Original publication date: 3 May 2013
If you or someone you know is a member of an endangered species, The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety has an important message for you: sign up for your benefits within the next six months or risk losing them, forever.
“We’re not meaning to be harsh or hard-hearted about this,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo.
“But it is becoming increasingly important for us to have an accurate figure [for benefits] to present to The Park’s budget committee. Since benefits under the Endangered Species Benefit Programme (ESBP) are one of the the biggest items in our budget, we are asking Animals who qualify but who have not applied, to please do so before the end of the calendar year.”
Kakapo says that when the DWBS established the programme seven years ago, nearly two hundred species of Park Animals were eligible for the benefits.
“That number has grown exponentially. It is almost impossible for us to keep up with the growing number of species [that have become eligible for the programme], let alone the number of new eligibles who have come to The Park through our refugee, re-homing, and other programmes,” he said.
In a report presented earlier this year at the University of West Terrier’s Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science, Kakapo noted that over the last year, the DWBS had hired an additional five full-time and seven part-time workers just to deal with endangered species issues.
“I suppose you might say that means that our programmes are working,” Kakapo joked at the time.
Neither he nor the rest of the DWBS is joking now, though.
“It’s a matter of great importance to all of us in The Park, so make sure you sign up for what’s coming to you before it’s too late,” he says.
Benefits under the Endangered Species Benefit Programme include the following:
• Entry into the The Park’s Endangered Species Registry (ESR)
• Official Endangered Species Photo Identity Card
• Health and Dental Insurance (medicaments included)
• Longevity check-up (once per year)
• Legacy photographs of your family taken by official Park photographer
• Family tree plotting (1 copy per resident)
• Estate planning service
• Taxidermy/Cryopreservation/Burial consultations and services
• Free admission to all Park museums and attractions
N.B. The term “endangered species” is defined as any species that has been designated as “officially endangered” by both The Park’s administration and the Department of Well-Being and Safety.