Original Publication Date: 4 August 2011

It may not look as though anything is happening but, rest assured, our 35 Park Archons are working hard behind the scenes to secure the release of imprisoned journalist, ZeeZee Legy.

That is the message contained in a statement from the Office of the Archons and reiterated at a press conference late last night.  Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, confirmed that negotiations are underway with those outside The Park who have been holding Legy in custody since July 21, 2011.

Legy, a reporter for The Insect Intelligencer’s gossipy Fly on the Wall feature, was apprehended in connection with the death of one Human.  Five other reporters who work for the feature were arrested inside The Park after two of the reporters’ Human sources were hospitalized.  They are scheduled to appear in court late in August.

At first, Legy claimed he was not working at the time of the incident but, instead, was visiting family while on vacation.  But in a statement released last week, The Intelligencer’s editor-in-chief, Fannia di Volo, said there had been a misunderstanding and that Legy had, indeed, been on assignment outside The Park.

At the press conference, Alouatta confirmed that efforts to secure Legy’s release had stalled for a time, but they have resumed and the Archons are “cautiously optimistic” about the outcome.  Also present at the press gathering was UWT Law Professor Fionnula Fox, an expert in Extra-Hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park).  She explained the Archons’ dilemma thus:

“It’s (Extra-Hortulanial law) a hard needle to thread,” she said.  “We can only negotiate with those outside The Park; we have no real power or authority there.  Basically, we have to rely on the goodwill of the people and try to convince them that there was no malicious intent.  If we can convince them of that, then it follows that a repeat of the incident is unlikely.”

Alouatta said that the Archons are expecting a breakthrough “by the end of the weekend” and that Park citizens could keep up-to-date with the negotiations by checking the information board outside the Court House.

Original Publication Date: 31 October 2014

We shouldn’t judge Park Finance Officer Milton Struts too harshly if, in fact, he did accept an offer of food from Humans.

So writes Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier, who begins a leave of absence tomorrow to promote her new book, Lovely To Look At.

In an open letter to be published this weekend on The Mammalian Daily web site, Noreen encourages Park citizens to be “tolerant of the effects that proximity to Humans has had on our population.”

“There is scientific evidence that has come to us from experiments performed at the University of West Terrier that indicates very strongly that the prolonged exposure to Humans experienced by Park Animals has had a profound effect on our senses, most notably our senses of smell and taste,” she writes.

It is not surprising, then, that we have developed a taste for Human food, despite its inferior quality and our limited ability to digest it.

“Time was, no Park Animal would even consider eating something a Human eats. But times have changed. Not only do we consider it, but many more of us than we realize actually do it. It is the ‘dirty little secret’ that many Animals will not speak about. Whether or not Mr. Struts did eat the food as has been reported, it opens up a dialogue that we should have had a long time ago.” she writes.

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Noreen’s book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans, is available at Amazon.

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Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 23 April 2013

The Park Museum has taken the unusual step of enlisting the help of its own construction workers in its campaign to raise funds for the Museum.

In a press release dated today and posted on the Museum’s web site, the Board of Governors of the Museum announced that they will be publishing a fundraising calendar that will be available for purchase as early as September.

According to a SpokesAnimal for the Builders’ Guild, the photographs will be “candid, at-work pictures that will give Park Animals an appreciation of the size of the project and the kind of work that went into building the Museum.”

In addition to the workers’ photographs, the calendar will offer a “sneak peek” of the Museum’s interior and of a number of recently-acquired items in the Museum’s collection.

The calendar will be sold at a small kiosk outside the Museum construction site as well as at select shops in The Park. Online orders will also be taken, a SpokesAnimal for the Museum said. For more information, please contact the Park Museum order desk at orders@parkmuseum.info.

Original Publication Date: 4 October 2013
Review by Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

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DETAILS
Director
George Angus Doo

Actors
Eamon Colm
Gerlinde Taube
Natalia Paloma
Agostinho Pombo
Cynthia Offam (Human)
Derek Columbo (Human)
Winston Blackman (Human)

Screenings
October 1, 8:00 pm, Park Cinema
October 4, 5:00 pm, Park Cinema

Runtime
85 minutes

THREE minutes into George Angus Doo’s latest film, Shoot the Messenger, the screen goes dark. In the silence, the viewer is left to ponder what has just occurred: a shot fired into the brightly lit sky, the loud thumping noise that follows, the sound of boots running across grass and fallen leaves in the swamp-like environment.

