The Department of Well-Being and Safety has issued a warning to those attending this year’s Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic: watch out for Frozen Nose Syndrome (FNS).
Last year, it was soggy bottoms. This year, it’s frozen noses. There are always challenges.—Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear, chief organizer, Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic
“This year’s extended Winter season, coupled with the extreme cold, has led to a marked increase in the number of FNS cases,” said a DWBS communiqué issued this morning.
The communiqué advised attendees to be on the lookout for these symptoms:
- Pain or loss of feeling in the nose area
- Inability to breathe through the nose
- Frozen gums and toothache (due to extended mouth-breathing)
- Loss of consciousness
The communiqué advised Animals experiencing any of these symptoms to leave the picnic and to find a warm place to stay or, in extreme cases, to head to the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.
But Picnic organizers don’t believe that hospitalization will prove necessary. They say they’re confident they have enough medical and emergency staff on hand to handle any FNS crisis.
“Every year presents its challenges,” said the event’s chief organizer Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear at a press conference yesterday.
“Last year, it was soggy bottoms. This year, it’s frozen noses. But, rest assured, we are looking out for all picnickers, attendees and poets alike. We have trained medical and emergency staff on hand as well as warming stations and hot food and drink. No Animal suffering from FNS, or even from cold for that matter, will go untreated,” he said.
Polar Bear, who is currently serving the final year of his three-year term, said he was confident that attendance levels would not be affected by this year’s extreme weather.
“We have talented poets in our lineup and such a wonderful, loyal audience. My guess is they’ll all come prepared for a cold but great picnic,” he said.