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OTD in 2015—KwikLiks: The Park’s first “flash groomer” opens its doors

April 21, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

KwikLiks

Park’s first flash groomer: KwikLiks

The Park’s newest grooming house has opened in a flash and that’s not just a metaphor.

As its name suggests, KwikLiks offers quick grooming or, as its proprietress Maitea Behi says, “Flash grooming for the fast set.”

At the grand opening yesterday, Behi beamed as she offered treats to the steady stream of new customers.

“In our business, we like to say, ‘A treat is worth a thousand licks,'” she joked, as she directed Animals of every species toward the house’s bank of groomers.

With five full-time and eight part-time groomers, Behi says she can service over five hundred Animals an hour.

“A few licks should do it for most Animals. Larger Animals, of course, will take a bit more time. And for important occasions, we’re happy to take those extra few seconds to make you look your absolute best.”

While Behi’s establishment is the first of its kind in The Park, she says that flash grooming has taken off elsewhere.

“We scoped out a few venues outside The Park and even considered opening there,” she said. “But my heart belongs here. My loyalty is to The Park.”

KwikLiks’s opening at this time of year is no coincidence, either. While Behi hopes to cash in on The Park’s upcoming social season, she understands that this year the established houses may win out.

“I’m going to need to gain the trust of Animals in a flash,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: flash grooming, grooming houses, social season

OTD in 2016—Sierpinski Squirrel appointed head judge of 2016 Toe-Hair Contest

April 20, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

SierpinskiSierpinski Squirrel will serve as head judge of the 2016 Toe-Hair Contest.

At a press event held this morning at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, Aintza Kanariar of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, made the formal announcement:

“We are thrilled to announce that the very competent Sierpinski Squirrel has agreed to serve as head judge of the 2016 Toe-Hair Contest,” she said.

“As perhaps The Park’s premier financial advisor, Sierpinski Squirrel has proven himself to be a great judge in his own field and an outstanding team leader in all respects,” Kanariar said.

In making the announcement, the longtime Director of Public Relations for the body that chooses the judges emphasized the importance of the position of head judge:

“The position is an important one because, should there be a tie, the head judge, who is an Animal with greater expertise than the other judges, has the ability to choose the winner. It is a position of responsibility that calls for a great deal of knowledge and personal integrity,” she said.

The Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners has found himself in demand recently. Last December, he was asked, on very short notice, to join the Archon Transition Team, replacing Blandine Okapi who had resigned due to what she called  “philosophical differences.” Sierpinski Squirrel stepped up and by all accounts did an admirable job, according to Sylvana Rana, president of Save Our Political System (SOPS).

“He made the job his own, which is quite an accomplishment for an Animal who has never been formally involved in politics.”

At the press announcement yesterday, Kanariar also announced the other four members of the judging panel: Antonio Marcelo, Clementina Araña, Quinta Caribou, and S. Irving Gecko.

The Toe-Hair Contest, which is in its 21st year, is set to commence at 10:00 a.m. Park time on May 1.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: contest judge, politics, toe hairs, Toe-hair contest

OTD in 2017—Back by popular demand: PMoCA’s “ARCHONOGRAPHY” returns Sunday with special guest Ingolf Ewald

April 15, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

pmoca-1The Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) made a surprise announcement this morning: its ARCHONOGRAPHY installation, which broke all attendance records during its initial two-month run, will reopen this weekend. And, it will host a special guest: renowned artist Ingolf Ewald.

Ewald, who is known for his painting, “Plumpen Rolletariat,” last visited The Park in August of 2015, when he opened the PMoCA’s “Art of the Domestic Feline” exhibition.

The ARCHONOGRAPHY installation, which the museum describes as “ultra-live,” is a tribute to the thirty-fifth anniversary of zoocracy. It honours those who’ve served in The Park’s government over the past thirty-five years by having Park artists paint portraits of Archons chosen by museum-goers. All twelve hundred portraits completed thus far hang in the museum and they will do so until the end of the year.

This second iteration of the installation will differ slightly, according to head curator Aamuun Maroodiga’s announcement today. The artists will be on-site only eight hours a day instead of the previous twelve, and the installation will run from Sunday, April 16 until May 1, after which the museum will close to make preparations for its next major exhibition. Ingolf Ewald will be painting portraits of Archons from April 15 until April 21.


The Park Museum of Contemporary Art’s “ARCHONOGRAPHY” will reopen on Sunday, April 15 and run until May 1, 2017. Admission to the event is free. 

