The Mammalian Daily

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Stoat calls for more diversity in Park’s dance community

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Park dance community lacks diversity

Choreograher Herman Stoat has called for more diversity in The Park’s dance community.

Acclaimed choreographer Herman Stoat is sounding the alarm about the lack of diversity in The Park’s professional dance community.

“We’re a pretty homogeneous group…mostly Mammals…and I don’t understand the reason for that,” he said at a gathering held to celebrate the debut of his new television show.

The Park’s premier choreographer says that, as the artistic director of his eponymous dance company, he has experienced first hand the difficulty in recruiting non-Mammalian species.

“We have auditions eight times a year and it’s such an effort to get them [non-Mammals] out. Several times a year, we advertise in papers like The Avian Messenger and The Ornis Interpreter. We know they have trained dancers; we know there are brilliant amateurs in many non-Mammalian communities…but we can’t seem to interest them in pursuing a professional career.”

To that end, Stoat says, he has initiated talks with members of The Park’s non-Mammalian communities to see if they are interested in partnering with his company to establish a school of dance.

“I see it as a feeder institution,” says Stoat. “We would be training the next generation of dancers, choreographers, and teachers…so that, in ten years, you might attend a performance of the Herman Stoat Dance Company and see Birds, Reptiles, Mammals, Insects…all dancing together. That is the dream that I would like to see become a reality.”

See also:

Herman Stoat named decade’s best choreographer
Reality TV series planned for Herman Stoat dance company

Heads roll at Insect Intelligencer in wake of scandal

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Insect Intelligencer

The Insect Intelligencer advised on its front page that it has accepted the resignation of its Editor-in-Chief and other employees who were involved in the June 3, 2013 scandal.

A shake up at The Insect Intelligencer has left its Editor-in-Chief and a number of other workers at the paper unemployed.

The long-established Park newspaper advised on its front page yesterday that it had accepted the resignations of Editor-in-Chief Fannia di Volo, as well as those of three community editors, four staff reporters and a number of other unnamed employees, in the wake of the June 4 scandal.

As of today, these positions remain unfilled, according to a spokesAnimal for the daily. The Intelligencer will continue to publish, however, as it overhauls its hiring and editorial policies.

The paper, which launched its own investigation into the matter on Monday, is also the subject of investigation by the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP) and the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN).

While C-SNAP has no sanctioning authority, the ANMPN has confirmed that it is “looking very seriously” at levying a fine against the newspaper.

In an interview on Reptile Radio yesterday afternoon, ANMPN Executive Director Nathan R. DiPressa said the Association has plans to conduct a membership survey on the subject.

“This was a very serious breach of ethics and its effects are being felt by our entire membership. We intend to voice our concerns to the Intelligencer’s management in the very near future,” he said.

Tricolore book “strong contender” at 2013 literary festivals

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Tricolore book

Renowned Park chef Tab Tricolore could take home two or more prizes from The Park’s literary festivals this June for his most recent book,”The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine.”

Renowned Park chef Tab Tricolore could take home two or more prizes from this year’s literary festivals for his book, “The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine.”

Part recipe book, part memoir, and part historical overview, Tricolore’s most recent effort has received glowing reviews from a number of Park publications, including The Panther Post and The Silvestris Star. Home cooks and other Park readers have weighed in on the book as well, with some calling it a “tour de force” and others suggesting that it should become part of The Park’s early Animal education curriculum.

“His description of his Kittenhood and of the feral world has tremendous value, especially for our young,” says Beatrice Zilonis, professor of history at the University of West Terrier.

The book is up for prizes in the non-fiction category at both the Chitter Radio Literary Awards and the Feline Fiction Fest. It is also entered in the hybrid category at the Feline Fiction Fest.

Wyuna Winkle, proprietor of The Literary Apothecary, said her shop was “overrun” by Tricolore enthusiasts when he spent a half-day there recently.

“He arrived for a short pawprinting session, but they wouldn’t let him go. He’s become quite the celebrity,” she said.

The Chitter Radio Literary Awards (formerly The Park Literary Awards) will take place on 15 June. The Feline Fiction Fest will run from 16-18 June.

Animals celebrate as newspaper declares Humans extinct

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Animals celebrate

Animals celebrate after newspaper headline declares Humans an extinct species.

Park Animals broke into a spontaneous celebration yesterday, after the Insect Intelligencer declared the Human species to be extinct.

In a bold headline splashed across its front page, the Intelligencer announced, “Human species extinct scientific body confirms.”

