The Mammalian Daily

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OTD in 2016—Harvest Festival organizers issue edict: no woes allowed

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Harvest FestivalIt’s official. The organizers of Tuesday’s Harvest Festival have issued an edict barring the advancement of any political or other agenda at this year’s event. And, in doing so, they claim to have the full backing of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

The edict is in keeping with last year’s decision not to allow The Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP) and the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) to host information booths at the Autumn celebration.

In a statement released late yesterday afternoon, the organizers said the festival “forbids any Animal or organization of Animals to “establish a presence at the Festival for the purpose of disseminating information unrelated to the Festival and/or of advancing a political or social agenda.”

The statement concludes by saying that the Harvest Festival is meant to be a “happy” event, a “celebration of our work and of our bounty,” and that all Animals are entitled to feel “joy and safety there, no matter what their beliefs are.”

OTD in 2016—Officer charged with injuring Doe of Peace at PIFF after-after party

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Police Officer charged

FCSW officer Paulus Koer

A Park Police officer has been charged with two counts of biting after a member of The Park’s peacekeeping force was injured during an outbreak of violence at last night’s PIFF after-after party.

Witnesses say that Doe of Peace Rozmonda Ricke, was “just doing her job,” separating the crowd at The PurrBoy Café, when a member of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) approached her from behind and pulled her tail.

According to Ricke, who has been a member of the Does since the group was founded in 2014, there was “no time” to look around to see what was happening.

“I was focused on my job, which was to de-escalate the violence that suddenly had erupted at the café,” she said in a sworn statement early this morning.

When she did not respond to the tail-pulling, Paulus Koer, the FCSW officer, allegedly bit her on the back in an attempt to stop her from walking through the crowd. According to his statement, the second bite was necessary because the alleged victim “paid no attention to my first warning.”

The FCSW officer will appear in court today, where a date for trial will be set.

FCSW president Gareth Shepherd is expected to hold a press conference later this afternoon.

Police trainees find more lucrative positions outside Park: report

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police_dogA report released today says that a significant number of Park Police trainees and graduates are opting to accept full-time positions outside The Park.

The report, which was commissioned by the Archons and conducted by the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), found that at least eighteen percent of those who graduated within the past five years have availed themselves of employment opportunities in Human police forces outside The Park.

“We are bleeding our brightest and our best,” Kakapo said at a press conference outside Park police headquarters this morning.

Faced with these figures, Kakapo said The Park has no choice but to address the problems that are facing the force. He cited one statistic he called “particularly alarming,” and that is that at least one quarter of the eighteen percent who left  listed their top three reasons for the move as better pay, more respect from the public, and less interference from their superiors.

Kakapo said he plans to sit down this weekend with Gareth Shepherd, head of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) to discuss what can be done to keep trainees and graduates in The Park.

“This is a crisis situation and we plan to address it as such,” Kakapo said.

OTD in 2015—BREAKING: Raimundo Zorro found guilty of two of three charges; sentence to be announced next week

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Raimundo Zorro

Raimundo Zorro: guilty of inciting hate

BREAKING NEWS
After a three-week trial, Raimundo Zorro has been found guilty of two of three charges stemming from his ownership and management of the SplotchWatch web site.

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court rendered his decision at nine o’clock this morning before a packed courtroom. Prior to announcing the verdict, however, the Justice spoke at length about the privileges and responsibilities of zoocracy and about the kind of Park that our founder, Jor, envisioned.

“The types of activities that Raimundo Zorro engaged in are the very antithesis of what Jor imagined for Park citizens. The Park was founded on the principle of interspecial harmony and we accepted as our duty not only the upholding of this principle but the flourishing of it, as well.

Raimundo Zorro attempted to destroy The Park by undermining this very foundation. He pulled a thread that, for a short time, set the unravelling of our social fabric in motion. But while we have succeeded in stopping him, we must remain vigilant. All manner of threats against zoocracy and interspecial harmony exist. Many of these come from outside, but it is those that thrive right here inside The Park that we should be most concerned about. We must use all our resources to guard against their proliferation,” he said.

In the end, the Justice found Zorro guilty on the two charges of inciting hate, but he said he found no evidence for the third charge of inciting discord.

“Zorro did his best to plant the seeds of hatred by exposing the survival techniques of Animals who were vulnerable to certain prejudices that exist in The Park. But I don’t believe that, as yet, he had gone as far as attempting to provoke discord or violence. Whether that would have happened had he not been stopped is a moot point,” his written judgment says.