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Archonography, art installation, Ingolf Ewald, Park Museum of Contemporary Art, portraits

OTD in 2012—OTD in Feral Four release lyrics to controversial new song

April 13, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The popular Park musical group, The Feral Four, has released the lyrics to its controversial new song several months ahead of the original schedule.

Giuseppe, Giancarlo, and the Cross-Eyed Guy, had already become a hot topic on social media, as Animals posted harsh criticisms of it on Gewper and GooseBook even before they knew all the song’s lyrics.

One Gewper member, who goes by the name of “Due Claus” called it “an affront to Feline sensibilities,” while another accused the group of “sycophantic tendencies that should be treated before they become accepted in The Park.”

The group’s manager, however, shrugs off the criticism.

“It all comes with the territory. Animals are sensitive about their relationships with Humans…and rightly so. But the song is definitely not sycophantic with regard to Humans. It is meant to depict life in the Feral Feline community outside The Park and I think it does that quite well.”

A big part or the controversy over the song stems from the fact that the group has fashioned the lyrics to the rhythm of a song that was written by a Human.

“This is the first time that Park musicians have done such a thing…it’s bound to cause a stir,” says Angus Katydid, head of the Association of Park Radio Stations (APRS).

While most members of The Park’s musical community have chosen not to comment on the song, The Cynics sent this message to the group, through their manager, Damien Skyle:

“You know it’s authentic when it causes an uproar. Go the distance and don’t back down!”

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

OTD in 2017—Leave it to Felines: How the idea of Animal self-rule took hold in The Park

April 10, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

3d-cover-fierce-urgency-of-miaowTHE FIERCE URGENCY OF MIAOW
Jor and the Feline Roots of Zoocracy
by Pieter N. Paard
372 pp. Marcellin de la Griffe Publishers Ftoo 20

Early in his life, George Livingstone Barnaby Cuthbert—known to us all as Jor—went for a short walk outside his home in the arms of the Human who’d adopted him. As they strolled toward a local parkette, they came upon an old woman who asked them to stop. She pointed to his four white paws, which she called gloves, and tapped him on the head with her index finger.

“Someday,” she said, “you’ll be a very big man in the park.”

Virtually all Park Animals have grown up on that story, so it seems surprising to find it told again in the first few pages of Pieter Paard’s new book, The Fierce Urgency of Miaow: Jor and the Feline Roots of Zoocracy.

But Paard’s retelling of the story is very much in keeping with his book’s title and its premise: that Jor’s felinity was central to his vision of Animal self-rule—and to his ability to have that vision.

“Feline culture, as it were, had developed beyond that of any other species in The Park, to the point where Jor was allowed access to ways of thinking that led him to consider the possibility of establishing Animal self-rule. His challenge was to convince those of other species that such a system of government was achievable; his own kind had been contemplating it for years,” Paard writes in the book’s opening pages.

In this way, Paard breathes new life into the “Doctrine of Feline Exceptionalism,” a set of beliefs about the superiority of Felines that is thought to have originated in the decades before zoocracy. At that time, the Felines of The Park—particularly the “Big Cats”—held sway. Hated by all but their own species, they nevertheless used their great intellectual prowess and sophisticated governing skills to bring about a transformation of The Park (then known simply as “the park”) that culminated years later in zoocracy.

The fact that these big Cats were not satisfied with ruling over the other species but sought to share power with them is what gives credence to the Doctrine.

“It is hard to imagine any other species that would have gone to such lengths to divest itself of its political power in order to allow those they considered lesser to achieve some form of equality,” says Paard, himself a proud Equine.

That it ultimately fell to a small Tabby—and a formerly domestic one at that—to fulfil the Big Cats’ dream is further proof for Paard that Felines are intellectually and morally exceptional beings.

“Jor’s leadership qualities and the rôle his sister Zoë played in his political achievements have been the subject of much study of late. But I believe it was his own instincts and his intuitive understanding of other Animals that helped him to establish zoocracy. Jor’s ability to speak to other Animals at an equal level and his mild manner were just two of the qualities that I believe helped him win over his political opponents. To those Animals in The Park who desperately wanted to believe in a government of shared power, Jor presented a trustworthy ally,” Paard writes.

Much has been written about Jor during this year of zoocracy’s thirty-fifth anniversary and many have questioned his motives. But even if, as Yoshita Tigru writes in her book, George Livingstone Barnaby Cuthbert: The Tabby King, he did contemplate establishing a monarchy and installing himself as king, respect for his fellow Animals ultimately won out.