When light and action return to the screen, we face six Humans at trial, recalling those elements from the witness stand. To his credit, Doo reveals little about the location of the court and the crime; the alleged perpetrators, plaintiff, judge and jury stand as EveryHuman or AnyHuman. But the trial is not an indictment of that species; rather, it is an examination of the complicated relationship between Doo’s own species — the Pigeon — and Humans. In many ways, as Doo said earlier this year, that relationship is “one of mutual respect and dependence.” But this film is less celebratory of that aspect than it is revelatory of the conflict, fed by ignorance, that is an integral part of the interactions between Pigeons and Humans.

The sportsmen at trial know very little, if anything, about the species they shoot at for sport. They have read no history and, therefore, feel no moral obligation to a species that has saved countless Human lives. As a result, they are puzzled by their obligation to appear in court and angered by the charges of wrongdoing.

“What kind of world is this now?” one of the accused asks aloud. It is not a rhetorical question. The world in which he grew up, he tells the court, was one in which shooting and hunting were respected activities.

“Now, what is it that we’re supposed to do?” he asks earnestly.

The film does not answer this question or any others; instead, it presents the accused and the viewer with even more questions as it explores not only the fraught relationship between the two species but that among Humans, themselves.

In this 2013 Winkie Award-winning film, Doo does a remarkable job of preserving the dignity of the characters while indicting and convicting the real perpetrator of the crime: ignorance.

Original Publication Date: 8 Juy 2016

Literacy rates are lowest among members of The Park’s feral communities, according to a study conducted last year at the University of West Terrier.[pullquote]It was one of Jor’s [The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy] core beliefs that we must foster interspecial harmony through knowledge. I think we are failing him at the moment.”—Domoina Fossa, lead researcher, UWT F. Varrah Flanagan School of Education [/pullquote]

The study, which was commissioned by the 2015 Archons and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) in association with the Park Education Working Collective (PEWC), was conducted by researchers at UWT’s F. Varrah Flanagan School of Education.

The results of the study were published yesterday in the academic quarterly, Journal of Education Theory and Experience (JETE).

“I find these results quite troubling,” head researcher Domoina Fossa said in an interview on TMD Radio this morning. “What they say to me is that not only do we need to work harder to encourage our newest residents to avail themselves of The Park’s educational opportunities, but we have to actively sell the benefits of education to them.”

Fossa, who was the lead researcher in a study five years ago that found the majority of Park Animals were home-schooled, said her new study was a not a follow-up, but a more focused approach to the problem.

“We narrowed our focus by narrowing our field of study and by using a very precise definition of ‘feral,’ she said.

That definition, she told TMD Radio, excluded all moral values and belief systems and used only data related to territory of origin, time spent as a resident in The Park, living conditions, and way of life.

“We deliberately didn’t include time spent with Humans, because we thought that would muddy the waters,” Fossa said. “Many members of our feral communities have known Humans and have used their aid, but it hasn’t changed their way of life.”

Fossa said she expects a “swift and strong” reaction to the study’s results.

“Low literacy rates endanger the principles of zoocracy and interspecial harmony. It was one of Jor’s [The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy] core beliefs that we must foster interspecial harmony through knowledge. I think we are failing him at the moment,” she said.

Original Publication Date: 20 April 2007

Swaying to the strains of the Endeka Elephant Band, Ute Orangutan was moved to shed a tear when she spoke about her maternal grandparents, Zanneke and Carlton Orangutan. The Orangs, who fled persecution in their native land, were among The Park’s first citizens.

“They settled here because they believed that, in The Park, they could build a better life,” she said. “I will always be grateful to them…and I will always feel a sense of responsibility to The Park.”

Such sentiments were not unique during the two-day celebration this Winter that marked the 25th anniversary of zoocracy in The Park.

For Jacinta Kri-Kri, the highlight of the occasion was the unveiling of the monument to Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy. With her Kids in tow, the Kri-Kri made a dedication of her own, as she placed a wreath of rosemary at the foot of the marble statue.

“I want my Kids to learn Park history so they can understand why Jor is a hero to us,” she said, between bites of one of the many treats that were on offer at the festivities.

Park history was also on the mind of Sagar Hog-Deer, whose family emigrated from the foothills of the Himalayas six years ago. For Sagar, Park history means a solid record based on the principles of tolerance and the welcoming of all species — principles that, he feels, may be hard to maintain in the future.

“The Park is being assaulted from the outside and we are just beginning to see the effects of it,” he said, pointing to the upcoming census, talk of currency amalgamation, and looming political reforms as evidence of the erosion of Park values.

“We need to take a step back. We don’t need to change [things] if there isn’t a problem in the first place,” he emphasized.

