Satirical fiction in newspaper form
We continue our April celebration of Park poetry with the award-winning work of Marcus Mosquito:
Blood Brothers
And your blood becomes mine
And mind yours
in a ceremony
that our parents would have laughed at
played out in the sun
between friends.
We will recreate this time
each time my sword
pierces your skin
and we join together
in betrayal and love.
The popular Park musical group, The Feral Four, has released the lyrics to its controversial new song several months ahead of the original schedule.
Giuseppe, Giancarlo, and the Cross-Eyed Guy, had already become a hot topic on social media, as Animals posted harsh criticisms of it on Gewper and GooseBook even before they knew all the song’s lyrics.
One Gewper member, who goes by the name of “Due Claus” called it “an affront to Feline sensibilities,” while another accused the group of “sycophantic tendencies that should be treated before they become accepted in The Park.”
The group’s manager, however, shrugs off the criticism.
“It all comes with the territory. Animals are sensitive about their relationships with Humans…and rightly so. But the song is definitely not sycophantic with regard to Humans. It is meant to depict life in the Feral Feline community outside The Park and I think it does that quite well.”
A big part or the controversy over the song stems from the fact that the group has fashioned the lyrics to the rhythm of a song that was written by a Human.
“This is the first time that Park musicians have done such a thing…it’s bound to cause a stir,” says Angus Katydid, head of the Association of Park Radio Stations (APRS).
While most members of The Park’s musical community have chosen not to comment on the song, The Cynics sent this message to the group, through their manager, Damien Skyle:
“You know it’s authentic when it causes an uproar. Go the distance and don’t back down!”
Giuseppe, Giancarlo, and the Cross-Eyed Guy
Lyrics by The Feral Four
Rhythm by Bob Dylan (Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts)
The mating season over, the Toms were all planning to move on,
The neighbourhood was quiet, except for some howling on the lawn,
The days were getting longer and the nights were warming up,
Anyone with any scents had already packed up.
He was sitting on the WELCOME mat,
looking like the Cross-Eyed Guy.
He moved across the covered porch,
“Pour some out for everyone,” he said.
Then everyone went back to doin’
what they’d been doin’ before he turned their heads.
Then he walked up to the Human and he asked her for a rub,
“Could you kindly tell me, misses, what the name is of this grub?”
Then he leaned into the dining bowl,
Face down like the Cross-Eyed Guy.
Out behind the barbecue, the other Cats were playing hide-and-seek,
Giuseppe had the upper hand, at least until some Tabbies got a peek,
Out front, the streets were fillin’ up and the windows were open wide,
A gentle breeze was blowin’, you could feel it from inside.
Giuseppe went to hide again and ran into the Cross-Eyed Guy.
Giancarlo, he was no one’s fool, he had the group’s only twisted ear,
He made his usual entrance, lookin’ oh-so-tough, yet oh-so-dear,
With his silver coat and his tabby tail and his piercing bright green eyes,
He got whatever he wanted, whatever was the prize,
But his silver coat and his tabby tail,
They were no match for the Cross-Eyed Guy.
Today’s poem is by Marcel-Marcelle T. Snail, Jr., who is best known in The Park as one of the founders of the Slow Art Movement (SAM).
SnailMale
HermaphroDart
Whose conquest is this, anyway?
Our species will survive,
no matter who claims victory.
Still, my male half-self takes aim
to overpower you,
to shower you,
with love darts
from the heart.
Today’s poetry selection is by Aubrey Ant, a seventh generation Park citizen.
If the Shoe Fits
In the distance
your fair voice calls me –
traversing walkways, skirting cracks,
you steer me home.
Then I see it:
so large,
yet carefully crafted.
Fuzzy velcro at its side.
Now it is dark.
He, the wearer, calls out to you,
but you cannot hear him.
His voice, teases,
singing
“Family man?”
As April continues, we proudly present more of the creative work of Park Animals. Today’s poem was written by Setsuko Macaque, a first generation Park citizen who was a proud member of the swim team in the 26 AZ (2008) Interspecial Summer Games.
