The Mammalian Daily

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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2016—Harvest Festival organizers issue edict: no woes allowed

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Harvest FestivalIt’s official. The organizers of Tuesday’s Harvest Festival have issued an edict barring the advancement of any political or other agenda at this year’s event. And, in doing so, they claim to have the full backing of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

The edict is in keeping with last year’s decision not to allow The Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP) and the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) to host information booths at the Autumn celebration.

In a statement released late yesterday afternoon, the organizers said the festival “forbids any Animal or organization of Animals to “establish a presence at the Festival for the purpose of disseminating information unrelated to the Festival and/or of advancing a political or social agenda.”

The statement concludes by saying that the Harvest Festival is meant to be a “happy” event, a “celebration of our work and of our bounty,” and that all Animals are entitled to feel “joy and safety there, no matter what their beliefs are.”

OTD in 2016—Officer charged with injuring Doe of Peace at PIFF after-after party

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Police Officer charged

FCSW officer Paulus Koer

A Park Police officer has been charged with two counts of biting after a member of The Park’s peacekeeping force was injured during an outbreak of violence at last night’s PIFF after-after party.

Witnesses say that Doe of Peace Rozmonda Ricke, was “just doing her job,” separating the crowd at The PurrBoy Café, when a member of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) approached her from behind and pulled her tail.

According to Ricke, who has been a member of the Does since the group was founded in 2014, there was “no time” to look around to see what was happening.

“I was focused on my job, which was to de-escalate the violence that suddenly had erupted at the café,” she said in a sworn statement early this morning.

When she did not respond to the tail-pulling, Paulus Koer, the FCSW officer, allegedly bit her on the back in an attempt to stop her from walking through the crowd. According to his statement, the second bite was necessary because the alleged victim “paid no attention to my first warning.”

The FCSW officer will appear in court today, where a date for trial will be set.

FCSW president Gareth Shepherd is expected to hold a press conference later this afternoon.

OTD in 2014—Park Finance Officer mobbed at last night’s PIFF awards ceremony

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Park Interspecial Film FestivalPark Finance Officer Milton Struts was mobbed last night, according to witnesses, as he attempted to enter the Park Cinema for the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) awards presentation.

Several attendees, some of whom were producers whose films were up for awards, said that four of the Guard Dogs stationed at the entrance had to intervene when a group representing the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) started to bite Struts as he passed by.

One witness said that some of the Animals pulled at Struts’s feathers, while another confirmed that “more than one” sent spitballs his way.

“They were hopping mad [about the budget] and they weren’t going to let him pass without letting him know,” said one source who wished to remain anonymous.

Other Animals claimed that Stan the Spit Man, whose signature slogan is “Spitballs from Heaven!” instigated the attack on Struts as a publicity stunt to promote his business.

“There was sort of a pop-up spit shop right behind the Park Cinema. I saw it,” said witness Konrad Eule.

Calls to Stan the Spit Man have not been answered directly, but through a spokesAnimal, Stan denied any involvement in the campaign against Struts.

“Stan the Spit Man does not involve himself in politics,” the spokesAnimal said. “Nor does he endorse the use of spitballs for political purposes.”

Struts, who was ushered into the Cinema for the awards presentation, was not seen exiting at the end of the evening. He is believed to have stayed at the Cinema until it was safe for him to be escorted home by Park Police.

OTD in 2015—TMD managing editor may bow to pressure on bylines: rumour

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Extra! Extra!

Something extra may be on its way: the names of Mammalian Daily journalists

Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas may be about to bow to pressure from rival Park media outlets to publish journalists’ names above their news reports.

According to a post on the gossip web site headsNtales, Haas has received counsel on the matter from a number of sources, including Nathan DiPressa, Executive Director of the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN).

In a Friday post, one of the web site’s “reporters” claims to have seen DiPressa leaving TMD headquarters late last Tuesday. DiPressa’s office refused to confirm the meeting, but an anonymous source at The Canary Courier said it was the third time in the last two weeks that DiPressa had been seen exiting the building.

For decades now, the newspaper has successfully defended its longstanding policy of keeping journalists’ names—and more importantly, their species—out of the paper. But that policy has gotten increasing attention in the last few years, with other media organizations demanding the same amount of transparency from The Mammalian Daily that they themselves are obliged to offer their audience.

At a print media conference held in August at the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism, the number one issue for attendees was transparency.

“The era of anonymous reporting is over. If you are hiding your journalists’ identities, you are hiding their biases, and you are not being forthright with your readers,” DiPressa said at the time.

