Satirical fiction in newspaper form
Today’s poem is by Marcel-Marcelle T. Snail, Jr., who is best known in The Park as one of the founders of the Slow Art Movement (SAM).
SnailMale
HermaphroDart
Whose conquest is this, anyway?
Our species will survive,
no matter who claims victory.
Still, my male half-self takes aim
to overpower you,
to shower you,
with love darts
from the heart.
Today’s poetry selection is by Aubrey Ant, a seventh generation Park citizen.
If the Shoe Fits
In the distance
your fair voice calls me –
traversing walkways, skirting cracks,
you steer me home.
Then I see it:
so large,
yet carefully crafted.
Fuzzy velcro at its side.
Now it is dark.
He, the wearer, calls out to you,
but you cannot hear him.
His voice, teases,
singing
“Family man?”
As April continues, we proudly present more of the creative work of Park Animals. Today’s poem was written by Setsuko Macaque, a first generation Park citizen who was a proud member of the swim team in the 26 AZ (2008) Interspecial Summer Games.
Homage to Imo
Koshima Island
Sweet potatoes in the dirt
Imo, our teacher
April is “Poetry Month” in the Human world and that has inspired us to publish some of the most beautiful poems that Park Animals have written.
Today’s entry is by Pietro Parrot, an outspoken member of The Park’s Avian community. Pietro’s work has appeared in The Mammalian Daily (Issue #110), as well as in Poetance and other Park poetry journals.
Polly: Wanna Cracker?
and all thoughts
of heaven and earth
diminish
then converge
upon us
in our loneliness
and grief
at being struck
by mediocrity
Our newest literary magazine has issued a curious invitation to The Park’s creative community: please read us, but don’t try to write for us.
Grains of Truth, a journal that describes itself as “the embodiment of excellence” and “publisher of only the best in Animal writing” sent its first edition to store shelves less than a week ago. Along with it came an insert that warned writers not to attempt to have their work published in the journal.
The insert, which begins, “Dear Writers,” outlines the magazine’s policy vis-à-vis unsolicited submissions:
“While we maintain great respect for the work of The Park’s artistic community, we have neither the Animalpower nor the will to sift through piles of submissions in search of material to publish in our magazine. We appreciate your interest in our journal and hope that you enjoy reading the excellent fiction you find in it.”
The magazine’s editor, Dorine Ovella, declined The Mammalian Daily’s invitation to clarify the submission policy. Through a spokesAnimal, however, she issued this statement:
“We meant no offence to any writer when we issued our submission statement. We are a private journal and, as such, we reserve the right to publish work that is to our taste and, hopefully, to the taste of our readers.”
Take that, Science!
Veteran Park musicians, SpontaneousGeneration, have topped the charts with their latest recording, Inanimates Matter.
A spokesAnimal for Rotunda Records, the group’s label, confirmed that the new single, which was released as a digital download just two weeks ago, has surpassed the company’s expectations.
“Sales have quadrupled in the last few days and there are no signs of a slowdown,” the spokesAnimal told The Mammalian Daily.
While some of the group’s critics attribute the song’s success to the warmer weather, fans claim it is the group’s best release since Maggot May.
“It would be hard to top the songs on [the group’s 12-song collection] Vital Heat, but this comes pretty close,” said the president of the SpontaneousGeneration fan club.
With two days to go before Groundhog Day, Thisbe and the Barkettes are set to re-release one of their earliest hits.
A spokesanimal for Rotunda Records confirmed this morning that one of the Barkettes’ most popular and controversial songs, Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed, has been digitally re-mastered and will be available for download this afternoon.
The song, upon which Varden Spaniel’s film is based, was a runaway hit when it was first released over a decade ago. It proved controversial, however, when a few critics called it a “sellout hit” and accused the Barkettes of promoting the role of Animals as the pets of Humans.
“Lyrics such as ‘Stuffed Dogs don’t shed/or break your heart/Don’t snuggle in bed/or inspire art’ serve as a clarion call to Humans to adopt living Animals rather than stuffed replicas,” said a review in The Ruminant Free Press.
The Barkettes never directly addressed the controversy, even though it was well-known that at least three of the group’s members were living with Humans at the time they recorded the song.
Some of The Park’s political pundits believe there is a significance to the date of the song’s re-release. During yesterday’s special forum, hosted by Yannis Tavros of Toro Talk Radio, Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, expressed his view that “the composition of the 2012 government might lead to a more pro-Human stance in policy.” Grouse was referring to the fact that, of the 35 Archons selected by lottery this year, a larger number than usual belong to species that have a history of being companions to Humans. Grouse reiterated his statement this morning, adding that he thought the song’s re-release in anticipation of the Archons’ address on Groundhog Day might be an attempt to “soften the impact of their [the Archons’] planned policy direction.”
The Barkettes have made no official comment on the re-release of their song.
Related article: Barkettes documentary to open Park film festival
Chitter Radio, one of The Park’s most popular talk radio stations, has brought The Park Annual Literary Awards (PALA) back from the brink.
At a press conference this morning, Chitter President and C.E.O., Albana Ketri, confirmed that Radio 244883.7 (known as Chitter Radio) would assume full financial sponsorship of the Awards.
“We are delighted to announce that Chitter Radio will be the exclusive sponsor of the 2012 Park Annual Literary Awards. We look forward to forging a strong connection with the Awards and see this as a great opportunity to promote literacy both inside and outside The Park,” she said.
The Awards had previously been supported by The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, but budgetary constraints forced it to renege on its promise of funding for the 2012 season.
At the press conference, Ketri emphasized that Chitter Radio considers its association with PALA to be both a “privilege and a responsibility” and stated that Chitter Radio is “unequivocally committed” to maintaining the high standards and integrity with which PALA is associated.
The Park Annual Literary Awards take place 15 June.
When violence broke out between Park Police and protesters at an otherwise peaceful anti-amalgamation rally in August, many Animals (both in attendance and at home) assumed that The Park’s court system would deal with the fallout. After an open investigation into the matter, which relatively few Animals attended and which was only covered superficially by Park media, the event receded into memory. Never mind that one Goose was killed and several others were injured at the event; there was The Park’s film festival to attend and hibernation preparations to be made, among other (seemingly more important) things.
Contrast this with the intense reaction to the murder of the Tartan Crab, the Groundhog Day violence, and the Mongoose weather trial and you might think you see a growing trend toward apathy among Park residents.
That is, in fact, what is happening, says veteran psychoanalyst Dr. Berthilidis Strix, who is best known as co-author of the book, The Silent Cluck.
In her new book, Shaken But Not Stirred, Strix discusses the two distinct lines that she sees forming in The Park: growing prosperity alongside growing apathy. In Strix’s view, it is at the point at which these lines intersect that they become a threat to our way of life.
Unlike many analysts, Strix believes that these two seemingly independent streams feed each other and that, in fact, our growing apathy is responsible, in part, for our growing prosperity:
“Without this new-found ability to ignore the plight of others, it would be next to impossible for us, in good conscience, to amass these great quantities [of food and other material goods]…and, now, the pursuit of same has become the foundation of our growing economy.”
Strix is highly critical of what she calls this “new division of consciousness” and warns that unchecked apathy will have dire consequences for Park Animals in the future.
“We need only look to other species to see the end result [of apathy]”, she writes.
While Strix emphasizes in Shaken But Not Stirred that she can offer no solutions, one suspects that these may appear before long in a follow-up book. Her insights are far too important to serve only as philosophical fodder.
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