• Home
  • About The Mammalian Daily
    • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
    • A note about our style
  • Welcome to The Park
    • About The Park
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Park Life
    • Educational Institutions
      • University of West Terrier
      • Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life
      • Leonardo Language and Culture Institute
      • The Hani Gajah School of Art
      • Park School of Aesthetics
    • Shops and Retail
    • Restaurants and Pubs
    • Financial Institutions
      • Currency
    • Health & Well-Being
      • Hospitals and Clinics
      • Directory of Park Health Services
    • Grooming Houses
      • Amoltrud’s Aesthetics
      • En Garde Hair and Skin Salon
      • Halcyon Days Canine Coiffure
      • KwikLiks
      • Tallulah’s Toilettage
      • The Mane Event
      • The Pluming Room
    • Park Services
      • Architects and Construction Services
      • Employment Service
      • Entertainment and Party Services
      • Financial Services
      • Home Services
      • Image and Consulting Services
      • Legal Services
      • Park-Sponsored Programmes
      • Personal Services
      • Real Estate Services
      • Translation Services
      • Travel & Transportation Services
    • Charities
    • Citizen Aid & Action Associations
      • Associations, Federations, and Alliances
      • Political Reform Groups
      • Environmental Groups
      • Immigrant and Citizen Aid Groups
      • Education Groups
    • Sports
  • Arts in The Park
    • Art Galleries in The Park
    • Theatres and Cinemas
    • Music Makers
    • The Barkettes
      • History and Legacy of The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and the Barkettes Celebrate 10 Years of Sensational Singing Success
      • Olden Goldies: Noreen Interviews The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and The Barkettes: Hits and Recordings
    • The Library
    • Book Reviews
  • Media in The Park
    • Newspapers
    • Magazines
    • Radio Stations
    • Television Stations
    • Publishing Companies
    • Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
  • Fun
    • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
    • See Our Ads
      • A Different Reality
      • Canine Standup Comedy
      • Fake News
      • Financial Crisis
      • Liquid Assets
      • Monkey See
      • Solid Ground
      • Who We Are
      • Think Outside the Book

The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen
  • Breaking News
    • NewsBits
    • Whoa! Braking News
  • Politics/Law/Crime
    • Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Economy and Business
  • Education
  • Health and Medicine
    • Media
      • Month Without Metaphor
  • Focus on
  • Science and Technology
  • Arts, Entertainment, and Culture
    • Park Life
      • Ask a Poodle
      • Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
      • Passings
      • Gossip and Rumour
    • Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)
    • PIFF Piffle
    • Thisbe and the Barkettes
  • Noreen
    • Dear Noreen Advice Columns
  • Sports
    • Let’s Talk Balls!
  • Interviews
    • Five Questions For…
    • Survivor Profiles
  • Archives
    • Wednesday Rewind
    • Nostalgia
    • From the Vault

OTD in 2017—Noreen nominated for literary award for UWT speech on Human architecture

May 8, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Official NoreenBREAKING NEWS: Noreen has been nominated for a Chitter Radio Literary Award.

In an announcement this morning, CRLA director Guadalupe Tucán confirmed Noreen’s nomination in the speech category for her address at a University of West Terrier forum this past Autumn.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies served as chair of the two-day October event, which discussed the effects of Human architecture on other Animals. Other participants included faculty members in the UWT Schools of Architecture, Medicine, and Economics and Social Science, as well as community architects and professionals working in the fields of physical and mental health.

Noreen’s speech, which was entitled, “Doors, Screens, Walls, Halls: The Ins and Outs of Human Architecture,” was exceptionally well-received at the event, according to university officials and forum participants.

This is Noreen’s first CRLA nomination.

The Chitter Radio Literary Awards will be held on June 15, 2017.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Noreen, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Chitter Radio Literary Award, Human architecture, Noreen, speech

OTD in 2015—Dear Noreen: Humans taketh away and Humans giveth

March 30, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Official NoreenDEAR NOREEN: I am a two year-old Canine living with a family of Humans. One of my dearest companions is a six year-old who lives in a house down the street.

