Original Publication Date: 18 April 2013

An undercover investigation by reporters working for The Mammalian Daily has exposed an ugly truth about The Park’s upcoming “job fair.”

According to a report filed by the TMD undercover team, the 2012 Archons signed off on a plan to allow a group of Humans to take over The Park one weekend this Spring for the purpose of recruiting Animals to fill jobs outside The Park.

The job fair, which was aggressively advertised to Park Animals as an opportunity for them to gain better access to gainful employment, is in reality an “adoption event,” according to the results of the reporters’ investigation. Adoption events, which are illegal in The Park, are gatherings organized by Humans for the purpose of capturing Animals and taking them to live in homes outside The Park. These events are associated with enforced domesticity and confinement and, as a result, very few of these captured Animals are ever able to return to their homes and families.

“This is a travesty,” said Dr. Anneliese Cissa, head of the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier.

In an interview held at her office at the university, Dr. Cissa said the job fair must not be allowed to go on or “all the gains we’ve made as Animals…self-rule and zoocracy…will be undermined.”

“This is exactly the kind of thing that we all knew might happen if we didn’t deal with our sluggish economy in a timely fashion,” she said. “But what we didn’t know was that our own Archons would be the ones to bring us down.”

Dr. Cissa, who is the author of a controversial 2012 report on state of The Park’s economy, was openly critical of the Archons (both 2012 and 2013).

“This is a clear indication that the Archons have been derelict in their duties,” she said.  “It is the responsibility of The Park’s governing body to encourage an atmosphere in which there is adequate opportunity for employment. By transferring their responsibilities to Humans outside The Park, they are doing an injustice to our citizenry. We must take action against this before it is too late,” she said.

The 2013 Archons have thus far made no comment on the job fair.

See also:

Economy forces Animals to work as “domestics” outside Park
Archons, PFO blasted over Human Direct Investment in Park

Original Publication Date: 9 April 2013

With the annual Park Mating Dance less than a month away, it seems that those planning to attend aren’t the only ones who are experiencing a heightened level of anxiety.

So says Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the 2013 Archons, who confirmed at a media Q&A this morning that The Park’s 35 leaders are currently sequestered in the Burrow Theatre mulling over the newest set of proposed changes to the Dance’s rules.

“It’s a last-ditch attempt to reach some kind of consensus,” Alouatta said. “They fully understand [the importance] and it is weighing heavily on them. Unless they do [reach an agreement], the Dance will have to be postponed.”

Changes to The Park’s demographics have made amendments to the rules of the Mating Dance necessary, experts say. But, with previous Archons failing to act on that imperative, the responsibility has fallen to this year’s leaders.

After weeks of consultation with health officials and researchers at the University of West Terrier, as well as with The Park’s Departments of Well-Being and Safety and Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros was confident they had a set of rules that they could approve, Alouatta said.

It soon became apparent, however, that unanimous approval would require further discussion and, possibly, more tweaking.

But since organizers say they require at least two weeks to prepare, only a small amount of time remains before the Dance must be postponed. Alouatta is certain, though, that an agreement is imminent.

“Zoocracy is a messy, time-consuming affair, but I believe that, in the end, the Dance will go ahead as planned,” he said.

Original Publication Date: 29 June 2014

Review: “It Could Happen to You” at the Park Museum June 1-30, 2014

Balls, biscuits, bones. Bowls, boxes, beds. Collars, cages, leashes, toys. The list goes on. And they are all on display until midnight tomorrow at The Park Museum’s month-long exhibit marking Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

Entitled, “It Could Happen to You,” the exhibit is the first of its kind in The Park and the first ever hosted at the Park Museum.

“We felt it was too important an event to wait for the museum’s completion,” says Sukuta Rhinoceros, as she guides me through the display cases. “We didn’t want to miss the opportunity to highlight this issue.”

One of the museum’s founders and a member of its Board of Governors, Rhinoceros spearheaded the campaign to open part of the main building’s ground floor wing for the exhibit. But come July, the construction workers will be back and if all goes well, the museum will officially open at the end of the year.

We stroll through the space together and as she details the provenance of many of the artefacts, it becomes clear that this is a deeply personal issue for Rhinoceros.

“Enforced domestication isn’t only a problem for small Animals,” she tells me later. “We were overwhelmed after we put out a call for personal items [of domestication] and I wasn’t surprised to find that the majority came from our Canine, Feline, Avian, Piscine, and Reptilian communities. But when some of our other citizens offered traps, harnesses, saddles and the like, our curator said we should put them at the front of the exhibit, so that attendees could see right away that no Animal is out of the sight line of the domesticator.”