The headline and related story turned out to be a hoax perpetrated on the paper and The Park by two of the daily’s reporters. In a statement on the paper’s web site, editor-in-chief Fannia di Volo apologized to the public for the distasteful prank and assured Park residents that the two reporters, whose names have not been released for security reasons, have been dismissed. The article was published without bylines.

“Their actions will be dealt with in the near future,” the statement concluded.

Within a few hours, all copies of the paper had been pulled from Park stores and di Volo had contacted all subscribers and media outlets to advise them of the situation.

Di Volo confirmed later in the day that a “full-scale” internal investigation of the incident had been launched. Some related associations and agencies, including the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP), and the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN) have begun their own investigations.

Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and Executive Director of the ANMPN said he was distressed by the incident, calling it “vile” and a threat to all Park newspapers.

“Our credibility is at stake here,” he said. “This is a very serious breach of protocol and ethics.”

One of The Park’s oldest newspapers, The Insect Intelligencer was once considered one of our most authoritative and upstanding dailies. But, plagued by problems and scandals over the past few years, the paper has changed course several times and some say it appears to have lost its footing. Two years ago, it ceased publication temporarily due to a scandal and the arrest of five of its reporters. The scandal and the subsequent suspension of its popular Fly on the Wall feature resulted in a marked decrease in the paper’s readership. As of yesterday, there were no plans to alter the format or mission of the paper.

See also:

Scandal rocks Insect Intelligencer
One Human dead, reporter held for questioning outside Park
Archons at work behind scenes to secure reporter’s release

Park proclaims June to be “Enforced Domestication Awareness Month”

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The 2013 Archons have proclaimed this June as the first Enforced Domestication Awareness month.

Displaying what some have called a “take charge attitude,” the 2013 Archons have proclaimed June the first annual “Enforced Domestication Awareness” month in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning outside the law courts, Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros made the announcement. Flanked by all 34 Archons, the Rhinoceros spoke on behalf of her colleagues:

“In declaring this coming month of June the first annual Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, we are finally acknowledging the dangers of enforced domestication and committing to a strategy to overcome those dangers. This proclamation, dated 30 May 2013, signals our willingness to meet head-on one of the greatest challenges The Park has ever faced. Due to the economic downturn, we have lost many of our best and brightest to the outside world. The Park cannot afford such a brain drain. We must work toward solving our economic problems so that there exists no need to look beyond our borders for survival. And, with this awareness campaign, we hope to inform and educate Park citizens and residents about the reality of enforced domestication, so that they will be able to resist the temptation to engage with those who might tempt them to sacrifice their freedom,” she said.

While experts in the field stop short of calling the problem “Animalnapping,” the official definition of enforced domestication was broadened last year to include “enticement.” This expands the original definition of “the physical removal of Animals from The Park, without their consent, for the purpose of using them for service or companionship in a domestic situation.” According to The Park’s Departments of Statistics and Records and Well-Being and Safety, ninety-nine per cent of enforced domestications are committed by Humans.

Planned events in support of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month include workshops, a series of public service announcements that will be broadcast on all Park television and radio stations and screenings of short films about the topic. As well, the Chief Archon advised that during the month of June an information booth staffed by workers from  Runaway Rovers will be installed beside the Ancient Oak Tree. The group, which provides assistance to formerly domestic Canines, has published a series of educational brochures entitled, “Enforced Domestication: It Could Happen to You.”  These will be distributed free of charge throughout June.

Groundhog finally POPS up at Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

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2013 POPS Bastiaan Groundhog made his first public appearance at the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee. The POPS has been in seclusion since the Groundhog Day debacle began.

2013 POPS Bastiaan Groundhog made his first public appearance at the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee last Monday. The Groundhog had been in seclusion after receiving threats against his life when the prediction he made proved wrong.

Some may see the annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee as the beginning of The Park’s busy social season, but there is one Groundhog who viewed this year’s event as more of an ending, and a happy one at that.

Bastiaan Groundhog, 2013 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) chose last Monday’s occasion to end his time in seclusion and make the first public appearance of his post-POPS life. Since he made his prediction on February 2, (which proved to be inaccurate), he had not been seen; threats against his life made it necessary for him to remain in hiding until it was deemed safe for him to emerge. Luckily for him, The Park Weather Office owned up to their own mistakes regarding weather transportation in time for him to attend the Jubilee.

“I love the Jubilee. It’s one of my favourite celebrations, so I decided to make it a pop-up event,” he joked on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

Asked directly about his reaction to the death threats, the Groundhog said he knew that Park Police took it very seriously (as of now, they have made twelve arrests in the ongoing investigation) but he thought it was just frustrated Animals blowing off some steam.

“I called it my praedictio ad absurdum,” he joked. “I thought the threats were ridiculous. I couldn’t believe it was worth killing me over a few extra weeks of snow.”

