The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2015—Fur flies at UWT journalism conference

By

UWT COATThe fur was flying this past weekend as The University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism hosted the largest print media conference in Park history.

Virtually all print media organizations and associations were represented at the conference, which was jointly chaired by the Cuthbert School’s dean, Gertrude C. Owl, and journalism professor Ludwiga Saimiri, the former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ).

Attendees pinpointed a baker’s dozen of hot button issues, ranging from ensuring fair coverage, recognizing equality of species, maintaining journalistic integrity, and finding new tools for recruiting the young, to financial issues, opening up new revenue streams, and more. But most agreed that the number one issue at this year’s conference was transparency. And, in that respect, The Mammalian Daily came in for some heavy criticism, particularly from the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN).

Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and the Association’s Executive Director, spoke at length about the need for Park newspapers to be transparent in their coverage and asserted that certain major outlets had failed miserably in that regard. As an example, he cited The Mammalian Daily, whose reporters have been working, as he called it, “undercover in plain sight.”

“The era of anonymous reporting is over,” DiPressa declared. “If you are hiding your journalists’ identities, you are hiding their biases, and you are not being forthright with your readers. We can smell your fear [of transparency] and it is turning us off reading your newspaper,” he declared.

Priscilla Weevil, Editor-in-Chief of The Serangga Star Adviser, not only agreed with DiPressa, but went further by issuing a challenge to The Mammalian Daily:

“We call on you to open up and start including the names of your reporters in your bylines by the beginning of 2016. We can think of no valid reason to obscure them.”

Although Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas was in attendance, she declined to comment on the accusations, nor has she given any indication that she will consider adding names to TMD bylines.

The conference wrapped up late Sunday night with a celebratory dinner at which both Owl and Saimiri spoke candidly about the practice of journalism in The Park.

“This has never been an easy profession and it is not an easy one now, but I know no journalist who would not say that the rewards far outweigh the challenges,” said Saimiri.

OTD in 2011—One Human dead, reporter held for questioning outside Park

By

Insect Intelligencer reporter ZeeZee Legy

The Insect Intelligencer has confirmed that reporter, ZeeZee Legy, has been held for questioning outside The Park in connection with the death of a Human late last night. The dead Human, whose name has not yet been released by law enforcement, was one of two who suffered injuries last week.  The other was released from hospital three days ago.

In a statement released early this morning, The Intelligencer’s editor-in-chief, Fannia di Volo, expressed her deepest sympathies for the family of the fallen Human and pledged the paper’s “full cooperation” in any investigation into the circumstances surrounding his death.

Reports claim that the two Humans fell ill suddenly outside their homes and were rushed to hospital.  Witnesses at the scene told police that five of the Intelligencer’s reporters were “hovering around” at the time and that at least two of them “had their probosces resting” on the Humans’ arms.

The five reporters fled the scene but were arrested inside The Park within hours of their return.  Only Legy remained outside The Park, where it was reported he had been visiting family while on vacation from the newspaper.

Legy, along with the other five reporters, work exclusively on the Intelligencer’s daily Fly on the Wall feature.  After the arrest of the five reporters, the newspaper’s publishers made the decision to cease publication temporarily.  The reporters were to have been formally charged on July 18, but a backlog in The Park’s court system has caused a delay in the matter.

OTD in 2011—New social networking site to offer scent option

By

gewpergreenlogoPark Animals who use social networking sites to connect with friends and family will soon be able to avail themselves of a new option. If all goes well with its final tweaking, gewper, set to open its virtual doors on August 1, will offer users the ability to smell those they know and those they might wish to know in the future.

Over a period of more than two years, RhinoTech, Inc., the new site’s developer, has been collaborating with Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., makers of the popular scent-masking product, FeralNoMore™, to create what company executives are calling “the ultimate Animal experience in the virtual world.”

“This new site is nothing short of revolutionary,” said a RhinoTech spokesAnimal at a press conference last week.

“For the first time in history, a [social networking] site will be Animal-centric…able to deliver the kind of information that Animals have been asking for and need,” she said.

gewper (pronounced “Gooper”) will allow members to upload their scent to the site’s servers. Those whom members have designated as having the right to do so will be able to download the scent from the site simply by pressing the “Scent” button.

Membership in the site will be free of charge, the spokesanimal confirmed, as will be the scent download.  The site’s developers believe that gewper will be so successful that it will generate enough advertising revenue in its first year to pay for their next online venture: a site that will allow members to touch each other, literally, across cyberspace.  According to RhinoTech, the desire for that feature tops the list in its most recent consumer survey.

