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Politics, violence mar celebration of the birth of The Park’s first leader

February 15, 2016 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Jailed Elephant Jailed CatThe celebration of the birth of The Park’s first leader turned ugly yesterday when political arguments among residents resulted in violence that sent a number of Animals to jail or to hospital.

The full-day holiday recognizes the birth of Jor, whose vision of Animal self-rule brought us modern zoocracy. The occasion is usually a solemn one, but this year it was made less so by arguments about sortition, the so-called lottery method by which the Archons who form our government are selected. A growing number of citizens have become disenchanted with sortition over the past few years and proponents of its abolition have become increasingly vocal and aggressive.

“Park residents are known to be passionate about their politics, and we’ve usually seen this as a good thing, a healthy thing,” said Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), who was in attendance at the event when violence broke out.

“But this sortition argument just got plain ugly. It started with words, and then it turned physical.”

According to police accounts, the violence escalated to the point where arrests became necessary.

“The verbal attacks were bad enough, but the physical blows…we had to stop it,” said one officer who wished not to be named.

At the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, the triaging lasted until well into the evening, with many patients resisting treatment in order to rejoin the fight.

“Even as they lay bleeding, they refused to restrain themselves from invective,” said Hermione Hippo, the hospital’s head nurse.

“We had to separate quite a number of Animals,” she said.

Balthasar Alouatta, spokesAnimal for the Archons, confirmed this morning that Chief Archon Raymond Mink will formally address the violence later this week.

“He—and all the Archons— are both horrified and mystified by this violence and they mean to stop it in its tracks,” Alouatta said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: #politics, government, sortition, violence

ZEAL calls for full investigation into dispute over Gourami Archonship

January 28, 2016 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

ZEAL

Singer ZEAL calls for investigation into Gourami Archonship dispute

Popular Park singer ZEAL has called for a full investigation into the dispute over Zafran Gourami’s Archonship.

On January 16, Gourami was sworn in as an Archon after being selected through the usual procedure of sortition. Ten days later, a Form 15C was submitted to the Department of Political Administration (DPA) disputing Gourami’s eligibility to serve.

ZEAL took to TMD Radio this morning to call on all Park Animals to “dispute this dispute.”

“This is an outrage and the reason for this dispute is obvious,” he said. “Gourami is a striped Fish and this is just another example of the subtle ways in which striped and spotted Animals experience prejudice and unequal treatment in The Park.”

To further his cause, ZEAL initiated a petition calling for the DPA to nullify the dispute and to move on with the business of governing The Park. The first to sign the petition was award-winning film director, Douglas Cheetah; the second was Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press.

Cheetah’s signature came as no surprise. Last year, he announced that he had lost faith in sortition altogether and believed that free elections were “the only path to true equality among the species.”

As for Yamaneko, she has become a vocal supporter of striped and spotted Animals and announced in April that her company would be showcasing the work of these writers.

The Department of Political Administration has not responded to ZEAL nor acknowledged the petition. DPA spokesAnimal Antoinette Fourmi confirmed on Tuesday that a panel will review the reasons for the dispute and render a decision by February 1.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: government, Park politics, political administration, sortition

Department of Political Administration confirms Gourami Archonship in dispute

January 26, 2016 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Form 15C

Form 15C (above), filed yesterday to dispute selection of Zafran Gourami

The Department of Political Administration (DPA) confirmed today that it is reviewing the selection of 2016 Archon Zafran Gourami.

In a statement issued this morning, DPA spokesAnimal Antoinette Fourmi said that one Form 15C was submitted yesterday. The department’s statement did not name the Animal who submitted the form.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XIII, of The Park’s Constitution, Park citizens who wish to contest the selection of any Archon or Archons may do so by submitting a formal contest form (Form 15C) to the Department of Political Administration by January 31.

Although this law has existed since the institution of #sortition, very few Form 15Cs have been submitted. In an interview this morning on the Yannis Tavros show, Fourmi said that in the past ten years, the DPA has received only seven Form 15Cs.

“And, of those, only one resulted in a change of Archon,” she said.