The issue of domestication, of course, is much bigger than any museum exhibit can communicate. But “It Could Happen to You” is at its most poignant and effective when it deals with the tools that are used to entice Animals to give up their independence. The sadness and the pain lie in understanding the attraction of those tools. So many of our compatriots have suffered extreme difficulty and it is not hard to imagine succumbing to the promise of a nice meal, a warm bed, and some physical comfort.

If this exhibit accomplishes anything, let that be to remind us that we are responsible for each other and that we must work diligently to make it impossible for our fellow citizens to be tempted away from their lives in The Park.

“It Could Happen to You.”
The Park Museum
June 1-30, 2014 (10:00 a.m.-10:00 p.m daily.; until 11:59 p.m. on June 30)

Original Publication Date: 23 April 2015

At a press conference held this morning, Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) took to the podium to confirm reports of an early morning raid on a Sneak-a-Snuggle that recently opened outside The Park.

Flanked by Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) and C. Astrid H. Ant, Head of The Park’s Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS), Inspector Addax revealed details of the raid, in which more than one hundred Animals were liberated.

“Under cover of darkness, members of the ASIS Select Undercover Brigade (SUB) were deployed in a covert action that involved infiltrating the Sneak-a-Snuggle and liberating the Animals held therein,” he said.

The crack team of more than a thousand received assistance from other members of the police force in the execution of the raid, Inspector Addax told reporters.

“All went as planned. The operation went smoothly and we do not anticipate having to return to that location,” he said.

The Animals who were liberated come from “a variety of different species” and, Addax told reporters, they will be spending a few days at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm before they are released and able to function on their own.

“They will receive counselling from a number of The Park’s refugee and immigrant aid groups and they are welcome to establish a life here, should they so desire,” he said.

Original Publication Date: 30 May 2012

The much-anticipated documentary about Thisbe and the Barkettes will open the Park Interspecial Film Festival this Autumn.

A spokesAnimal for the Barkettes confirmed early this morning that “I Love a Man in a Collar” will open the festival at the main venue and, also, go on to screen at the Hot Dogs section.

PIFF Communications President, Leola Ocelot, released a statement this morning, as well. Confirming the documentary debut, she called it “a coup for PIFF” and explained the surprising pre-season announcement.

“We couldn’t contain ourselves, we were so excited. We wanted everyone to know as soon as possible,” the statement read.

The documentary, which is now in its post-production stages, was directed by Rauf Wiedersehen Shepherd. In it, Shepherd traces the history and origin of Canine music as a parallel to the ascendancy of The Barkettes. The film takes its title from one of the group’s biggest hits.

R.F. Aarrf, President of the Canine Music Association, said in an interview this morning that he is “thrilled that the documentary is finally finished” and confident that it will be “celebrated appropriately.”

The 8th annual Park Interspecial Film Festival will take place October 1-5, 2012.

Original Publication Date: 11 April 2012

The latest economic figures released by The Park’s Finance Office indicate that Animals whose coats are striped or spotted have a tougher time securing full-time employment than those with coats of solid or mixed colours.

The 2011 statistics, known colloquially as the “Employment and Enjoyment Stats” were compiled for Finance Office use by The Park’s Departments of Statistics and Records, Well-Being and Safety, and Employment and Economic Opportunity. Their release today caused an uproar among Animals of every stripe.

“This paints a very bleak picture of Park life and attitudes” said Aiofe Badger, current President of Sisters and Brothers of the Narrow Band and a vocal advocate of equal rights in The Park. “This is not the kind of [economic] result that Jor would have been proud of.”

Keeva Moffatt, President of The Park’s Spotted Skunk Sedan Patrol, said the figures came as no surprise to her. “Some of our members have a terrible time finding work and they all know why, even though they can’t prove it,” she said.

Dominick Skiro, of The Park Alliance of Chipmunks, called the statistics “a crushing disappointment” and “something that challenges our belief in The Park’s system.”

At The Tabby Club, though, (the pub established by Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy), there was much frustration but little surprise among the clientele.

“I think Jor had the right idea…the right vision, being a Tabby, himself,” said Donal Ronnach. “But it’s obviously still just an ideal. It’s hard to overcome old prejudices.”

Prejudice against stripes and spots dates back thousands of years, says historian, Beatrice Zilonis, currently a professor in the Department of History at the University of West Terrier.

