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Mixed reaction as Bastiaan Groundhog wins POPS election

November 9, 2012 By Endla Metsümiseja, TMD Groundhog Day Reporter

Bastiaan Groundhog: 2013 POPS

Amid roaring applause and loud shouts of support from the crowd, Bastiaan Groundhog accepted the POPS baton from Ulrica Gilda Groundhog, 2012 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring, at a moving ceremony held last night at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre.

After a gruelling night of debating his fellow candidates on Tuesday, Bastiaan retired to his burrow, where he remained for the entirety of election day. His only trip out was a quick one to the polls, where he cast his vote, presumably for himself.

“It’s a secret ballot, so I won’t say who I voted for,” the Groundhog said, flashing a knowing smile, as he spoke to reporters yesterday outside his burrow. “But I will say that I feel honoured to have been chosen 2013 POPS and I am humbled by the trust my fellow Park residents have put in me. I promise to do my very best on February 2.”

Outside the theatre, however, as the crowd gathered for a look at their new prognosticator, some Animals looked glum and disappointed.

“Same old, same old,” mumbled Sorcha Skunk, referring to the fact that no Animal except for a Groundhog has ever won the POPS election.

Others seemed to agree.

“You have to remember,” said Alexandre Lemure, “that it’s called ‘Groundhog Day’. It’s no surprise that they have the upper hand in the elections.”

Others, though, seemed less disgruntled and more hopeful.

“Last year was the first year that any Animal other than a Groundhog ran,” said Bertrand Macaw. “It’s small steps, but we’ll get there, eventually. In the meantime, we should support Bastiaan. We don’t want him to feel negative energy going into hibernation,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Politics/Law/Crime

2012 Archons to make public education their legacy

November 8, 2012 By TMD Reporters

2012 Archons: “Public education will be our legacy.”

With a little more than two months to go before their term ends, the 2012 Archons announced plans today for “swift action” on their initiative to establish standardized public education in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning, Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt unveiled the official plan for the establishment of a system of “dedicated venues” across The Park “to fulfill the burning need for a standardized system of education for our young.”

The plan, which bears the name “Harmony Through Education” has been years in the making, but the 2012 Archons felt the need had become urgent.

“After we read the results of the [education] study that was commissioned by the 2011 Archons, we knew we had to act,” Newt said.

The Archons explained their decision in a statement released prior to the press conference. It read, in part:

Interspecial harmony is a cornerstone of The Promise of The Park and it is under threat. Several studies have shown a growing lack of knowledge of and lack of exposure to other species among our young. This, we believe, has contributed to the increase in incidents of interspecial violence over the past few years. At the same time, we are seeing dwindling knowledge of The Park’s history among all species, as the oldest Park citizens die off and the young turn their attention elsewhere. We can no longer afford the luxury of leaving education to the family; we must accept the responsibility of educating The Park’s young in a organized fashion. If we do not, we put the future of The Park at risk.

Newt concluded the press conference by affirming the outgoing Archons’ commitment to The Park’s future.

“To us, the future is now. Let this be our legacy, then, that we said enough studies have been done, enough opinions have been expressed. We need to take action and swiftly,” he said.

_______________________________________________________________________

RELATED ARTICLES:

  • Majority of Park Animal home-schooled: study
  • Park Historical Society to produce series of short films

 _______________________________________________________________________

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

POPS 2013: Election Office releases candidate names

November 6, 2012 By TMD Reporters

The Park’s Election Office has released the names of the 23 Animals who have chosen to stand as candidates for the position of 2013 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

At 2:00 a.m. this morning, the list of candidates was posted at the law courts and in front of the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, the venue that will host tonight’s all-candidates’ debate. The list will remain posted until all votes are tallied on November 7.

The candidates are:

  • KASPER AARDEEKHOORNTJE;  TORSTEN BADGER; OGEN H.W. BEAVER; LORENZO MICHELE CHIPMUNK; FABIAN DACHS; OTTAVIO DONNOLA; MALKA EEKHOORN; LARS EKORRE; ABRAHAM BROMLEY GARETH GROUNDHOG; BASTIAAN GROUNDHOG; GERDA M.N. GROUNDHOG; LORENZO NARCISO GROUNDHOG; ANGUS IORA;  ALEIDA Y.B. MARMOT; YURI MARMOTA; MARJANI MOL; NICODEMO SCOIATTOLO; W.H. “SKIPPER” SKUNK; AGNES O. WEASEL; SILKEN WEZEL; HEIKE WHISTLEPIG; SAMUEL P. WOODCHUCK; CAESAR R. WOODCHUCK.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Politics/Law/Crime

POPS 2013: record number vie for coveted position

November 2, 2012 By TMD Reporters

With only a few days to go before the annual all candidates’ debate, the list of contenders vying for the position of Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) has reached the highest number in the office’s history.

According to The Park’s Election Office, 13 Animals have now registered their candidacy.

“This is the highest level of interest we’ve seen since elections were established almost ten years ago,” said PEO head Gerritt Wezel. “We expect at least five more Animals to announce before the cut-off time on Monday [November 5],” he said.

