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OTD in 2016—First quarter results prove opening on Groundhog Day a profitable move

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Groundhog Day specialsFirst quarter results indicate that the Park Finance Office (PFO) did the right thing when it listened to the business community this past Winter and allowed shops to stay open on Groundhog Eve and Groundhog Day.

“We are very grateful to the Park Finance Office and, in particular, to PFO head Valentina Abeja, for supporting our community so strongly,” said Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), in a statement released by the Association today.

According to Whistlepig, Park businesses reported average profits of more than double those of the same period last year.

“This should convince the Archons, the PFO, and Park citizens that a permanent change should be made to the law,” the statement says.

That assertion could signal the start of another major battle in The Park, as the issue of allowing shops to open on Groundhog Day and other holidays has been a contentious one. Those on both sides have argued passionately, but the Archons and the PFO have been reluctant to make any permanent move.

Such a move would require a change in the law, which could only be made after the receipt of submissions from business and the citizenry, followed by a full and open debate, says Delia Quagga, head of the Barnaby School of Government at the University of West Terrier. And that, she says, could take years.

“I think this informal arrangement might be more beneficial than an overhaul of the law,” she said at the time the announcement was made about this year’s opening.

Others in The Park agree. “We need to look at all the factors responsible for the rise in profit before we make any changes to the law,” says Xavier Dingo, chief financial analyst at A. Corn and Partners. “Much more study needs to be done.”

OTD in 2014—Prediction’s accuracy “bittersweet for me,” says 2014 POPS Solange Marmotte

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Solange Marmotte

Solange Marmotte,
2014 POPS

MAMMALIAN DAILY EXCLUSIVE

It’s been almost seven weeks since Groundhog Day, when Solange Marmotte, 2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), emerged from her burrow, saw her shadow, and predicted six more weeks of Winter.

With temperatures hovering well below the freezing mark and Spring expected to arrive a month late, it would appear that Marmotte’s prediction was accurate. In fact, according to the Park Weather Office, it is the most accurate prediction made by a POPS since 2007.

That ought to make Marmotte a happy Mammal, but that is not what our reporter found when he accepted her invitation to join her for lunch yesterday at her burrow.

Marmotte, whose prediction is the subject of a lawsuit, appeared tired and even a bit distraught when she greeted our reporter at the entrance to her burrow.

At 9 years of age, she is one of the oldest Animals to hold the position of POPS, but she is in excellent health and maintains a positive outlook. Still, it is apparent that the lawsuit, in combination with this year’s truncated hibernation period, has taken its toll.

“It’s true,” says Marmotte, as she ushers her guest into the burrow. 

“It was an accurate prediction and I never doubted that for a moment,” she asserts.

“Those who said I saw a shadow that was not my own…they don’t know me. I couldn’t make that mistake. I knew what I was seeing and I knew that I had to be honest about it. As everyone knows, there is a lot of pressure on the POPS…I’m not saying that any POPS has succumbed to it, but there is pressure. And, yes, I was feeling it. It had already been a long, hard Winter and we were all hoping that it would end soon. But that was not to be and I saw that as soon as I emerged,” she says.

Marmotte contends she is not completely surprised that her prediction was challenged, but she was taken aback by the vehemence with which the challenge was pursued. And neither the accuracy of the prediction nor the accolades she’s received from the Park Weather Office can make up for the nagging feeling that she’s been betrayed.

“It doesn’t feel like a victory to me…or even a vindication. For me, it is bittersweet,” she says.

OTD in 2014—Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon: “I won’t rule on the POPS shadow case.”

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Mr Justice Augustus Dindon

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon

BREAKING NEWS

In the event that the lawsuit filed by a disgruntled group of Groundhog Day spectators goes to trial, Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon will not be the presiding judge.

In an announcement released this morning, the venerable justice of The Park’s Superior Court stated that he plans to recuse himself from any trial arising from the lawsuit.