“Jor’s legacy is and always will be that he established zoocracy in a Park that most others believed was ungovernable,” Paard writes.

If Paard commits any error in this book, it may be that he emphasizes Jor’s achievements and downplays his sacrifices. But we must never forget that Jor left a good life in a comfortable domestic situation to work toward making life better for all Animals. In that one act, he became a model of the highest moral stature and a hero to all.

Filed Under: Book Reviews, Breaking News, Education, Media, On This Day, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: book review, Jor, pieter paard, the fierce urgency of miaow, zoocracy

OTD in 2017—What’s the buzz? Mumblebee to perform at today’s Stereotype Sunday

April 9, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

MumblebeeMumblebee will perform at today’s Stereotype Sunday, it was announced this morning.

In a short press release, the popular artist’s representatives confirmed that she will join Belles and Whistles and rappers The Tweeters for two sets during this week’s event.

Mumblebee, who performs a combination of spoken word and lyrical music, does not call herself a “singer.” Rather, she refers to herself as an “artist who performs in different musical styles at the same time.” Her distinct sound has been compared to the Human “vocal fry,” though her fans dislike the comparison, apparently for good reason.

“What Mumblebee does is very different and far more challenging than anything any Human has ever done,” says Telma Abelha, music critic at the Serangga Star Adviser.

“Quite frankly, to perform in the style of Mumblebee requires vocalization that Humans are not physically capable of. And it’s by no means easy.” Abelha says.

Mumblebee arrived on The Park’s music scene last year and with her breakout recording of “Rumor,” captured the imagination and the hearts of music fans. Translated into the languages of one hundred and forty-two different species, the work has broken records, but because of the artist’s refusal to define herself as a singer, those sales statistics do not appear on The Park’s lists of top selling songs.

Mumblebee will perform today at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre at two o’clock and again at four-thirty.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: buzz, Mumblebee, music, musical styles, rumor, singer, songs, vocal fry

OTD in 2013—Museum of Contemporary Art to unveil first art installation

April 5, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) is set to unveil its newest exhibit this weekend. The live art installation is entitled, How Much Was That Doggie in the Window?

The Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) is set to unveil its newest exhibit to the public this weekend and it promises to be one of the most talked-about artistic events in Park history.

At a gala opening tomorrow evening, patrons finally will be able to view the Museum’s — and The Park’s — first art installation. But that’s not all: the installation, which is entitled, How Much Was That Doggie in the Window? is a live art installation.

“It’s been a long slog for all of us, but we’re finally ready. All systems are go and we couldn’t be more excited,” says Aulikki Norsu, president of PMoCA’s board of directors.

The live exhibition, which depicts the sorry life of the domestic Canine, was curated by Dorika Pumi, whose previous work for the Museum includes the K-NONical Kismet exhibit and the controversial but well-received series of sketches entitled, Better To Be Lost Than Loved.

But this new exhibit is not just another one-dimensional criticism of Canine domesticity, Pumi insists.

“This is a living, breathing, depiction of one of the least-discussed but most horrifying aspects of domestic Canine life,” she says.

According to Pumi, thousands of Canines are bought every year (“purchased” is the word that Pumi uses) on the open market outside The Park, then housed in apartment complexes that are sometimes hundreds of feet in height, and left there to languish while their Human companions — the ones who profess to love them — stay away for hours on end.

“These Dogs have no idea whether those Humans will ever return,” says Pumi. “They don’t know what’s going to happen to them. They can’t get out of there on their own and every day they wonder whether they will die there, distraught and alone.”

To get her message across, Pumi enlisted the services of those who know whereof she speaks: The Park’s Canine refugees.

“These are the Dogs who have received assistance from Runaway Rovers, the immigrant aid group that helps formerly domestic Canines establish a better life in The Park,” she says.

Four different groups of these formerly domestic Dogs will work in the exhibit. Their shifts will be four hours long and two different groups will work on the installation each day. They will need a break after four hours, Pumi says, because they will have spent the entirety of that time howling while hanging out of the window of a wall that was specially constructed for the exhibit.

“It’s a tough job, but there was no shortage of Dogs who were willing to take it on when they heard about the project,” says Pumi. “They’ve lived the life and we’ve given them the chance to show us what it’s like.”

How Much Was That Doggie in the Window?  will be installed at the Park Museum of Contemporary Art until November, 2013.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

OTD in 2016—Mammalian Daily becomes first Park newspaper to ban Human jokes

April 4, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

BanDEVELOPING STORY

“A guy walks into a bar on two feet…”

So begins the most popular twenty-minute set at The Howler, The Park’s only comedy club.

