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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2014—Noreen confirms upcoming appearance at book fair for Humans

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Official Noreen

Noreen will appear at a book fair aimed at the Human market

BREAKING NEWS

It’s official: Noreen will be appearing this Autumn at a book fair aimed at the Human market.

After weeks of rumour and speculation, Noreen has confirmed that she will be participating in a book-signing event at the Toronto International Book Fair.

In a press statement released this morning, the long-time Mammalian Daily advice columnist and Adjunct Professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier acknowledged the controversy surrounding her decision.

“This decision was not taken lightly, but after much thought and reflection. It is my considered opinion that sharing my views with other species, which in this case means the species that is the subject of my book, can only lead to better understanding,” she said.

Noreen, who will be one of many hundreds of exhibitors at the fair, will be promoting and signing her first book, entitled “Lovely to Look At: Twenty Things You Should Know About Humans.”

The book will be released early this Summer by The Park’s Marcellin de la Griffe Publishers, S.A. and is expected to be a strong contender for the non-fiction prize at June’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards.

The Toronto International Book Fair will take place November 13-16, 2014.

OTD in 2016—Tickets for Hayberry mystery series gala opening on sale today: Burrow Theatre

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Ticket for Gala

Tickets for the gala opening of the new Gianfranco Colocolo mystery series will go on sale this afternoon at one o’clock at the box office of The Burrow Theatre.

The series of mystery dramas by the award-winning author of Murder at the Fishbowl will begin on April 8 with Godwit. The names of the next two plays in the series have yet to be announced.  All three will be directed by Jean-Luc Briard and star renowned actress Millicent Hayberry in the rôle of the “chirpy” detective.

The series has been in the works for several years, according to an interview given by Colocolo in Misterio magazine.

“This is my first foray into stage drama, but I’ve been thinking about doing it for some time,” he said.

He also admitted that he wrote the detective rôle with Millicent Hayberry in mind.

“I hoped that presenting her with a fait accompli would help get her on board with the project and I like to think that it did.”

For her part, Hayberry, who is best known for her portrayal of the late author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, has said that she embraced the rôle because it was out of her comfort zone and she thought it was time to retire her Mixed Nuts image.

“It’s a problem with a huge success like that,” Colocolo said in the magazine interview. “You become identified with one character and the audience refuses to accept you as any other. The same thing happened to me with Fishbowl. I think both Millicent and I have come together at the right time.”

After its gala opening, Godwit will run until the first week of May.

OTD in 2015—DWBS to Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnickers: Watch out for Frozen Nose Syndrome

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Frozen Nose Syndrome (FNS) affects one on four Animals, says the DWBS

The Department of Well-Being and Safety has issued a warning to those attending this year’s Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic: watch out for Frozen Nose Syndrome (FNS).

“This year’s extended Winter season, coupled with the extreme cold, has led to a marked increase in the number of FNS cases,” said a DWBS communiqué issued this morning.

The communiqué advised attendees to be on the lookout for these symptoms:

  1. Pain or loss of feeling in the nose area
  2. Inability to breathe through the nose
  3. Hyperventilation
  4. Frozen gums and toothache (due to extended mouth-breathing)
  5. Loss of consciousness

The communiqué advised Animals experiencing any of these symptoms to leave the picnic and to find a warm place to stay or, in extreme cases, to head to the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.

But Picnic organizers don’t believe that hospitalization will prove necessary. They say they’re confident they have enough medical and emergency staff on hand to handle any FNS crisis.

“Every year presents its challenges,” said the event’s chief organizer Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear at a press conference yesterday.

“Last year, it was soggy bottoms. This year, it’s frozen noses. But, rest assured, we are looking out for all picnickers, attendees and poets alike. We have trained medical and emergency staff on hand as well as warming stations and hot food and drink. No Animal suffering from FNS, or even from cold for that matter, will go untreated,” he said.

Polar Bear, who  is currently serving the final year of his three-year term, said he was confident that attendance levels would not be affected by this year’s extreme weather.

“We have talented poets in our lineup and such a wonderful, loyal audience. My guess is they’ll all come prepared for a cold but great picnic,” he said.

OTD in 2015—SuperGoof! comic plans June launch

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SuperGoof graphic

SuperGoof! comic book will launch in June during The Park’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month

It’s not a drone. It’s not a puppet. It’s not even a toy.

It’s SuperGoof!, a new comic series that’s set to launch this coming June and which may prove to be the most powerful weapon in The Park’s anti-enforced domestication arsenal.

Conceived and produced by Anastazja Koci, an alumna of the Hani Gajah School of Art, the project was supported in part by the Founding Families Financial Corporation, in association with the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS).

“We are always on the lookout for new ways to warn Animals about the dangers of enforced domestication,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo.

“When Anastazja brought this to us, we hopped on board right away.”

The series chronicles the lives of two Domestic Animals: one Feline and one Canine, also known as the “SuperGoofs.”