Zafran Gourami was sworn in as Archon on January 16, 2016. The reasons for the dispute will be reviewed by a panel that will include members of the DPA, Chief Archon Raymond H. Mink and Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon. The final decision will be rendered by a majority vote. Should a reason be found to replace Gourami, that replacement will be sworn in on February 1.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: #dispute, #parkpoli, Archons, government, sortition

Just(ice) what was said: Augustus Dindon presides over his seventeenth swearing-in ceremony

January 18, 2016 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Mr.  Justice Augustus Dindon

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon swore in the 2016 Archons on Saturday

With a nod to the stability that tradition affords, the swearing-in ceremony of the 2016 Archons was presided over by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court. This was the seventeenth consecutive swearing-in ceremony over which Justice Dindon has presided.

Wearing traditional judicial garb, The Park’s most notorious magistrate asked each of the 35 new Archons to swear to “represent to the best of my ability and without prejudice the citizens and residents of The Park,” and to “preserve the tenets of zoocracy as laid out by Jor, the founder of modern zoocracy and The Park’s first leader.”

As each swore to uphold zoocracy in The Park, a member of the Endeka Elephant Band struck a drum. After the final oath was taken, the Archons were paraded in front of the crowd, which was the largest that this event has attracted.

Afterwards, the Archons, along with Mr. Justice Dindon and a host of other dignitaries, including many former Archons and Chief Archons, retired indoors for a celebratory repast.

As usual, the Archons will give their first address on Groundhog Day.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Archons, Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, Park's new government, sortition

Names of 2016 Archons released

January 15, 2016 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2016 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.


ARCHONS — 2016
Mink, Raymond H. (Chief Archon)

Aardvark, Merinda Norne; Adder, Drystan; Anaconda, Felicia; Arowana, Odilon; Blenny, Aliza; Caecilian, Delilah; Conure, Enfys; Cuckoo, Clovis; Cuttlefish, Cyril; Frog, Armand Damien; Geoduck, Juan Liu; Goby, Angelina; Gourami, Zafran; Guppy, Petra Milena; Kangaroo, Elanora Gurley; Kilpkonn, Reinhard; Krokodil, Lia Graziana; Newt, Hrodgar; Palaka, Betsog; Pelican, Almeda Tressie; Penguin, Nickolas Quintin; Ragno, Giada Valeria; Rosella, Hiltrude; Rospo, Silvio Federico; Salamander, Percy Granville; Shark, Yardena; Snail, Meghann; Sparrow, Rheba; Tuatara, Tormud; Vuohi, Tapio; Weichtier, Emerick; Worm, Bardulf; Zander, Odile Pierrette; Zebra, Adelbert Jarmo.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: 2016 Archons, Park government, sortition

TMD, Avian Messenger snag outgoing Chief Archon’s only exit interview

January 14, 2016 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo (Chief Archon)

Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo’s term ends on January 16, 2016

The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger have secured the only interview that outgoing Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo intends to give.

The joint interview was announced in a statement issued simultaneously by both newspapers and by Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons. It will take place tomorrow morning at ten o’clock in the Chief Archon’s office. The 2016 Archons will be sworn in on Saturday, January 16.

Chief Archon Cuckoo is expected to discuss the changes she has witnessed in The Park, the future of zoocracy, and what she believes her legacy will be. The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger will each send two political reporters to the interview.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Archons, Chief Archon, government, Park politics, zoocracy

Countdown to our next government: 2016 Archons to be announced Friday

January 11, 2016 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Jan 15The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2016 government will be released on Friday.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts in the early hours of January 15, exactly an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The Mammalian Daily will publish the list on its web site as soon as it is made public.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Archons, new government, sortition

Zoocracy still unpopular with Animals outside The Park: book

January 7, 2016 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

In Spite (1)A new book authored by three distinguished professors at the University of West Terrier suggests that zoocracy is still a hard sell outside The Park.[pullquote]The main difficulty is persuading them that the hard work will pay off when even we, ourselves, are not sure of that. It is a slow process that takes several generations to come to fruition [and] a commitment that some Animals are simply not willing to make.—Dr. Luule Aednik[/pullquote]

The book, entitled, “In Spite of Ourselves: Animal Attitudes Toward Zoocracy Outside The Park,” has caused quite a stir here and has garnered both positive and negative reviews, as citizens and media attempt to digest the authors’ conclusions.

“I admit that it’s difficult to understand their [Animals outside The Park] perspective, but I don’t think that difficulty should negate the significance of our findings,” says Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the UWT’s Simian Chair in Political Philosophy.