The suit, which was filed on behalf of the group of spectators on February 3, alleges that Solange Marmotte, the 2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), did not see her own shadow on Groundhog Day. The lawsuit alleges that the shadow Marmotte saw was caused by a fault in the construction of the Prognostication Pad and that, as a consequence, her prediction was and should be declared null and void.

Although the much-beloved jurist did not reveal the reasons for his decision, he is said to believe that the case is a “nuisance lawsuit” and that, in all probability, time will be the judge of whether or not the prediction was accurate.

In the meantime, temperatures in The Park continue to hover at record lows with no end in sight.

OTD in 2017—Tavros in trouble again for posting disrespectful tweets about hibernators

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tavros-gh-tweetAlmost two weeks after Groundhog Day, Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros has found himself in trouble with hibernators. Again.

In a court filing dated this morning, Hieronymous Hedgehog et al. allege that Tavros “libelled hibernators en masse and individually and disrespected the office of the Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS)” when he tweeted disrespectfully about 2017 POPS, Ditmar Bosmarmot.

Bosmarmot, who was suffering the effects of  premature awakening from hibernation (PA), was able to make the prediction of an early Spring on Groundhog Day before he was taken to hospital, where he remains sedated and in stable condition.

In the filing, Hieronymous Hedgehog et al. cite as evidence not only Tavros’s “disrespectful” tweets, but his attitude toward the event and toward hibernators and hibernation in general, including his campaign for POPS early in the Autumn of 2016.

“Based on the behaviour of Yannis Tavros, it is obvious to us that he has no respect for the hibernating class as a whole, nor for the office of Park Official Prognosticator of Spring in particular,” the filing reads in part.

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon will hear the case on March 15, according to the court docket. The plaintiffs are represented by Zvonimir Kojot of the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg. Yannis Tavros has not yet released the name of his representative.

OTD in 2017—2017 POPS in stable condition as Park awaits hospital press conference

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Hermione HippoAs Ditmar Bosmarmot, 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), remains in stable condition after being diagnosed with Premature Awakening from hibernation (PA), a press conference has been called for this afternoon at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.

Hospital spokesAnimal Aurélie Brebis confirmed the press conference in a short communiqué this morning:

“The hospital’s head nurse, Hermione Hippo, will deliver a statement on the condition of Ditmar Bosmarmot and afterwards will take questions from the press this afternoon at three o’clock in the main conference room of the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.”

Bismarmot, who was elected POPS in November, was roused from his burrow at approximately seven o’clock on Groundhog Day morning. He appeared groggy and after losing his footing along the way, he was helped to the prognostication pad by two aides. While there were concerns that he would not be able to fulfill his duties, he was able to stand on the prognostication pad unaided for a sufficient length of time to make the prognostication. According to a spokesAnimal for Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, who certified the prediction, the judge had “no hesitation whatsoever in doing so” and certified the prediction “with complete certainty as to its validity.”

Immediately thereafter, Bosmarmot was taken off the pad by members of the Emergency Elephant Brigade (EEB), who helped him onto a stretcher and delivered him to the Park Hospital.

A diagnosis of Premature Awakening from hibernation was made at the scene and confirmed later that day. Until this morning, however, doctors had made no comment on Bosmarmot’s condition other than to say it was “stable.”

The Mammalian Daily will keep its readers apprised of the condition of the POPS via Twitter and Facebook.

OTD in 2017—Design of 2017 prognostication pad sparks criticism, spawns new memes

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2017-prognostication-PADThe design of the 2017 prognostication pad hasn’t just sparked intense criticism from attendees and design experts; it’s also spawned several new Park memes.

The confusing design, coupled with the grave illness suffered by 2017 POPS Ditmar Bismarmot, has spawned  a set of memes that appear to blame the pad and its designer, the architectural firm Fleck + Stone, for Bosmarmot’s illness.

The Park Official Prognosticator of Spring was found to be suffering from Premature Awakening (PA) from hibernation and was rushed to hospital just minutes after predicting an early Spring on Groundhog Day.