The joke was written and is performed weekly by Dalmanik, who is widely considered to be the king of The Park’s “new comedy.” But as of today, Dalmanik will not be able to make that joke on the pages of The Mammalian Daily.

That’s because so-called “Human jokes” have now been officially banned by the newspaper.

In an “urgent memo” sent to all employees of The Mammalian Daily on Friday, managing editor Orphea Haas declared that poking fun at Humans, “our fellow Mammals,” is not appropriate in a modern Park.

“While it would be foolish of me to suggest that we in The Park have no issues with Humans, it would be equally foolish to suggest that making fun of them, denigrating and disparaging them, either in comedy, poetry, prose, or news coverage, is appropriate,” the memo says.

As a result, Haas has banned all of the above from The Mammalian Daily’s news pages, web site, radio, podcasts, and all other enterprises connected to Mammalian Daily Associated News Services.

This is the first time any kind of ban on joking or comedy has occurred in any Park media, according to Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP).

“I don’t believe we’ve seen anything like it since the establishment of zoocracy,” he said in a radio interview this morning. “I thought zoocracy valued a free and open press. I think Haas is moving in a very dangerous direction by closing the paper rather than opening it up. What with refusing to name her journalists and this, she is taking a few steps backward and that is very disturbing.”

Not all media experts agree with Akita, though. Ludwiga Saimiri, UWT Professor of Journalism and former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ), issued a statement this morning in which she said she thought this was a positive move on Haas’s part.

“I support Orphea Haas in her determination to keep the news free of frivolous commentary and damaging and reprehensible jokes. Interspecial values demand that we attempt to understand and accommodate those who are different from ourselves. We have a duty to treat every Animal with respect,” the statement said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Media, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: ban, comedy, criticism, interspecial values, media

OTD in 2014—Noreen confirms upcoming appearance at book fair for Humans

March 27, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Official Noreen

Noreen will appear at a book fair aimed at the Human market

BREAKING NEWS

It’s official: Noreen will be appearing this Autumn at a book fair aimed at the Human market.

After weeks of rumour and speculation, Noreen has confirmed that she will be participating in a book-signing event at the Toronto International Book Fair.

In a press statement released this morning, the long-time Mammalian Daily advice columnist and Adjunct Professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier acknowledged the controversy surrounding her decision.

“This decision was not taken lightly, but after much thought and reflection. It is my considered opinion that sharing my views with other species, which in this case means the species that is the subject of my book, can only lead to better understanding,” she said.

Noreen, who will be one of many hundreds of exhibitors at the fair, will be promoting and signing her first book, entitled “Lovely to Look At: Twenty Things You Should Know About Humans.”

The book will be released early this Summer by The Park’s Marcellin de la Griffe Publishers, S.A. and is expected to be a strong contender for the non-fiction prize at June’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards.

The Toronto International Book Fair will take place November 13-16, 2014.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

OTD in 2016—Tickets for Hayberry mystery series gala opening on sale today: Burrow Theatre

March 23, 2026 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Ticket for Gala

Tickets for the gala opening of the new Gianfranco Colocolo mystery series will go on sale this afternoon at one o’clock at the box office of The Burrow Theatre.

The series of mystery dramas by the award-winning author of Murder at the Fishbowl will begin on April 8 with Godwit. The names of the next two plays in the series have yet to be announced.  All three will be directed by Jean-Luc Briard and star renowned actress Millicent Hayberry in the rôle of the “chirpy” detective.

The series has been in the works for several years, according to an interview given by Colocolo in Misterio magazine.

“This is my first foray into stage drama, but I’ve been thinking about doing it for some time,” he said.

He also admitted that he wrote the detective rôle with Millicent Hayberry in mind.

“I hoped that presenting her with a fait accompli would help get her on board with the project and I like to think that it did.”

For her part, Hayberry, who is best known for her portrayal of the late author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, has said that she embraced the rôle because it was out of her comfort zone and she thought it was time to retire her Mixed Nuts image.

“It’s a problem with a huge success like that,” Colocolo said in the magazine interview. “You become identified with one character and the audience refuses to accept you as any other. The same thing happened to me with Fishbowl. I think both Millicent and I have come together at the right time.”

After its gala opening, Godwit will run until the first week of May.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Burrow Theatre, drama, Godwit, Millicent Hayberry, mystery, stage play

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