Even some who supported the policy in the past appear to have changed course with the passage of time.

UWT Professor Ludwiga Saimiri, who had praised The Mammalian Daily’s policy as recently as last year, appears to have had a change of heart.

As a guest on the Yannis Tavros show last week, the distinguished scholar and former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ) said the time had come for TMD to embrace transparency.

“Zoocracy and its attendant openness require it and I no longer see any harm in knowing the species of those who bring us the news,” she said. “The Mammalian Daily may be coming late to the party, but it’s one I believe they should make an effort to attend.”

OTD in 2013—Review: Shoot the Messenger

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TMD Backstage Pass PIFF 2013

DETAILS

Director
George Angus Doo

Actors
Eamon Colm
Gerlinde Taube
Natalia Paloma
Agostinho Pombo
Cynthia Offam (Human)
Derek Columbo (Human)
Winston Blackman (Human)

Screenings
October 1, 8:00 pm, Park Cinema
October 4, 5:00 pm, Park Cinema

Runtime
85 minutes

THREE minutes into George Angus Doo’s latest film, Shoot the Messenger, the screen goes dark. In the silence, the viewer is left to ponder what has just occurred: a shot fired into the brightly lit sky, the loud thumping noise that follows, the sound of boots running across grass and fallen leaves in the swamp-like environment.

When light and action return to the screen, we face six Humans at trial, recalling those elements from the witness stand. To his credit, Doo reveals little about the location of the court and the crime; the alleged perpetrators, plaintiff, judge and jury stand as EveryHuman or AnyHuman. But the trial is not an indictment of that species; rather, it is an examination of the complicated relationship between Doo’s own species — the Pigeon — and Humans. In many ways, as Doo said earlier this year, that relationship is “one of mutual respect and dependence.” But this film is less celebratory of that aspect than it is revelatory of the conflict, fed by ignorance, that is an integral part of the interactions between Pigeons and Humans.

The sportsmen at trial know very little, if anything, about the species they shoot at for sport. They have read no history and, therefore, feel no moral obligation to a species that has saved countless Human lives. As a result, they are puzzled by their obligation to appear in court and angered by the charges of wrongdoing.

“What kind of world is this now?” one of the accused asks aloud. It is not a rhetorical question. The world in which he grew up, he tells the court, was one in which shooting and hunting were respected activities.

“Now, what is it that we’re supposed to do?” he asks earnestly.

The film does not answer this question or any others; instead, it presents the accused and the viewer with even more questions as it explores not only the fraught relationship between the two species but that among Humans, themselves.

In this 2013 Winkie Award-winning film, Doo does a remarkable job of preserving the dignity of the characters while indicting and convicting the real perpetrator of the crime: ignorance.

OTD in 2016—Hibernators see red over Tavros tweets

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YannisTavros The Park’s hibernators are seeing red after Yannis Tavros took to Twitter yesterday to denigrate hibernators and estivators.

Once again, the Toro Talk Radio host expressed his view that hibernators and estivators are not as intelligent as other Animals:

Tavros tweet

The tweet set off a firestorm, with individuals and groups weighing in immediately. Some called for an apology, while others made it clear that apologies would not longer suffice.

“This has gone beyond the stage where apologies are meaningful. Toro Talk Radio has to take control of Yannis Tavros or silence him once and for all,” said Malinda L. Hamster, president of The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), on Mammalian Daily Radio yesterday. She also confirmed that the SAHC, which annually elects the Keeper of the Nut, intends to apply to the courts for a cease and desist order and, as well, will launch a class action suit against Tavros and his radio station for defamation.

“This has happened once too often. Other Animals are going to start to believe what he is saying, and then where do we go from there?” she asked.

As Hamster said, this is not the first time that Tavros has said less than flattering things about hibernating Animals. In a famous 2013 on-air tirade, Tavros called Hieronymous Hedgehog, “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.” The reference was to Hedgehog’s uncle Hamlin, who served as Archon in 2000 and died of premature awakening from hibernation in 2008. The remarks led to Tavros’s suspension and an on-air meeting with Hieronymous during which the two made peace.

OTD in 2014—One last assignment: Noreen to cover Frankfurt Book Fair before leave starts

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Noreen official badge portraitNoreen will be taking a short break from her work here at The Mammalian Daily in order to promote her book, Lovely To Look At.

But before her leave starts on November 1, she has accepted one last Mammalian Daily assignment: covering the Frankfurt Book Fair in early October.

