Park Police today initiated a house-to-house search for the “pawpetrator” of one of The Park’s most heinous crimes: the posting of specist signs on the northwest side of the fence. The signs, which bear the message, “No Dogs Allowed,” were discovered early yesterday morning by Winifred D. Raccoon, as she made her way along the fence, en route to her job as manager of the popular Park restaurant, The Compost Heap.
At a press conference held this morning, Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of The Park Police Force’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) confirmed rumours that the signs were “paw-painted” and fastened “unprofessionally” to the fence. The signs have been sent to the forensics laboratory for pawprint testing and for other tests that might help identify the origin of the paint and poster board. Results of that testing will be made available within a few days, he said.
In another shocking revelation, Chief Inspector Addax confirmed that a second set of signs had been discovered. These signs, which prominently display a Dog whose body has been marked with an “X,” were discovered on a series of posts a few feet from the original site. No lettering appears on these signs but, said C.I. Addax, “there is evidence that these signs were produced professionally, probably at one of a number of print shops that we know to exist outside The Park.”
Also fielding questions at the press conference was Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the newly-formed Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU). The unit, which is an independent division of the SHCU, has as its mandate the investigation into “all occurrences in which the suggestion of specist intent is present.”
Inspector Fossa implored the public to “remain calm and optimistic” in the face of this latest incident.
“We know that tensions are running high [in The Park] at the moment, but we encourage you to remain calm and optimistic that the pawpetrator of this crime will be apprehended and brought to justice in due course.”
In addition, she stressed that, “Nothing is to be gained by jumping to conclusions regarding the species or identity of the said pawpetrator.”
In his concluding remarks to the press, C.I. Addax announced that the SHCU had appointed Lamia Bonobo to act as official liaison between the police units and Park residents.
“We believe that the appointment of Mr. Bonobo will relieve some of the anxiety of the local populace and, at the same time, facilitate the free flow of information,” he said.
This article originally appeared in Issue #116 of The Mammalian Daily.