Satirical fiction in newspaper form
The Park’s 2012 Official Prognisticator of Spring says that Winter is almost over.
At precisely 7:46 this morning, the Groundhog emerged from her burrow and, seeing no sign of her shadow, predicted that Spring is just around the corner.
The Mammalian Daily and all The Park’s citizens salute you, Ulrica, for a job well done!
Don’t forget, Mammalian Daily reporters are blogging live from the Groundhog Day festivities. Click here to log on.
The Park awaits the prediction of the 2012 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), Ulrica Gilda Groundhog.
Less than a day before Groundhog Day 2012, Millicent Hayberry reminisces about holidays past…
Click here to read her story.
With two days to go before Groundhog Day, Thisbe and the Barkettes are set to re-release one of their earliest hits.
A spokesanimal for Rotunda Records confirmed this morning that one of the Barkettes’ most popular and controversial songs, Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed, has been digitally re-mastered and will be available for download this afternoon.
The song, upon which Varden Spaniel’s film is based, was a runaway hit when it was first released over a decade ago. It proved controversial, however, when a few critics called it a “sellout hit” and accused the Barkettes of promoting the role of Animals as the pets of Humans.
“Lyrics such as ‘Stuffed Dogs don’t shed/or break your heart/Don’t snuggle in bed/or inspire art’ serve as a clarion call to Humans to adopt living Animals rather than stuffed replicas,” said a review in The Ruminant Free Press.
The Barkettes never directly addressed the controversy, even though it was well-known that at least three of the group’s members were living with Humans at the time they recorded the song.
Some of The Park’s political pundits believe there is a significance to the date of the song’s re-release. During yesterday’s special forum, hosted by Yannis Tavros of Toro Talk Radio, Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, expressed his view that “the composition of the 2012 government might lead to a more pro-Human stance in policy.” Grouse was referring to the fact that, of the 35 Archons selected by lottery this year, a larger number than usual belong to species that have a history of being companions to Humans. Grouse reiterated his statement this morning, adding that he thought the song’s re-release in anticipation of the Archons’ address on Groundhog Day might be an attempt to “soften the impact of their [the Archons’] planned policy direction.”
The Barkettes have made no official comment on the re-release of their song.
Related article: Barkettes documentary to open Park film festival
In a move that has has caught many in the tech and media sectors by surprise, The Park’s most successful social media site, GooseBook, has unveiled its ambitious plans for expansion.
In a statement released today, the company confirmed its plans to open site membership to all species in The Park.
“The popularity and success of GooseBook has proven that it has great potential for growth across the broad spectrum of species that inhabit The Park,” said GooseBook’s President and C.E.O., Lester C. Gander.
In addition, GooseBook’s executives confirmed that they plan to roll out a pair of related social media sites, most likely in the second quarter of the year. The company has not released any information about the new sites other than their names: “Cackle” and “Peck.”
According to insiders, one of the sites will be a “communication” site and the other may be an internet search engine.
GooseBook was the brainchild of the late Cesar Emilio Gander, who founded the site while a student at the University of West Terrier. After his untimely death, the site experienced a surge in membership. That surge continued until last summer, when rival site Gewper opened its virtual doors. Since then, both sites have competed neck and neck for members, with GooseBook maintaining a slight lead over the more innovative Gewper.
Some of The Park’s best known political pundits will weigh in on our new government this coming Monday as guests of Toro Talk Radio host, Yannis Tavros.
Manfred Stier, a spokesanimal for the radio station, confirmed today that Yannis Tavros will relinquish his usual talk show format on January 30 to moderate a forum “about the future of The Park and the direction that the 2012 government will take.”
Invited forum guests will include Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy at the University of West Terrier, historian and author Pieter Paard, Professor Ludwiga Saimiri of the Cuthbert School of Journalism (UWT), Law Professor Fionnula L. Fox, and Gertrude C. Owl, Mammalian Daily senior political correspondent and Dean of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism. Other participants include Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, Yuri Sturgeon of The Kaluga Register, and Camlin “Cayuga” Newt of The Salamander Evening Post.
The participants plan to discuss everything from the political and philosophical leanings of the 2012 Archons to the economy, immigration reform, currency amalgamation, and tourism.
“Nothing is off-limits in this discussion,” said Stier.
Chitter Radio, one of The Park’s most popular talk radio stations, has brought The Park Annual Literary Awards (PALA) back from the brink.
At a press conference this morning, Chitter President and C.E.O., Albana Ketri, confirmed that Radio 244883.7 (known as Chitter Radio) would assume full financial sponsorship of the Awards.
“We are delighted to announce that Chitter Radio will be the exclusive sponsor of the 2012 Park Annual Literary Awards. We look forward to forging a strong connection with the Awards and see this as a great opportunity to promote literacy both inside and outside The Park,” she said.
The Awards had previously been supported by The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, but budgetary constraints forced it to renege on its promise of funding for the 2012 season.
At the press conference, Ketri emphasized that Chitter Radio considers its association with PALA to be both a “privilege and a responsibility” and stated that Chitter Radio is “unequivocally committed” to maintaining the high standards and integrity with which PALA is associated.
The Park Annual Literary Awards take place 15 June.
For the first time in its history, The University of West Terrier is asking those outside the institution for their support.
In a statement released today, the Governors of the University respectfully requested “a little help from our friends”:
As is the case currently with almost all academic institutions, UWT is having trouble meeting its financial commitments. These commitments, of course, constitute our academic commitments. We, therefore, are asking for a little help from our friends. If you or your friends are UWT alumni, please consider purchasing our new commemorative mug. If you reside inside The Park, show your commitment to higher education by doing the same. If you reside outside The Park, remember your friends of all species and order a mug to support their future. Do it for yourself, do it for your family, do it for your friends. Do it for the future. We’ll all be better off for it.
Thank you.”
The purchase of UWT Commemorative Mugs is supported by The Mammalian Daily. If you are interested in acquiring one or more mugs, please email us at orders@mammaliandaily.com.
For the first time in Park history, a semi-aquatic Animal was sworn in as Chief Archon of The Park’s 2012 government.
In a moving ceremony held this morning at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt took the oath of office as Chief Archon in front of a crowd of thousands.
“This is a historic day,” said Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, who presided over the event and administered the oath of office to all 35 Animals who will serve as Archons this year. “We should all be proud to be Park citizens.”
While thousands of Animals braved the bitter cold to attend the ceremony at the Theatre, an estimated 700,000 others watched the political process play out from the comfort of their own dwellings. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, dedicated its entire morning programming schedule to the event.
“We believe strongly in the Zoocratic process and we are proud and honoured to have a part in it,” said a statement released yesterday by PBC Executives.
Among those in attendance at the event were representatives of all The Park’s Citizen Aid and Action Associations, including proxy representatives of The Park’s many hibernating communities.