The first book shows them in their formative years, learning “the tricks of the trade,” as the Canine puts it.

“In the first book, the Animals have no names,” Koci explains. “When they are addressed, it’s with terms of endearment…’Sweetie,’ ‘Precious,” that sort of thing. They have no identity outside of their rôles as pets.”

One of the most important lessons that comes from the first book is that Domestic Animals are not free to be themselves.

“It was a difficult choice to make, but I thought it was important to illustrate that the life of a Domestic Animal is not the true life of an Animal. I want to show Park Animals what it’s like not to be allowed to find your own food, to express your own personality, to make your own friends,” Koci says.

While she says the food issue was the most important to her, the title of the series says far more about the project as a whole.

“I’ve often been asked, ‘Why SuperGoofs?’ It’s hard to explain if you’ve never been in a Human household,” says Koci, who spent two years as a pet before moving to The Park.

“Humans like to be entertained by Animals. They like to be made to laugh. If an Animal wants to be fed, have a warm bed and be protected from the elements, she’d better make herself entertaining and snuggly. And research has shown that being ‘goofy’ and pretending to be not so bright can go a long way with Humans.”

The DWBS’s Kakapo says he thinks the project’s launch this year is a particularly timely one.

“After such a hard Winter, Animals might be thinking that it’s easier to succumb to domestication and a life with Humans. I think SuperGoofs! will go a long way toward convincing them otherwise,” he says.

The Park’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month runs from 1-30 June.

OTD in 2013—Archons lambasted over commissioning “official” Park song

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The 2013 Archons are feeling the heat from Park citizens just days after announcing that they commissioned the composition of an “official” Park song.

Their intention was to have a song created “that would evoke feelings of pride and loyalty in Park Animals…something stirring that would excite all of us and make us feel appreciative of living in The Park.” That was the explanation given by the Archons’ press secretary Balthasar Alouatta when he met with media representatives on March 5 to announce the commission. The song will be played or sung at all official Park functions, he said, as well as at artistic and sporting events.

While the Archons may have believed the song would please Park Animals, the opposite appears to be the case. In a sendup of the announcement, the popular Park newspaper, The Equine Echo, ran a headline yesterday mocking the idea. Presenting it as if it were an advertisement in the “personals” category of their classified section, Echo editors wrote this headline: “2013 Archons seek song singing Park’s praises for use at celebrations.”

On a more serious note, a number of academics as well as Park political commentators have weighed in since the announcement of the song, and all are of the same opinion: it’s a bad idea and it should be scrapped.

In a radio interview yesterday, beloved Mammalian Daily advice columnist and University of West Terrier faculty member Noreen expressed what many others have been thinking: “There is something almost Human about this business of celebrating ourselves and our accomplishments,” she said. “I think we’ve imbibed this sort of Rah Rah attitude from the Humans around us. And I don’t think it’s a good idea at all.”

Beatrice Zilonis, distinguished  UWT professor of history, echoed Noreen’s sentiments.

“Historically, we haven’t dealt with things in this way. Park Animals are not boastful and I find it rather disconcerting to see the Archons attempting to manufacture pride, especially if their intent is to use that pride as way of keeping The Park together. It strikes me as quite a desperate move on their part,” she said.

OTD in 2014—Weather Office to Polar Bear Poetry Picnickers: prepare for a soggy bottom

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Varied weatherThe Park Weather Office has issued a warning to those who plan to attend this year’s Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic: prepare for a soggy bottom.

“This year’s extended Winter season, coupled with record amounts of precipitation and a delayed thaw, have conspired to leave The Park a mushy mess,” the PWO said in a press statement released this morning.

“Every year presents its challenges,” said the event’s chief organizer Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear, at a press conference today.

“Last year, with all the protests in The Park, we thought we’d have to protect ourselves. This year, it looks like it’s the poetry we’ll have to protect — from the elements,” he laughed.

Polar Bear, who  is currently serving his second year of a three-year term, said he was confident that attendance levels would not be affected by the weather.

“We have a group of wonderful poets lined up and a wonderful audience. My guess is they won’t give the weather a second thought,” he said.

OTD in 2013—Park Museum puts out call for personal items, memorabilia

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The Park Museum, set to open later this year (barring any unforeseen delays), has put out a call for “personal items of historical interest” that Animals may be in possession of, including items they have purchased for their collections or have inherited from their families.

Sukuta Rhinoceros, one of the founders of The Park Museum and a member of its Board of Governors, made the appeal this week in a number of interviews on radio stations as well as in advertisements in most of The Park’s newspapers.

“What we are looking for are items that date back not just to the founding of zoocracy, but before that. Many Park Animals and their families were living here well before the establishment of Animal self-rule and, undoubtedly, they have items, including photographs, artists’ renderings, and printed materials, that would be of interest to the Museum,” he said.