One day, when we were playing, he confided to me that he was a “rescue.” I confessed that I didn’t know what a “rescue” was and he explained that he had been physically and emotionally abused by another group of Humans and had been removed from their home. He said he spent almost a year in some short of shelter until his present family adopted him. He says he is very happy now.

I, on the other hand, am now quite troubled. I never spent much time thinking about Humans, but I guess I thought they were nice. Now, I’m not so sure. Why would they do such a thing to my friend? Is this regular Human behaviour? Would others do the same thing? Am I in danger? I have so many questions and I don’t know who to ask. Please help me.—SCARED AND FEELING ALONE

DEAR SCARED AND FEELING ALONE: Ah, the horrors of losing one’s innocence. I feel your pain and confusion. Perhaps I can help you understand a bit more, by tackling your questions one by one. But be warned: you will never be able to understand fully because the truth is that it’s not fully understandable.

Anyone who reads this newspaper regularly, of course, knows my opinion of Humans: they’re lovely to look at…but I wouldn’t want to live with them.

Yet, many Canines do live with them and enjoy it immensely. And others suffer from it as your friend did.

We can only come to terms with what happened to your friend by understanding this first: although they exhibit a pack mentality, Humans are individuals and, as such, they act on their own much of the time. Some of these rogue Humans do despicable things but, be assured of this: these acts are not acceptable to the majority of the Human pack. Evolution has worked wonders on Humans in that way, at least.

You ask, “Is this regular Human behaviour?” And the answer is no, it’s not. Although it’s not uncommon, it’s not statistically normal for Humans to abuse Animals who live with them.

Why would they do such a thing, though? Human motivation is puzzling even to those who have been studying it for years. But, I would suggest that often the problem is rooted in their own insecurity about their place in the world, compounded by jealousy of the abilities of other species. At the individual level, many Humans simply pick on those they see as less powerful or more vulnerable because it makes them feel more powerful and less vulnerable.

Are you in danger? No one knows that for sure, but from what you say about your own home situation, it doesn’t seem as though you are. It’s always best to keep your eyes open, though, because Human behaviour can change in an instant. If you notice your Humans becoming more irritable or blaming you for things, or if they become more violent in any way, I would suggest you call the Assaulted Animals Helpline (1-899-27728583) immediately.

I regret that, in this space, I can only offer the beginning of an explanation of this very serious situation. I would, however, like to share with you this ironic twist that gives us all hope: in the vast majority of cases, Animals who have been abused by Humans are saved by other Humans.

Humans taketh away and Humans giveth.

Dear Noreen is a regular feature of The Mammalian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for Noreen, please send it via Twitter at @talkswithnoreen.


lovely-to-look-at-front-coverFor more insight into Humans, buy Noreen’s book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans

Filed Under: Breaking News, Dear Noreen Advice Columns, On This Day Tagged With: animal abuse, Humans, Noreen, saving animals

OTD in 2015—Noreen to join TMD commentating crew at Groundhog Day celebrations

January 30, 2025 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Official NoreenNoreen will be joining The Mammalian Daily’s commentating crew as they tweet live from The Park’s annual Groundhog Day celebrations.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist, who will resume her duties at the newspaper in mid-February, says she is “thrilled” to have the opportunity to connect with celebrants at the event as well as with those at home.

“Groundhog Day is one of the most important days on The Park’s calendar. I feel privileged to have been asked to communicate the wonder of it all through social media,” she said in a statement released today.

The columnist, who is also adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier, has been on leave since November. She has been promoting her book, Lovely To Look At, outside The Park and said in a radio interview last week that she intends to write about her experiences as soon as she gets back to work.

Follow the Groundhog Day celebrations on Twitter!


lovely-to-look-at-front-cover Order Noreen’s book here!

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Media, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: Groundhog Day, Lovely To Look At, Noreen

OTD in 2015—Noreen shocks Yannis Tavros listeners: “Let’s organize a Superfan Saturday!”

July 31, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Official NoreenListeners to the Yannis Tavros show on Wednesday were treated not only to an exclusive interview with Noreen, but to an extemporaneous ode to superfans and a spontaneous call to honour their contributions.