Outside the courtroom, Zorro stood silent beside his lawyer, Pernilla Varghund, who refused to answer questions regarding an appeal.

A sentencing hearing is scheduled for next week.

OTD in 2016—Button maker received order for Millicent Hayberry candidacy: rumour

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It’s been over a month since Park citizens heard the rumour that Millicent Hayberry was considering a bid for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

Though she has kept mum on the subject, a source close to one of The Park’s most prominent button makers has told The Mammalian Daily that  the company received an order to produce buttons for her campaign.

The source, who wishes to remain anonymous, said the order came in two weeks ago from a “campaign leader.” The order is said to be for three different versions of a button, one of the prototypes of which appears on this page.

Hayberry, who is wrapping up her performance at the Burrow Theatre in “Godwit,” the first of three mystery plays by Gianfranco Colocolo, is expected to make some form of announcement before the end of the month. Candidates have until November 5 to enter the race.

Sources tell The Mammalian Daily that were Hayberry to run, she would have the support of Hieronymous Hedgehog, along with a number of other prominent hibernators. Her candidacy may lean heavily on the idea of “breaking the species barrier,” since all successful candidates for POPS have been Groundhogs. Nevertheless, since the 2011 and 2012 candidacies of Zachariah Skunk and Lorenzo Michele Chipmunk, there has been a call for broadening the field in this election and making the list of candidates more representative of The Park’s population.

OTD in 2016—The Endeka Elephant Band plays on without its beloved bassist

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Tembo bass

Zuberi Tembo’s bass stood in front of the band last night at the Beats of Burden Music Festival

The ten remaining members of The Endeka Elephant Band took to the stage last night for the first time since the death this past July of their beloved bassist, Zuberi Tembo.

In an emotional mid-set tribute during the first night of the Beats of Burden Music Festival, each member of the band placed a rose at the foot of Tembo’s bass, which stood at the front of the stage for the entirety of their set.

It was a fitting acknowledgement of the Elephant they described as “a gentle soul who loved music and valued freedom.”

“Even though we miss him terribly, we know that Zuberi’s spirit is with us now and will live on forever in the music he made, in the work he did, and in his tireless fight for freedom,” band member Árvakur Fíl said.

The band followed that with a sweet and tearful rendition of “Recollections” and ended their set with “Seismic Connections.” They returned for only one encore: Tembo’s rousing, “Food For All.”

The Endeka Elephant Band returns tonight to play one last set at the festival.

The Beats of Burden Music Festival continues until midnight 18 September 2016.

OTD in 2015—Alert: Harmonious Hannah missing after tumultuous Sunday in The Park

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Harmonious Hannah: last seen at yesterday's Stereotype Sunday

Harmonious Hannah: last seen at yesterday’s Stereotype Sunday

NEWS ALERT

Harmonious Hannah has gone missing.

The five and a half foot tall stuffed Animal—one half of the “harmonious pair” introduced in July by the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS)—was last seen yesterday during The Park’s weekly Stereotype Sunday, according to a DWBS alert.

The alert, which was issued at six o’clock this morning, said Hannah was last seen at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre at approximately five o’clock in the afternoon.

“It has been reported by one witness that the last time Hannah was seen was at approximately five o’clock. She was sitting with three young Elephants and a newborn Giraffe,” Cornelius Kakapo, DWBS Director of Public Relations said on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

Hannah and her working partner, Harmonious Humphrey, were introduced to Stereotype Sundays in July as part of a DWBS initiative to promote interspecial harmony among The Park’s youth.

Yesterday’s Stereotype Sunday was a particularly tumultuous one, with a raucous crowd and a dazzle of Zebras protesting against SCENTient Beings singer Faramund Stinktier.

“It was so busy, we hardly knew where to look to keep the peace,” said Doves of Peace spokesBird Georgina Golub.

Police say they have no leads as yet but they are appealing to all Park residents to keep their eyes open for Hannah.

“Any Animal who has knowledge of her whereabouts should contact Park Police or the Department of Well-Being and Safety immediately,” said Park Police officer Gareth Shepherd.

The DWBS describes Hannah as “six and a half feet tall, with a black back and a white stomach and chest, deep set eyes, black ears, a black nose, pink footpads and toepads, and a perpetual smile on her face.”

OTD in 2013—Music fest under fire for selling products to Humans

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Beats of BurdenwareThe organizers of the first annual Beats of Burden music festival have come under fire for creating and selling products that are specifically geared to Human consumers.

At a rally held this afternoon outside the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, members of groups that aid The Park’s refugees, as well as Park artists and shopkeepers, marched around the theatre, chanting their disapproval of what they call the festival organizers’ “outrageously offensive” decision.