“I know many Animals who would just love to be able to butt heads with their friends across the world,” said the RhinoTech spokesAnimal.

OTD in 2015—Park’s journalism failing us all: Dean

By

Don't read that!

“Don’t read that!” says Dean Gertrude C. Owl of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism

“There’s no other way to put it: our  journalism is failing us all in The Park.”

So said Gertrude C. Owl during her guest appearance on Alvin Tinamou’s Month Without Metaphor radio show on Wednesday afternoon.

The Dean of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier went on to launch a scathing attack on Park media. No medium, genre, or publication escaped her criticism, including The Mammalian Daily.

“What are they doing quoting gossip [web] sites, such as headsNTales? What happened to good old investigative journalism? Is it true or is it not true? Are you ready to call it or wait for more confirmation? How does quoting a source at headsNTales substitute for that?” she asked.

Tinamou sounded momentarily stunned, then bounced back to agree with Owl.

“I think we may be pandering to the crowd a bit too much these days. Or, as I say, using overblown language to tell what is an important story,” he said

Owl went further, insinuating that Park media was become “Humanized.”

“I know that reputable publications, such as The Mammalian Daily, cover important Park issues and that they don’t refer to the species of the Animals involved in their stories unless it is of some relevance. But I see a creeping Humanization, not in the selection of stories so much, but in the style of reporting,” she said.

“We have to remember, Humans are very different Animals; we must not emulate them. While Humans seem unable to see the big picture, Park Animals are much more aware of the consequences of actions. We must not always be bringing the story down to one element or one participant. Journalism has a raw power than is diminished by such a tactic.”

Owl, who was a popular guest, will join Tinamou again at the end of the month to discuss what she calls “writing clean.”

OTD in 2016—Month Without Metaphor’s Mid-Term Report: no gold stars this year

By

MonthWMThe mid-month statistics are in for Park media’s third annual Month Without Metaphor (MWM) and organizers say they won’t be giving out any gold stars this year unless things change significantly in the coming weeks.

“I’m surprised by these statistics. I thought we’d gotten our message across, but there’s a significant degree of slippage that’s occurred and I find it distressing,” organizer Alvin Tinamou said minutes after the report was released.

While the numbers are still slightly better than they were in MWM’s first year, they are “startlingly high,” Tinamou says.

“At this time last year, we were pleased with the results, but I take no pleasure in informing you that, on the whole, Park media has been embellishing its coverage of news more than we feel is warranted,” he said.

He did, however, praise a few publications for bringing in lower numbers. Those publications were The Avian Messenger (Tinamou’s own newspaper), The Halibut Herald, The Burro Beacon and Reptile Radio.

“And as usual,” Tinamou said, “The Marsupial Messenger has kept their metaphors to a bare minimum.”

Here are Month Without Metaphor’s mid-month results in full:

Toro Talk Radio: 278
CLucK Radio: 225
Chitter Radio: 183
The Dingo Boomerang: 107
Marine Mammal Radio: 112
The Mollusk Messenger: 82
The Salamander Evening Post: 94
Reptile Radio: 66
The Silvestris Star: 87
headsNtales: 102
The Burro Beacon: 56
The Noodlefish News: 88
The Canary Courier: 78
bRaydio 4: 89
The Halibut Herald: 65
Maple Tree Television: 76
The Eagle Star: 70
The Equine Echo: 69
The Rodent Commoner: 68
The Robin Reporter: 72
The Galliforme Gazette: 76
The Kaluga Register: 65
The Cosmopolitan Pest: 65
The Bluebird Free Press: 59
Vertebrate Vision: 58
The Insect Intelligencer: 66
The Panther Post: 86
The Polar Bear Post: 66
The Avian Messenger: 48
PRANCE Magazine: 57
The Blackbird Informer: 79
The Ornis Interpreter: 47
The Mammalian Daily: 55
LAULAA Magazine: 39
The Raccoon Reporter: 40
The Simian Spectator: 50
The Marsupial Messenger: 29

 

OTD in 2017—MWM head takes on Park media for manipulating readers “like advertisers”

By

mwm-posterRonald Grouse, the director of Park media’s Month Without Metaphor, has taken Park media to task over what he describes as the manipulation of their readership “in the style of advertisers.”