Despite these indisputable medical facts, the memes have taken off in a variety of forms, including one that shows an image of Bosmarmot sprawled across the top of the pad with the the warning: “Don’t get stoned by Fleck.” Another with a similar image says, “Ditmarred Again.” Yet another portrays the firm’s chef architect, Vadim Kobras, climbing up the pad, leaving a number of dead Groundhogs behind him on the steps.

For their part, the Archons have been swift to react to the memes, preferring to deal with them in a factual way. This morning, Balthasar Alouatta, spokesAnimal for the Archons, read a prepared statement from Chief Archon Klarissa Kuttu in which she wished Bosmarmot a speedy recovery. The statement went on to use the memes to address the issue of Premature Awakening and to direct Park Animals to information on the subject.

Thus far, neither the firm of Fleck + Stone nor its chief architect has publicly reacted to the criticism of the prognostication pad.

OTD in 2016—Groundhog Day recap: great weather, massive turnout, POPS sees shadow

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Six more weeksIt was a great celebration. We made history, and then some. Here are a few tidbits to recap the day:

– First things first: Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) saw her shadow and predicted six more weeks of Winter

– According to the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, who described the turnout as “massive,” this year’s official Groundhog Day event was the best attended in Park history. A record number of Animals, ranging in age from newborn Bears to some of our oldest reptile citizens, graced us with their presence

– Chief organizer Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr. was back at the celebrations, after sitting out last year due to the effects of premature awakening

– The Park’s food providers staffed the stations with innovative fare over the longest number of hours ever

– This was only the second Groundhog Day celebration that included a dance choreographed specifically for the event by Herman Stoat. This year’s dance was titled “Plea for Peas”

– For the first time in the history of any event, one of The Park’s peacekeeping units, the Does of Peace, performed a short dramatic piece

– The Archons’ Address lasted 21 minutes—the longest in history— and included a plea for interspecial harmony and thanks to the new PFO head, Valentina Abeja

– The 2016 Archons listed and promised to tackle “head-on” the issues that are dividing The Park: interspecial tensions, economic unrest, inequality among the species, violence, loss of faith in Animal self-rule

– The Park’s Early Risers hosted their own after-party and Animals partied into the late morning hours of February 3

– Twenty-one injuries were reported as a result of the celebrations. Seven Animals were taken to hospital, including one Bird who flew into the middle of the Herman Stoat Dance Company performance, and fourteen were treated on-site

OTD in 2015—Early Risers to host after-party following official Groundhog Day celebrations

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Early Rise fireworksFor the first time in history, The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations will not end with the 2-kilometre tunnel race or the closing of the food stations.

The Park’s Early Risers — hibernators who choose to end their hibernation on Groundhog Day rather than on the official date of February 19 — will be hosting an after-party on Monday.

In the announcement-invitation issued this morning, a spokesAnimal for the group said the party will start at 20:30, a half-hour after the official celebrations end.

“All are invited and all are welcome. We’re going to make some noise and celebrate the beginning of another year!” the announcement said.

According to the Department of Statistics and Records, Early Risers constitute approximately eight percent of The Park’s hibernating community.

OTD in 2015—Noreen to join TMD commentating crew at Groundhog Day celebrations

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Official NoreenNoreen will be joining The Mammalian Daily’s commentating crew as they tweet live from The Park’s annual Groundhog Day celebrations.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist, who will resume her duties at the newspaper in mid-February, says she is “thrilled” to have the opportunity to connect with celebrants at the event as well as with those at home.

“Groundhog Day is one of the most important days on The Park’s calendar. I feel privileged to have been asked to communicate the wonder of it all through social media,” she said in a statement released today.

The columnist, who is also adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier, has been on leave since November. She has been promoting her book, Lovely To Look At, outside The Park and said in a radio interview last week that she intends to write about her experiences as soon as she gets back to work.

Follow the Groundhog Day celebrations on Twitter!

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