The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

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OTD in 2011—Birds On The Wire: Avian Messenger to sell news services

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The Avian Messenger plans to expand its present newsgathering operations and to offer its services to other news organizations in The Park.

At a press conference this afternoon, AVN Media, S.A., The Avian Messenger’s parent company, announced its intention to increase resources devoted to covering extra-hortulanial news. At the same time, The Avian Messenger will begin to offer a selection of services, including local and extra-hortulanial news stories, feature articles, and commentary to other Park news organizations, as well as to analysts and Park Police services.

The news services, which are scheduled to become available by 1 July, will be offered on a subscription basis, according to the press release.

Confirming that her company is moving to position itself as a leader in newsgathering outside The Park, The Avian Messenger’s Editor-in-Chief, Donatella Falcon, announced the addition of three dozen journalists to its roster.

“These Birds will all be on the wire,” said Falcon, explaining that they will focus exclusively on transmitting extra-hortulanial stories to their home paper and to news service subscribers.

Many Park media analysts have called for more Avian journalists to be stationed outside The Park, saying that they have an edge in covering extra-hortulanial stories and that their services have, thus far, been underused. Others disagree, arguing that, while Avian journalists do bring a different perspective to stories, members of other species are just as able to gather and deliver news stories from outside The Park.

At the press conference, the company also confirmed that it is looking to expand beyond its present media interests.

“We don’t want to put all our eggs in one basket,” said Orville Condor, AVN’s Chief Executive Officer.

AVN Media is a Park-based media corporation, whose holdings include AVN Television and CLucK Radio, as well as The Avian Messenger.

OTD in 2016—Whoa! BRAKING News: What’s in our new section will stop you in your tracks

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Braking News

Searching for news that will stop you in your tracks? Just look for this symbol.

INTRODUCING…BRAKING News

At The Mammalian Daily, we’re always looking for ways to improve our readers’ experience. We want to make it easier and faster for you stay informed, particularly about issues that affect you directly. And we want to bring these items to your attention as soon as we can.

So, we’ve created a new section on our web site, which we’re calling Whoa! BRAKING News. Starting next week, you’ll be able to go straight to it to find the information that is most important to you. Whether it’s about safety, security, health, or economic issues, you’ll be able to find it in Whoa! BRAKING News.

But we’re not stopping at our web site. We know our readers lead busy lives and they may not be on our site all the time. So, on our Facebook page and on our  Twitter feed, all items that fall into the category of BRAKING News will be marked by a miniature version of the symbol above. When you see that symbol, you’ll know that we consider the information in the attached article to be important to you.

We’re confident that you’ll find our new section a great asset but, of course, it’s still a work-in-progress. If you have your own ideas about what might constitute a BRAKING News story, feel free to get in touch and let us know. In the meantime, we look forward to providing you with news that will stop you in your tracks.

OTD in 2013—Heads roll at Insect Intelligencer in wake of scandal

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Insect Intelligencer

The Insect Intelligencer advised on its front page that it has accepted the resignation of its Editor-in-Chief and other employees who were involved in the June 3, 2013 scandal.

A shake up at The Insect Intelligencer has left its Editor-in-Chief and a number of other workers at the paper unemployed.

The long-established Park newspaper advised on its front page yesterday that it had accepted the resignations of Editor-in-Chief Fannia di Volo, as well as those of three community editors, four staff reporters and a number of other unnamed employees, in the wake of the June 4 scandal.

As of today, these positions remain unfilled, according to a spokesAnimal for the daily. The Intelligencer will continue to publish, however, as it overhauls its hiring and editorial policies.

The paper, which launched its own investigation into the matter on Monday, is also the subject of investigation by the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP) and the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN).

While C-SNAP has no sanctioning authority, the ANMPN has confirmed that it is “looking very seriously” at levying a fine against the newspaper.

In an interview on Reptile Radio yesterday afternoon, ANMPN Executive Director Nathan R. DiPressa said the Association has plans to conduct a membership survey on the subject.

“This was a very serious breach of ethics and its effects are being felt by our entire membership. We intend to voice our concerns to the Intelligencer’s management in the very near future,” he said.

