The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2015—Slowly but surely, The Mammalian Daily is adding full bylines to its articles

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cat newspaperOur astute readers probably have noticed something new on The Mammalian Daily’s web site. And many of them might be saying to themselves, “It’s high time.”

Yes, dear readers, we have embarked on a road that will lead to complete transparency in our reporting within the next few years.

In doing so, however, we are not responding to our critics—many though they’ve been— so much as we are moving forward of our own volition toward a goal we’ve had for some time.

As I explained at a press conference almost six months ago to the day, The Mammalian Daily has had a longstanding policy of anonymous reporting. This policy constituted part of the terms of our journalists’ contracts and for that reason we could do nothing but wait, either for those contracts’ expiration or for our journalists to agree to a new policy.

We’ve been fortunate to have several of our veteran reporters agree to have their names (and, thus, their species, in many cases) appear in the paper. So, let me introduce you to this handful of TMD trailblazers whose work is much respected by Park citizens. They will be joined shortly by others of equal merit.

 

Aivis Burunduks, TMD PIFF Reporter

Renée Simone Canard, TMD Gossip Reporter

Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

Bergrún Íkorna, TMD Business Reporter

Jaakkima Kuikka, TMD Mental Health Reporter

Johan Slon, TMD Music Reporter

OTD in 2016—Stan the Spitman speaks out about the use and misuse of his product at PIFF

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Park Interspecial Film FestivalLess than a week after the end of the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF), Stan the Spitman is speaking out about the unlawful use of his product at PIFF events.

In an op-ed piece published today in The Burro Beacon, Estanislao “Stan” Gonzalo de Llama condemned in no uncertain terms what some Animals did with his product at the film festival. And he let it be known that he intends to put a stop to it.

“I am proud of what I make and I don’t make it to be used to attack others, particularly others whose species or politics differ from my own,” he wrote in the newspaper.

The second generation SpitMeister (master of the art of spitmaking) was referring to the repeated use of spitballs at the screening of WINK, which opened the festival on October 1. Police charged twenty-one Animals with crimes of a specist nature after they threw spitballs at the director and other attendees as they entered the Park Cinema.

Although Stan has never condoned that sort of behaviour, he expressed a different view about it in Searching for the Spitman: A Journey Through Foam, Froth, and Fun, a film about his life that premiered at PIFF 2015.

In that film, he estimated that ninety per cent of his products go toward humiliating other Animals.

“It’s a fact of life in the profession,” he said. “But it doesn’t keep me up at night.”

In today’s o-ed piece, however, he said he’d changed his mind after witnessing events at this year’s festival.

“I can’t stand by and watch Animals use my product that way anymore,” he wrote. “It needs to stop.”

OTD in 2015—TMD managing editor may bow to pressure on bylines: rumour

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Extra! Extra!

Something extra may be on its way: the names of Mammalian Daily journalists

Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas may be about to bow to pressure from rival Park media outlets to publish journalists’ names above their news reports.

According to a post on the gossip web site headsNtales, Haas has received counsel on the matter from a number of sources, including Nathan DiPressa, Executive Director of the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN).

In a Friday post, one of the web site’s “reporters” claims to have seen DiPressa leaving TMD headquarters late last Tuesday. DiPressa’s office refused to confirm the meeting, but an anonymous source at The Canary Courier said it was the third time in the last two weeks that DiPressa had been seen exiting the building.

For decades now, the newspaper has successfully defended its longstanding policy of keeping journalists’ names—and more importantly, their species—out of the paper. But that policy has gotten increasing attention in the last few years, with other media organizations demanding the same amount of transparency from The Mammalian Daily that they themselves are obliged to offer their audience.

At a print media conference held in August at the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism, the number one issue for attendees was transparency.

“The era of anonymous reporting is over. If you are hiding your journalists’ identities, you are hiding their biases, and you are not being forthright with your readers,” DiPressa said at the time.

Even some who supported the policy in the past appear to have changed course with the passage of time.

UWT Professor Ludwiga Saimiri, who had praised The Mammalian Daily’s policy as recently as last year, appears to have had a change of heart.

