The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

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On This Day—November 20, 2014: First week of December designated as “Sneak Peek Week” at Park Museum

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Park MuseumThe Park Museum has designated the first week of December as “Sneak Peek Week.”

In a statement released yesterday, The Board of Governors issued an invitation to all Park Animals to take a sneak peek at their museum.

“In anticipation of its January 2015 opening, all Park Animals are invited to explore the museum free of charge, from 10:00 a.m. until 11:00 p.m., December 1-7, inclusive,” the statement reads.

The museum, which is still under construction but is scheduled to open officially in January 2015, was designed by the architectural firm of Fleck + Stone. The complex will include a library and an art gallery and the museum itself will serve as the permanent home of many important Park artefacts, including the Varrian Calendar.

For more information, please check the museum’s web site at parkmuseum.info.

On This Day—October 31, 2016: Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt: Park Museum hosts first pop-up exhibit to honour POPS election process

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beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt-for-park-museumIn celebration of this year’s POPS election season, The Park Museum will host a pop-up exhibit entitled, “Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt.”

In an announcement yesterday afternoon, the museum’s Board of Governors said the multimedia exhibit is meant to honour the POPS election process as well as this year’s unconventional campaign.

The exhibit will showcase material related to the 2003 decision by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon to open the position of POPS to elections. It will also feature memorabilia from past campaigns, including posters, flyers, buttons, newspaper interviews, television and radio interviews, and recorded speeches.

This is the first pop-up exhibition hosted by the museum since its opening in March of 2015.

“Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt” will run from 31 October until 17 November 2016.

On This Day—October 30, 2012: Douglas Cheetah film to be re-released in time for Halloween

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Bitter Litter Pictures announced today that it has re-released Douglas Cheetah’s controversial 2007 film, Black Cats Can’t Jump, in time for the Halloween season.

In a press release, the company confirmed rumours that the director’s cut version of the film will screen at the Park Cinema for two weeks only, beginning October 30.

“We are pleased to offer our sophisticated Park audience the director’s cut of Douglas Cheetah’s groundbreaking work,” the release stated.

Through a spokesAnimal, Cheetah expressed delight that more Animals will be able to see the film.

“Five years is a long time. Many more Animals have been born and come of age in that time and I am delighted that they will be able to see this film,” he said.

Cheetah is currently out of The Park, at work on a documentary that he hopes to release at the 2013 Park Interspecial Film Festival.

On This Day—October 29, 2015: Millicent Hayberry to star in new Gianfranco Colocolo mystery series

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Millicent Hayberry Millicent Hayberry will ring in the new year by starting a new gig at the Burrow Theatre.

In a press communiqué today, the renowned actress announced that, beginning in mid-February, she will star in a series of mysteries by award-winning author Gianfranco Colocolo.

“I am very pleased to announce that 2016 will find me back onstage at the Burrow Theatre, in a series of mysteries by Gianfranco Colocolo, the award-winning author of Murder at the Fishbowl. I look forward to working with our brilliant director Jean-Luc Briard and the rest of the wonderful cast,” the communiqué said.

The Burrow Theatre confirmed that rehearsals for the first play begin on Monday.

“As Millicent is a hibernator, she will not be available after November 17, so we have to get going right away and use the time we have,” a spokesAnimal for the theatre said.

Hayberry, who is best known for her portrayal of author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, is one of The Park’s early risers and, as such, she does not plan to return to her burrow after Groundhog Day. Instead, said the theatre’s spokesAnimal, “she expects to arrive here on February 3, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to get back to work.”

On This Day—October 25, 2015: Tricolore, VVTV team up with gewper for Park’s first scented holiday show

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Tab TricoloreCelebrity chef and restaurateur Tab Tricolore and Vertebrate Vision Television have teamed up with social networking site gewper to produce The Park’s first scented holiday show.

Tricolore made the announcement this morning via simultaneous posts to his gewper and GooseBook accounts.

“Happy to announce my newest venture: will be working with Vertebrate Vision TV and scented social media site gewper on a holiday special to be broadcast during Winter Solstice celebrations. Show to be first in Park history to have scent available,” the post said.

Aldrich Nashorn, Chief Executive Officer of RhinoTech, gewper’s parent company, also posted the news on his account, saying his company hoped this would be the beginning of “many profitable unions of sight and scent.”

RhinoTech launched gewper in 2011, four years after partnering with Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., makers of the popular scent-masking product, FeralNoMore™.  At the time, the company said they developed their new site to fill a void in the industry and to this date it remains the only social networking site in The Park that delivers scent.

Although the announcements mentioned no date for the show’s airing, a Vertebrate Vision spokesAnimal said it most likely would be broadcast during the week after The Park’s annual Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

“Tab made the request for that week so that Animals would be able to focus on the show and not on the Solstice celebrations,” the spokesAnimal said.

On This Day—October 23, 2014: Controversial new “game” lets Animals experience capture, domestication

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New Park gameA new game that bills itself as “the extreme Animal experience” is being criticized by many, including some of The Park’s citizen aid and action associations.

The game, which is called Kokemus!, was created by KartalTechSolutions, S.A. in association with Geoffrey’s Cat Entertainment. This is the first time that Geoffrey’s Cat Entertainment, best known for their award-winning film, Black Cats Can’t Jump, has ventured outside the world of film.

In a statement released today, leaders of the majority of The Park’s immigrant and refugee aid groups came down hard on the game, saying it “traumatized the young, caused and promoted fear, and made light of the real experiences suffered by Park Animals.”

Angus Deerhound, media relations representative for Runaway Rovers, a group that assists formerly domestic Canines, called the game “despicable” and suggested that it be outlawed as soon as possible.