Those findings suggest that Animals who live outside The Park, and particularly those who live either in a domestic situation or in close contact with Humans, are reluctant to give up what they believe to be their “perks” for what they perceive to be a much more difficult life.

“In some cases, it is a misperception, while in other cases, we would have to agree that some Animals who live with Humans have a much easier life, at least in terms of food security and housing,” says Fionnula L. Fox, a UWT professor law who specializes in extra-hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park).

Still, as psychology professor Luule Aednik points out, much of that so-called security is tenuous.

“When we look—just even at our immigration and refugee statistics here in The Park—we see that Animals who had thought they would be safe and well-cared for indefinitely have had to face abandonment and worse. That is how they’ve come to be Park citizens in the first place,” she says.

All three authors admit, however, that it is difficult to persuade Animals who believe they are living “the good life” to trade that in for total responsibility, not just for themselves, but for their fellow citizens.

“The main difficulty is persuading them that the hard work will pay off when even we, ourselves, are not sure of that. What we do know for certain is that it is a slow process that takes several generations to come to fruition. It’s a commitment that some Animals are simply not willing to make. In many cases, they simply are not willing to sacrifice short-term comfort for long-term gain,” Aednik says.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: animal self-rule, commitment, long-term gain, short term pain, zoocracy

DWBS to deliver first “State of Hate in The Park” report early in the new year

December 22, 2015 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

3 binders

DWBS will deliver the “State of Hate” report early in the new year

The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) announced today that it will deliver its report on the state of hate in The Park early in January 2016.[pullquote]We wish to address these problems as soon as possible and to restore The Park’s reputation as a safe haven for all Animals.—2015 Archons, DWBS[/pullquote]

DWBS director of public relations Cornelius Kakapo addressed the issue at a press conference this morning.

“It is our duty to report that, as requested by the Archons, the members of our department have completed the task of analyzing the number and severity of incidents of a hateful and/or specist nature that occurred in The Park over the past three years. We will be presenting this report to the Archons before their term ends on January 16,” he said.

The report has been divided into three parts, Kakapo said. The first part will offer a “full analysis” of the incidents that occurred. The second part will focus on the reasons for these acts of hate, while the third part of the report will offer what Kakapo called a “range” of recommendations for reducing—and eventually eliminating—these kinds of incidents.

In their original mandate, the Archons emphasized that the perpetrators of these incidents were a “small minority.” Kakapo said the department had come to the same conclusion, but he acknowledged that The Park had seen its worst year ever in this regard and he cited the arrest of six Animals for stripespotting and the establishment of the SplotchWatch web site as evidence of that.

He concluded the press event by echoing the Archons’ words:

“We wish to address these problems as soon as possible and to restore The Park’s reputation as a safe haven for all Animals.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: hate crimes, specist acts, state of hate report, stripespotting

Sierpinski Squirrel replaces Blandine Okapi on Archon Transition Team

December 1, 2015 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Sierpinski Squirrel

Sierpinski Squirrel: Archon Transition Team’s newest member

Sierpinski Squirrel has joined the Archon Transition Team.

ATT spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin made the announcement at a short press conference yesterday afternoon.

“We are pleased to announce that Sierpinski Squirrel has joined the Archon Transition Team. We are confident that he will make an excellent team member and we look forward to working with him for a long time to come,” Hoatzin said.

The Squirrel, who is Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners, replaces Blandine Okapi, who resigned her position on the team last year, citing “philosophical differences.” This new appointment brings the team back up to its regular membership of thirteen and comes just in time for the annual transition preparations.

The addition of Sierpinski to the team was hailed by many in The Park’s political community, particularly those who are avid supporters of sortition, the lottery system by which The Park’s thirty-five Archons are chosen annually.

“I think Sierpinski was by far the best choice,” said Sylvana Rana in a radio interview this morning. The president of Save Our Political System (SOPS) said Sierpinski has “proven his loyalty to zoocracy” through his support of the political system that was established by Jor, The Park’s first leader.

The other members of the Archon Transition Team expressed their approval, as well. In a joint press release issued this morning, they welcomed Sierpinski and confirmed that the team’s first meeting would be held on December 15.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Archon Transition Team, Park government, sortition

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