“The rôle of superfans has changed immensely over my lifetime in that they now have an actual rôle to play in the careers of their idols,” said the Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier.

“Their relationship to the stars, whether they be musicians, painters, singers, sculptors, writers…has become symbiotic and I truly believe this is a positive thing.”

Noreen, who has herself been called “the ultimate superfan,” because of her longstanding loyalty and affection for Thisbe and the Barkettes, was a solo guest on the Toro Talk Radio show Wednesday. While taking calls from listeners, Noreen experienced what she called a “whistle in her ear,” a term she has used often for the phenomenon of an idea that presents itself to her out of the blue.

“We need to organize a Superfan Saturday!” she exclaimed, taking Tavros and the radio station by surprise. “Let’s make a commitment, right here and now to honour superfans publicly. If you are a superfan, call in now. We’ll take down your name and details and get back to you about the time and date.”

By the time the show was finished, Noreen and the radio technicians had a list of hundreds of superfans, and a queue of several hundred more waiting on the phones.

While Tavros seemed stunned, Noreen was obviously thrilled by the response. She said she planned to visit the office of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations as soon as she took off her microphone.

“Let’s do this!” she barked. “This is going to be one heck of a celebration!”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, Noreen, On This Day, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Noreen, superfans, Yannis Tavros

OTD in 2015—Noreen to appear on Yannis Tavros show to discuss phenomenon of superfans

July 25, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

YannisTavros

Yannis Tavros will devote his show on Wednesday to the subject of superfans

Yannis Tavros will devote his Wednesday afternoon radio talk show to the subject of superfans and his special guest will be Noreen.

In a press release issued today, Toro Talk Radio confirmed the appearance of the Mammalian Daily advice columnist and Adjunct Professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier:

“Toro Talk Radio is pleased to announce that Noreen will join Yannis Tavros on his show on Wednesday. The subject will be the phenomenon of the superfan. Yannis will be taking calls throughout the show and callers will also have the opportunity to talk directly to Noreen,” the press release said.

In his pre-show podcast yesterday, Tavros said he’d been thinking about the subject of superfans for a while, but it had become a more timely issue after the recent death of Millicent Hayberry’s superfan Xanthippe Porcupine.

“I’ve been doing some research on the subject and I have to say I find it fascinating,” he said in the podcast. “The rôle of the superfan has changed significantly in the last few years and I look forward to discussing it with Noreen, the Animal whom some consider to be the ultimate superfan.”

Noreen’s loyalty to Thisbe and the Barkettes is legendary in The Park, and she has on many occasions attributed her entire career success to them. In fact, she dedicated her first book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans to the musical group.

lovely-to-look-at-front-coverBuy Noreen’s book here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans, Noreen, radio talk show, superfans, Yannis Tavros

OTD in 2015—Noreen’s commencement address: five phrases and one word for you to grow forward with

June 15, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

UWT COAT“Students, families, President, Governors: Thank you. If ever there was one word that could hold a lifetime of advice, it is this: Yield.”

I stand here today humbled. Humbled by the invitation to speak to you, the graduating class of 2015. Humbled as a Canine who never attended the University of West Terrier or, indeed, any institution of higher learning. Humbled as a Canine who has, in many ways, lived by her wits and, by doing so, has found a home here among your esteemed educators.

When I first received the invitation from your President and Governors, I was overwhelmed. It seemed like the most daunting of tasks, thinking of something of substance to tell the young as they embark on adult life. While as an advice columnist and researcher, I was used to telling you what I’d observed and experienced in my lifetime, I couldn’t imagine what I could tell you about what you may observe and experience in your lifetime.

Then, after much deliberation, I realized that some of the best advice I could offer was, in fact, no advice at all. Instead, I’ve chosen to give you the gift of “food for thought” and to allow you, yourselves, to ponder your own future.

What I’m going to say to you today may seem simple, even trite, perhaps obvious, or even irrelevant. But as you move through life, I can almost guarantee, you will gain an increasing understanding of its relevance. So, my only piece of advice is this: keep this short list handy and refer to it from time to time. You will be amazed at how these few phrases impart even more wisdom as you age.

