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Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Soccer Ball

January 3, 2007 By TMD Balls Columnist Bailey

Today’s ball is the SOCCER ball.

The soccer ball has a long history with Dogs.

Originally employed in the Mediaeval period, cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe that the soccer ball was first used by the Mediaeval Dog in the crime-control ritual of raising the hue and cry.

Mediaeval scholars cite testimonial evidence in their belief that it was the Chief TithingDog who bore the responsibility of raising the hue and cry. This he effected by kicking the soccer ball into the middle of the town’s main square, and leaving it there until the alleged criminal had been arrested.

Scholars believe that the soccer ball was the first of the illuminated balls of the late 13th century and, as such, it proved to be the perfect tool for alerting the citizenry to the presence of a criminal at large.

Information from mediaeval epic poetry and sagas suggests that it was the organization of a formal Police force that led to the obsolescence of the hue and cry ritual and, thus, to the end of the use of the soccer ball as a tool of law enforcement.

Nevertheless, the soccer ball retained its place in the heart of the Mediaeval Dog and he used it in a variety of his feudal games.

Since that time, Dogs everywhere have enjoyed various forms of play with the soccer ball.

Sources: Domestic Chronicles of the Middle Ages: Volume 10, Balls; The Ball Files; Mediaeval Belief Systems and their Relationship to Balls; The Use of Balls in the Age of Chivalry.

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com

Filed Under: Breaking News, Let's Talk Balls!, Sports Tagged With: History of the soccer ball, let's talk balls, Sports

Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Basketball

September 5, 2006 By TMD Balls Columnist Bailey

Today’s ball is the BASKETball.

The basketball has a long history with Dogs.

Originally designed as an adjunct tool for gathering food, cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe that the basketball was first employed by the Cave Dog on his forays into the wilderness in search of sustenance.

Archaeological evidence suggests that the first basketballs were stones that were covered in a heavy fabric. This fabric, which was the colour of terracotta, was wrapped several times around the stone until the circumference of the “ball” measured at least ten times that of the original stone.

Scholars believe that the ball was placed in the centre of the basket that the Cave Dog wore around his neck on food-gathering trips. The basketball, which weighed at least 1 kilogram, prevented the basket from shaking to and fro as the Cave Dog foraged about.

Many believe sporting history was made on the day that the woven reeds in the centre of the basket broke and the ball fell through the hole. The Cave Dog, who was amused by this occurrence, picked up the ball and dropped it, again, through the broken basket. He repeated this play with the ball, from ever increasing heights, until he settled on the idea of hanging the broken basket above the cave door.

Since that time, the broken basket and its companion ball have provided many hours of pleasure for Dogs everywhere.

Sources: Survival and Sustenance in the Prehistoric World, Volume 4: Balls; The Fireside Book of Canine Prehistory; The Extraordinary Life of the Everyday Dog (2nd edition); The World of the Prehistoric Dog: Revelations and Balls; Various Newspaper Articles and Reports.

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com.

This column originally appeared in Issue #112 of The Mammalian Daily.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Let's Talk Balls!, Sports Tagged With: history of the basketball, let's talk balls, Sports

Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Football

June 26, 2006 By TMD Balls Columnist Bailey

Today’s ball is the FOOTball.

The football has a long history with Dogs.

Originally designed as a domestic tool, cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe the football was first used by the Cave Dog in his attempts to keep the cave door open.

Archaeological evidence suggests that the first footballs were products of the potter’s craft. Scholars at the University of West Terrier who have examined shards found in recent digs believe that these first clay footballs were built by hand and fired in a simple kiln.

Cave paintings depicting the Cave Dog receiving visitors suggest that the football was used in the ancient Canine hospitality ritual of leaving the door ajar to welcome guests. Many scholars believe the first kick of the football occurred when the Cave Dog moved the ball in order to secure the cave door.

As rocks began to be used in the hospitality ritual, the football became less of a tool and more of a toy. Retaining its original earthen colour, the football has provided many hours of joy for Dogs everywhere.

Sources: Canine Prehistory: Society and Ritual; The Cave Dog’s Guide to the Sporting World; Daily Life in the Ancient Canine World, Volume 3: Balls; The Canine Picture Book of Balls; The Educated Ball Owner’ s Guide to the Good Life; Various Newspaper Articles and Reports.

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Let's Talk Balls!, Sports Tagged With: History of the football, let's talk balls, Sports

Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Baseball

April 8, 2006 By TMD Balls Columnist Bailey

Today’s ball is the BASEball.

The baseball has a long history with Dogs.

Originally conceived as a hunting tool, cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe the baseball was first used by the cave Dog on his forays into the wilderness in search of food.

Archaeological evidence suggests that the baseball pre-dates other methods popularly believed to have been used by Dogs in their hunt. In fact, the word “base” is thought to be a corruption of the ancient Canine word, “baas,” which means “food.” Linguists believe this suggests that, in the beginning, the Cave Dog thought of the baseball as a “food” ball.

The word “baas” is also closely related to the Human word “baa,” which is used as an imitation of the sound that Sheep make. This serves as further evidence of the baseball’s connection with food.

It is widely held that it was the Mexican Free-Tailed Bat who first introduced the Cave Dog to the notion of using the baseball in a form of sport.

Since that time, Dogs everywhere have enjoyed various forms of play with the baseball.

Sources: Canine Prehistory: Society and Ritual; The Cave Dog’s Guide to the Sporting World; The Canine Picture Book of Balls; The Educated Ball Owner’s Guide to the Good Life; Various Articles and Reports.

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com

Filed Under: Breaking News, Let's Talk Balls!, Sports Tagged With: History of the baseball, let's talk balls, Sports

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