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Archons to move forward on calendar harmonization

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Less than two months into their term, The Park’s 28 AZ Archons are poised to enact legislation that many believe will forever alter life in The Park.

The announcement came in a press release issued today, just minutes after the Archons emerged from meetings that ran into the wee hours of the morning.

According to the press release, the Archons intend to enact legislation “before the end of the middle of Varrah” to harmonize The Park’s calendar with that of Animals (including Humans) who live outside The Park.

Critics of the proposed legislation believe that the Archons are bowing to pressure from business groups within The Park, while those in favour of harmonization see it as an essential first step in the creation of “The New Park.”

“Once again, I think, we’re going to see Animals pitted against Animals in the struggle for survival,” said Winston Whistlepig, founder and current president of The Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS). “But the old ways are working against us, now. This time, there’s no turning back. It’s do or die.”

Whistlepig’s group began lobbying for calendar harmonization in 25 AZ. The idea did not gain real momentum, however, until The Park experienced a full-blown economic crisis in 27 AZ. The effects of that crisis are still being felt throughout The Park and the 28 AZ Archons began their term with a promise to end the hardship that many Animals have experienced for over a year.

The Archons’ ambitious agenda, of which calendar harmonization is the first component, includes immigration reform, support for Park businesses and, possibly, the introduction of taxation.

Lab rage ends in violence at UWT

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Park Police say they blame personality conflicts among laboratory staff members at the University of West Terrier’s Faculty of Dentistry for the recent spate of violence that resulted in the deaths yesterday afternoon of 11 laboratory volunteers. The dead include six Onions, four Carrots, and a Radish.

Investigators believe the victims were resting comfortably in their chambers following the completion of an experiment in the Faculty’s laboratory when they were fatally attacked. Laboratory volunteers are required to rest for a period of at least one hour before leaving the University’s campus.

Although the Police have not named any suspects, they confirmed that they are, at present, investigating laboratory staff.

“There is no doubt in our minds that the victims knew their attackers,” Chief Inspector Martin of the Murder Investigations Unit said at a press conference held yesterday.

All 11 victims were members of a group that volunteers its services to UWT researchers. The group, which calls itself Produce for Progress, issued a short statement late last night:

“We are deeply saddened by the events that took place at the University of West Terrier and we mourn for the victims and their families. While we have confidence in the Police and look forward to the results of their investigation, we feel it necessary to advise our members to cease their voluntary activities until such time as the perpetrator or perpetrators of this crime are apprehended.”

This morning, UWT’s Faculty of Dentistry issued a press release condemning the violent attack and assuring the University community, as well as Park citizens, that they will cooperate fully in the investigation. In the meantime, according to the press release, the Faculty has halted the experiment in which the victims were involved.

Thousands rally against calendar harmonization

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Thousands of Animals flooded The Park’s grounds today to demonstrate their opposition to new legislation that many believe will negatively affect life in The Park.

The legislation, whose formal name is “The Calendar Harmonization Act” (“An Act to harmonize The Park’s calendar with that of the calendar or calendars used outside The Park and to amend certain Acts in consequence thereof”) is scheduled to come into effect later this month. According to the 28 AZ Archons’ latest press release, however, “the full impact of the Act will not be felt in The Park until 29 AZ.”

Although there has been much discussion about a change to a harmonized calendar, Park citizens were taken by surprise this month when the Archons announced their plans to act on the idea. That announcement has resulted in a spate of criticism from a number of The Park’s citizen aid and action associations.

“We’re all for change, but this is too sudden and too soon,” declared Carlisle Chameleon, whose group, Lizards for Liberty, was well-represented at the rally.

“We believe in change, but in a more gradual way and we think the citizenry should have a chance to respond when it’s a change as big as this,” he said.

That sentiment was echoed by members of other groups who were in attendance. Rowena Goose, president of the vocal Association for the Preservation of Individual Currencies (APIC), told The Mammalian Daily that her group is adamantly opposed to any kind of harmonization.

“It’s just a first step, but that step leads downhill, mark my words. Next, it will be currency amalgamation, then currency harmonization and, before you know it, there will tail croppings, stripe swappings, our dams will be torpedoed, and you’ll see Humans living in The Park. They say it’s for the good of commerce, but it will do us no good — that’s for sure,” she said.

