Satirical fiction in newspaper form
A new survey conducted by The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety indicates that species extinction is one of Park Animals’ greatest fears.
The fear that their kind will be wiped out within the next few decades topped a list of anxieties that included, among other problems, Small Ball Fever, Human encroachment on The Park, flood, famine, and loss of distinctive markings.
The Mammalian Daily plans a full investigation of the findings in the coming weeks.
Jor, The Park’s first leader, strongly believed that education would bring security and prosperity to The Park. Take our quiz and find out what you know about Park educational institutions.
It’s quiz week at The Mammalian Daily! Try today’s quick quiz and find out how much you know about commercial life in The Park:
The Park Post Office has unveiled its new set of historical stamps. The stamps will go on sale on November 1 and will be available at the Post Office building as well as at selected retailers throughout The Park.
The Park’s governing Archons, in association with the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) have issued a statement urging calm this morning, as media organizations across The Park prepare for a mass demonstration against a Vegetable newspaper that has signalled its intent to set up shop here later this month.
According to Balthasar Alouatta, spokesAnimal for the Archons, the action was prompted by yesterday’s attack on the new publication by the editor of The Equine Echo. In a radio interview, Keating Capall declared that the new publication “comes from the dirt and does nothing but dig in the dirt and shake it all over our pristine media landscape.”
The Archons’ statement, which was published in all Park newspapers and read on radio and television stations, called for “calm and reasonableness” in the face of what the media organizations perceive as a threat.
“It is our intent to support the ethos of diversity in our Park and, to that end, we urge calm and reasonableness on the part of our media,” the statement read, in part.
The future of one of The Park’s oldest newspapers hangs in the balance, as executives at The Mollusk Messenger meet tomorrow morning to weigh the financial consequences of recent editorial decisions.
Sources close to owner and Chief Financial Officer, Evander Slak, say he blames editor-in-chief, Angelika Cowrie, for the decrease in the newspaper’s readership and its resultant impact on the bottom line.
“She was too hard…she wouldn’t bend at all when it came to responding to what our readers wanted,” said one ex-employee who spoke to The Mammalian Daily on condition of anonymity.
What the readers wanted, according to surveys conducted by the newspaper itself, was more commentary on the news and less “reporting at a distance,” the ex-employee says.
“It’s a fast-changing world and they were simply too slow,” agreed Braydon Raubtier, a journalist with the Dingo Boomerang.
Those who work with Cowrie, a graduate of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier, say she is a “traditionalist,” and one who believes that it is wrong to make the reporter part of the story. The Messenger is one of the few newspapers that does not publish personal columns or opinion pieces.
“That’s all well and good, but if your readers want your opinion, you’d better give it to them or they’ll go somewhere else to get what they want,” says Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP).
The Mollusk Messenger is not the only Park newspaper that is suffering financially, however. With readership down and advertising revenues imploding, it has been difficult for most Park newspapers to keep going without making drastic changes.
Save the date!
The organizers of the 5th annual Park ART Walk (PAW) remind you that this year’s event will take place on Saturday, August 13, 2011 between 10:00 am and 7:00 pm.
The Park ART Walk is a one-day, juried art exhibition that showcases the artistic expression of Park residents. PAW showings will take place at participating art galleries, retail establishments, and at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.
This year’s jury will include curators from the Ewe and Moo and Knochen Kunst Galleries.
Don’t forget!
Park ART Walk
Saturday, August 13, 2011
10am-7pm
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The Park ART Walk wishes to thank its sponsors:
The Nutbar
Footpad Heaven
LeTwiggery
Amoltrud’s Aesthetics
Top Secret documents leaked to The Mammalian Daily reveal that members of The Park’s Finance Office enlisted the aid of researchers at the University of West Terrier in an attempt to engineer a social experiment in The Park.
The documents, which the newspaper has had in its possession for two weeks, reveal that in the summer of 26 AZ (2008), high level functionaries in the Park Finance Office (PFO) approached researchers in the departments of chemistry and zoology at UWT to produce a serum that would inhibit hibernation and estivation.
The goal of the Finance Office’s plan, which was known internally as “Operation Wakey-Wakey,” was to stimulate the sagging Park economy by “chemically encouraging” the entire population to engage in commerce year-round.
The plan went awry when a number of groups representing hibernators began to suspect that they were being scapeGoated. In late Autumn 26 AZ (2008), the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) filed a formal complaint against the Finance Office for repeatedly referring to the economic slowdown as “hibernation-related.”
Fearing that publicity regarding the complaint would shed light on their plan, the PFO suspended Operation Wakey-Wakey early in the Winter of 27 AZ (2009). The documents suggest, however, that several versions of the serum were developed at UWT during the time the Operation was active, but it is unknown whether any serum was ever tested on live Animals.
Neither the University of West Terrier nor The Park’s Finance Office has released any statement regarding this matter.
Acknowledging the need for stability and continuity following this year’s calendar harmonization, Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon has granted a continuance of one full year to The Park’s current Archons.
In his ruling, which was handed down early this morning, the Superior Court Justice expressed the opinion that continuity would best be served by allowing those “who were the authors of such profound change in The Park to complete their mission before passing the torch to others.”
According to the Court statement, the ruling back-dates the Archons’ term to January 2011, thus allowing the 35 law makers six more months to aid Park residents in their transition to the new calendar.
A spokesanimal for the Archons said they were “pleased” with today’s ruling.
“This will allow [the Archons] to continue on their journey to modernize The Park and bring it up to speed in order to meet the challenges that the next years will bring,” the spokesanimal said.
The 2010 Archons’ ambitious agenda, of which calendar harmonization was the first component, includes immigration reform, support for Park businesses and, possibly, the introduction of taxation.
