The Mammalian Daily

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OTD in 2015—Zorro sentence: One month in jail, five years of repayment to community

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Raimundo Zorro

Raimundo Zorro received his sentence today

BREAKING NEWS

Seated beside his lawyer Pernilla Varghund, Raimundo Zorro showed no emotion this afternoon as he awaited the arrival of Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon. And although he respectfully stood when the Superior Court justice finally entered the courtroom, he said only one word during the entire thirty-minute process.

Before announcing his sentencing decision, the justice asked Zorro, whom he found guilty in late August of inciting hate by hosting the SplotchWatch web site, whether he had had any change of heart since he was charged last April.

Zorro stood again and whispered, “Yes,” but did not elaborate any further.

In his preamble to the sentencing, Justice Dindon reiterated his horror at what Zorro had done and the potential it had to undo the many years of work that had led to zoocracy.

“You are not sufficiently young to be ignorant of the consequences of what you were doing,” the justice said.

“Nor are you sufficiently old to have done it with a view to undermining our system of government or the peace and prosperity that we cherish in The Park. I am forced, therefore, to conclude that you, sir, acted with malicious intent only toward a group of Animals that, as far as I can tell, has never done you any harm.”

For this reason, the justice said, he deliberated for a long time, seeking to find a sentence that would encourage Zorro to reconsider his views as well as allow him to “redeem himself” in the eyes of the community that he harmed.

The full sentence handed down by Mr. Justice Dindon is as follows:

  • one month of incarceration beginning today (September 11, 2015)
  • a full five years of volunteership on a rotating basis: one month at a time at each of The Park’s charities, with double the amount of time spent at charities that promote the equality of striped and spotted Animals
  • five years of supervision by court-appointed staff

In addition, Zorro is prohibited from hosting any web sites of any nature and pertaining to any subject for the next three years.

When the justice had concluded, Zorro said nothing and was removed from the courtroom by staff and led to the Park jail, where he will spend the first month of his sentence.

OTD in 2013—The Promise of The Park: should we still believe?

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The Promise of The ParkEDITORIAL
Over 31 years ago, the Animals who were resident in The Park took to the water, to the streets, and to the skies to celebrate the unlikeliest of events: the return of a piece of land to those who had inhabited it from its earliest days.

Though that victory was hard-won, we remain proud that it was not hard-fought. It was Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy, who declared that self-government should be achieved without violence.

“It is by the strength of our numbers and not of our teeth and claws that we will win back what is rightfully ours,” he proclaimed.

And so he led thousands of Animals out of the darkness of danger and subjugation into the light of peace and autonomy. Incorporating his long-held beliefs and newly-acquired understanding, he established a code of laws that he hoped would enable all manner of species to prosper, to find happiness, and most importantly, to live together peacefully in The Park.

But, even more than that, Jor established The Park as a sanctuary. The Park, he declared, would be a place where all Animals would be welcome, no matter who they were or whence they came, whether they were threatened or abused or simply seeking a new home. It would be a place where all Animals would be entitled to equal treatment and opportunity. And a host of opportunities there would be, for all who arrived here and for their descendants. This lofty goal was enshrined in law and it came to be known as “The Promise of The Park.”

Time has removed some of the shimmer from that promise, as time is wont to do. There have been breaches; infractions have been brought to light, the economy has become stagnant. And questions have been raised about our ability to live up to Jor’s ideals.

Questions are good. Questions lead not only to answers, but to insights. And they enable us to see ourselves as others see us. We should never be afraid of questions. But do we need to question The Promise of The Park, itself?

We don’t think so.

While law, The Promise of The Park is still an ideal, a goal, an aspiration. It is a work in progress, something that requires both regular tuning to work properly and respond to environmental changes and daily vigilance to ensure its safety in a hostile and uncertain world.

When The Promise is threatened, whether from outside or from within, our belief in ourselves and in our abilities is threatened. But our belief in The Promise never should be. Nor should we succumb to these threats; instead, we should renew our commitment to the ideals that are the foundation of The Park’s laws.