“This is an incredible betrayal,” said Dorika Pumi, who curated The Park’s first art installation at The Park Museum of Contemporary Art. Entitled, “How Much Was That Doggie in the Window?” the installation has been described as “a living, breathing, depiction” of the horror of enforced domestication of Canines by Humans.

“I can tell you honestly that this is the last thing that we, as an organization, believed would ever happen,” said Vizsla Hoover of Runaway Rovers. Hoover’s group, which was involved in the art installation, assists Canines who have escaped enforced domestication.

“After years of working with refugees who have suffered tremendously at the hands of Humans, I am shocked that they [the festival organizers] saw fit to pander to them just for the sake of money,” she said.

Hoover is one of many in The Park’s immigrant and refugee aid community who is calling for the organizers to cease creating products for and selling those products to Humans.

“I looked at the catalogue and the number of products geared to Humans was almost equal to those for Animals,” Hoover said. “It is appalling.”

For their part, the music festival’s organizers say only that they believe many of the products offered for sale can be used by “any species.”

“We have offered a variety of products for sale in support of The Park’s refugee community. We have tried to be inclusive of all species and we believe we have been successful, in that many of these products have universal appeal. We do not, however, believe it is our job to determine which products should be geared to which species. That would undermine our intent, which is to service the Park community across its entire spectrum,” a festival statement said.

OTD in 2014—The Does of Peace: typo in job ad nets Park Police new peacekeeping group

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Does of Peace

Does of Peace will join the Doves this Autumn: Police

First it was the missing letter in “Beasts” that turned the annual charity music festival into the “Beats of Burden.”

Now a typo in the recruitment announcement sent out by the Doves of Peace has gifted the Doves and Park Police with a “welcome addition”: a brand new group of peacekeepers called the Does of Peace.

At a press event this morning, representatives of the Police and the Doves announced the formation of this new group.

“This is another case of serendipity,” said Doves spokesBird Georgina Golub.

“The Does of Peace, whom we hired during our recruitment weekend, are a most welcome addition to our peacekeeping force.”

No one doubts they are welcome now, but that wasn’t quite the case during the last weekend of August.

When Park Police’s wholly autonomous peacekeeping group put out a call for prospective hirees to join the Doves of Peace, the announcement read, instead, “Does of Peace.”

But it seemed that no one noticed, save for the female Deer who swarmed the Ancient Open-Air Theatre in search of employment.

“They arrived with some of the most impressive résumés we’ve ever seen, and a great deal of experience in peacekeeping, both in the outside world and in The Park,” Golub said.

At a loss for what to do, Golub arranged for interviewers to talk to the Does and explain the mix-up.

“But what I noticed, as we turned them away…they weren’t angry. They seemed understanding. Disappointed, but understanding. And, I thought, ‘why am I turning away some of the best peacekeepers I’ve ever met?'”

So, after extensive consultation with Park Police and the Department of Well-Being and Safety, the decision was made to form an adjunct group to help keep peace in The Park.

In addition to their regular duties, Golub says, the Does will take over from the Doves during migration season.

“It works perfectly with our schedule and now that we’ve done it, I don’t know why we didn’t think of it before.”

And, fittingly, the Does of Peace will make their first professional appearance this coming weekend, at the Beats of Burden Music Festival.

OTD in 2016—Park citizens not as politically savvy as in previous decades: UWT study

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CLueless

A new study out of the University of West Terrier’s Barnaby School of Government concludes that Park citizens are not as politically savvy as they were in previous decades.

Entitled, “Clueless,” the study, which will be published in the October issue of the Park Journal of Politics and Government (PJPG), found that a large number of Park citizens have virtually no knowledge of our system of government or its origins.

“Without being unnecessarily harsh, I think this shows what many of us have felt: that too many of our citizens—of all generations—have been lulled into a false sense of security and do not feel the need to engage politically,” says Delia Quagga, the author of the study and the School’s head.

According to Quagga’s research, that sense of security is particularly strong among those who were born into zoocracy at a time of relative peace among the species.

“They’ve always lived under peaceful Animal self-rule. They seem to believe that the battle has been fought and won forever. And that makes them extremely vulnerable,” Quagga contends.

The study also found that many Park citizens feel free to engage in stereotyping, primarily because they don’t remember a time when such behaviour posed a danger to peace.

“All of this underscores the need for us to communicate more effectively about history and politics,” Quagga says. “We mustn’t allow a situation in which Park citizens take anything for granted.”

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