Not all Park Animals are against the new law, however. Mason L. Tortoise, head of the Small Animal Reform Group, says he believes a harmonized calendar is “the only reasonable response to an ever-changing world that is opening up all around us.”

Noticeably absent from the demonstration today were several groups representing The Park’s hibernating communities. A spokesanimal for the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP), said his members appreciated the fact that the Archons had waited until the end of hibernation to make the announcement.

“If they’d wanted to be devious about it, they’d have done it during hibernation, when a significant portion of The Park’s population was asleep. Instead, they waited, so I don’t see why some Animals think they’re trying to put one over on us,” he said.

For their part, the Archons say they are committed to providing full disclosure of the contents of the legislation. Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, confirmed today that plans are underway to conduct several “open meetings” with Park residents to enable them to understand the changes that are about to happen.

“This is a step-by-step process and we plan to offer a step-by-step explanation of it,” he said.

Park Postal Service issues first commemorative stamp

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The Park Postal Service introduced its first commemorative stamp yesterday. The stamp, which honours Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy, features a rarely-seen photograph of Jor. The caption reads, simply, “Our First Leader.”

The stamp carries a value of 55 in Cow currency (approximately .11 Ftoo) and will be available for purchase by 22 Proto.

This is the first time in its history that the Postal Service has issued commemorative stamps. According to a Postal Service spokesanimal, the decision was taken because it was felt that “such honours were long overdue.”

28 AZ Archons announced

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With little fanfare, the names of the 35 Animals who will form the 28 AZ Park government were released today.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning. In order for Park citizens and residents to review the names, the list will remain posted until the end of the week, a spokesanimal for the Archon Transition Team told The Mammalian Daily. Those who are unable to attend at the Law Courts may click here to review the list.

The Archons, who were selected through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place at 10:00 on 16 Proto. Thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

Grooming Houses report sharp drop in revenue

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The Park’s grooming houses have experienced a sharp drop in revenue over the past few months, according to information contained in a report issued today by The Park’s Finance Officers.

Entitled, “A Report to the Archons on the State of the Park’s Economy,” the document cites new financial data that indicate the drop in revenue is due to the proliferation of “pop-up” grooming establishments in The Park.

According to Chief Financial Officer, Mercedes Ardilla, The Park’s grooming house owners, who are members of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), have requested a meeting with the outgoing group of Archons in order to discuss new licencing regulations for all Park retail establishments. According to PASS president, Wellington Whistlepig, their plan is to get a commitment from the Archons before their term ends in Proto 28 AZ.

In the past, the Archons have been reluctant to deal directly with the contentious issue of licencing retail establishments in The Park. PASS members believe that they have a good chance of changing that now, given their dire economic situation. Also in their favour, says Whistlepig, is the fact that The Consumer Protection Agency of The Park (CPAP) is currently investigating a number of “shady” refurral services, the majority of which are classified as “pop-up” grooming houses. Given the low level of consumer satisfaction experienced when using these pop-up groomers, Whistlepig says he is confident the Archons will see the value of licencing, both for the consumer and the retailer.

Popular Park restaurant shut down by health inspectors

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ClosedThe popular Park restaurant, The Compost Heap, was shut down by health inspectors early this morning after several of its patrons fell ill on Tuesday.

Seven Animals, who describe themselves as “regulars” at the 24-hour eating establishment, reported feeling “violently ill” and were taken, separately, by the Elephant Emergency Brigade (EEB) to the Park Hospital. All were treated for gastrointestinal problems. Two Animals remain in hospital, while the other five have returned to their abodes.

According to Inspector Konrad Eule, head of The Park’s Commercial Food Safety Bureau (CFSB), the Animals fell ill several hours after ingesting food served at the restaurant. Inspector Eule said his agency, which has close ties to The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety, is treating the incident as a food safety issue unless it uncovers evidence of suspicious or criminal activity.

“We are currently investigating with regard to food preparation and storage, but we have sent samples to the laboratory for testing and we are on alert for signs of tampering,” he said at a press conference held this morning. He dismissed rumours that chemicals were found in the food and criticized such statements as “inflammatory and, generally, unhelpful.”

At the press conference, the restaurant’s manager, Winifred D. Raccoon, reading from a prepared statement, said that the restaurant “values its clientele beyond measure” and will do everything in its power to ensure that its food is safe. The restaurant’s owner, Gilbert Bartholomew Ratte, was not available for comment.