The Promise of The Park is intangible, but real. And we believe.

OTD in 2015—BREAKING: Raimundo Zorro found guilty of two of three charges; sentence to be announced next week

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Raimundo Zorro

Raimundo Zorro: guilty of inciting hate

BREAKING NEWS
After a three-week trial, Raimundo Zorro has been found guilty of two of three charges stemming from his ownership and management of the SplotchWatch web site.

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court rendered his decision at nine o’clock this morning before a packed courtroom. Prior to announcing the verdict, however, the Justice spoke at length about the privileges and responsibilities of zoocracy and about the kind of Park that our founder, Jor, envisioned.

“The types of activities that Raimundo Zorro engaged in are the very antithesis of what Jor imagined for Park citizens. The Park was founded on the principle of interspecial harmony and we accepted as our duty not only the upholding of this principle but the flourishing of it, as well.

Raimundo Zorro attempted to destroy The Park by undermining this very foundation. He pulled a thread that, for a short time, set the unravelling of our social fabric in motion. But while we have succeeded in stopping him, we must remain vigilant. All manner of threats against zoocracy and interspecial harmony exist. Many of these come from outside, but it is those that thrive right here inside The Park that we should be most concerned about. We must use all our resources to guard against their proliferation,” he said.

In the end, the Justice found Zorro guilty on the two charges of inciting hate, but he said he found no evidence for the third charge of inciting discord.

“Zorro did his best to plant the seeds of hatred by exposing the survival techniques of Animals who were vulnerable to certain prejudices that exist in The Park. But I don’t believe that, as yet, he had gone as far as attempting to provoke discord or violence. Whether that would have happened had he not been stopped is a moot point,” his written judgment says.

Outside the courtroom, Zorro stood silent beside his lawyer, Pernilla Varghund, who refused to answer questions regarding an appeal.

A sentencing hearing is scheduled for next week.

OTD in 2015—Pro-election group urges Park Animals to take next step in zoocratic evolution

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Ballot BoxThe time to make the transition from sortition to elections is upon us, says the head of The Park’s foremost pro-election group.

At a rally held last night, Antoine Lézard, president of the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP), urged Park Animals to join him in bringing about what he called the “next natural step” in the evolution of zoocracy.

“The time has come. The time is now. The era of choosing our government by lottery is over,” Lézard told the crowd of approximately five thousand at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

Flanked by renowned director Douglas Cheetah and former Archon Transition Team member Blandine Okapi, both relative newcomers to the cause, Lézard presented a list of economic, social, political, and emotional arguments for the establishment of free elections.

“All mature societies choose their governments by votes cast in free elections. After more than thirty years, can we not call ourselves mature and take the next natural step in the evolution of zoocracy?” he asked, as he concluded his speech.

Although Lézard’s words were met with great enthusiasm by the crowd, a recent survey conducted by the Department of Political Administration found that while almost fifty per cent of Park citizens think some form of change in the political system would be helpful, only a small minority —approximately thirteen per cent—believe that the establishment of free elections is the answer.

Despite this apparent resistance, Lézard maintains there is “something in the air.”

“I feel it, I hear it, I sense its unmistakeable odour. Park Animals want change, whether they will admit to it or not. Our governing structure is in a state of torpor and it has lost its ability to respond to its citizenry,” he says.

OTD in 2016—UWT group to Rotte: Learn how to do social experiments or leave them to us

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UWT COAT

As Gunnar Rotte ended his sojourn at The Park Jail on Friday, a group of University of West Terrier professors was joining forces to lecture The Rodent Commoner journalist on the ethics of conducting his so-called social experiment.

Rotte, who was arrested for disturbing the peace and jailed for inciting violence at The Park’s Stereotype Sunday on August 14, was freed on bail on Friday. He claims that he attended the event dressed as a Skunk as part of a “social experiment” to determine which Animal’s life was easier: that of a Rat or that of a Skunk.

