The Mammalian Daily

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OTD in 2016—Raymond H. Mink bows out of UWT gig

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UWT COAT

The University of West Terrier is scrambling to find a replacement for Raymond H. Mink, who was scheduled to speak at the UWT Annual Open House on January 29.

Mink had planned to deliver a short address on the subject of the rôle that higher education plays in the maintenance of peace, order, and interspecial harmony on January 29, according to an announcement posted on the university’s web site.

The Mammalian Daily learned this morning that Mink, who has been The Park’s Chief Officer of Peace for over five years, bowed out of the speaking engagement on January 17, a day after he was selected as The Park’s 2016 Chief Archon.

In a short communiqué sent to the university, Balthasar Alouatta, spokesAnimal for the Archons, said that Mink felt it inappropriate “at this time” to appear at the event.

“While he acknowledges the great importance of education and of inspiring The Park’s young, His Honour believes that his focus at this time should be on governing. He would be grateful to the University of West Terrier for granting him this time and he would be more than happy to appear at a future event,” the communiqué said.

For their part, the UWT President and Governors issued a statement saying that though they were disappointed in Mink’s decision, they understood that this was primarily an issue of timing.

“We understand the newly-assumed burdens of the Chief Archon and we are happy to arrange for him to speak at the university at a later time. We wish him every success in his new position,” the statement said.

The next time the Chief Archon will be heard from will be on Groundhog Day, when he reads the all-important Archons’ Address.

OTD in 2012—The University of West Terrier needs your support!

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For the first time in its history, The University of West Terrier is asking those outside the institution for their support.

In a statement released today, the Governors of the University respectfully requested “a little help from our friends”:

As is the case currently with almost all academic institutions, UWT is having trouble meeting its financial commitments. These commitments, of course, constitute our academic commitments.  We, therefore, are asking for a little help from our friends. If you or your friends are UWT alumni, please consider purchasing our new commemorative mug. If you reside inside The Park, show your commitment to higher education by doing the same. If you reside outside The Park, remember your friends of all species and order a mug to support their future. Do it for yourself, do it for your family, do it for your friends. Do it for the future. We’ll all be better off for it.

Thank you.”

The purchase of UWT Commemorative Mugs is supported by The Mammalian Daily. If you are interested in acquiring one or more mugs, please email us at orders@mammaliandaily.com.

OTD in 2015—Faramund Stinktier signs two-book deal with Prionailurus Press

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Faramund Stinktier

Stinktier memoir, “The Skunk Who Would Be A Zebra” to be published next year.

Faramund Stinktier has signed a lucrative two-book deal with Prionailurus Press.

The Reekabilly star, composer, and the most famous half of the SCENTient Beings duo announced yesterday that he has come to a “very favourable arrangement” with the esteemed Park publisher.

In a separate press release, Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press, confirmed the deal.

“Prionailurus Press is pleased to announce that, in keeping with our most recent mandate, we have welcomed Faramund Stinktier to our stable of writers. We look forward to working with him on two books, the first of which will be published in the coming year,” the press release said.

The name of that book, according to the press release, is “The Skunk Who Would Be A Zebra,” and as its title suggests, it is Stinktier’s memoir.

The singer shocked Park residents when he announced in September that he believed he was always meant to be a Zebra. He made the announcement while a guest on the Yannis Tavros radio show. In the few months that have followed, he says, he has experienced “great joy” but also “enormous sorrow” due to his shunning by members of his own and other species.

The publisher’s press release contains no information on the second book, but it is believed to be a book about music.

Prionailurus Press announced last April that it intended to promote the work of The Park’s striped and spotted community and in a brief telephone interview, Yamaneko confirmed that this is the mandate to which she referred in her company’s communiqué.

SCENTient Beings will perform at the Celebration of the Winter Solstice on December 21.

OTD in 2016—Prestigious prize goes to UWT professor for pioneering work on harrumphocytes

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UWT COATDr. Jagger Zebu, Professor of Mammalian Medicine at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine has been awarded the prestigious Eureka Prize, it was announced today.

The announcement came in a statement issued this morning by the editorial board of the scientific journal Eureka. The board, which awards the prize annually for “pioneering research and innovative experimentation,” called Dr. Zebu a “a meticulous scientist and a pioneer in harrumphocyte research.”

Dr. Zebu, whose name appeared earlier this month on Eureka’s  “Seventeen to Watch in 2017” list, led a team of researchers who were the first to pinpoint the location of harrumphocytes in Mammals.  Harrumphocytes are the cells that are believed to be responsible for producing feelings of primary apathy and secondary negativity in Mammals.