Homage to Imo
Koshima Island
Sweet potatoes in the dirt
Imo, our teacher
April is “Poetry Month” in the Human world and that has inspired us to publish some of the most beautiful poems that Park Animals have written.
Today’s entry is by Pietro Parrot, an outspoken member of The Park’s Avian community. Pietro’s work has appeared in The Mammalian Daily (Issue #110), as well as in Poetance and other Park poetry journals.
Polly: Wanna Cracker?
and all thoughts
of heaven and earth
diminish
then converge
upon us
in our loneliness
and grief
at being struck
by mediocrity
Our newest literary magazine has issued a curious invitation to The Park’s creative community: please read us, but don’t try to write for us.
Grains of Truth, a journal that describes itself as “the embodiment of excellence” and “publisher of only the best in Animal writing” sent its first edition to store shelves less than a week ago. Along with it came an insert that warned writers not to attempt to have their work published in the journal.
The insert, which begins, “Dear Writers,” outlines the magazine’s policy vis-à-vis unsolicited submissions:
“While we maintain great respect for the work of The Park’s artistic community, we have neither the Animalpower nor the will to sift through piles of submissions in search of material to publish in our magazine. We appreciate your interest in our journal and hope that you enjoy reading the excellent fiction you find in it.”
The magazine’s editor, Dorine Ovella, declined The Mammalian Daily’s invitation to clarify the submission policy. Through a spokesAnimal, however, she issued this statement:
“We meant no offence to any writer when we issued our submission statement. We are a private journal and, as such, we reserve the right to publish work that is to our taste and, hopefully, to the taste of our readers.”
Take that, Science!
Veteran Park musicians, SpontaneousGeneration, have topped the charts with their latest recording, Inanimates Matter.
A spokesAnimal for Rotunda Records, the group’s label, confirmed that the new single, which was released as a digital download just two weeks ago, has surpassed the company’s expectations.
“Sales have quadrupled in the last few days and there are no signs of a slowdown,” the spokesAnimal told The Mammalian Daily.
While some of the group’s critics attribute the song’s success to the warmer weather, fans claim it is the group’s best release since Maggot May.
“It would be hard to top the songs on [the group’s 12-song collection] Vital Heat, but this comes pretty close,” said the president of the SpontaneousGeneration fan club.
With two days to go before Groundhog Day, Thisbe and the Barkettes are set to re-release one of their earliest hits.
A spokesanimal for Rotunda Records confirmed this morning that one of the Barkettes’ most popular and controversial songs, Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed, has been digitally re-mastered and will be available for download this afternoon.
The song, upon which Varden Spaniel’s film is based, was a runaway hit when it was first released over a decade ago. It proved controversial, however, when a few critics called it a “sellout hit” and accused the Barkettes of promoting the role of Animals as the pets of Humans.
“Lyrics such as ‘Stuffed Dogs don’t shed/or break your heart/Don’t snuggle in bed/or inspire art’ serve as a clarion call to Humans to adopt living Animals rather than stuffed replicas,” said a review in The Ruminant Free Press.
The Barkettes never directly addressed the controversy, even though it was well-known that at least three of the group’s members were living with Humans at the time they recorded the song.
Some of The Park’s political pundits believe there is a significance to the date of the song’s re-release. During yesterday’s special forum, hosted by Yannis Tavros of Toro Talk Radio, Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, expressed his view that “the composition of the 2012 government might lead to a more pro-Human stance in policy.” Grouse was referring to the fact that, of the 35 Archons selected by lottery this year, a larger number than usual belong to species that have a history of being companions to Humans. Grouse reiterated his statement this morning, adding that he thought the song’s re-release in anticipation of the Archons’ address on Groundhog Day might be an attempt to “soften the impact of their [the Archons’] planned policy direction.”
The Barkettes have made no official comment on the re-release of their song.
Related article: Barkettes documentary to open Park film festival