What I have to offer you today can be summed up in five phrases—and one word. These are phrases that I have culled from—gasp—the Human world. That is, after all, my area of study.

During my travels and, particularly, during my recent book tour, I had the good fortune to observe the many pieces of advice that Humans post openly in their world. I’ve discovered that Humans are quite clever in the way they plaster their highways and byways with wise sayings. I have selected a few of these to offer you today and I will demonstrate their relevance to your own life.

  1. Always secure your own [oxygen] mask first before assisting others
    I confess, I was confused by this sign before I was able to glean its true meaning. It is not, as it appears, a call to abandon altruism. Rather, it is a warning to all living beings to make sure that they are in a position to follow through on any help they offer others. Make sure your own foundation is strong before you make promises and if it is not, strengthen it first. Don’t abandon a job halfway because you run out of resources. Plan ahead.
  2.  No Parking
    Stagnation is the enemy of all living beings. You must keep moving, physically, mentally, emotionally. Don’t settle for comfort. Yes, enjoy the fruits of your labour and of your luck. But don’t stop there. There is always much work to be done in the world and never enough time for any one generation to do it.
  3.  No Diving Allowed
    This may seem almost the opposite of what I’ve just said, but it is not. And, I admit, the Human fear of failure is evident here. But after a bit more thought, I realized that this was only a warning against precipitous action. Make sure you’ve done your research, have a backup plan and a support system. Make sure the water is deep enough before you dive in.
  4. Yield
    If ever there was one word that could hold a lifetime of advice, it is this: Yield. Particularly in The Park, where the lives of so many different species converge, there is no better piece of advice that one could give than to yield. Step aside. Let others pass. Make sure your fellow citizens get what they need. You will never regret it.
  5. This bag is not a toy
    As I’m sure you can see, this phrase can have a variety of meanings, but none is a warning against play. And while the true meaning of this phrase seemed elusive to me for some time, I have come to understand it more fully in the last year. Play is good—and necessary—but make sure you understand the boundaries of its arena. Some things, though not all, warrant seriousness, even gravity. Be sure you can distinguish one from the other.
  6. The objects in the mirror are closer than they appear
    And now, perhaps the most important of all. Humans have a phrase, “History repeats itself.” The sad fact is that it does. It is incumbent upon us to understand that whatever gains we make—as individuals, as species, or as any large group—may be undone in an instant if we are not vigilant. Look in the rearview mirror often. Understand the past. Understand where you and your ancestors came from and what their lives were like. And never forget it. History is not fiction. The horrors of the past can easily creep back up on us to become the horrors of the present. Be attuned: those footsteps are never very far behind.

And, so, I conclude here, leaving you with a few things to think about as you move forward in your lives.

To you, the class of 2015, I wish everything good: health, happiness, the chance to pursue your goals, and to live as long a life as your species allows. Congratulations!”

This address was delivered by Noreen at the University of West Terrier commencement ceremonies on June 1, 2015.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Noreen, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: commencement address, Noreen

OTD in 2015—Noreen to be Barkettes’ special guest at opening concert in The Park on May 8

May 8, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

NoreenNoreen will be the special guest of The Barkettes tonight at their opening concert in The Park, it was announced this morning.

The longtime fan and supporter of the singers will appear onstage in the second half of the performance, according to a press release issued this morning by the group’s manager Hilde Blaft. The release did not say whether or not Noreen will join in the singing.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier was the first journalist to land a sit-down interview with the group more than ten years ago. Since then, Noreen has given up her own dreams of becoming a Barkette in favour of her journalistic and academic career.

Last year, Noreen published her first book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans. She dedicated the book “To Thisbe and the Barkettes. For everything.”

Tonight’s concert begins at 8:00 p.m. at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.


lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

Click on the image to buy Noreen’s book.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Lovely To Look At, music, Noreen, singers, Thisbe and the Barkettes

On This Day—October 31, 2014: Park Animals may be predisposed to eating Human food: Noreen

October 31, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Official NoreenWe shouldn’t judge Park Finance Officer Milton Struts too harshly if, in fact, he did accept an offer of food from Humans.

