those who reside outside The Park.”

Sources close to the investigation, though, quietly acknowledge the possibility of a link between the Crab murder and certain anti-zoocratic forces that are known to operate outside The Park.

Earlier this week, a spokesAnimal for Park Police confirmed that the department had been working to infiltrate a number of groups whose members advocate overthrowing The Park’s government.

“These [members] do not represent the majority of their species or of any other. They are acting on their own beliefs and without [any evidence of ] the validity of those beliefs,” the spokesAnimal said.

She added that these groups are not believed to pose any real threat to The Park.

“We are taking every precaution to ensure the stability and longevity of zoocracy,” she said.

Filed Under: From the Vault, On This Day

OTD in 2004—Flying Mammal Captures Top Prize in Toe-Hair Contest

May 15, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Rufus di RafineschiRufus di Rafineschi flew away with first prize at The Park’s eleventh annual Toe-Hair contest, held this Spring at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

All five judges awarded the Bat first place and offered high praise for his toe-hairs, which they said, “extended noticeably beyond the tips of his toes.”

Di Rafineschi, who with this victory becomes a member of an exclusive group of Animals in The Park, is the first big-eared Bat in the contest’s history to win the prestigious award.

“I’m thrilled and humbled,” di Rafineschi said at a press conference following the judges’ decision. “It makes me feel that I really belong in The Park.”

The Bat, a native of Kentucky, first roosted in The Park three years ago.

Finding the atmosphere “quite welcoming,” he decided to become a permanent resident a year ago.

Second and third prizes at the contest were awarded to Samuel P. Gecko and to Buckley, a Bearded Collie.

Filed Under: Breaking News, From the Vault, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: Toe-hair contest

OTD in 2013—Canine Music Association announces award

May 1, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

In recognition of the pioneering efforts of Thisbe and the Barkettes in the field of Canine music and Canine music awareness, The Canine Music Association has announced the establishment of the Thisbe and the Barkettes Honorary Award for Excellence in Music and Musical Citizenship.

halcyondaysAt a press conference held at his office, R.F. Aarrf, President of the CMA, said the award will recognize those Canines who have achieved success, not only in their own musical careers, but also in the promotion of Canine music and interspecial understanding and acceptance.

“This is where our future lies [in global recognition] and no one has made a more important contribution in this area than Thisbe and the Barkettes,” said Aarrf.

Citing their 19 AZ world tour in support of universal peace and interspecial harmony, Aarrf noted that the Barkettes had forged friendships with musicians who belonged to a wide variety of species.

“I think they have been an inspiration to many musicians,” he said. “I think a lot of young singers [of any species] look at the Barkettes and think that, maybe, it is possible to achieve their dream, and it is largely because of the Barkettes that this is so.”

The prize, which will be awarded annually at a dinner hosted by the CMA, will include a recording contract as well as a cash payment and gold tag.

The Barkettes, on hiatus after the cancellation this year of their farewell tour, issued a statement saying they were “humbled” by the naming of the award.

Filed Under: From the Vault, On This Day

OTD in 2004—Guard Dogs, Park fail to reach agreement; union set to stage bark-to-rule

April 6, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

In what may prove to be the biggest test of loyalty The Park has ever faced, hundreds of Guard Dogs have been given the go-ahead by their union to stage a Bark-to-Rule action. That action could take effect as early as midnight tonight.

The Canines, who are members of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), were told of the decision early this morning, after union negotiators walked away from the table, having failed to reach an agreement with Park administration. The force of over 200 forms the backbone of The Park’s security system and has been working without a contract for six months.

A spokesanimal for The Park said she was “deeply disappointed” that the union had not seen the negotiations through to a conclusion.

“This could affect our reputation in the wider world,” she said.

The Federation, for its part, roundly criticized the Park’s chief negotiator, Pia Hyena, for her decision to bring the issue of loyalty to the bargaining table. The FCSW, in turn, has filed a grievance with the Park’s Animal Rights Commission, alleging that the introduction of a personality trait to employment negotiations constitutes a violation of the rights of all Animals.

“This is the first time that the issue of loyalty has been put on the bargaining table. We all agree that it’s inappropriate,” said FCSW spokesanimal, Gareth Shepherd.

One particularly contentious issue in the contract dispute is the Guard Dogs’ claim that they need to hold second jobs in order to make ends meet.

“Too many of us have been living foot to mouth for far too long,” said Shepherd.

Filed Under: From the Vault, On This Day

On This Day—December 14, 2012: Mammalian Daily editorial policies criticized by rival Park newspapers

December 14, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN), whose members include The Mollusk Messenger, The Canary Courier, The Insect Intelligencer, The Halibut Herald, and The Salamander Evening Post, has formally criticized the editorial policies of The Mammalian Daily.

At a media conference held this month at the University of West Terrier’s prestigious Cuthbert School of Journalism, a group of ANMPN editors expressed concern about certain aspects of The Mammalian Daily’s editorial guidelines.

“After examining the newspaper’s [editorial] policies, we have concluded that The Mammalian Daily falls short of its mandate to be The Park’s official newspaper. We recommend that steps be taken immediately to make the newspaper more inclusive and, thus, make it more representative of The Park’s population as a whole.” said Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and Executive Director of the Association.

ANMPN members were unanimously critical of the newspaper’s official policy of anonymous reporting which, the Association said, allowed Mammalian Daily journalists to “hide behind their species.”

“Unless a writer’s species is declared,” said Tarrance Turkey, Deputy News Editor at The Galliforme Gazette and an ANMPN founding member, “readers have no way of knowing what that writer’s bias is in reporting.”

The Mammalian Daily drew further criticism for what the Association deemed a “pro- Human slant” in its coverage of events outside The Park, and for its limited reporting of news and events of a non-Mammalian nature.

“Even though my community participates fully in Park affairs, I find only on rare occasions do we receive the amount of attention that we deserve,” said Senior Finance Reporter Antoinette Anhima of The Avian Messenger.

While these criticisms reflected the common sentiment among rival Park publications, others expressed a more positive view of The Mammalian Daily.

Speaking at the conference’s concluding dinner, UWT Professor Ludwiga Saimiri, said she found much to commend in The Mammalian Daily. The distinguished scholar is the former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ).

She praised the paper for its forward-thinking policies, supporting its stand against the frivolous use of descriptive terms in its newspaper.

“Neither fur nor feather colour is to be reported, nor family, political, or financial status, unless it is germane to the story,” she said, quoting from The Mammalian Daily’s 25 AZ Statement of Editorial Intent.

“Too many Park publications indulge in ‘Werturteilfreude,’ she said, explaining the term that she has coined to mean “joy obtained from the making of a value judgement.”

“These judgements, made by reporters and editors, masquerade as descriptive terms in the [other] papers’ headlines and stories. But they are unfair, often unfounded, and have no place in responsible journalism,” she declared.

As for the newspaper’s supposed pro-Human slant, Professor Saimiri was sanguine about Humans and the role they play in Park affairs.

“We could do worse than attempt to present a balanced view of the Human world,” she said.

This article originally appeared in Issue #116 of The Mammalian Daily

Filed Under: Breaking News, From the Vault

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