In a scathing editorial this morning, The Avian Messenger’s chief political analyst criticized Park publications, calling them “complicit with advertisers” in their descriptions of products, places, and events.

Grouse, who has only been at the helm of the media initiative for a month, singled out The Rodent Commoner for its recent article on the shortage of burrows in The Park.

“The use of terms that evoke emotion, such as ‘home,’ ‘hearth,’ ‘shelter,’ and the invocation of ‘family,’ is inexcusable in a publication that is supposed to be dedicated to presenting unembellished facts,” Grouse wrote.

The MWM director didn’t stop at The Rodent Commoner. Using examples from almost every Park newspaper, he demonstrated the manipulation that has come to be seen as the norm.

“News media are not in the business of pulling heartstrings,” he wrote, apologizing in the next sentence for the metaphor. “News media are in the business of presenting the facts as they are known or have come to be known. We are supposed to allow the readers to make their own judgments, based on our presentation. We are not supposed to lead them to feel anything.”

Grouse concluded his editorial by saying that he is deeply disturbed by the growing willingness of publications to shill for companies without thought to the consequences.

“You can be sure that we will take this up further at the Media Circus at the end of the month,” he wrote.

OTD in 2015—List of participants grows daily as May’s Month Without Metaphor nears

By

Month Without Metaphor

Every day, more members of the media join Month Without Metaphor

The list of participants in Park media’s second annual Month Without Metaphor (MWM) continues to grow, as newspapers, radio and television stations, and even web sites sign on.

“We are very pleased with the growth this year. We are particularly pleased with the addition of the gossip web site headsNtales. I think their interest proves that this initiative is well worthwhile,” says Month Without Metaphor organizer Alvin Tinamou.

As of today, the new participants are :

Print Media:

  • The Silvestris Star
  • The Rodent Commoner
  • The Panther Post
  • The Salamander Evening Post
  • The Panther Post
  • The Insect Intelligencer
  • The Rodent Commoner
  • The Insect Intelligencer
  • Laulaa—The Official Magazine of the Canine Music Association

Radio Stations:

  • bRaydio 4
  • CLucK Radio
  • Chitter Radio
  • Marine Mammal Radio
  • Reptile Radio
  • Toro Talk Radio

Television Stations:

  • Maple Tree Television
  • Vertebrate Vision TV

Web Sites:

  • headsNtales

OTD in 2016—TMD managing editor schedules press conference Monday morning

By

Extra! Extra!BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily’s managing editor Orphea Haas has scheduled a press conference Monday morning to respond to the ongoing criticism of the paper’s policy of hiding the names of its reporters.

In a statement released at eleven o’clock this morning, Haas announced that on Monday morning at nine o’clock she would make a “full response” to the ongoing pressure regarding the matter.

In a separate incident, Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros took to Twitter this morning to begin his campaign of publishing the names of all known Mammalian Daily reporters. A spokesAnimal for Haas’s office said the Tavros tweet was not related in any way to her decision.

OTD in 2016— Tinamou blames TMD’s Haas for drop in Month Without Metaphor participants

By

MonthWMThree’s usually a charm but it looks as if Park media’s third annual Month Without Metaphor could end up being anything but unless more media outlets sign on to participate.

The drop in the number of committed participants is “alarming” says Alvin Tinamou, who is one of the organizers of the May event.

“At this time last year, we were going great guns, to use an apt metaphor,” the publisher of The Avian Messenger wrote today in an open letter in his own newspaper.

“Our objective in establishing the annual Month Without Metaphor was to encourage Park media to be introspective. Accepting the challenge of reporting for a month without using metaphors means having to take a very close look at the way we communicate with our readers and how honestly we tell our stories. What Haas has done is to change our focus. Instead of looking at ourselves, many in Park media are looking at The Mammalian Daily and asking why Haas feels justified in holding her paper to a different standard. I challenge Haas to name her journalists and to stop distracting her readers by using tactics such as a ban on Human jokes,” he wrote.

Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP), says he agrees with Tinamou.

“Enough is enough,” he said in a radio interview this morning. “We’ve been calling for this for years and I think the time is right for Haas to make the change. We all [Park media] need to be open and transparent. To use a well-worn metaphor, we all need to be on the same page.”

Month Without Metaphor runs from May 1-May 31. Park media have until the end of April to sign on to participate.

Follow participants on Twitter at sansmetaphore.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

August 2026
M T W T F S S
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31