The Mammalian Daily

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Names of 2020 Archons announced

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The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2020 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.

ARCHONS – 2020
Bustard, Aristokles Euphranor   (Chief Archon)
Boophis Ankarafensis, Edmé Manouelle (Deputy Chief Archon)

Alligator, Humphrey Bartholomew; Black Rhinoceros, Adjoa Mudiwa; Bumblebee Bat, Myitzu Hayma; Chameleon, Fiona Miary; Chub, Ewald Felix; Cricket, Rupert Stanley; Crocodile Lizard, Mai Phuong; Eekhoorn, Kasper Meine; Flowerpecker, Kavya Aaradhya; Gharial, Deenath Rohan; Hoverfly, Eudora Jane; Hydra, Zachary Theodore; Jellyfish, Croia Adele; Kestrel, Iseabail; Kokopu, Manaaki Ihaia; Mary River Turtle, Lucas Henry; Panda, Baozhai Lanfen; Pangolin, Abioye Emeka; Peacock, Reyansh Arav; Pink Velvet Worm, Florence Eustasia; Pupfish, Mateo Jorge; Salamander, Berenice Agape; Saola, Shirley Marguerite; Shrew, Timothy Barnard; Snail, W. George Oliver; Squatina, Angela Martina; Squid, Anakoni Lono; Suckermouth, Rosamie Jasmine; Toad, Amelia Freya; Turtle, Angus Cameron; Wallace’s Flying Frog, Hilmi Ashraf; White-Bellied Frog, Liam Maxwell; Wren, Francisca Adriana.

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Mark your calendars for these important January 2020 events

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January is one of The Park’s busiest months. To make sure you don’t miss anything, mark these dates on your calendar:

January 1-15: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry, For Tomorrow You May Have to Govern
Because we use the sortition method to select our Archons every January, we are all aware that this duty may fall to us. So, in the days leading up to the selection and announcement, spend time with your friends and family, and enjoy yourself. You may not have much time to do so in the coming year.

January 5: “The Nature of Zoocracy/The Zoocracy of Nature.”
 This one-day symposium on the subject of zoocracy and nature will be hosted by the University of West Terrier’s departments of history, political philosophy, and psychology. Faculty members and other experts in those fields will discuss the reciprocal relationship between natural behaviour and zoocracy. Keynote speakers: Magnus Marmoset, holder of the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy and BirdBrains directors Gwendolyn Goose and Henry Gander, authors of “Zoocracy After Thirty-Five: A New Avian Era.” Location: University of West Terrier.

January 6-10: “Sortition Shakes” Pop-Up Clinic
Learn more about this newly-identified condition that affects a large percentage of The Park’s adult population. The clinic will be staffed by therapists from the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine and the Extinction Anxiety Clinic, who will spend at least fifteen minutes with each patient. No appointment is necessary. No time for therapy? Just stop by and take Dr. Chloris Cougar’s 10-point test and leave with an explanatory brochure. Either way, a visit here will ease your nerves.

January 7-14: Special Pre-Archon Selection Series of Discussions with Park Authors
In the week leading up to the announcement of the 2020 Archons, proprietor Wyuna Winkle of The Literary Apothecary will host a series of politically-oriented discussions and debates with prominent Park authors. Don’t miss your chance to hear Pieter Paard, Yoshita Tigru, Dr. Berthilidis Strix, Inari Marakatti, Magnus P. Marmoset, and Beatrice Zilonis, among others.

January 12 : “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Park Government”
Be prepared! If your name comes up, you’ll want to serve honourably and intelligently. Fortunately, historians Pieter Paard, Beatrice Zilonis, and Clark Cascanueces as well as political philosopher Magnus Marmoset have you covered. Their crash course is designed to teach you everything you’ll need to know about zoocracy, sortition, and the duties of Archonship. Open to all and free of charge, but reservations required. Location: University of West Terrier.

January 13: Extinction Anxiety Clinic Open House
For only the third time since its opening in August 2012, The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic will host an Open House. Both locations will welcome Park residents from 10:00-4:00 for some frank talk about Extinction Anxiety, including the newest treatment options. Refreshments will be served.