So writes Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier, who begins a leave of absence tomorrow to promote her new book, Lovely To Look At.

In an open letter to be published this weekend on The Mammalian Daily web site, Noreen encourages Park citizens to be “tolerant of the effects that proximity to Humans has had on our population.”

“There is scientific evidence that has come to us from experiments performed at the University of West Terrier that indicates very strongly that the prolonged exposure to Humans experienced by Park Animals has had a profound effect on our senses, most notably our senses of smell and taste,” she writes.

It is not surprising, then, that we have developed a taste for Human food, despite its inferior quality and our limited ability to digest it.

“Time was, no Park Animal would even consider eating something a Human eats. But times have changed. Not only do we consider it, but many more of us than we realize actually do it. It is the ‘dirty little secret’ that many Animals will not speak about. Whether or not Mr. Struts did eat the food as has been reported, it opens up a dialogue that we should have had a long time ago.” she writes.


lovely-to-look-at-front-coverNoreen’s book, Lovely To Look At, will be published in early November.
Copies will be available for purchase at the Toronto International Book Fair (November 13-16) and on the publisher’s web site thereafter.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Health and Medicine, Noreen, Park Life Tagged With: book, Lovely To Look At, Noreen

On This Day—October 2, 2014: One last assignment: Noreen to cover Frankfurt Book Fair before leave starts

October 2, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Noreen official badge portraitNoreen will be taking a short break from her work here at The Mammalian Daily in order to promote her book, Lovely To Look At.

But before her leave starts on November 1, she has accepted one last Mammalian Daily assignment: covering the Frankfurt Book Fair in early October.

In a press release dated today, Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas confirmed both Noreen’s six-month leave from the paper and her last assignment:

It is with great pleasure that we announce today that our advice columnist Noreen will be taking a six-month leave of absence commencing November 1. She will be spending that time promoting her book, Lovely To Look At.

Before she leaves us, though, Noreen has accepted one last assignment. She will be covering the Frankfurt Book Fair between October 8 and October 12. We take pride in being the only Park newspaper to be sending a correspondent to the largest book fair in the world.

Although we will miss her come November, all of us at The Mammalian Daily wish her great success in this and in her future endeavours.” 

 

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Noreen, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: books, Frankfurt Book Fair, Noreen, publishing

On This Day—September 22, 2016: Noreen to chair UWT forum on effects of Human architecture on other Animals

September 22, 2023 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Official NoreenThe President and Governors of the University of West Terrier announced today that Noreen will chair a forum on the effects of Human architecture on the lives of other Animals. The forum, which will be hosted by the UWT School of Architecture, will take place on the university’s campus on October 8 and 9.

The university called the Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human studies the “perfect choice” to chair the discussion because “her abilities as a mediator and as a researcher are exceptional.”

Participants in the forum will include faculty members of the UWT School of Architecture as well as faculty of the Schools of Medicine and Economics and Social Science. In addition, the university has invited community architects and professionals working in the fields of physical and mental health and well-being to share their knowledge and expertise.

Read the university’s full announcement here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Noreen, Park Life Tagged With: effects of Human architecture on other Animals, Human architecture, Noreen, University of West Terrier

Next Page »

Follow Us

  • X
  • Facebook
  • YouTube

Mammalian Daily-Related Sites

  • The Park Census
  • The Park Museum
  • The University of West Terrier

The Mammalian Daily on Twitter

  • Chef Tab Tricolore
  • Gunnar Rotte
  • Hieronymous Hedgehog
  • Mammalian Daily
  • Media's Month Without Metaphor
  • Millicent Hayberry
  • Noreen
  • Park Groundhog Day Celebrations
  • Pieter Paard
  • PIFF Reports
  • Yannis Tavros

Welcome to the Media Circus!

Looking for something?

Archives

How wise you are to read this newspaper!

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

TMD quick links

  • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
  • The Best of Noreen
  • Interviews
  • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
  • Nostalgia: Celebrating 1,000 articles!

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

May 2025
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Apr    

Contents Copyright © 2025 The Mammalian Daily