“Not surprisingly, it started with Humans and and the way they treated striped and spotted Animals,” she says. “They were suspicious of them, considered them evil and the bearers of bad luck. That kind of thinking eventually made its way into the minds of Animals and this is the result.”

But, at The Tabby Club, no one cares very much how it all began.

“The most important thing is that it should come to an end,” says Ronnach. “Right now.”

Original Publication Date: 3 March 2014

Proponents of abolishing hibernation in The Park may discover they have a new friend in their corner: the latest figures released by The Park Finance Office and The Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS).

The most recent reports show significant fourth quarter gains in all sectors of The Park’s economy, but particularly in the retail and construction sectors. While these gains were predicted by most analysts and are believed to be a result of 2013’s extended pre-hibernation period, there are some who feel these figures highlight the precariousness of The Park’s economy during the periods of hibernation and estivation.

“How can we expect the economy to function properly when a significant portion of our citizens exist in a state of torpor in both the Winter and Summer seasons?” asked Xavier Dingo, chief financial analyst at A. Corn and Partners, at a recent economic forum.

Dingo has never publicly suggested that hibernation should be abolished, perhaps because his company offers specialized financial services to The Park’s large hibernation and estivation communities. But at the recent forum, he was forthright in his reservations about continuing with the status quo.

“Our economy has stagnated for the past few years and, eventually, The Park will have to face up to its unique problems. We are not singling out any group, but our economic challenges here [in The Park] have become significant. We need to engage all our citizens in a serious conversation about how best to grow the economy. Otherwise, we will become vulnerable to forces that do not have our best interests at heart,” he said.

See also:
Park’s retail, construction sectors expected to post strong gains after extended pre-hibernation period

Original Publication Date: 31 January 2012

With two days to go before Groundhog Day, Thisbe and the Barkettes are set to re-release one of their earliest hits.

A spokesanimal for Rotunda Records confirmed this morning that one of the Barkettes’ most popular and controversial songs, Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed, has been digitally re-mastered and will be available for download this afternoon.

The song, upon which Varden Spaniel’s film is based, was a runaway hit when it was first released over a decade ago. It proved controversial, however, when a few critics called it a “sellout hit” and accused the Barkettes of promoting the role of Animals as the pets of Humans.

“Lyrics such as ‘Stuffed Dogs don’t shed/or break your heart/Don’t snuggle in bed/or inspire art’ serve as a clarion call to Humans to adopt living Animals rather than stuffed replicas,” said a review in The Ruminant Free Press.

The Barkettes never directly addressed the controversy, even though it was well-known that at least three of the group’s members were living with Humans at the time they recorded the song.

Some of The Park’s political pundits believe there is a significance to the date of the song’s re-release. During yesterday’s special forum, hosted by Yannis Tavros of Toro Talk Radio, Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, expressed his view that “the composition of the 2012 government might lead to a more pro-Human stance in policy.” Grouse was referring to the fact that, of the 35 Archons selected by lottery this year, a larger number than usual belong to species that have a history of being companions to Humans. Grouse reiterated his statement this morning, adding that he thought the song’s re-release in anticipation of the Archons’ address on Groundhog Day might be an attempt to “soften the impact of their [the Archons’] planned policy direction.”

The Barkettes have made no official comment on the re-release of their song.

Related article: Barkettes documentary to open Park film festival

Original Publication Date: 28 January 2012

In a move that has has caught many in the tech and media sectors by surprise, The Park’s most successful social media site, GooseBook, has unveiled its ambitious plans for expansion.

In a statement released today, the company confirmed its plans to open site membership to all species in The Park.

“The popularity and success of GooseBook has proven that it has great potential for growth across the broad spectrum of species that inhabit The Park,” said GooseBook’s President and C.E.O., Lester C. Gander.

In addition, GooseBook’s executives confirmed that they plan to roll out a pair of related social media sites, most likely in the second quarter of the year. The company has not released any information about the new sites other than their names: “Cackle” and “Peck.”

According to insiders, one of the sites will be a “communication” site and the other may be an internet search engine.

GooseBook was the brainchild of the late Cesar Emilio Gander, who founded the site while a student at the University of West Terrier. After his untimely death, the site experienced a surge in membership. That surge continued until last summer, when rival site Gewper opened its virtual doors. Since then, both sites have competed neck and neck for members, with GooseBook maintaining a slight lead over the more innovative Gewper.