“If the creators of this game knew anything about the situations they depict as fictional, they would never have produced such a thing. It is an insult to any Animal who has survived enforced domestication,” he said.

Inez Gallina, President of Home to Roost, echoed Deerhound’s sentiments this morning in an interview on CLucK Radio.

“They [the creators] must be heartless to suggest that it’s fun to put Animals through the kind of trauma that we see every day,” she said.

But Talia Katsikas, Founder and Director of the Working Wounded Performing Arts Company, praised the game.

“Anything that raises awareness of the plight of those who have experienced enforced domestication or suffered the pain and loneliness of immigration, is a positive thing, in my view. The more they play that game, the greater will be their understanding of many of our fellow citizens. We should all welcome any opportunity to spend some time in another Animal’s coat,” she said.

On This Day—October 22, 2015: Canine Music Association, PHS join forces to push for Barkettes museum

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The Canine Music Association has teamed up with the Park Historical Society and members of The Park’s music community to push for the establishment of a museum to honour the life and work of Thisbe and the Barkettes.

In the current issue of the Association’s monthly newsletter, CMA president, R.F. Aarrf makes the case for the museum, writing that the disappearance last May of the set list from the first concert of the Barkettes’ Bring Your Own Bone tour was “the straw that broke the Barkettes’ back.”

“The intention was for the set list to be preserved for eternity,” Aarrf writes. “Instead, it was stolen from right under our noses because there was no security. If nothing else, this event highlights the need for a proper home to honour the group’s legacy.”

Aarrf also criticizes the decision to place the original sheet music of “Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed” at The Park Museum.

“With all due respect to The Park Museum, this is a travesty. Not to have a suitable home for such an important piece of Park musical history is an embarrassment to the Barkettes. Shame on The Park,” he writes.

This is not the first time that Aarrf has fought for a Barkettes museum. Two years ago, he called out the Park Finance Office (PFO) for incompetence and short sightedness for not properly supporting the arts and he warned that funding cuts and ignorance threatened the Barkettes’ legacy.

This time, Aarrf says he won’t take no for an answer, nor will his ally, Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces. In fact, they are asking everyone to sign a petition to tell the Archons that The Park needs a Barkettes museum.

“The Barkettes broke the species barrier when it came to music and they paved the way for the success of all other Park musicians. We are long overdue in honouring them by keeping their accomplishments alive for the next generations,” he said on the Yannis Tavros show yesterday.

On This Day—October 19, 2016: ZEAL, Stinktier make peace at Snowbird Farewell

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zeal-stinktier

Popular Park singer ZEAL and Faramund Stinktier of the SCENTient Beings duo set aside their differences yesterday to play an emotional set together at the annual Snowbird Farewell.

It was an intense few minutes, not only for the two musicians but for all the celebrants at the annual gathering in honour of The Park’s Avian migrators. A few seconds after concluding the duo’s greatest hit, “Beings and Nuttiness,” the father of Reekabilly music ushered his singing partner Harimann Stinktier off the stage and invited ZEAL to come up and perform with him.

A very surprised ZEAL graciously accepted the invitation, and they sang three songs—two of ZEAL’s and one of the Beings’—before they left the stage.

Asked later by a reporter whether he’d planned the move, Stinktier said he hadn’t.

“I saw him [ZEAL] standing there in the audience and, you know, we haven’t spoken since he backed out of performing at the Winter Solstice celebrations because of my decision to transition to a Zebra. But when I saw him, it just made sense to me to give it a try. I didn’t ask him for understanding and we have no plans to sing together again. It was just a moment and that moment seemed right for us to bring harmony to the event,” he said.

ZEAL has not said anything about his performance yesterday.

On This Day—October 13, 2014: Park Repertory Theatre to raise funds from tours of Aardeekhoorn’s burrow

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The burrow of the late playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn will be the subject of a series of guided tours hosted by the Park Repertory Theatre, The Mammalian Daily has learned.

The tours will help the theatre raise much-needed funds, according to Chief Executive, Valencienne Castor.

“We struggle to make ends meet and Imogen was well aware of the situation. I believe that was one of the reasons she left the burrow to the theatre,” Castor says.

Aardeekhoorn, who died this past July, willed her burrow to the theatre on the condition that it remain as it was found after her death. Castor is adamant that “nothing has been touched or moved” since the will was probated by the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg.

Before the probate, there was talk of opening a second stage in the burrow or a studio space for students of the Millicent Hayberry Centre for the Study of Drama and Performance at the University of West Terrier. Those plans have been shelved, at least for now, said Castor, in part due to funding issues.

“We are not able, at this time, to contemplate opening a second space and we do not want to enter into a competition with the Burrow Theatre,” Castor told The Mammalian Daily.

“Our goal is to honour Imogen’s wishes and we know that she wanted the Park Repertory Theatre to survive.”

On This Day—October 8, 2016: Harvest Festival organizers issue edict: no woes allowed

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Harvest FestivalIt’s official. The organizers of Tuesday’s Harvest Festival have issued an edict barring the advancement of any political or other agenda at this year’s event. And, in doing so, they claim to have the full backing of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

The edict is in keeping with last year’s decision not to allow The Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP) and the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) to host information booths at the Autumn celebration.

In a statement released late yesterday afternoon, the organizers said the festival “forbids any Animal or organization of Animals to “establish a presence at the Festival for the purpose of disseminating information unrelated to the Festival and/or of advancing a political or social agenda.”

The statement concludes by saying that the Harvest Festival is meant to be a “happy” event, a “celebration of our work and of our bounty,” and that all Animals are entitled to feel “joy and safety there, no matter what their beliefs are.”

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