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OTD in 2015—Charities want say in distribution of funds from Beats of Burden music fest

September 9, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Park Charities

LynxLink, CatsCare and Tortoise Immigrant Aid are among charities that want a say in music fest’s funding distribution

Some of The Park’s charities are demanding a say in the distribution of funds raised by the Beats of Burden Musical Festival.

In an open letter published on Monday and addressed to the Beasts of Burden, the festival’s creators and hosts, the presidents of six of the Park’s charities call for a meeting with the Beasts and the festival’s financial managers to discuss fund allocation.

“We wish to congratulate you on the success of the Beats of Burden Musical Festival,” the letter begins. But it goes on to say that now that the festival is well-established and has become a big money-maker, the charities feel it’s time they had some input into how the money is spent.

The three-day-long festival, which is now in its third year, was conceived of by the Beasts as a way to aid The Park’s refugees. In addition to their performances at the festival, the musical group has donated two songs in support of that cause, and other Park musicians and artists have made similar donations. The festival also includes auctions and other events aimed at raising money for our ever-growing refugee community.

While the charities say they appreciate all the fundraising efforts, they believe they know best when it comes to funding allocation.

“Because we are at ground zero when it comes to working with The Park’s refugees, we feel our expertise is invaluable. And because this is a timely matter, we would very much like to offer our assistance at your earliest convenience,” the letter concludes. It is signed by the presidents of LynxLink, Runaway Rovers, Home to Roost, CatsCare, Rodents at Risk, and the Tortoise Immigrant Aid and Mentor Programme.

Although the Beasts of Burden have made no public statement since the letter was published, their manager Ignatius Herder confirmed the group has read it.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: Beats of Burden, charities, charity fund allocation

OTD in 2014—The Does of Peace: typo in job ad nets Park Police new peacekeeping group

September 8, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Does of Peace

Does of Peace will join the Doves this Autumn: Police

First it was the missing letter in “Beasts” that turned the annual charity music festival into the “Beats of Burden.”

Now a typo in the recruitment announcement sent out by the Doves of Peace has gifted the Doves and Park Police with a “welcome addition”: a brand new group of peacekeepers called the Does of Peace.

At a press event this morning, representatives of the Police and the Doves announced the formation of this new group.

“This is another case of serendipity,” said Doves spokesBird Georgina Golub.

“The Does of Peace, whom we hired during our recruitment weekend, are a most welcome addition to our peacekeeping force.”

No one doubts they are welcome now, but that wasn’t quite the case during the last weekend of August.

When Park Police’s wholly autonomous peacekeeping group put out a call for prospective hirees to join the Doves of Peace, the announcement read, instead, “Does of Peace.”

But it seemed that no one noticed, save for the female Deer who swarmed the Ancient Open-Air Theatre in search of employment.

“They arrived with some of the most impressive résumés we’ve ever seen, and a great deal of experience in peacekeeping, both in the outside world and in The Park,” Golub said.

At a loss for what to do, Golub arranged for interviewers to talk to the Does and explain the mix-up.

“But what I noticed, as we turned them away…they weren’t angry. They seemed understanding. Disappointed, but understanding. And, I thought, ‘why am I turning away some of the best peacekeepers I’ve ever met?'”

So, after extensive consultation with Park Police and the Department of Well-Being and Safety, the decision was made to form an adjunct group to help keep peace in The Park.

In addition to their regular duties, Golub says, the Does will take over from the Doves during migration season.

“It works perfectly with our schedule and now that we’ve done it, I don’t know why we didn’t think of it before.”

And, fittingly, the Does of Peace will make their first professional appearance this coming weekend, at the Beats of Burden Music Festival.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: peacekeeping

OTD in 2015—Park innovators to watch: Bulb Beacon

September 7, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Bulb Beacon 2 (1)

Just in time for the Fall planting season, SINCAP Technologies has finally released its much anticipated challenger to GVC De-Techt’s TulipTracker: Bulb Beacon.

More than a decade in the making, according to company president Peppi Orava, this latest app promises to be everything Animals have ever wanted in a bulb detection system.

“We may not have been the first out of the gate, but we’re by far the best,” Orava said in a pre-launch interview last week. “We will be the go-to app for bulbs of every sort in a matter of weeks.”

Consuela Tapir, who runs the tech rumour web site TikTekTok, agrees.

“High tech of this sort isn’t just about invention,” she says matter-of-factly. “It’s about communication and paying attention, in every sense of the word.”

Over the past decade and a half, that’s just what SINCAP has been doing: paying close attention to what Animals have been asking for. This year, they were finally able to offer it—all of it— and wrap it up in a very neat and easy-to-use package.

“We’ve known for years how to detect flower bulbs and we know how to alert Animals to danger. But before Bulb Beacon, no company had put those two things together. That’s what they’ve been working on for so long and now they can offer it to Park residents at a reasonable cost,” Tapir says.

Without giving away any details of the company’s proprietary technology, SINCAP’s Orava rhymes off the app’s unique features, all of which are very impressive. But one of them stands out for her.