January 15: New Archons Announced
In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts early on the morning of January 15, an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Courts until the end of the week, so that all citizens and residents may review the names. The list will also be published in the January 15 edition of The Mammalian Daily.

January 16: Archons sworn in (half-day holiday)
For the selected Archons, the swearing-in ceremony will be a first; for Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, it will be his twenty-first. The ceremony is always meaningful and poignant, and a reminder of our great fortune to live under Animal self-rule.

Until March 31: The Park Museum presents, “The Means and the Message: A Decade of Prognostication Pads”
This multimedia exhibit honours not only those who have been elected Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but the means they’ve used to make their predictions: the prognostication pad.

The Winterlong exhibit showcases the evolution of the prognostication pad throughout the past decade, putting the pad in historical context, and demonstrating the way in which its use has changed the office and duties of the prognosticator as well as the way in which spectators view the prediction.

January 29: University of West Terrier Annual Open House
The annual open house at The Park’s most renowned research institution attracts hopeful would-be students, alumni, and all those interested in higher education. Come for the tour and the snacks, but stay for the annual speaker. You’ll never be disappointed!

Lead-up to Groundhog Day
One of our most important holidays (if not the most important), The Park’s Groundhog Day celebration will include, of course, the prognostication, the Archons’ address, and the welcoming home of our hibernators. Shadow or no shadow, this year’s GD celebration is sure to be a great one. See you there!

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Hermione Hippo: The Mammalian Daily’s choice for Animal of the Year

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BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily has chosen head nurse Hermione Hippo as its 2019 Animal of the Year.

TMD managing editor Orphea Haas made the announcement at a press conference at noon today.

“For her work with patients suffering from Small Ball Fever to Tulip-Related Illness, her passionate advocacy of proper nutrition and her study of nutrition’s rôle in emotional and mental health, and for her genuine concern for the welfare of Park Animals, The Mammalian Daily has chosen head nurse Hermione Hippo as its 2019 Animal of The Year,” Haas said.

Haas also praised Hippo for inspiring new generations to enter the healing professions and to take up the cause of good nutrition and balance in life.

The Mammalian Daily salutes the ongoing work of Hermione Hippo and wishes all citizens and residents of The Park the best in 2020.

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Look what’s coming up in October!

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The Park really heats up in the Autumn, with celebrations, migrations, and hibernation preparation. Mark your calendars so you don’t miss a thing! Here’s just a taste of what’s in store for October 2019.

Yes, folks, it’s that time of year again! Time to screen some great films by Park Animals. PIFFPockets and Noon Nuttiness films are back, as are the parties, the after-parties, and the after-after parties! Not to mention the inevitable claw-biting before the awarding of the Golden Cougar. Again this year, the festival has paired with celebrity chef Tab Tricolore to bring you “PIFF Experience Packages,”, so you can pair the great food at his restaurants with the PIFF 2019 films!
October 1-5

Park Harvest Festival
Let’s celebrate! Our cultivators and growers have been working hard since the Spring, and now they share their bounty with us! With loads of great food to eat and lots of music and entertainment for all ages, it’s bound to be a memorable celebration.
October 11

Annual Snowbird Farewell
It’s always bittersweet to say goodbye to our migrating friends and wish them well on their journey. But let’s enjoy this one last party before takeoff! See you in the Spring, migrators!
October 19

 

Annual Account of the State of The Park
It all comes down to this: how are we getting along? Economically? Socially? What is the state of interspecial harmony? Are we there yet? We’ll know for sure on October 27.

POPS go the candidates:
This month, candidates will begin to pop up to vie for one of The Park’s few elected positions—Park Official Prognosticator of Spring. It’s your chance to prove you’re “fit to predict,” so go for it. November 5 is the last day to have your name officially entered as a candidate. Remember: Groundhog Day is only four months away!

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What’s up in May is bound to be merry!