The reporter, who began a second career last November as a counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic, rose to fame in December 2014, when he published an editorial contending that his own species suffered more but received far less sympathy than striped and spotted Animals. Since then, he has made it part of his mission to enlighten Park citizenry about the lives of Rats and other Rodents.

But the UWT group, which includes Chief of Research at the UWT Medical College Simone Gibbon, psychologist Hume. T. Goat, Milada J. Goose, head of the Honking Hollow Laboratory, and Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy, among others, thinks Rotte should go back to school first and learn how to conduct an experiment properly. Or, better yet, leave the social experiments to them.

In a statement released this morning, the group praises Rotte for his passion, but calls on him to leave the academic studies to those who know how to conduct them.

“While we understand your passion and your position, we implore you to think twice before embarking on something that could benefit few, but hurt many,” the statement concludes.

Rotte has not commented on the group’s statement as of yet.

OTD in 2014—Data from Long Gone Registry reveal cracks in Park’s refugee aid system

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Refugee leaving

Data suggest that Park refugees are not receiving effective aid

Statistics compiled for The Park’s Long Gone Registry reveal that close to a fifth of the refugees who seek a better life in The Park leave within five years of their arrival.

The Registry, which was established to provide accurate population and participation records, began to collect data in the Spring of 2013 from The Park’s educational institutions, the Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, private physicians, and refugee aid organizations.

Much of the data collected relate to the movement (both in and out of The Park) of refugee Animals and, according to those who work in The Park’s immigrant aid groups, the data indicate a number of troubling trends.

“To begin with, these numbers show a lack of integration in the refugee aid system,” says Angus Deerhound, media relations representative for Runaway Rovers.

“We only know about their arrival if they seek help from one of our aid groups and it’s obvious that we aren’t keeping track of those we do manage to help. If they don’t show up again [at our offices]…unless we’ve found them housing…we don’t know if they’re still with us or have left. That’s not help. It’s temporary relief,” he said.

Talia Katsikas, founder and director of the Working Wounded Performing Arts Company agrees.

“To be honest, this is not news. We’ve known about this forever. And part of the problem lies in the full freedom that we grant all Animals who enter The Park. Most of us would find it offensive if we required Animals to report their comings and goings. So, we have to find a better way to encourage that voluntarily. And, so far, we haven’t put much thought into it,” she says.

The Long Gone Registry falls under the jurisdiction of the Department of Statistics and Records. At the time of this article’s publication, no response to The Mammalian Daily’s request for comment has been received from the department.

OTD in 2015—Park Museum, ISML end feud over ownership of beloved tome

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Park Museum

The Park Museum will host a permanent display of The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat

The Park Museum and the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life (ISML) have ended their long battle over the establishment of a permanent home for one of The Park’s most iconic literary works.

The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat has been housed in a protected display in the lobby of the ISML since it was recovered in 2013 by workers excavating at the site of what is now The Park Museum. It had previously been displayed at the front of the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, until a storm toppled the display and it went missing.

Because the excavators brought their precious find to the Institute for verification, the ISML decided to keep the beloved Park tome and to display it in the Institute’s lobby. Early last year, however, as The Park Museum neared completion, its Board of Governors initiated a series of meetings with the ISML aimed at convincing them that the museum was the only logical place to house the AutoZOËography on a permanent basis.

“Every one of the 6,975 pages of her book is a part of Park history and the citizens of The Park deserve to be able to visit the work in the building that was constructed to house our history,”  Sukuta Rhinoceros, one of the founders of the Museum and a member of its Board, said at the time.

The ISML held fast to its view that it had the sole right to display the work until last week, when the two institutions came to a “joint custody” agreement.

“We are happy to report that both The Park Museum and the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life have agreed to act as joint official custodians of The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat, one of the most important works in Park history,” said a press release issued today by both institutions.

