MAMMALIAN DAILY EXCLUSIVE

There are two issues that Buckminster Moose holds dear to his heart: equality for all Animals and a good quality of life in The Park.

During an exclusive interview with The Mammalian Daily conducted over a two-day period, the 2014 Chief Archon spoke emotionally about his desire to see zoocracy in The Park fulfil its promise of equality and security for Animals. And as he spoke, it became apparent that he intends to use his influence to help make that promise a reality.

Enter the “Squawkability Score,” the newest tool in the Archons’ arsenal.

“I saw it in action when I was on holiday outside The Park and I was very impressed by it. When I got back and found out that I’d been chosen Chief Archon, I decided to bring it here. We have the opportunity to tackle these issues head-on now and I am ready to do it and this tool will be of immense value to us,” he said.

The tool essentially measures quality of life or, as the Moose says, “both happiness and unhappiness.” Animals will be asked to rate their quality of life, happiness, prosperity, fulfillment, emotional well-being, etc., on a scale of 0-9. The Department of Well-Being and Safety will use this data to assess the effectiveness of current policies and to develop and implement new policies.

“The tool uses the word ‘squawkability’ because we squawk when we’re happy and proud, but we also squawk when we complain. We want to know both the good and the bad. Anything you want to tell us, we’re happy to listen to,” said the Moose.

Part Two of The Mammalian Daily’s exclusive interview with 2014 Chief Archon Buckminster Moose will appear next week.

Click here to read Part One.

A new study out of the University of West Terrier reveals that some Park Animals still yearn to “lord it over their fellow citizens.”

A new study out of the University of West Terrier reveals that, despite more than thirty years of anticipatory zoocracy, some Park Animals still yearn to lord it over their fellow citizens.

The study, which was conducted jointly by UWT’s Departments of Political Science and Psychology, involved 35,000 Animals resident in The Park. Over a period of four years, researchers investigated the attitudes of different species toward zoocracy and other forms of Animal self-rule, as well as those Animals’ beliefs regarding the intelligence and abilities of other species. Researchers also logged attitudinal changes that took place as both the Animals in the study and The Park’s political system matured.

The findings will no doubt create controversy, say the study’s lead researchers, psychology professor Dr. Luule Aednik and Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds UWT’s Simian Chair in Political Philosophy.

“Co-operation isn’t necessarily inherent or part of the makeup of some classes of Animals or some species,” says Aednik. “Sometimes, it’s a matter of education to get them to that point and sometimes it takes more than just a gentle nudge.”

For his part, Marmoset expressed a degree of dismay at the findings, even though he says he was not entirely surprised.

“As I have said many times, zoocracy is a new phenomenon and a fragile one. There are bound to be those who are still uncomfortable with it. We must work to ensure that it survives and that it, ultimately, thrives,” he said.

The full results of the study will appear in the April issue of the prestigious Journal of Experimental and Reactive Psychology (JERP).

The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2014 government will be released tomorrow.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts early tomorrow morning, an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The Mammalian Daily will publish the list on its web site as soon as it is made public.

Park citizens have not been impressed by the effectiveness of the 2013 Archons

If  Park Animals’ farewell message to their outgoing government could be summed up in two words, those words might well be, “Good riddance.”

So say the results of a survey conducted last month by the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier.

The survey, which asked Park Animals thirty questions regarding the effectiveness of this year’s Archons, netted some surprising results, says Dr. Anneliese Cissa, the Livingstone School’s head.

“We asked a representative sample of Park citizens questions about the 2013 Archons’ policies and visions, and about their success in following through on the promises they made on Groundhog Day. Few of the respondents could name one policy the Archons had even enunciated, let alone brought to fruition,” she said.

The overwhelming feeling of the respondents was one of acute disappointment.

“Our respondents were quick to characterize the 2013 government as not only lacking in action, but in vision. And vision is the very thing we look to the Archons for,” she said.

The survey respondents were also forthright in their criticism of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros.

“It appears that Park Animals had higher expectations of her because she is a Rhinoceros. Unfortunately, her performance did not meet those expectations,” said Cissa.

Above is the new symbol of Les Amis de Hieronymous (The Friends of Hieronymous). The controversial group has reinvented itself as an activist organization. It plans to release its first manifesto next week.

The controversial group Les Amis de Hieronymous (The Friends of Hieronymous) has reinvented itself as a political action organization.

The group, which is also known as LAdeH, rose to fame last Spring when it championed the dignity of Hieronymous Hedgehog after Yannis Tavros insulted him on his radio show. Soon after that, six members of the group were arrested at the annual Return of the Nut ceremony. Those six subsequently charged one Park Police officer with misconduct, which resulted in the suspension of the named officer. The charge was later dismissed and the officer was reinstated, but not before his reputation had suffered severe damage. A countersuit against the group, launched by the officer, is set to go to trial early in the new year.

According to the organization’s leader, however, that sort of behaviour is all in the past.

“We had a few bad members, some who were not committed to our cause and some who had infiltrated our group unbeknownst to us. But we’ve cleaned house since then,” says Terkil Dyr, who took over the organization’s reins at the end of November.

“We are committed to peaceful change,” says Dyr, though he did not specify what type of change the LAdeH is interested in effecting.

“We plan to release our first manifesto next week and we invite all Park Animals to take a look at who we are, what we believe, and what action we want to take,” he says.

“We’re ready to act as a political force.”