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Spring is busting out all over, so there’s plenty to look forward to in The Park in May. Put these events on your calendar:

May 1-31: Park Media’s Month Without Metaphor
If you care about language and the way media use it, follow Month Without Metaphor. Now, in its sixth year and under the direction of The Serangga Star Adviser’s Priscilla Weevil, the month-long check on media has expanded to include spotlighting our own use—and misuse—of language and the effects thereof. Keep up with MWM every day here on Twitter or grab a KartalTech VerifyzerMHM™ and start your own search for metaphor, hypberole, and manipulation.

May 1: Toe-Hair Contest
We’ve been waiting all Winter and now we finally get to see who grew the longest and thickest toe-hairs. Have fun, argue about the outcome, and get inspired for next year!

May 5: Annual Park Mating Dance
It’s the most important mating event in The Park and the ongoing partnership with gewper, the only scented social networking site, will make finding your perfect mate simpler and quicker! Registration opens on May 2.

May 20: Anixi Agrarian Jubilee
Come celebrate Spring in The Park, and the cultivators, planters, growers, and farmers who produce our Summer and Autumn bounty!

May 30: Otter Mud Slide Opens
It’s that time of year again! Slip and slide your way to fun in The Park. There’s no doubt: you “otter” do it!

May 31: The Fowl Ball
The most important event in The Park’s Spring social season, this charity gala raises funds to aid The Park’s Avian Community. It’s also a great opportunity for Park Animals to show off their new coats and Spring finery. Be sure to make your grooming appointment early!

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Look what’s coming up in April

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April will shower you with special events, so mark these dates on your calendar!

April 8-10: The Broop ‘n Miaow’s annual “Broopee Days”
Are you a Broopee? We’re all Broopees during the Broop ‘n Miaow’s annual Broopee Days! Try the super-specials in April and don’t forget to enter the instant win contests!

April 15: Footpad Heaven Clearance Sale
Don’t be a slave to style! Even though it may be last year’s stock, Footpad Heaven’s Toepads, Footpads and other clearance accoutrement are brand new. Indulge yourself at half the price!

April 13-14: Spring Shoots Mini Feral Roots Festival
Let celebrity chef Tab Tricolore be your host at this new Spring event! Enjoy fresh bulbs, shoots, and other feral delicacies fresh from the ground at grassRoutes. 

 

April 20: Happy 4th Birthday, KwikLiks!
There’s gonna be a party! Come celebrate #4 with proprietress Maitea Behi and her team! There’ll be free flash grooming, music, prizes, and lots of treats for the whole family!

 

April 26-28: Mapping A Changing landscape: University of West Terrier Hosts Three-Day Symposium on The Park of the Future
This three-day symposium will see a panel of experts, including zoographers, ecologists, geographers, historians, and population specialistsdraw heavily on historical trends in order to create a “map” of The Park as it will be fifty years from now. Keynote speakers will be BirdBrains directors Gwendolyn Goose and Henry Gander, authors of “Zoocracy After Thirty-Five: A New Avian Era.”

Migrating Home
For the whole month of April and beyond, we’ll be celebrating the return of our Avian population. Keep your eyes and ears open for special events at The Literary Apothecary, LeTwiggery, The Pluming Room, and more.

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Look what’s coming up in March!

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There’s always a lot going on in The Park come Springtime and the action starts in March. Mark these Park events on your calendar so you don’t miss a thing!

March 1: Public information session on Squeaky Yawn Syndrome (SYS) at UWT School of Medicine
This important information session, which is free of charge for all attendees, will run from 10:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. on Friday 1 March 2019 and will be led by Dr. Jagger Zebu of the Department of Mammalian Medicine.

The discussion will focus on Dr. Zebu’s groundbreaking work on Squeaky Yawn Syndrome (SYS) and the results of his most recent study, as well as the connection between harrumphocyte imbalance and SYS, and the increase in incidence of both in hibernators and estivators.

March 1-3: The Park Museum celebrates its fourth birthday
Come and celebrate the fourth anniversary of the opening of The Park Museum!

Stop by for treats or spend the whole day at the museum. There’s plenty to see and do and eat and drink and it’s all free of charge.

Can’t make it during the day? No problem! Reserve your place at one or all of the birthday concerts on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, starting at eight o’clock. Post-concert parties begin at ten o’clock. See you there!