As a guest on the Yannis Tavros show last week, the distinguished scholar and former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ) said the time had come for TMD to embrace transparency.

“Zoocracy and its attendant openness require it and I no longer see any harm in knowing the species of those who bring us the news,” she said. “The Mammalian Daily may be coming late to the party, but it’s one I believe they should make an effort to attend.”

OTD in 2016—Hibernators see red over Tavros tweets

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YannisTavros The Park’s hibernators are seeing red after Yannis Tavros took to Twitter yesterday to denigrate hibernators and estivators.

Once again, the Toro Talk Radio host expressed his view that hibernators and estivators are not as intelligent as other Animals:

Tavros tweet

The tweet set off a firestorm, with individuals and groups weighing in immediately. Some called for an apology, while others made it clear that apologies would not longer suffice.

“This has gone beyond the stage where apologies are meaningful. Toro Talk Radio has to take control of Yannis Tavros or silence him once and for all,” said Malinda L. Hamster, president of The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), on Mammalian Daily Radio yesterday. She also confirmed that the SAHC, which annually elects the Keeper of the Nut, intends to apply to the courts for a cease and desist order and, as well, will launch a class action suit against Tavros and his radio station for defamation.

“This has happened once too often. Other Animals are going to start to believe what he is saying, and then where do we go from there?” she asked.

As Hamster said, this is not the first time that Tavros has said less than flattering things about hibernating Animals. In a famous 2013 on-air tirade, Tavros called Hieronymous Hedgehog, “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.” The reference was to Hedgehog’s uncle Hamlin, who served as Archon in 2000 and died of premature awakening from hibernation in 2008. The remarks led to Tavros’s suspension and an on-air meeting with Hieronymous during which the two made peace.

OTD in 2015—The Righteous Among the Humans: new TMD section to be curated by Noreen

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Official Noreen

Noreen will expand her rôle with The Mammalian Daily this year

BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily announced today that Noreen will be expanding her rôle with the newspaper to include curating a new section called, “The Righteous Among the Humans.”

In a press statement issued this morning, TMD managing editor Orphea Haas confirmed that Noreen had made a pitch to the paper a few months ago that involved formally recognizing members of the Human species who do “great work on behalf of other Animals.”

“While we immediately recognized the value of such a section, we were, initially, reluctant to give over so much space to the Human species,” Haas admitted in the statement. “But Noreen convinced us that highlighting the good work done by Humans was very much in keeping with both our journalistic and charitable goals.”

Haas also said that Noreen was a “perfect fit” for the job, since “she’s spent her whole life studying Humans, both formally and informally.”

“She knows them inside and out and if Noreen says, ‘these ones are worthy of our attention and respect,’ well, that’s good enough for us at The Mammalian Daily,” Haas said.

Haas also confirmed that Noreen plans to publish an open letter to her friends and fans outlining the details and goals of her new job.

The Righteous Among the Humans section will début this month on The Mammalian Daily’s web site.

OTD in 2015—Zebra activists to appear on Yannis Tavros call-in show Wednesday

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YannisTavros Callers, the lines are open.

Or, at least they will be on Wednesday afternoon, when Yannis Tavros’s guests will be Zebra activists Jafari Pundamilia and Elton Zebra.

The pair, whose latest caper involved disrupting the Beats of Burden music festival by blocking the stage to the SCENTient Beings on Friday night, will be answering questions from callers for a full three hours.

“We’re looking forward to a lively discussion,” Toro Talk Radio said in its announcement this morning, after inviting  “all Animals who want to understand more about the Zebra community” to formulate their questions and head to the phones on Wednesday.

For his part, Tavros, who enjoys a reputation for outrageous behaviour himself, said he thought it was only fair to hear the activists’ side of the story.

“They have a problem with what Faramund Stinktier said [about believing that he was meant to be a Zebra] on this show two weeks ago and I think we should hear them out. Since nobody else stepped up, I thought it was only right for me to do so,” Tavros said at the end of his show today.

The program, which will be sponsored by hibernation outfitters GoUnderground, has been extended by an hour and will be re-run at midnight and offered as a podcast later in the month.