“Yes, Bulb Beacon will find every bulb in the area within a few minutes. But our unique silent alarm system will also keep you safe,” she says proudly.

That safety feature is what makes Bulb Beacon shine above all the other bulb detection apps, says TikTekTok’s Tapir.

“If your app does only one thing…such as finding flowers, that’s good. But these days, that’s not good enough. Safety has become a major issue in every part of our lives but perhaps nowhere is it more important to us than when we are out on food-finding missions. SINCAP has found itself in the right place at the right time with this one,” she says.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life, Technology and Science Tagged With: app, bulb detection, bulb detection app, food finding, high tech, safety

OTD in 2014—SCENTient Beings to debut “reekabilly” at 2014 Beats of Burden Music Festival

September 6, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

SCENTient

The SCENTient Beings will debut their new music at next week’s Beats of Burden festival

The popular Park duo SCENTient Beings will debut their new musical style, reekabilly, next month at the Beats of Burden Music Festival.

According to their publicist Hartwig Stinktier, the SCENTients took themselves off the stage last year after coming to the realization that their music required a “complete redo.”

The pair, who released their first recording, Beings and Nuttiness, two years ago got their first big break when the organizers of the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee booked them in 2012 .

“Their careers took off from there,” Stinktier says, “but they were never completely happy with what they were doing. They never felt their style really suited them.”

Enter Damien Skyle, best known as the manager of The Cynics. He convinced the duo to try out a number of different musical styles, including rap, but nothing felt quite right to them until they decided to fuse country music with “parts of their essential selves.”

“When I first heard it, it made me swoon,” Skyle writes on their newest recording. “It was fresh and it was organic, with just a tinge of melancholy. It was so right.”

Stinktier says the pair is “psyched” about debuting their new music at the Beats of Burden festival, since the proceeds go to assisting The Park’s refugee population.

“Their ancestors were refugees and they were treated unkindly by many,” says Stinktier. “The SCENTients have never forgotten that.”

Beats of Burden logoThe Beats of Burden Music Festival will take place in The Park
12-14 September 2014.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

OTD in 2013—CAA to ISG: “This is not the Dog paddle we asked for!”

September 3, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

This is not the Dog paddle the CAA asked for

The Canine Athletic Association lost its bid to reinstate the Dog paddle as a competitive swimming stroke, but the ISG 2013 Committee gave the green light to Dog paddling in a canoe across the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond.

The Canine Athletic Association has lost its bid to have the Dog paddle reinstated as a competitive swimming stroke in time for the 2013 Interspecial Summer Games.

In a statement released on Friday, well past the time the ISG 2013 Committee originally said it would announce its decision, the Committee wrote that there had not been enough time to examine all aspects of the issue and to evaluate the consequences of such a “bold decision.”

In an interview this morning on Canine Communications Radio, CAA President Alexandre Caniche called that a “ridiculous excuse.”

“I fail to see what the consequences would be,” he said. “And, truth be told, they’ve had over a year to deliberate. I would hardly call that not enough time. I also take issue with calling the reinstatement of the swimming stroke a ‘bold decision,'” he said.

In addition to the announcement nixing the Dog paddle stroke, the ISG Committee confirmed on Friday that the 2013 Interspecial Summer Games would be the first to include a Canine canoeing event across the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond.

While the CAA has refused to comment officially on that issue, President Caniche had strong words for the ISG Committee members:

“I would ask the Committee a simple question: who is to benefit from keeping the Dog paddle out of the competition? I would cautiously assert that the answer to that question might lead to a place the ISG Committee does not wish us to go.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Sports

OTD in 2016—Park citizens not as politically savvy as in previous decades: UWT study

August 30, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

CLueless

A new study out of the University of West Terrier’s Barnaby School of Government concludes that Park citizens are not as politically savvy as they were in previous decades.

Entitled, “Clueless,” the study, which will be published in the October issue of the Park Journal of Politics and Government (PJPG), found that a large number of Park citizens have virtually no knowledge of our system of government or its origins.

“Without being unnecessarily harsh, I think this shows what many of us have felt: that too many of our citizens—of all generations—have been lulled into a false sense of security and do not feel the need to engage politically,” says Delia Quagga, the author of the study and the School’s head.

According to Quagga’s research, that sense of security is particularly strong among those who were born into zoocracy at a time of relative peace among the species.

“They’ve always lived under peaceful Animal self-rule. They seem to believe that the battle has been fought and won forever. And that makes them extremely vulnerable,” Quagga contends.

The study also found that many Park citizens feel free to engage in stereotyping, primarily because they don’t remember a time when such behaviour posed a danger to peace.

“All of this underscores the need for us to communicate more effectively about history and politics,” Quagga says. “We mustn’t allow a situation in which Park citizens take anything for granted.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: citizen engagement, government, history, politics, sortition

OTD in 2013—The Promise of The Park: should we still believe?

