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Noreen gets police protection after brawl breaks out at UWT event

June 23, 2017 By TMD Police Reporter

Official NoreenNoreen was escorted home by Park Police yesterday after a brawl broke out at an event she was co-hosting at the University of West Terrier.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist, who is also an adjunct professor of Human Studies at UWT, was the co-host, with Chittenden School of Law professor Fionnula Fox, of an extended Q&A session after the launch of their joint project, the Domestic Empowerment Initiative (DEI). The DEI is designed to empower Animals who are currently living in a domestic situation with Humans.

During the Q&A, a brawl broke out among audience members who misunderstood Noreen’s words and took them to mean she was in favour of Animal domestication. Although she made several attempts to clarify her position, the audience members would have none of it. After several minutes of name-calling and threats to Noreen’s safety, UWT security removed the offending Animals and shut the session down. Park Police officer Gareth Shepherd then escorted Noreen home.

On Twitter this morning, Noreen thanked Officer Shepherd and sought once again to clarify her stand on Animal domestication.

gareth

“I did NOT say that domestication by Humans is acceptable,” she wrote. “Rather, I said that domestication is a complicated issue and there are circumstances under which living with Humans is the best option.”

She also wrote that she believes that strengthening The Park’s economy, educating Animals and encouraging Animal self-rule are the best methods by which we can eliminate both the need and desire for domestication.

“Life is never easy, but self-determination beats domestication,” she concluded.

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Filed Under: Breaking News, Noreen, Park Life Tagged With: animal domestication, Humans, Noreen

Administration gives go-ahead to police for “stop and sniff,” but only for Humans

November 3, 2016 By TMD Police Reporter

FCSW President Gareth ShepherdIn a stunning reversal of policy, The Park’s administration has agreed to allow members of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) to use a long-forbidden but popular policing technique known as “stop and sniff.”

At a press conference this afternoon, Pia Hyena, chief negotiator for Park administration, confirmed that as of November 14, members of the FCSW will be allowed to use the technique, but only on Humans.

“This new right does not come without restrictions,” Hyena said, emphasizing that the administration would come down hard on any FCSW member who used the technique on Park residents.

Following the announcement, FCWS president Gareth Shepherd said his members were “grateful” that the administration had changed its position and thus acknowledged the difficulty of policing in The Park.

“I think we’ve gotten through to them, finally,” he said, as he left the press conference with Hyena.

Still, there are those who see this new right as merely a concession to the FCSW, whose members have been campaigning for years for the right to bite and threatened bark-to-rule action if they did not attain it this year.

But in a statement issued last month regarding ongoing negotiations with the FCSW, Hyena said the right to bite was “never on the table.”

“I do, however, look forward to a continuing and friendly relationship with the federation,” she said.

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Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, Whoa! Braking News Tagged With: Federation of Canine Security Workers, right to bite, stop and sniff

Officer charged with injuring Doe of Peace at PIFF after-after party

October 6, 2016 By TMD Police Reporter

Police Officer charged

FCSW officer Paulus Koer

A Park Police officer has been charged with two counts of biting after a member of The Park’s peacekeeping force was injured during an outbreak of violence at last night’s PIFF after-after party.

Witnesses say that Doe of Peace Rozmonda Ricke, was “just doing her job,” separating the crowd at The PurrBoy Café, when a member of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) approached her from behind and pulled her tail.

According to Ricke, who has been a member of the Does since the group was founded in 2014, there was “no time” to look around to see what was happening.

“I was focused on my job, which was to de-escalate the violence that suddenly had erupted at the café,” she said in a sworn statement early this morning.

When she did not respond to the tail-pulling, Paulus Koer, the FCSW officer, allegedly bit her on the back in an attempt to stop her from walking through the crowd. According to his statement, the second bite was necessary because the alleged victim “paid no attention to my first warning.”

The FCSW officer will appear in court today, where a date for trial will be set.

FCSW president Gareth Shepherd is expected to hold a press conference later this afternoon.

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Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture, Whoa! Braking News Tagged With: biting, Does of Peace, FCSW, Federation of Canine Security Workers, Park #police

Police trainees find more lucrative positions outside Park: report

September 29, 2016 By TMD Police Reporter

police_dogA report released today says that a significant number of Park Police trainees and graduates are opting to accept full-time positions outside The Park.

The report, which was commissioned by the Archons and conducted by the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), found that at least eighteen percent of those who graduated within the past five years have availed themselves of employment opportunities in Human police forces outside The Park.

“We are bleeding our brightest and our best,” Kakapo said at a press conference outside Park police headquarters this morning.

Faced with these figures, Kakapo said The Park has no choice but to address the problems that are facing the force. He cited one statistic he called “particularly alarming,” and that is that at least one quarter of the eighteen percent who left  listed their top three reasons for the move as better pay, more respect from the public, and less interference from their superiors.

Kakapo said he plans to sit down this weekend with Gareth Shepherd, head of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) to discuss what can be done to keep trainees and graduates in The Park.

“This is a crisis situation and we plan to address it as such,” Kakapo said.

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Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: FCSW, Park #police, police recruits

Security workers threaten bark-to-rule action over right to bite policy

July 5, 2016 By TMD Police Reporter

FCSW President Gareth Shepherd

Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers

The Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) is threatening to stage a bark-to-rule action unless Park administration reinstates the right of officers to bite offenders “when necessary.”[pullquote]Right now our hands—and our mouths—are tied. We have nothing to back up our claim to authority.—Gareth Shepherd, President, Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW)[/pullquote]

The federation of over four hundred officers, which forms the backbone of The Park’s Police Force, has been in talks with administration regarding this issue for the past two months. But so far, says FCSW president Gareth Shepherd, they have come to no satisfactory resolution.

“Park administration doesn’t appear to understand our position in this matter,” he told The Mammalian Daily this morning.

“We are asking for the right to bite only as a last resort. Right now our hands—and our mouths—are tied. We have nothing to back up our claim to authority,” he said.

Even though The Park’s Police Force has had a no-biting policy in place for almost twenty-five years, several FCSW officers have been charged with doing so in recent years. Shepherd, himself, was suspended from duty in February of 2013, after he was charged with biting members of Les Amis de Hieronymous (The Friends of Hieronymous) during a roundup. He was later cleared of the charges and reinstated.

The FCSW’s position is that the realities of modern Park life make a change in policy necessary, but Park administration says it remains unconvinced.

“This seems like a step backward to us and until we view it otherwise, we are not inclined to alter the policy,” a spokesAnimal told the Mammalian Daily.

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Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, Whoa! Braking News Tagged With: no biting policy, Park #police

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