The agreement, which will be signed next week, names The Park Museum as the book’s official home, but allows it to be moved to the ISML for one month every Winter for the purpose of display and study. Throughout the other eleven months, the ISML will display a facsimile in the space that it built for the book two years ago.

According to sources close to both institutions, the agreement was hammered out late Sunday night, with the assistance of the Park Historical Society and members of a number of faculties and departments at the University of West Terrier.

“All parties are pleased with this agreement and we plan to move forward with the logistics as soon as possible,” the press release says.

The Park Museum’s press release may be read here.

OTD in 2016—Millicent Hayberry “seriously considering” POPS bid : rumour

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MillicentHayberry BREAKING NEWS

Renowned actress Millicent Hayberry is “seriously considering” running for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), according to the gossip site headsNtales.

In a post dated today, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo said Hayberry is still “conferring with those in her inner circles, both personal and professional, and likely will announce her decision in October.”

Best known for her portrayal of the late author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, the beloved actress currently can be found onstage at the Burrow Theatre starring in Godwit: A Mystery.

If Hayberry does decide to take a run for the office, it will not be the first time that a Chipmunk has made the attempt. In 2012, Lorenzo Michele Chipmunk thew his hat in the ring and although he did not win, many credited him and Zachariah Skunk, who ran in 2011, with broadening the field and making the list of candidates more representative of The Park’s population.

Hayberry still has a lot of time to make her final decision. Park Animals have until November 5, 2016 to put their names forward as candidates for POPS.

OTD in 2013—Weather, education, and tourism find a place in 2014 budget

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Park Expense Projections 2014

Click on the pie chart above to see details of the 2014 budget

Park Finance Officer Milton Struts believed he had a sweet secret to share this morning when he strode up to the press conference podium to release his Office’s expense projections for 2014, otherwise known as The Park Budget.

Displaying confidence in the PFO’s “tough decisions,” and assuming the budget would be “widely approved,” the smiling Struts assured reporters and observers that “we listened intently to Park Animals’ concerns” and that the PFO took them all into consideration when formulating the budget.

“We have attempted to be sensitive to issues that are important to Park citizens,” he said, before using his signature line to the media as the press conference concluded:

“We can’t bury our heads in the sand any longer.”

But, at the after-conference, many reporters and financial analysts had questions that seemed to surprise Struts.

Why, for instance, had both healthcare and security budgets been reduced, many asked, while groundskeeping and water had received a boost in funding? And, while no one seemed surprised that arts and sports funding as well as funding for special events had been reduced drastically (virtually halved since the 2012 budget was presented), many were genuinely puzzled by the bare bones budget set out for public education.

“I am shocked and disappointed,” said 2012 Archon Boniface Cuckoo.

“We (the 2012 Archons) wanted to make public education our legacy and we had the plan in place to do it, including building new educational venues and standardizing the curriculum. That can’t be done on 5%,” he said.

Predictably, the “mere 3%” allocated to tourism, as Struts called it, drew fierce criticism as an unnecessary and unwarranted expenditure and few seemed to believe Struts’s claim that weather would be better financed in the coming year.

“I think what they did was take a little from here, a little from there, and then put a different label on it. They thought they could placate us by giving weather its own place in the budget, but I don’t believe they’ve truly allocated any extra funding for it. We will have to see as things unfold,” said Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP).

“Unless he has some real answers for us, Mr. Struts might find his sweet secret has turned a little sour,” she said.

Related articles:

OTD in 2016—Park Museum’s EDAM Gala sells out

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GALA TICKET final

If you were thinking of buying a ticket to tonight’s gala celebration of Holstein Fashion’s EDAM Collection, The Park Museum has some bad news for you: the event has sold out.

The Board of Governors made the announcement on the museum’s web site yesterday. But if you still have your heart set on attending, you have one last chance to obtain a ticket: according to the web announcement, any returned tickets will be sold at the museum’s entrance at 6:00 p.m. The event begins at 8:00 p.m.

Read the full announcement here.

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