OTD in 2012—Radio host in hospital after locking horns with photographer

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Controversial Toro Talk Radio host, Yannis Tavros, was admitted to hospital this afternoon after suffering injuries resulting from a scuffle with a photographer.

Witnesses say Tavros was leaving the station after his daily broadcast, when a photographer from The Ruminant Free Press snapped a picture of him.

The enraged Tavros started to grunt, the witnesses report, and “mutter expletives, mostly about the flash in his eyes. Then he warned [the photographer] not to do it again.”

The photographer, reportedly, refused to heed Tavros’s warning and, after snapping a few more pictures, a scuffle with the radio star ensued.

“They locked horns and it took a herd of passersby to get them free,” said one witness, who asked to remain anonymous.

Tavros, bleeding at the scene, was taken by Elephant Emergency Brigade (EEB) to the Park Hospital, where he remains in satisfactory condition.

The photographer, who has been identified as Hannus Hanka, suffered less serious injuries and was escorted back to his workplace.

OTD in 2017—This is not Ronald Grouse’s first Media Circus. But it may be his best

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media-circusDespite criticism that he’s been too hard on Park media this May, Month Without Metaphor director Ronald Grouse has received almost unanimous support from The Park’s journalism community for his efforts on behalf of tomorrow’s Media Circus.

The jam-packed event, which Grouse had originally planned as a two-day affair, had its origins in the 2011 celebration hosted by the Association of Media Outlets of The Park (AMOP). But the purpose of that event was far different from what Grouse has planned for tomorrow.

“I worked on that first media circus and I remember it fondly, partly because of the innocence of it all and its sense of openness. It was very pro-journalism. We were all proud of what we did and we wanted to share that with Park residents. We also wanted to encourage young Animals to consider a career in journalism,” he told The Mammalian Daily.

“But Park media have grown in the past six years, and we— as well as our audience— are suffering from our growing pains,” he said.

Tomorrow’s event, then, will be more focused on, as Grouse says, slyly using a metaphor, “righting the ship.”

“This circus is for all, but part of it is for our own edification. I think of it as holding a mirror up to ourselves. Journalists need to take a cold, hard look at what we’re doing, why we’re doing it, and what results we’re looking for. I want to start an ongoing, thoughtful conversation about that,” he said.

Part of that conversation will include Grouse’s favourite topic, the language of manipulation. And our sneak peek into the media kit confirms that. The kit, which will be given out to all attendees, includes some of Grouse’s least favourite journalistic tools: metaphors, similes, trite expressions, and—best of all—heart strings that are meant to be pulled.

The irony isn’t lost on Grouse.

“Yes, the media kit is manipulative, but it’s all for a good cause, and that’s to do our jobs better,” he said.

“The kit illustrates what’s gone wrong and we hope it will spark some realizations. After all, our job is to present the facts as we know them, not to use words to manipulate the minds and hearts of our readers and listeners.”

The Park’s Media Circus will take place 31 May 2017 at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, from 09:00 until 16:00.

OTD in 2016—Month Without Metaphor organizer: “We’re losing ground, minute by minute.”

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MonthWMThe chief organizer of the third annual Month Without Metaphor says we’re losing ground in the fight against the unncessary embellishment of the news.

“Plain speaking is disappearing and not bit by bit, but minute by minute,” says Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the initiative’s founders.

In an interview with The Mammalian Daily, Tinamou quoted statistics that he says indicate the market for what he calls “the plain, unembellished truth” has diminished substantially over the past five years.

“Journalism has given way to storytelling and it’s a slippery slope from there,” he opined. “We’re no longer reporting on an event or situation; we’re taking readers on a journey for their entertainment rather adding to their knowledge or understanding,” he said.

Tinamou contends that the problem started innocently enough, when journalists were told to broaden their reports from “just the facts” to historical, sociological, and psychological context.

“It started with context and the idea that those who work in the media could bring readers and listeners a better understanding of what was going on in The Park and in the world outside The Park,” he said. “But, somehow, that devolved into embellishment and fictionalizing,”

Tinamou said metaphors are just one aspect of the problem, but they were something that he felt could be easily targeted.

“I thought we’d start with reducing metaphors and move on from there. But we seem to be stuck in this style of writing. I don’t think new journalists know any other way,” he said.