Other artefacts, including tools and works of art, may also be of interest to the Museum.

The items will be included in an exhibit on Park life and will serve as the major part of the Museum’s collection. Donors who wish to contribute their artefacts to the exhibit maintain ownership of the items, but will be required to surrender them to the Museum on a permanent loan basis, Rhinoceros said.

Those who wish to pursue the matter further or who wish to have their items evaluated by the Museum’s curator may book an appointment at: curator@parkmuseum.info.

OTD in 2010—Association pulls Cynics’ song from airwaves

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The Association of Park Radio Stations (APRS) has pulled one of the Cynics’ most controversial songs from the airwaves of its member stations.

The APRS, whose members include CLucK Radio, Marine Mammal Radio, Reptile Radio, Radio Drone, bRraydio 4, and Chitter, issued a memorandum early this morning, ordering the stations to cease play of The Cynics’ song, “Mothers don’t let your puppies grow up to serve Humans.”

The song, which was originally recorded as “Bitches, don’t let your puppies grow up to serve Humans,” formed part of the group’s debut collection, Eat Your Food. First released in 24 AZ, the collection was re-released in digital form in January of this year. Since then, it has set sales records in The Park, beating out Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed, by the popular group, Thisbe and the Barkettes. The song has been controversial for years, but has garnered significantly more interest in the last few months.

At a press conference held following an ad hoc meeting at the offices of the Canine Music Association, CMA president, R.F. Aarrf, expressed dismay at the APRS decision.

“This [directive] is censorship, plain and simple,” he said. “And there is no room or reason for this kind of censorship in The Park.”

Aarf went on to challenge the APRS to a public debate on the song, in particular, and on censorship, in general.

“We want to receive a clear statement of what our radio stations believe to be sounds that are acceptable for the delicate ears of Park citizens,” he said.

In a terse reply, the APRS stated that songs it deems to “incite hatred or violence among Animals” will continue to be monitored and/or pulled from the airwaves of member stations.

“Our mandate is to bring to the attention of Park citizens music and lyrics that are born of Park talent. This mandate does not extend to censorhip, per se, but it does include a responsibility to all Park Animals to protect them from music that incites hatred and/or violence or that could, in some way, threaten our peaceful co-existence in The Park. Despite protests from some quarters, we have no intention of shirking this responsibility,” the statement read.

The Cynics, meanwhile, have remained mum about the controversy. But, in a note on their web site, posted 23 January, the group acknowledges that it has lent its support in the past to an unnamed anti-Human group in The Park. The musical group claims to have decided, however, to “leave politics to the politicians” and to expend “100% of its energy” on music.

OTD in 2015—Tab Tricolore: “Working on this art installation has saved me.”

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Tab Tricolore

Chef Tab Tricolore

It’s rare for Tab Tricolore to talk publicly about his feelings, but that’s just what happened yesterday.

During an interview with Yannis Tavros on Toro Talk Radio, the celebrity chef and award-winning author let down his guard for just a moment and talked openly about his life since his return to The Park in December.

“There were some very difficult days,” he said, about halfway through the interview.

Tricolore, whose PurrBoy Café opened on March 1 at The Park Museum, said he wasn’t ready to divulge any more details until he has talked to the police. But he did say that one of the bright spots in his life is the work that he’s been engaged in with other artists on an art installation.

The piece, entitled, “La Langue au Repos,” is due to open at the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) this Spring.

“Working on this art installation has saved me,” Tricolore said, as he praised his fellow artists for their open-mindedness in welcoming him into the fold.

“I’ve told them they’re more than welcome to cook at any of my restaurants anytime,” he said. “Under supervision, of course.”

La Langue au Repos will open at the Park Museum of Contemporary Art in April.

OTD in 0216—Balls columnist lends private collection to Park Museum’s new Flyball exhibition

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Bailey Balls Columnist

Bailey: balls columnist and co-curator of Park Museum exhibition

The Mammalian Daily’s balls columnist has lent his private collection of balls to The Park Museum’s latest exhibition.

In a statement released today, the Board of Governors of The Park Museum and curator Dorika Pumi thanked Bailey for his “trust and generosity” in making the temporary donation and said the museum had benefitted immensely from his “vast knowledge of balls.”

Entitled, “Flyball and the Importance of Balls in the Everyday Life of Park Animals,” the exhibition is the museum’s first sports-related event. According to the pre-opening information, it will not only highlight the sport of flyball, but will also serve as “a tribute to the enduring relationship between Animals and balls.”

Last July, Bailey announced that he was taking a leave of absence from his column at the newspaper to co-curate the exhibition along with the museum’s head curator Dorika Pumi. His private collection of balls includes over twenty different types, most of which he or his ancestors have used in play. Some, which were bought at auction, date from pre-zoocratic times.

The opening date for the exhibition has not yet been announced, but a spokesAnimal for the museum says public viewing will follow a gala opening, “in the early Spring.”

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