March 1-31: Museum Month
In 2015, the Archons proclaimed March to be Museum Month in The Park. That means that all Park museums and galleries offer free admission throughout the month. Take advantage of this great opportunity to learn about our history and appreciate our rich culture by visiting The Park Museum, The Park Museum of Contemporary Art, The Ewe and Moo Gallery, The Tortoiseshell Gallery, The Kipos Gallery, The Knochen Kunst Gallery, Fusion Ceramics Studio, The Park Museum of Contemporary Art, the art gallery at the University of West Terrier, and the small museum at the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life.

Otter Slide participant
March 13: Closing date for the Otter Ice Slide
Yes, we’re all looking forward to Spring, but some of us just can’t shake that Winter feeling. If that describes you, get over to the Otter Ice Slide while the weather still permits. There’s no feeling like it, but that feeling won’t last past March 13.

March 24: Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic
The Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic is one of our most beloved seasonal and artistic events. Now in its twenty-fourth year, the Picnic has expanded to include haiku and rap, but the format of the day remains the same. Don’t forget to check the weather forecast so you know how to dress to avoid either frozen nose syndrome or soggy bottom.

The Park's semi-annual "Shake for Charity" will now be called "The Shakeoff"March 29: The Park’s semi-annual “Shakeoff”
Formerly the “Shake for Charity,” this semi-annual event aids those who have no coat. The Shakeoff also offers free grooming and refreshments to participants.
“If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”

March 30: Tulip season
Yes, it’s that time of year already. Tap your apps to find the latest emerging bulbs. If you need any technical help, our resident experts at The Mammalian Daily will be on hand to aid you in locating your favourite Springtime snack.

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Mark your calendars for these important February 2019 Park events

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IF you thought January was a busy month, you’ll have to fasten your seatbelt for February! It’s a busy and emotional time in The Park and this year will be no exception. To make sure you don’t miss anything, keep these dates circled on your calendar:

 

February 1: Get up! Get ready! It’s almost Groundhog Day!
Catch up on your sleep tonight because you won’t get much until after the weekend, with all the partying you’re going to do! And make sure you look your best, at least at the start of the celebration, by booking some time at any of The Park’s finest grooming houses.

 

February 2: Groundhog Day
This is it, folks! The day we’ve all been waiting for. First, we’ll hear 2019 POPS (Park Official Prognosticator of Spring) Olan Ulick Whistlepig tell us what the weather has in store for us and then we’ll hear from the new Archons about what our government has in store for us! Festivities start at 7:00 a.m. and go on forever and ever, with the food stations open a full twenty-four hours (8:00 a.m. on February 2 until 8:00 a.m. on February 3). Click on the schedule to the right for a full view.

And don’t forget the Early Risers’ after-party and the after-after parties after that!

February 2-9: Park shops to hold Groundhog Day sales
Whether or not our 2019 POPS, Olan Ulick Whistlepig, predicts an early Spring, there’ll be plenty to celebrate with lower prices at most Park shops. They’ll be open all night on February 1, as well as all day on Groundhog Day, too!

 

3d-tabby-king-croppedFebruary 14: Anniversary of the birth of Jor
He was our first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy. This year’s full-day holiday will be devoted to his memory and to celebrating our future as a zoocratic Park.

 

Hieronymous Hedgehog February 19: Official End of Hibernation
Let’s celebrate survival! It’s time to welcome back our hibernating friends. As Hieronymous Hedgehog, The Park’s Official Hibernation Ambassador, would say, bring on the food! And in case you have any questions, here’s a handy guide to welcoming home those who’ve been in a state of torpor.

Keeper of the NutFebruary 20: Return of the Nut
This half-day holiday is an occasion both solemn and celebratory, as we renew our trust in each other and our faith in survival, itself. This year, it will be 2019 Keeper of the Nut Árvakur Fíl who will return the nut to The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC). After, that, we’ll all be looking to Spring and its renewal!

Have a great February, everybody!

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Full schedule of events released for 2019 Groundhog Day celebrations

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The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations (DHFC) has released the Official Schedule of the 2019 Groundhog Day Celebrations.

