The Mammalian Daily

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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2015—Barkettes’ songs to be translated into different Animal languages

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halcyondaysThisbe and the Barkettes have embarked on a new project: the translation of some of their biggest hits into a number of different Animal languages.

In a statement released yesterday by their manager Hilde Blaft, the group explained their reasons for making the historic decision:

“After much reflection and in the service of interspecial harmony, Thisbe and the Barkettes have decided to release some of our most beloved songs in a number of different Animal languages.

Recent events in The Park have highlighted tensions that have grown among the different species that live in The Park. We feel that, as much as possible, we all need to bridge those gaps that have developed. To this end, we have engaged the services of several renowned translators to enable members of other species to enjoy our music. We sincerely hope that other musicians and artists will follow suit and allow us all to enjoy the wonderful creativity of Park Animals.”

The group did not give any specific date for the release of the music, nor the names of the songs that will be translated. But the gossip site headsNtales reported last week that the group has talked to a number of Feline and Avian translators and had signed a contract with RODOlphin Translation, the firm that works closely with the University of West Terrier.

headsNtales also reported that the Barkettes intended to donate a percentage of the proceeds from the sales of the translated works to a charity. The gossip site did not name the charity.

OTD in 2016—No-biting rule suspended for police at Saturday’s Return of the Nut: gossip site

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DEVELOPING STORY

The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has agreed to suspend the longstanding no-biting rule for Park Police who are on duty at Sunday’s Return of the Nut ceremonies, according to the gossip site headsNtales.

In a post dated this afternoon, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo says a source told her the decision was made in consultation with the Archons and the Park Police Force.

The source cited “the recent outbreak of violence at the celebration of the birth of The Park’s first leader, in combination with a generally volatile environment” as the reasons for the change in the longstanding policy that forbids police officers from biting alleged offenders.

According to the site, it was the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) that requested the change in policy which, it says, will be in effect from ten in the morning on Sunday, February 21 until two in the morning on Monday, February 22.

No comment has been made thus far by the DWBS or by the FCSW regarding the matter. A Mammalian Daily request for more  information from the Office of the Archons remained unanswered at the time of this article’s publication.

OTD in 2015—Gossip site: Thisbe had relationship with Mammalian Daily Balls columnist

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The Park’s “most-watched”  gossip web site headsNtales is reporting that, some years ago, Thisbe had a relationship with Bailey, The Mammalian Daily’s longtime Balls columnist.

According to the report, the founder and lead singer of The Park’s most successful and beloved musical group had a “short but productive relationship with Bailey, who was the Mammalian Daily Balls Columnist for over a decade. Sources say they remained friends long after.”

Although the site does not define the word, “productive,” and does not elaborate on “long after,” many are speculating that Thisbe might have raised a family secretly with Bailey.

headsNtales co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo says she contacted the group’s manager, Hilde Blaft, for confirmation, but has not heard back. Despite that, Guacamayo says she feels confident in going to press because the site has more than one “reliable source” for the information.

OTD in 2017—Thank you, thank you, thank you, and goodnight: Barkettes at work on memoir

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halcyondaysThisbe and the Barkettes are at work on a memoir, according to the gossip web site headsNtales.

In a post dated today, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo writes that she spoke to a musician “very close to Thisbe” who told her the singers are collaborating on a book that takes a “three hundred and sixty degree view” of their career.

Though Guacamayo did not name her source, many in the music business believe it to be a member of the Poodle duo Belles and Whistles, whom the Barkettes mentored secretly for years.

According to Guacamayo’s source, the project has been in the works for a while, but it didn’t begin as a book.

“The original idea was a television series, but with all their projects, the singers didn’t think they could commit to a filming schedule. They decided to switch to writing a book, because it didn’t require them to be in the same place or to keep a fixed schedule,” Guacamayo writes on the site.

If headsNtales is correct, perhaps we can look forward to reliving some of those halcyon days with the Barkettes.

OTD in 2014—Finance Officer Milton Struts accepted food from Human: rumour

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headsNtales

Gossip site says Struts accepted food from a Human last month

Beleaguered Park Finance Officer Milton Struts is in the news again, this time for what may be a major indiscretion on his part.

The Park’s “most-watched” gossip site headsNtales is reporting that the creator of the controversial 2015 budget accepted food from a Human less than a month ago.

According to the site, Struts was strolling through The Park when he encountered a pair of adult Humans carrying a picnic basket. The site alleges that Struts “willingly” accepted an offer of food from the basket.

“This did not appear to be a case of coercion,” headsNtales co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo said in an interview on CLucK Radio this morning.

“From what we can tell, Struts was free to decline, but he chose not to.”

While Guacamayo claims the gossip site is in possession of photographs that prove the story, no hard evidence has appeared on the site since the original story was posted on Saturday.

If, in fact, it can be proven that Struts accepted the food, he could be found in violation of Section III.iv.vii of The Park’s Employee Conduct Act, which stipulates that no Animal currently employed by any branch of The Park’s government “shall request or accept from any Animal any form of remuneration, including currency, food, shelter, entertainment or other, inside or outside The Park.”