Asked whether the incident would affect The Park’s upcoming food festivals and other celebrations, the Inspector said he did not believe there was any reason to delay any events “unless and until we receive results that would prompt such action.” He warned, however, that even though most food establishments adhere to The Park’s strict safety code, Animals should always be vigilant when eating away from home.

UWT to enact hiring freeze

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The University of West Terrier will enact a hiring freeze, effective 01 Myrodia.

The hiring freeze will apply to all faculty and staff appointments for the years 27 and 28 AZ, the Governors of the University announced at a press conference today.

Citing reductions in operating grants and other budgetary constraints, the Governors said that they were forced to conclude that significant cuts would have to be made in order for the University to deliver “the high quality of education for which it is renowned.”

The Governors said that, before reaching this conclusion, they had held a series of meetings with The Park’s Finance Office, as well as with a number of independent donors.

“The Park’s economy is in crisis. The Finance Office fears it cannot meet all its obligations for 27 AZ and, therefore, they told us, we must be prepared to operate on a more limited budget,” the Governors said.

The Governors’ decision was not made lightly, they emphasized.

“The only alternative that we could see was to raise tuition fees, and that is the very last thing we would do,” they said.

The University of West Terrier is The Park’s oldest and most prestigious institution of higher learning in The Park. It boasts a distinguished faculty and many illustrious alumni, including Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court, filmmaker Douglas Cheetah, and award-winning author C.L. Birman.

Evidence presented at Mongoose trial sparks criticism of Park weather practices

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From the Vault

Mounting criticism of current Park weather practices is threatening to overshadow important legal issues in what some describe as the “trial of the decade.”

Since the prosecution began presenting its evidence in the Mongoose “weather trial,” Park Archons report they have received an “overwhelming” number of complaints from citizens about the method by which The Park purchases its weather.

“[I would say] this will definitely put reform on the weather map,” said a spokesAnimal for The Park Weather Office.

It has not been the tradition for citizens to be involved actively in weather decisions, the spokesAnimal said. Those decisions have been made in the same manner since zoocracy was instituted and the public outcry “has caught the Archons off-guard,” he said.

Meanwhile, legal observers say they fear the groundswell of criticism could shift the focus of the trial and result in the Mongoose’s acquittal. “The issue at trial is whether or not the Mongoose acted in good faith with regard to the contract into which he entered,” Harry D.W.R. Lemur, the prosecuting attorney, said in an interview. “We are not here to debate the appropriateness of that contract.”

The Mongoose is charged with fraud, theft, misappropriation of funds, and intent to confound, in connection with weather purchases he made in 13 AZ. His trial continues.

This article originally appeared in Issue #112 of The Mammalian Daily.

The Wolves at our door

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Wolves editorialEDITORIAL

Two pieces of news came to our attention this week: the Archons intend to debate The Park’s open immigration policy and Humans have declared open season on the Wolves roaming lands outside the Park.

It is as easy to see the connection between the two as it is to see the likelihood of tragedy as a consequence of both.

Here, in The Park, our policy of open immigration has suffered some damage to its reputation, of late. The withering economy, population growth, food shortages – all these things, and more, have caused some Park Animals to call for a re-thinking of our policy. Why extend to strangers what we worked so hard for, their reasoning goes. Why not keep the good thing that we have to ourselves, and let others fend for themselves?

Why, indeed.

In these difficult times, it is insufficient to respond with the usual arguments: that more Animals from different places make for a richer Park, both culturally and economically, or that The Park has always been a refuge for the unwanted, the hunted, the wounded, the poverty-stricken, the starving, and the scared.

These arguments will not work on Animals who have turned away from The Park’s fundamental principles. We must invoke stronger arguments, lest the pressure on the Archons to enact changes become too much for them to bear.

Fellow citizens, we need only look outside The Park to see the consequences of exclusionary policies. The Human world is built of countries, cities, towns, and villages that would refuse us succour. Is this the model that we wish to emulate?

Hope, decency, concern for our fellow Animal – these are the qualities that separate us from Humans, the qualities that make us distinct. Why should we demean ourselves by hoarding instead of sharing, by shutting our doors, instead of welcoming newcomers, by limiting the numbers of those who might prosper here, unfettered and unafraid?

When the Wolves come knocking on our door this Winter, this is the question we must ask ourselves: Are we Mice or are we Men?

This editorial originally appeared in Issue #119 of The Mammalian Daily.

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