When the research was published in March of this year, Dr. Zebu said he believed the breakthrough would offer a “much-improved” life to Mammals who suffer from harrumphocyte imbalance.

Although Dr. Zebu has not commented on the award, the Board of Governors of the University of West Terrier posted a congratulatory message on the university’s web site this morning.

OTD in 2016—Noreen to chair UWT forum on effects of Human architecture on other Animals

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Official NoreenThe President and Governors of the University of West Terrier announced today that Noreen will chair a forum on the effects of Human architecture on the lives of other Animals. The forum, which will be hosted by the UWT School of Architecture, will take place on the university’s campus on October 8 and 9.

The university called the Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human studies the “perfect choice” to chair the discussion because “her abilities as a mediator and as a researcher are exceptional.”

Participants in the forum will include faculty members of the UWT School of Architecture as well as faculty of the Schools of Medicine and Economics and Social Science. In addition, the university has invited community architects and professionals working in the fields of physical and mental health and well-being to share their knowledge and expertise.

OTD in 2015—UWT Art Gallery, Park Museum vie for art of endangered species

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Underwater Mammal ArtThe soon to be opened new art gallery at the University of West Terrier is engaged in a battle with the Park Museum for the opportunity to house and display a selection of works by members of The Park’s endangered species.

Although some of the pieces in question formed part of the 2015 Park ART Walk in August, most of the artists whose works were displayed have to date refused invitations from The Park’s art galleries in favour of private showings, most often at their own abodes.

“Obviously, this would be a real coup for us, but that is by no means the only reason we want to house the art,” said Bibiano Montanaro, spokesAnimal for the President of the University, in an interview on TMD Radio yesterday.

“As an educational institution, we feel we are the appropriate place for this art and that’s why we are engaged in this battle. But, I must say, we didn’t think we would have to fight at all, let alone this hard,” he said.

For its part, The Park Museum maintains that its mission is to house as much as it can that is representative of life in The Park.

“That means, past, present and even future,” says curator Dorika Pumi, who failed in her attempts as curator of the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) to attract artists who were members of endangered species.

And although Pumi contends that this “isn’t personal at all,” many in The Park’s art world believe otherwise.

“I don’t blame her for trying to redeem herself, but I don’t think she should do it on the backs of endangered artists,” says Anastazja Koci, an alumna of the Hani Gajah School of Art. Koci, who was shortlisted for the position of curator at the UWT art gallery, says she was taught by Pumi and maintains the utmost respect for her.

“But I think she’s pushing too hard on this,” she says.

OTD in 2016—UWT group to Rotte: Learn how to do social experiments or leave them to us

By

UWT COAT

As Gunnar Rotte ended his sojourn at The Park Jail on Friday, a group of University of West Terrier professors was joining forces to lecture The Rodent Commoner journalist on the ethics of conducting his so-called social experiment.

Rotte, who was arrested for disturbing the peace and jailed for inciting violence at The Park’s Stereotype Sunday on August 14, was freed on bail on Friday. He claims that he attended the event dressed as a Skunk as part of a “social experiment” to determine which Animal’s life was easier: that of a Rat or that of a Skunk.

The reporter, who began a second career last November as a counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic, rose to fame in December 2014, when he published an editorial contending that his own species suffered more but received far less sympathy than striped and spotted Animals. Since then, he has made it part of his mission to enlighten Park citizenry about the lives of Rats and other Rodents.

But the UWT group, which includes Chief of Research at the UWT Medical College Simone Gibbon, psychologist Hume. T. Goat, Milada J. Goose, head of the Honking Hollow Laboratory, and Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy, among others, thinks Rotte should go back to school first and learn how to conduct an experiment properly. Or, better yet, leave the social experiments to them.

In a statement released this morning, the group praises Rotte for his passion, but calls on him to leave the academic studies to those who know how to conduct them.

“While we understand your passion and your position, we implore you to think twice before embarking on something that could benefit few, but hurt many,” the statement concludes.

Rotte has not commented on the group’s statement as of yet.

OTD in 2015—Barkettes announce collaboration with Noreen on new song called “Yield!”

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YIELD

The Barkettes’ will base their new song “Yield!” on Noreen’s 2015 UWT commencement address

BREAKING NEWS
Less than a week before the final Park performance of their “Bring Your Own Bone” tour, Thisbe and the Barkettes have thrown us a bone of our own: the announcement that they plan to collaborate with Noreen on a song based on her 2015 University of West Terrier commencement address.

In a press release issued this morning, The Park’s most beloved singing group confirmed that they have entered into an agreement with the Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct professor of Human Studies for the creation and production of a new song called, “Yield!”

