LATE BREAKING NEWS The numbers are in and they're huge. When Park Election Office head Gerritt Wezel booked today's press conference, he didn't expect to have to postpone it. But that he did— twice—because even though registration closed at noon, it took over three hours for Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon to certify the registration forms. And the final number? "Would you believe two hundred and seven?" Wezel told the press. "And only twenty per … [Read all...]
Breaking News
OTD in 2014—Simply Structures sues after losing bid to build 2015 prognostication pad
BREAKING NEWS Simply Structures has filed suit against the Park Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations after losing its bid to construct the prognostication pad for the 2015 Groundhog Day celebrations. In a short statement issued to media early this afternoon, the 2014 Archons confirmed that they had received notice of the suit. "It is with regret that we confirm that Simply Structures, one of The Park's oldest and … [Read all...]
OTD in 2015—Hieronymous Hedgehog invokes uncle at emotional swearing-in ceremony
It was comfortably warm yesterday afternoon and outside the law courts, a crowd gathered to watch Hieronymous Hedgehog take the oath of office as The Park's first official Hibernation Ambassador. Standing at the podium afterwards to deliver a short but moving speech, his spines sparkled in the midday sun. He paused just once to brush away a tear as he spoke of his much beloved uncle, Hamlin Jarvis Lambert Hedgehog, who served as Archon in 2000 … [Read all...]
OTD in 2014—Struts out; new budget to be tabled in late November: PFO
BREAKING NEWS Park Finance Officer Milton Struts has been "relieved of his duties as of November 3, 2014," according to a communiqué distributed to Park media this afternoon. In the communiqué, all 35 of the 2014 Archons who signed it laud Struts for his "dedication and hard work on behalf of Park citizens," but they say simply, "it is time for a change." "Familiarity with a subject clouds the vision," they say in the communiqué," and The … [Read all...]
More Park News
OTD in 2011—Third edition of Zoocracy guide hits shelves this week
The third edition of Anticipatory Zoocracy For All, a simple and informative guide to the principles of our form of government, has arrived in bookstores throughout The Park. This updated edition … [Read All About It Here...]
OTD in 2014—Park Animals may be predisposed to eating Human food: Noreen
We shouldn't judge Park Finance Officer Milton Struts too harshly if, in fact, he did accept an offer of food from Humans. So writes Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of … [Read All About It Here...]
OTD in 2012—Douglas Cheetah film to be re-released in time for Halloween
Bitter Litter Pictures announced today that it has re-released Douglas Cheetah's controversial 2007 film, Black Cats Can't Jump, in time for the Halloween season. In a press release, the company … [Read All About It Here...]
Accolades from Margaret Atwood
The Mammalian Daily “Lightens The Morning Cup o’ Gloom,” says Margaret Atwood