Faramund Stinktier has not commented on the Toro Talk Radio announcement.

OTD in 2014—AVN TV to turn its lens on Humans

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This Autumn, the AVN Television Network (AVN TV) will begin broadcasting a new live television series that will focus on Humans as they spend time in The Park.

AVN’s Chief Executive Officer Orville Condor and Program Director Izrine Corneille made the announcement at a press conference this morning.

“We [at AVN TV] have a unique perspective on The Park, and we want to use that perspective to serve our customers,” Corneille said. “This show is truly for the Birds. It will be amazing … watching them watch us watching them.”

Corneille said the show will be broadcast for two hours (one hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon) every day of the week. The network’s initial contract with the show’s producers calls for the series to run for 12 consecutive months.

“We wanted to show Humans in every season, starting with the Autumn,” Condor said. 

The show is scheduled to begin on September 22.

AVN Television is a wholly-owned subsidiary of AVN Media, a Park-based media corporation whose holdings also include AVN Radio, CLucK Radio and The Avian Messenger.

OTD in 2015—Noreen in talks with TMD to curate new section of newspaper: gossip site

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headsNtalesAccording to the gossip site headsNtales, Noreen is presently in negotiations with The Mammalian Daily to expand her rôle with the paper beyond that of dispensing advice.

In a post dated yesterday, the site claims that the advice columnist, best-selling author, and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier has pitched the idea of creating and curating a new section of the newspaper called, “The Righteous Among the Humans.” The new section would shine a light on Humans who have done good works for Animals.

“Let’s face it; it would be a natural fit for Noreen,” says headsNtales co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo.

“Given that she’s spent her whole life studying Humans, both informally and formally… and add to that her newspaper and academic credentials…who better to do this sort of work than Noreen? I think it’s a brilliant idea and only Noreen could have thought it up!” she says.

Although no formal announcement has been made by the newspaper, Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas has been known as a champion of Noreen ever since she brought her to the paper over fifteen years ago.

“Haas encouraged Noreen from the get-go and she’s blossomed into a very powerful force in The Park. I can’t imagine her denying Noreen’s request. This new rôle will be good for her [Noreen] and for all of us,” Guacamayo says.

OTD in 2015—Fur flies at UWT journalism conference

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UWT COATThe fur was flying this past weekend as The University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism hosted the largest print media conference in Park history.

Virtually all print media organizations and associations were represented at the conference, which was jointly chaired by the Cuthbert School’s dean, Gertrude C. Owl, and journalism professor Ludwiga Saimiri, the former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ).

Attendees pinpointed a baker’s dozen of hot button issues, ranging from ensuring fair coverage, recognizing equality of species, maintaining journalistic integrity, and finding new tools for recruiting the young, to financial issues, opening up new revenue streams, and more. But most agreed that the number one issue at this year’s conference was transparency. And, in that respect, The Mammalian Daily came in for some heavy criticism, particularly from the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN).

Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and the Association’s Executive Director, spoke at length about the need for Park newspapers to be transparent in their coverage and asserted that certain major outlets had failed miserably in that regard. As an example, he cited The Mammalian Daily, whose reporters have been working, as he called it, “undercover in plain sight.”

“The era of anonymous reporting is over,” DiPressa declared. “If you are hiding your journalists’ identities, you are hiding their biases, and you are not being forthright with your readers. We can smell your fear [of transparency] and it is turning us off reading your newspaper,” he declared.

Priscilla Weevil, Editor-in-Chief of The Serangga Star Adviser, not only agreed with DiPressa, but went further by issuing a challenge to The Mammalian Daily:

“We call on you to open up and start including the names of your reporters in your bylines by the beginning of 2016. We can think of no valid reason to obscure them.”

Although Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas was in attendance, she declined to comment on the accusations, nor has she given any indication that she will consider adding names to TMD bylines.

The conference wrapped up late Sunday night with a celebratory dinner at which both Owl and Saimiri spoke candidly about the practice of journalism in The Park.

“This has never been an easy profession and it is not an easy one now, but I know no journalist who would not say that the rewards far outweigh the challenges,” said Saimiri.

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