“Every bit of Noreen’s speech was so moving and showed so much wisdom,” the group writes in the release, “but the part called ‘Yield’ touched us like no other. It echoes what we–individually and as a group–have believed in and stood for all these years. It cried out for recognition and we felt we could not refuse it.”

The press release did not offer any time frame for the creation or production of the song but, according to the gossip site headsNtales, the group has booked a recording studio in The Park for the last two weeks of November.

OTD in 2015—Park Museum, ISML end feud over ownership of beloved tome

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Park Museum

The Park Museum will host a permanent display of The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat

The Park Museum and the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life (ISML) have ended their long battle over the establishment of a permanent home for one of The Park’s most iconic literary works.

The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat has been housed in a protected display in the lobby of the ISML since it was recovered in 2013 by workers excavating at the site of what is now The Park Museum. It had previously been displayed at the front of the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, until a storm toppled the display and it went missing.

Because the excavators brought their precious find to the Institute for verification, the ISML decided to keep the beloved Park tome and to display it in the Institute’s lobby. Early last year, however, as The Park Museum neared completion, its Board of Governors initiated a series of meetings with the ISML aimed at convincing them that the museum was the only logical place to house the AutoZOËography on a permanent basis.

“Every one of the 6,975 pages of her book is a part of Park history and the citizens of The Park deserve to be able to visit the work in the building that was constructed to house our history,”  Sukuta Rhinoceros, one of the founders of the Museum and a member of its Board, said at the time.

The ISML held fast to its view that it had the sole right to display the work until last week, when the two institutions came to a “joint custody” agreement.

“We are happy to report that both The Park Museum and the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life have agreed to act as joint official custodians of The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat, one of the most important works in Park history,” said a press release issued today by both institutions.

The agreement, which will be signed next week, names The Park Museum as the book’s official home, but allows it to be moved to the ISML for one month every Winter for the purpose of display and study. Throughout the other eleven months, the ISML will display a facsimile in the space that it built for the book two years ago.

According to sources close to both institutions, the agreement was hammered out late Sunday night, with the assistance of the Park Historical Society and members of a number of faculties and departments at the University of West Terrier.

“All parties are pleased with this agreement and we plan to move forward with the logistics as soon as possible,” the press release says.

The Park Museum’s press release may be read here.

OTD in 2013—Domestication survivor: “I was a famous Human’s pet!”

By

Hercule Parrot

The audience listened intently last night as one of The Park’s most famous novelists spoke candidly about his struggle to escape life as the pet of a famous Human.

Hercule Parrot, 2012 Chitter Radio Literary Award winner and part-time mentor at BirdBrains, The Park’s first Avian mentoring programme, alternated between the emotional and the entertaining as he described his daily life in a “gilded cage.”

“Everything was made available to me. Everything I needed, I was given…food, company, friends, toys…I lacked for nothing, except for autonomy and the ability to live my life as I wanted to, in a truly free and Avian way.”

Holding court at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond during the last scheduled event held in conjunction with Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, Parrot mesmerized his audience of thousands, regaling them with tales of treats, grooming sessions, voyages to exotic locations, movie offers and more.

Parrot made it clear, however, that it was not a life he would have chosen for himself nor would he recommend it to any Animal. Calling it “wholly unnatural,” he warned his listeners not to succumb to the idea of “the easy way.”

“The easy way is tempting, but it is not as easy a life as it sounds,” he said.

“Living with Humans usually means you do not go hungry for food. But the hunger for your natural way of life, for Animal companionship, for the ability to direct your own life, that is something you hunger for every day. Not a day went by that I wasn’t plotting my escape, planning the route I would take from that hand that fed me to freedom.”

Although speaking to a largely anti-Human audience, Parrot did not downplay the role of emotional attachment in the domestication process and spoke openly about the sense of guilt he felt when he finally fled the Human who had domesticated him.

“It’s a myth that you can live in a domestic situation — even an enforced one — and not have feelings for your keeper. And that attachment is difficult to break. Many times, I berated myself for it and wondered if I truly desired freedom. But my reluctance to leave really was due, in part, to the attachment that I felt toward my Human keeper,” he said.

Eventually, Parrot did escape and made his way to The Park, where he has resided for more than two decades. He credits The Park’s “outstanding” refugee services with his ability to find happiness in his new community. And, though he has not had any contact with his ex-keeper, he says he thinks about him almost every day.

“Enforced domestication stays with you for life. It affects everything you do, everything you think, every way you react. You take a certain sadness with you everywhere you go. That’s just the way it is and that is the reason we must be vigilant and prevent its occurrence as much as possible,” he said.

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