While Hog-Deer sees no problem with the status quo, scores of Animals who attended the celebrations say they see the need for immediate changes in The Park.

“We’ve been at a standstill for years. Some aspects of Park life are downright archaic and, some, I might say…were [the result of] hare-brained schemes in the first place,” complained Mason L. Tortoise, head of SARG, the Small Animal Reform Group, which has called for sweeping changes in many Park policies.

Despite the political debate, Park Animals were up for the two days of merrymaking and were quick to declare the event a “roaring success.”

“I think it was a tribute to the power of Jor’s vision,” concluded Humphrey Hyrax, the festival’s organizer.

Original Publication Date: 4 July 2012

With their friends neatly tucked in and enjoying a peaceful estivation, The Park’s hibernating communities have joined together to fight calendar harmonization, which they believe is at least partly responsible for the rise in deaths from premature awakening in their community.

“We wanted to wait until after the official estivation date to launch our fight,” said Oliver S.P. Franklin, head of the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS) whose group initiated the action. “We didn’t want to alarm our friends or disturb their tranquility.”

Together, the hibernating groups plan to challenge the law known as “The Calendar Harmonization Act” in the hope of having it repealed.

“We’re confident that if we succeed in demonstrating the harm it [The Act] has done to our communities, the Archons will consider reinstating our original calendar,” Franklin says.

See also:
Archons to move forward on calendar harmonization
Thousands rally against calendar harmonization

To that end, the hibernators have enlisted the help of a group of researchers and statisticians, including Dr. Jagger Zebu, Professor of Mammalian Medicine at the University of West Terrier and one of the authors of a recent report that documents the rise in the incidence of deaths due to premature awakening among The Park’s hibernating citizens.

Premature awakening from hibernation is defined by The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) as a situation in which an Animal awakens from hibernation 3-4 weeks before the official date. The situation results in death 99% of the time, as Animals are often unable to find adequate sustenance so early in the season.

According to the report, deaths from premature awakening have risen 30% in the last two years.

“Coincidentally, that is the same length of time the new calendar has been in operation,” says Cormac Nuttallii, a member of the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP) and a vocal critic of calendar harmonization. His group has joined forces with the other hibernating communities to “see that justice is served,” he says.

Original Publication Date: 6 August 2012

Animals achieve lower scores on intelligence tests after they have spent a significant length of time in the company of Humans, say the results of a study conducted by the Cognitive and Experimental Psychology division at the University of West Terrier’s Department of Psychology.

The research study, which involved 5,000 Animals from inside and outside The Park, was conducted over a period of three years by UWT psychology professor and lead researcher, Dr. Luule Aednik. The full results will appear in the September issue of the prestigious Journal of Experimental and Reactive Psychology (JERP).

Supported in full by University research funds, the study concludes that prolonged amounts of time spent in close contact with Humans causes a “numbing effect” on the brains of the members of many species.

“There is a deficit after a certain length of time,” said Aednik in an interview with The Mammalian Daily.

“The most shocking result in the testing was the loss of recognition of some of the characteristics of one’s own species. We saw some types of species-specific behaviour almost disappear, often after only a few months. Animals lost basic skills; some had even forgotten how to secure their own food,” she said.

Though the impetus for the study was purely academic, Aednik believes the results have more widespread implications.

“I think they explain some of the problems that some Animals have had in adapting to life in The Park,” she said.

Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 6 June 2012

Portions of The Park’s farmland are being used to produce food for consumption by Humans who live outside The Park, Police have concluded.

At a press conference held early this morning, B.N.L.Valerian Beetle, Head of The Park Police Force’s Undercover Operations Unit (UOU), confirmed the findings of the Unit’s year-long investigation.

“This has been a long and intensive investigation, conducted over the past twelve months and it includes data from each of the last four seasons,” Beetle said.

The investigation, which involved data-gathering both inside and outside The Park, was initiated after a series of meetings between Park Police and members of The Park’s Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

“We knew that something was terribly wrong,” said SCPCPGF President, A.P. Civet, when she spoke briefly at the end of the press conference.

“We’d been keeping our eyes on these pieces of land for some time…we had permission to seed them and, then, we noticed plants growing in the places we’d planned to seed.”

The SCPCPGF was formed in 2008, after that year’s Archons announced that they were looking at ways to maximize The Park’s food-producing lands. At the time, the Society said it intended to act as a “policy watchdog” to ensure the fair administration of any legislation regarding farming.

At the press conference, Beetle confirmed that the investigation is ongoing, but said there are no known suspects “at this time.”

“We are working on several leads and encourage any Animals who may have seen suspicious activity in the areas of these lands to come forward with information,” he said.