In a press release dated today, Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas confirmed both Noreen’s six-month leave from the paper and her last assignment:

It is with great pleasure that we announce today that our advice columnist Noreen will be taking a six-month leave of absence commencing November 1. She will be spending that time promoting her book, Lovely To Look At.

Before she leaves us, though, Noreen has accepted one last assignment. She will be covering the Frankfurt Book Fair between October 8 and October 12. We take pride in being the only Park newspaper to be sending a correspondent to the largest book fair in the world.

Although we will miss her come November, all of us at The Mammalian Daily wish her great success in this and in her future endeavours.” 

Stay connected to Noreen by following her Twitter: Noreen reporting from the Frankfurt Book Fair

OTD in 2014—Kanariar speaks out about budget

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harvest_002

Harvest Festival and others may be downsized in 2015

Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, spoke out this morning about the 2015 budget and the ways in which her department may be affected.

During an interview with host Yannis Tavros on Toro Talk Radio, Kanariar admitted that the budget as proposed presented a “significant planning problem” both for her and for other Park departments. In fact, she said, her department was already looking at ways to reduce the cost of the remaining 2014 celebrations.

“It’s a tricky business, though,” she told Tavros.

“We’ve already made agreements and signed contracts and we can’t get out of those. But I do think, at the very least, that we will have to scale down the celebrations and perhaps shorten the hours.”

While she stopped short of calling the budget “bad,” Kanariar said she thought it was short-sighted.

“I think that in trying to simplify, they’ve complicated matters ten times over,” she said.

As for next year, Kanaria warned Park residents to expect a series of “simpler celebrations.”

“Unless there are changes in the budget, we won’t know far enough ahead how much we have to spend. Because of this, we will be planning to have less at our functions. But that doesn’t mean they will be any less successful. We are all able to have fun and enjoy ourselves, no matter what. Our life here in The Park is worth celebrating. And who knows? Perhaps less will turn out to be more in the end,” she said.

OTD in 2012—PIFF 2012: Festival frenzy grips Park

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The Park is in a party mood, as anticipation mounts on the eve of the opening of the 8th annual Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

“It’s game on! We’re ready!” announced PIFF Communications President Leola Ocelot at the final pre-opening press conference this afternoon. “This is going to be the biggest and best film festival The Park has ever seen,” she said.

Festival goers appear to agree. Tickets were snapped up earlier than in previous years, with new events such as Noon Nuttiness and PIFF Pockets attracting a younger crowd.

“It [PIFF] is no longer an adults-only event,” said Ocelot, who confirmed that twenty-five percent of tickets were sold to those under five years of age.

“They bought up Noon Nuttiness and also went for the PIFF Pocket Films. We didn’t expect that at all,” she said.

Meanwhile, adult film fans were busy primping and preening in anticipation of five days of screenings, celebrity sightings and top-secret social events.

“We haven’t had an opening in days,” said Amoltrud’s Aesthetics’ groomer Elspeth Rinder. “We have a waiting list the size of a Python,” she said.

The Park’s other grooming houses reported the same situation.

“We had to lock our doors and pretend we were closed,” said stylist Tano Pagun of The Pluming Room. “We were afraid that, otherwise, we’d see fur and feathers fly.”

The festival will open tomorrow night with “I Love a Man in a Collar”, the much-anticipated documentary about Thisbe and the Barkettes. All eyes will be on the front row, as film goers attempt to catch a glimpse of The Park’s most famous singing group, who have confirmed they will attend the documentary’s debut. The five members have not been seen together for a number of years.

Other highly anticipated events include the opening night gala at Clowder and the Cackle-ary hosted by GooseBook.

The Mammalian Daily plans to publish full details of events in the coming days.

Police trainees find more lucrative positions outside Park: report

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police_dogA report released today says that a significant number of Park Police trainees and graduates are opting to accept full-time positions outside The Park.

The report, which was commissioned by the Archons and conducted by the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), found that at least eighteen percent of those who graduated within the past five years have availed themselves of employment opportunities in Human police forces outside The Park.

“We are bleeding our brightest and our best,” Kakapo said at a press conference outside Park police headquarters this morning.

Faced with these figures, Kakapo said The Park has no choice but to address the problems that are facing the force. He cited one statistic he called “particularly alarming,” and that is that at least one quarter of the eighteen percent who left  listed their top three reasons for the move as better pay, more respect from the public, and less interference from their superiors.

Kakapo said he plans to sit down this weekend with Gareth Shepherd, head of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) to discuss what can be done to keep trainees and graduates in The Park.

“This is a crisis situation and we plan to address it as such,” Kakapo said.

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