OTD in 2015—Anselm Alpaca, former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist, dies at 19

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Anselm Alpaca

Anselm Alpaca: 1996-2015

BREAKING NEWS

Former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist Anselm Alpaca has died.

In a statement released this morning, Alpaca’s family confirmed that he died “of natural causes” last night at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. Alpaca was nineteen years old.

At the time of his death, Alpaca was working for The Equine Echo, but he spent the better part of his career as a reporter and columnist for The Mammalian Daily, where he was known as a “star.”

“He was the gold standard,” said Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas in a statement this afternoon. “He was extremely thorough, he refused to print anything for which he had fewer than four sources, and he gave everyone a fair hearing. There was no journalist like him at any paper in The Park. We were lucky to have him for so long.”

Even after his departure, Alpaca retained his friendships with journalists and support staff at The Mammalian Daily, many of whom describe him as “a great champion of Animals.”

Hamilton Snowcock of The Canary Courier agrees.

“He was on our side, no matter what species you were from,” he said. “He was just a great Animal who believed, above all, in fairness.”

Alpaca also taught part-time at the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism, where his students say he was always available for them and happy to give students as much time as they needed.

Alpaca leaves his mate Gillian and two sons, Ronald and Stanley.

Funeral arrangements are pending.

OTD in 2015—Alvin Tinamou to offer Month Without Metaphor advice daily on radio show

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MonthWMAttention all participants in May’s Month Without Metaphor (and all those interested in the practice of journalism): Set your dial to AVN Radio (Radio 286.7) at 4:00 every day from now until June 1.

Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the organizers of May’s annual Month Without Metaphor (MWM) will be offering free advice on how to tell news stories without embellishing them with “unnecessary metaphors.”

Tinamou’s newspaper made the announcement this morning in this short press release:

“Following yesterday’s successful trial run, we are pleased to announce that Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger, will be hosting a daily radio show at 4:00 p.m. on AVN Radio (Radio 286.7).

The subject of the show will be ‘Journalism: Telling It Like It Is.’ Tinamou will discuss the various methods of reporting news and will offer tips on how to engage readers without using metaphors and other types of embellishments.”

AVN Radio is a wholly-owned subsidiary of AVN Media, a Park-based media corporation whose holdings also include CLucK Radio, AVN Television, and The Avian Messenger.

As this year’s MWM approaches its midway point, members of The Park’s media establishments as well as those engaged in teaching journalism have spoken out in favour of the event.

“I believe this is the single most important event in The Park media’s year,” said Gertrude C. Owl, Mammalian Daily senior political correspondent and Dean of University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism in a recent interview.

“We stand to gain more insight into ourselves and the reading public in this one month than in the other eleven months combined,” she said.

OTD in 2017—Month Without Metaphor director “revises and remakes” Park media circus

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mwm-flyersFive years after The Park’s first media circus, the new director of Month Without Metaphor is about to “revise and remake” the event for a different purpose.

In an announcement this morning, Ronald Grouse confirmed rumours of his recent talks with Rodolfo van de Gier, president of the Association of Media Outlets of The Park (AMOP), who was in charge of the 2011 event. Grouse’s announcement said the two have agreed to work together on a “new kind” of media circus that will have an “altogether different” purpose, but it offered scant details.

“We are planning to host a two-day event toward the end of the month that will have the full participation of Park media. We also extended an invitation to The Park’s literary community, including writers, publishing companies, and journal editors, as well as representatives of the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism. Together, we are hoping to have a full and open discussion about the dissemination of information, the use of language and the responsibility of all those who are involved in communication,” the announcement said.

No exact times or locations were mentioned, nor whether the “fun and games,” such as playing reporter or hosting a mock interview, would be included in the new event.

OTD in 2012—CLucK Radio to reduce air time


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CLucK Radio announced today that it plans to reduce its on-air time by four hours per day, beginning 1 June.

J.J. Chanticleer, CLucK Radio’s manager, called the decision “strictly financial” and said it was due to projected losses in advertising revenue.

“We’re primarily a morning station,” Chanticleer said. “We have a very loyal audience in the early hours of the day and, consequently, loyal advertisers. But, we have been finding it increasingly difficult to support our late-afternoon and early evening programming,” he said.

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