As for his future plans, Bastiaan Groundhog says that while he is behind in his life, he is up to speed on Park gossip.

“I kept my ear to the ground the whole time I was in seclusion…and I had some dedicated informers who helped keep me current. And that’s the most important thing.”

Survivor Profiles: You don’t know Tab (part two of three)

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Tab Tricolore, Chef and Restaurateur

Part two of a three-part series. Click here to read part one.

Knowing how to cook is just the first step on the path to becoming a successful restaurateur. The challenges are enormous for any chef, but for a chef in The Park, those challenges can sometimes seem overwhelming. How do you convince Animals who are used to securing their own sustenance that your food is worth paying for?

“When I started in this business, there was no such thing as fine dining in The Park,” says Tab Tricolore (pronounced “tree-caa-lore-ay”).

The Park’s famous “bad boy chef” and its most successful restaurateur hands his interviewer a drink while he hosts a tour of Klo, The Park’s and his first fine dining establishment.

“What you’re drinking there isn’t just something to quench your thirst,” he says proudly, as he explains the genesis of Klo’s signature drink.

One hot day two Summers ago, he says, he and his entire staff went on a reconnaissance mission. They were searching for the purest water they could find in The Park.

“We had a permit and when we found it [the water], I was going to dig a new well. Just for Klo. But it wasn’t easy. We spent the whole day tapping into every water source we could find, but none of it was as pure as what we could get from the Wishing Well. And I knew we couldn’t take water from the Wishing Well. It’s everybody’s water, and I didn’t have permission to use it,” he says.

Then he had what he calls a light bulb moment. “I asked myself, ‘Why am I planning to serve plain water at all?'” He explains:

“There are some Animals who think they will only drink water but it’s your job as a chef…as a restaurateur…to nudge them away from their routine. If you don’t try and if you don’t succeed, they might as well eat at home. No Park Animal is going to go out to eat — and pay for the privilege — unless they’re offered something different, something superb, something they couldn’t possibly get by themselves. The flavours, the texture, the presentation…you have to offer an extraordinary culinary experience or Animals will not dine at your restaurant.”

Tricolore says that Klo offers all that and more, every day that it is open. And his other restaurants, though not billed as fine dining spots, offer food that adheres strictly to his formula for success. And that is the four “Ls”: local (the food must be locally sourced, that is, grown inside The Park), lovely (to look at, as Tricolore contends the eyes are the gateway to the palate), luscious (in texture, a very important aspect to Tricolore), and lickable (you must want to continue to savour the flavour long after you have finished your meal).

Tricolore talks often about seeing himself as the prime educator of Park Animals’ palates. But the proud owner of The Park’s first fine dining restaurant bristles at the interviewer’s suggestion that Klo was intended to be an exclusive establishment.

“We exclude no Animal,” he says emphatically. And then he turns the conversation to The Tabby Club, which he purchased a few years ago.

“The Tabby Club, now that’s exclusive…and always has been. And I understand that. Jor (The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy) opened it for Tabbies, when Tabbies couldn’t get a drink or a meal anywhere else. You can’t get in if you don’t have stripes. You don’t have to be a Cat, but you have to have stripes. And when I bought it, there was all this talk about whether I would change it, whether it would lose its character. But, look, I’m a Tabby, too. I know how the world works. I have no intention of opening it up completely, though it will change along the way. It has to; everything does. But I’m not against keeping it exclusive for a while, just to remind us that this Park is a work in progress. We’re not finished, by any means. And The Tabby Club kind of proves that,” he says.

Then he asks for an opinion of Klo’s signature drink.

The interviewer hesitates, then obliges: “It’s bold, it’s different, full of richness and flavour and it goes down smoothly.” And, if the interviewer may add an “L” to the Tricolore formula, it lingers in your consciousness, much like the chef, himself.

Next up:
The challenges of serving an Animal population

Immigration rules to favour those with short lifespans

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TMD Exclusive

A Mammalian Daily investigation has revealed that some of the “modernization” ideas presented to the 2013 Archons include a new immigration policy that would favour Animals who have shorter lifespans.

An investigation conducted by The Mammalian Daily has revealed that proposed changes to The Park’s open immigration policy include a plan to favour shorter-lived species for citizenship.

The ideas for a new immigration policy form part of the “modernization initiative” that the 2013 Archons committed themselves to upon assuming office on January 16, 2013.

According to Professor Ludwiga Saimiri of the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism, the Archons used the term “modernization” 67 times in their Groundhog Day address.