At a short press conference this morning, DHFC Director of Public Relations Aintza Kanariar said she was confident that all Park residents would be pleased with the lineup of performers, games, acts, and more that will make up what some in The Park consider the most important event of the year.

“We’ve somehow managed to streamline the event while making it longer,” she laughed, “but there’s no doubt it will be a jam-packed, fun-filled day for all.”

Kanariar confirmed that the 2km tunnel race would go ahead as usual, but said nothing about it being broadcast. She would not comment on speculation that one of The Park’s technology companies was planning to livestream the event.

Kanariar also confirmed that 2019 “spare,” Signe Klara Woodchuck, would be awakened at the same time as 2019 POPS, Olan Ulick Whistlepig.

“Olan Whistlepig and Signe Woodchuck will be awakened simultaneously, and Signe will be acknowledged during the post-prognostication ceremony. We want her to know we appreciate her contribution and her commitment to The Park,” Kanariar said.

Kanariar acknowledged the controversy over the two comedy sets scheduled and, in a nod to the growing desire among The Park’s population to have a say in all aspects of the celebrations, she announced that a comprehensive survey would be handed out to all celebration attendees.

“We are actively seeking their feedback and any suggestions they might have for the future,” she said.

As for the parade, Kanariar said many might find it leaned toward the nostalgic, but there will be plenty of new floats to combat that view.

The following musicians, among others, will participate in the event:

The Feral Four
The Canary Cousins
Spontaneous Generation
Les Chiens Débraillés
SCENTient Beings
Jargonhead
Persistent Sisters
The Cynics
Will.o.be
Memes of Production
Last Stand
Eggie and The Pigs
ZEAL
Inktvis and Krake
The All-Rodent Marching Band
The DomEstyx
The Beasts of Burden
BHR (Big Hearts Rule) formerly NIML (Not In My Lifetime)
Fish Rap

As is always the case, one of the most important aspects of the Groundhog Day celebrations will be the food. Renowned Chef Tab Triolore will reprise his “feral buffet” and supply delicious non-perishables from his grassRoutes restaurant. Other food purveyors include The Battering Ram Café, The Compost Heap, The Broop ‘n Miaow, The Draft, The Pound Gastropub, and The Cackling Goose Tavern. Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station will serve a full breakfast just after the Archons’ Address. Ants in Your Pantry and Provisions by Petrounel will send all attendees home with tasty party favours.

And, again, this year, food will be served for twenty-four hours straight.

“We’re going through from eight in the morning on the second [of February] until eight in the morning on the third,” Kanariar said.

And, don’t forget: the events will be covered live by Mammalian Daily reporters here on Twitter.

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Names of 2019 Archons announced

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The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2019 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.

ARCHONS – 2019
Tuatara, Pounamu Marama (Chief Archon)

Angonoka, Ismene; Archey’s Frog, Hemi Patariki; Baiji, Zhang Wei; Beaver, Dufgus; Beluga, Asmund Fritjof; Bowerbird, Raakel Tadita; Bowhead Whale, Darius Enok; Brown Recluse Spider, Matilda Saga; Bufo, Olivia Eleanor; Carp, Rufus Stanley; Chuckwalla, Amalia Mariana; Cockatoo, Arthur Dennis; Condor, Aracely Nicolle; Dwarf Caiman, Selena Valeria; Elephant, Feechi Kalifa; Geoduck, Viggo Arkady; Gorilla, Kwame Salim; Guppy, Ainoliina Valda; Hellbender, Andreas; Hornet, Aksel Arthur;  Ibis, Pandora Kalliope; Kokako, Amaia Manawa; Leopard Gecko, Amooz Bahnam; Longfin Eel, Rawiri Tai; Manx Shearwater, Erikur Njáll; Mehiläinen, Annikki Kaarina; Opposum, Chester Antioch; Oscar, Dieter Öxar; P. Waltl, Sebastián Mateo; Sagalla Caecilian, Adongo Farajah; Salamander, Wyatt Atticus; Scheltopusik, Camilla Grace; Swallowtail, Lucia Martina; Tuna, Hendrina Beatrix.

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