August 29, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The Promise of The ParkEDITORIAL
Over 31 years ago, the Animals who were resident in The Park took to the water, to the streets, and to the skies to celebrate the unlikeliest of events: the return of a piece of land to those who had inhabited it from its earliest days.

Though that victory was hard-won, we remain proud that it was not hard-fought. It was Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy, who declared that self-government should be achieved without violence.

“It is by the strength of our numbers and not of our teeth and claws that we will win back what is rightfully ours,” he proclaimed.

And so he led thousands of Animals out of the darkness of danger and subjugation into the light of peace and autonomy. Incorporating his long-held beliefs and newly-acquired understanding, he established a code of laws that he hoped would enable all manner of species to prosper, to find happiness, and most importantly, to live together peacefully in The Park.

But, even more than that, Jor established The Park as a sanctuary. The Park, he declared, would be a place where all Animals would be welcome, no matter who they were or whence they came, whether they were threatened or abused or simply seeking a new home. It would be a place where all Animals would be entitled to equal treatment and opportunity. And a host of opportunities there would be, for all who arrived here and for their descendants. This lofty goal was enshrined in law and it came to be known as “The Promise of The Park.”

Time has removed some of the shimmer from that promise, as time is wont to do. There have been breaches; infractions have been brought to light, the economy has become stagnant. And questions have been raised about our ability to live up to Jor’s ideals.

Questions are good. Questions lead not only to answers, but to insights. And they enable us to see ourselves as others see us. We should never be afraid of questions. But do we need to question The Promise of The Park, itself?

We don’t think so.

While law, The Promise of The Park is still an ideal, a goal, an aspiration. It is a work in progress, something that requires both regular tuning to work properly and respond to environmental changes and daily vigilance to ensure its safety in a hostile and uncertain world.

When The Promise is threatened, whether from outside or from within, our belief in ourselves and in our abilities is threatened. But our belief in The Promise never should be. Nor should we succumb to these threats; instead, we should renew our commitment to the ideals that are the foundation of The Park’s laws.

The Promise of The Park is intangible, but real. And we believe.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

OTD in 2014—AVN TV to turn its lens on Humans

August 28, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

This Autumn, the AVN Television Network (AVN TV) will begin broadcasting a new live television series that will focus on Humans as they spend time in The Park.

AVN’s Chief Executive Officer Orville Condor and Program Director Izrine Corneille made the announcement at a press conference this morning.

“We [at AVN TV] have a unique perspective on The Park, and we want to use that perspective to serve our customers,” Corneille said. “This show is truly for the Birds. It will be amazing … watching them watch us watching them.”

Corneille said the show will be broadcast for two hours (one hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon) every day of the week. The network’s initial contract with the show’s producers calls for the series to run for 12 consecutive months.

“We wanted to show Humans in every season, starting with the Autumn,” Condor said. 

The show is scheduled to begin on September 22.

AVN Television is a wholly-owned subsidiary of AVN Media, a Park-based media corporation whose holdings also include AVN Radio, CLucK Radio and The Avian Messenger.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

OTD in 2015—PFO head Valentina Abeja: “Don’t hesitate! Pollinate!”

August 27, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

PollinatePark Finance Office head Valentina Abeja took some time off today from talking about her 2017 budget to discuss what she calls her ultimate passion: pollination.

In an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio’s Sunday morning show, Abeja, who presented her second budget on August 17, strongly encouraged her compatriots to “get out and pollinate for the good of The Park and its residents.”

“I implore all who are able to get out and do your job and pollinate, for the sake of our survival,” she said.

Abeja also took the opportunity to unveil an initiative that she and A.P. Civet, president of the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF), collaborated on. Called “Pollinators’ Progress,” the initiative helps pollinators keep track of their efforts and rewards them through a points system.

“It’s simple,” Abeja said. “The more points you receive, the more rewards come your way.”

Although Abeja did not elaborate on the nature of the “rewards,” the PFO head was quick to quash any notions that this was a system of payment for pollinators.

“We are not in the business of paying Park citizens to pollinate. Not at all. What we are doing is trying to encourage those who can to get out and do their part for The Park,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Technology and Science Tagged With: pollination, Valentina Abeja

OTD in 2014—Finance Office puts 2015 Budget info under embargo until Friday

August 26, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

embargo

PFO puts budget info under embargo

Park Animals will have to wait until Friday to find out how the Park Finance Office (PFO) intends to spend its funds in the coming year.

In a directive to all media (now in possession of the 2015 budget), Park Finance Officer Milton Struts cautioned against disclosing any information until a scheduled press conference at noon on Friday.

The budget, which is already two weeks late, has been the subject of much speculation since The Mammalian Daily broke the story in July that the Archons planned to tackle the growing inequality among Park Animals by streamlining the 2015 budget.

According to a trusted source close to the PFO, changes in the budget could include eliminating the 3% of funds that were allocated to tourism and tourism promotion, returning arts and sports funding to the levels set in the 2012 budget (more than twice the 2014 levels), and shaving a bit off special events to pay for better weather, healthcare and refugee services.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life

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