“The only word that was used more often was ‘economy’ and the phrases ‘economic crisis’ and ‘economic distress’ were, together, used 294 times in a speech that lasted for less than twenty minutes. I think we can assume from this that changes in policy [this year] will be economically-driven,” she said.

Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, agrees.

“There is no doubt in my mind that such a drastic change to the immigration policy would have its foundation in the desire to save money. But I think, if that is the case, that it’s a short-sighted and backward-looking policy and I say that fully aware of the possibility that my community might benefit from such a change,” he said.

If, in fact, the idea for the policy change were economically-driven, it is generally assumed the reason would be the Archons’ desire to cap the amount of money The Park spends on each immigrant Animal in terms of readjustment counselling, health care, establishing a home, job training, etc. But, says Grouse, the short-sightedness of that is “glaringly obvious.”

“The longer an Animal lives in The Park, the longer she or he has to contribute in a myriad of ways to our life here. It is plainly stupid to favour a short-lived population over a balanced mix of species for any reason at all,” he said.

Still, says historian and author Pieter Paard, there are historical precedents for this kind of action, “all of which prove it is a terrible move to make and something that will have a negative effect on a society such as ours for a long time.”

As for the 35 Archons with whom these policy decisions rest, they remain silent on the subject. According to their press secretary, Balthasar Alouatta, the Archons are “looking at all ideas and will make announcements regarding any decisions in the coming months.”

It’s official: Beasts of Burden to kick off Agrarian Jubilee

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Beasts of Burden

The Beasts of Burden will re-enter the world of live musical performance tomorrow when they open The Park’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee.

BREAKING NEWS

It’s official: The Beasts of Burden will open The Park’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee tomorrow.

The confirmation came late this afternoon in a short statement from the band’s manager, Ignatius Herder:

“The Beasts of Burden are pleased to announce that they have accepted the invitation to open The Park’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee on May 20, 2013. They are humbled by this honour and look forward to this wonderful event,” the statement said.

The six-Animal band, whose hits include “Donkey Hot,” “Pack of Lies,” and “The Day the Oxen Rose,”  have not performed in The Park since their sold-out Summer concert in 2006. Last Autumn, they opened a pub called The Draft and they are rumoured to be recording a collection of songs to be released later this year.

One of the largest and most popular festivals in The Park, the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee marks the beginning of The Park’s growing season. Other musical acts scheduled to perform at the event include The Feral Four, The Endeka Elephant Band, Eggie and The Pigs, Banded Brothers, The DomEstyx, and Spontaneous Generation.

Mating Dance offers first look at Archons’ modernization plan

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Staff from The Park's Extinction Anxiety Clinic will be on hand to aid participants in today's Mating Dance.

The presence of Extinction Anxiety Clinic staff at this year’s Mating Dance offered a glimpse of the 2013 Archons’ plans for modernizing The Park.

The presence of staff from the Extinction Anxiety Clinic at this month’s Mating Dance offered citizens a glimpse of the 2013 Archons’ modernization plan for The Park.

After weeks of negotiations, including a period of time during which they sequestered themselves in the Burrow Theatre, the 2013 Archons finally agreed on a number of conditions for staging the “new” Mating Dance. One of those conditions was the presence of professionals and support workers from the EAC.

“That one was non-negotiable,” said the Archons’ press secretary Balthasar Alouatta, in an interview yesterday.

“We’ve been inching toward this…but this year, it was do or die in terms of having counsellors from a number of different fields on hand. It seemed like the most obvious and practical thing to do to prevent some of the disasters we’ve seen in recent years,” he said.

Those disasters include the medical as well as the emotional consequences of Mating Dance mishaps.

On the emotional side, Alouatta said the Archons couldn’t think of any better professionals to counsel distraught participants than those who staff the EAC.

“There are data that suggest that the kind of intensive counselling the EAC professionals offer can prevent the onset of the Mating Dance Blues. That isn’t surprising. They are, after all, the ultimate experts in the field of rejection,” he said.

For other medical advice, the Archons consulted with health officials, researchers at the University of West Terrier, and The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety. The decision to bring in experts in genetics to tackle the thorny issue of interspecial breeding and to assist participants in achieving their reproductive goals was lauded by many, particularly those in the Avian community.

“It was a bold move and one that reflects their commitment to modern medicine,” said Dr. Simon Crow, director of Avian Medicine at the University of West Terrier. “We have to deal head-on with the problem of interspecial breeding, both in our community and in others. We need to educate Park Animals so that we can all make the correct mating choices and have our offspring live long, full, and healthy lives,” he said.

See also:

Archons mull proposed changes to Mating Dance rules
“Mating Dance Blues” are real, says expert

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