• Home
  • About The Mammalian Daily
    • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
    • We can’t live on love alone!
    • A note about our style
    • Our Privacy Policy
  • Welcome to The Park
    • About The Park
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Park Life
    • Educational Institutions
      • University of West Terrier
      • Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life
      • Leonardo Language and Culture Institute
      • The Hani Gajah School of Art
      • Park School of Aesthetics
    • Shops and Retail
    • Restaurants and Pubs
    • Financial Institutions
      • Currency
    • Health & Well-Being
      • Hospitals and Clinics
      • Directory of Park Health Services
    • Grooming Houses
      • Amoltrud’s Aesthetics
      • En Garde Hair and Skin Salon
      • Halcyon Days Canine Coiffure
      • KwikLiks
      • Tallulah’s Toilettage
      • The Mane Event
      • The Pluming Room
    • Park Services
      • Architects and Construction Services
      • Employment Service
      • Entertainment and Party Services
      • Legal and Financial Services
      • Home Services
      • Image and Consulting Services
      • Park-Sponsored Programmes
      • Personal Services
      • Real Estate Services
      • Translation Services
      • Travel & Transportation Services
    • Charities
    • Citizen Aid & Action Associations
      • Associations, Federations, and Alliances
      • Political Reform Groups
      • Environmental Groups
      • Immigrant and Citizen Aid Groups
      • Education Groups
    • Sports
  • Arts in The Park
    • Art Galleries in The Park
    • Theatres and Cinemas
    • Music Makers
    • The Barkettes
      • History and Legacy of The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and the Barkettes Celebrate 10 Years of Sensational Signing Success
      • Olden Goldies: Noreen Interviews The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and The Barkettes: Hits and Recordings
    • The Library
    • Book Reviews
  • Media in The Park
    • Newspapers
    • Magazines
    • Radio Stations
    • Television Stations
    • Publishing Companies
    • Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
  • Get in touch with us
    • Contact Us
    • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
    • See Our Ads
      • A Different Reality
      • Canine Standup Comedy
      • Fake News
      • Financial Crisis
      • Liquid Assets
      • Monkey See
      • Solid Ground
      • Who We Are
      • Think Outside the Book

The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen
  • Breaking News
    • NewsBits
    • Whoa! Braking News
  • Politics/Law/Crime
    • Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Economy and Business
  • Education
  • Health and Medicine
  • Technology and Science
  • Media
    • Month Without Metaphor
  • The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture
    • Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)
    • PIFF Piffle
    • Thisbe and the Barkettes
  • Focus on
  • Park Life
    • Ask a Poodle
    • Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
    • Passings
    • Gossip and Rumour
  • Sports
    • Let’s Talk Balls!
  • Noreen
    • Dear Noreen Advice Columns
  • Interviews
    • Five Questions For…
    • Survivor Profiles
  • Archives
    • From the Vault
  • Wednesday Rewind

Park issues seasonal safety alert

December 14, 2011 By TMD Reporters

In its continuing effort to protect Park residents, the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has issued a seasonal advisory, warning Animals to beware of Humans who appear to be seeking “animal companionship.”

The advisory, which was issued on December 12, warns Park Animals against associating with Humans who display overly-friendly behaviour toward them or who take an “interest in their life circumstances that goes beyond normal friendship.”

“We are advising Park Animals to be on the lookout for suspicious behaviour on the part of Humans,” said DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo, in an interview yesterday.

“The sentimentality of the season,” said Kakapo, “makes Humans more likely to succumb to urges to take Animals home with them or to give them as gifts to other Humans.”

Kakapo emphasized that Park Animals should beware of Humans who try to entice them with food, or who make cooing noises at them or call them by names such as “cutie” and “sweetie.” Any Animal who does experience a problem with Humans is encouraged to report the incident immediately to one of the following DWBS hotlines:

Feral Cat Helpline: 1-899-33725228
Assaulted Animals Helpline: 1-899-27728583
Missing Animals Registry: 1-899-64774642
Missing Family Members Report: 1-899-32645966
Youthline (Kittens, Puppies, Cubs, etc.): 1-899-96884546

 

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook

Related

Share

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life

Accolades for The Mammalian Daily

The Mammalian Daily “Lightens The Morning Cup o’ Gloom,” says Margaret Atwood

Follow the story on Twitter!

My Tweets

Archives

Looking for something?

Mammalian Daily-Related Sites

  • The Park Census
  • The Park Museum
  • The University of West Terrier

The Mammalian Daily on Twitter

  • Gunnar Rotte
  • Hieronymous Hedgehog
  • Mammalian Daily
  • Media's Month Without Metaphor
  • Millicent Hayberry
  • Noreen
  • Park Groundhog Day Celebrations
  • Pieter Paard
  • PIFF Reports
  • Yannis Tavros

Where in the world can I buy Noreen’s Book?

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

Amazon.com

The Cardboard Café

Trojan Horse Press

Gunnar Rotte’s Tweets

My Tweets

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

TMD quick links

  • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
  • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
  • Shop Mammalian Daily!

Yannis Tavros on Twitter

My Tweets

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

See what others say about us

Millicent Hayberry Tweets!

My Tweets

Follow Noreen on Twitter!

My Tweets

Join Hieronymous on Twitter!

My Tweets

Contents Copyright © 2021 The Trojan Horse Press, Inc. · Powered by WordPress · Designed by NextPage