OTD in 2015—Noreen in talks with TMD to curate new section of newspaper: gossip site

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headsNtalesAccording to the gossip site headsNtales, Noreen is presently in negotiations with The Mammalian Daily to expand her rôle with the paper beyond that of dispensing advice.

In a post dated yesterday, the site claims that the advice columnist, best-selling author, and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier has pitched the idea of creating and curating a new section of the newspaper called, “The Righteous Among the Humans.” The new section would shine a light on Humans who have done good works for Animals.

“Let’s face it; it would be a natural fit for Noreen,” says headsNtales co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo.

“Given that she’s spent her whole life studying Humans, both informally and formally… and add to that her newspaper and academic credentials…who better to do this sort of work than Noreen? I think it’s a brilliant idea and only Noreen could have thought it up!” she says.

Although no formal announcement has been made by the newspaper, Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas has been known as a champion of Noreen ever since she brought her to the paper over fifteen years ago.

“Haas encouraged Noreen from the get-go and she’s blossomed into a very powerful force in The Park. I can’t imagine her denying Noreen’s request. This new rôle will be good for her [Noreen] and for all of us,” Guacamayo says.

OTD in 2015—Barkettes announce collaboration with Noreen on new song called “Yield!”

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YIELD

The Barkettes’ will base their new song “Yield!” on Noreen’s 2015 UWT commencement address

BREAKING NEWS
Less than a week before the final Park performance of their “Bring Your Own Bone” tour, Thisbe and the Barkettes have thrown us a bone of our own: the announcement that they plan to collaborate with Noreen on a song based on her 2015 University of West Terrier commencement address.

In a press release issued this morning, The Park’s most beloved singing group confirmed that they have entered into an agreement with the Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct professor of Human Studies for the creation and production of a new song called, “Yield!”

“Every bit of Noreen’s speech was so moving and showed so much wisdom,” the group writes in the release, “but the part called ‘Yield’ touched us like no other. It echoes what we–individually and as a group–have believed in and stood for all these years. It cried out for recognition and we felt we could not refuse it.”

The press release did not offer any time frame for the creation or production of the song but, according to the gossip site headsNtales, the group has booked a recording studio in The Park for the last two weeks of November.

OTD in 2016—Millicent Hayberry “seriously considering” POPS bid : rumour

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MillicentHayberry BREAKING NEWS

Renowned actress Millicent Hayberry is “seriously considering” running for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), according to the gossip site headsNtales.

In a post dated today, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo said Hayberry is still “conferring with those in her inner circles, both personal and professional, and likely will announce her decision in October.”

Best known for her portrayal of the late author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, the beloved actress currently can be found onstage at the Burrow Theatre starring in Godwit: A Mystery.

If Hayberry does decide to take a run for the office, it will not be the first time that a Chipmunk has made the attempt. In 2012, Lorenzo Michele Chipmunk thew his hat in the ring and although he did not win, many credited him and Zachariah Skunk, who ran in 2011, with broadening the field and making the list of candidates more representative of The Park’s population.

Hayberry still has a lot of time to make her final decision. Park Animals have until November 5, 2016 to put their names forward as candidates for POPS.

OTD in 2014—Barkettes planning reunion: gossip site

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headsNtales

Gossip site headsNtales claims the Barkettes plan to reunite

Gossip site headsNtales says it is standing by a story it posted on Thursday night, claiming that a Barkettes reunion is in the works.

The site’s co-founder, Hortencia Guacamayo, confirmed that she has two sources with connections to Estelle, one of the Barkettes, who have guaranteed the veracity of the story.

“Without that, we wouldn’t have gone ahead with it,” Guacamayo said in a telephone interview this morning. “What would be the point?”

The Barkettes, along with Thisbe, their lead singer and the founder of the legendary group, have not performed together since 2007 (25 AZ). The previous year, the group embarked on its farewell tour but the tour was cut short due to Thisbe’s ill health. She has since kept a low profile, appearing only once with the Barkettes, on the occasion of the debut of “I Love a Man in a Collar,” Rauf Wiedersehen Shepherd’s documentary about the group that opened the 2012 Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

R.F. Aarrf, President of the Canine Music Association (CMA), said he wasn’t surprised to read of a possible reunion, but he would need more details to take it seriously.

“In the last five years, there have been at least ten stories claiming that a reunion or a new tour was being planned. When I see a date, or when Thisbe confirms, or when they start to sell tickets, then I’ll know it’s really happening,” he said.

OTD in 2015—Gossip site: “We have official special invitee list from Park Museum opening.”

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headsNtalesThe gossip site headsNtales claims to have in its possession the names of all the Animals who were specially invited to Saturday’s opening of The Park Museum.

In a post dated today, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo says that headsNtales will be publishing the full list on the site later this week.

“It’s our right to know which Animals the Board of Governors felt were special enough to invite to their exclusive opening,” Guacamayo says. “Their slogan says that it’s our museum, but on Saturday it was a little bit more their museum than ours.”

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