Since 2003 (23 AZ), subsequent to the decision of Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in the landmark case of “Spring’s Unsprung Heroes” vs the descendants of E. Bromley Groundhog, the position of POPS has been an elected one. In order to stand for election, Animals must officially announce their candidacy between October 15 and 11:59 on November 5. The names of the candidates are released at 2:00 a.m. on November 6. POPS hopefuls are then allowed to campaign for votes until 8:00 in the evening, when the all candidates’ debate begins.

The POPS election occurs on Wednesday, November 7, ten days before the official date of hibernation.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Politics/Law/Crime

A call for calm as Archons outlaw Noon Nuttiness rioters

October 26, 2012 By TMD Crime Reporters

The Park’s Chief Officer of Peace called for calm this morning, after a special meeting of the Archons resulted in the outlawing of the group responsible for the Noon Nuttiness violence on October 4.

In a statement read at a hastily-convened press conference, Raymond H. Mink, Chief Officer of Peace, asked all Park residents to respect the decision of the Archons to outlaw membership in Realidad Incorporated.

“Our governing body has seen fit to take action against those who, in an ongoing way, seek to disturb the peaceful ambience of our Park. I would ask that all Park residents respect this decision and that those who take issue with it do so in a peaceful and calm manner, as per the laws of The Park,” the statement read in part.

The Archons’ decision comes four days after GooseBook announced that it has filed a suit for damages against the group, whose members destroyed hundreds of the cackle™–enabled devices the company had lent to a film festival audience. The audience members had assembled at the Park Cinema to view the comedy, Kribbles, which was screened as part of the Noon Nuttiness component of the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF). Just as the film began, members of Realidad Incorporated grabbed the devices from audience members. The group later issued a statement explaining that their actions had been a protest against cackle™, a new “happy only” social networking site that is owned by GooseBook.

In a written statement released this afternoon, the Archons cited a number of factors that influenced their decision, including what they termed “an unprecedented degree of tension among Park citizens” and “the need to preserve peace at all costs throughout The Park”.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

Chief Archon’s “Barrels full of Monkeys”remark spurs call for widespread change

October 16, 2012 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

A remark made by Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt at an important event has spurred a call for widespread change in The Park’s political process.

During the Annual Account of the State of The Park on October 27, Newt was asked about the recent finding that striped and spotted Animals do not fare as well economically as Animals who have solid or mixed coats.

“When I became Chief Archon,” he said, “I looked around at those who were serving in the various [government] departments and I saw that they were all Dogs and Cats and Geese and Whales and Dolphins and Snakes and Toads. And I said, ‘Why are there no Monkeys working in the government?’ So I got a group together to look at the problem and they brought me barrels full of Monkeys.”

While some believe the remark was a “misunderstanding of the question,” many Animals were outraged at what they called the Chief Archon’s “total lack of sensitivity toward Park Animals.” More vociferous critics declared Newt “unfit for the job”.

Antoine Lézard, who recently assumed the presidency of the newly-formed Coalition Against Sortition in the Park (CASP) called the Chief Archon’s remarks “toxic” and said that this is “just one more example of the inadequacy of the present system of Archon selection.”

“In my opinion,” he said, “Newt is not qualified to be an Archon and he would not be an Archon if Park Animals had been able to select Archons directly. Newt owes his position to a lottery and it is the Coalition’s belief that governance of The Park is too serious a matter to be decided by lottery.”

Archons who have served throughout the 30 years since zoocracy was established have been selected through sortition.  Also known as the “allotment” or “lottery” method, this is the system that was put in place by Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy.

Proposals for change in the Archon selection process have been made for over a decade. Thus far, however, they have failed to gain traction, since many Park Animals are still wary of the direct selection process.

“Sortition allows for a balance of species in the Archon mix,” contends Sylvana Rana, of the anti-election group, Save Our Political System (SOPS). “Direct elections can become a personality contest and the result could be the loss of adequate representation of many species.”

In Lézard’s view, Park Animals need to “be more forward-thinking.”

“Direct selection works well outside The Park. There is no reason it wouldn’t work well here, too,” he says.

In the meantime, the Chief  Archon, whose appointment ends on January 16, 2013, has refused to comment on the controversy he created.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

New photographs of Jor surface on gossip web site

August 10, 2012 By TMD Reporters

Previously unpublished pictures of Jor, The Park’s first leader, have surfaced on the gossip web site, headsNtales.

Previously unpublished photographs of Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy, have surfaced on the gossip web site, headsNtales.

The pictures, which show Jor in some compromising positions, were posted on the site early this afternoon, according to PotWatcher, The Park’s foremost web-watching organization.

PotWatcher says the pictures appeared “without warning and without any mention of their provenance” on the headsNtales site.

“They were just…suddenly there,” said Rufus Gordon Gaupe, President and CEO of PotWatcher.

Posting the pictures is not technically illegal, though it is, in the words of a spokesAnimal for Park Police, “in poor taste”.

Many of the pictures were taken when George Livingstone Barnaby Cuthbert, known to Park citizens as “Jor”, was living as a domestic Cat.

“There are pictures of him with Humans, pictures of him playing with small toys and sleeping and eating with what appears to be another domestic Feline,” Gaupe says.

Political analysts have been quick to weigh in on who might be responsible for the posting.

“I think we can safely say that anti-zoocratic forces are at work here,” said Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger. “It’s obvious this is meant to be a blow to Jor’s reputation…a way to discredit him and what he stood for, which is the concept of Animal self-rule.”

Despite requests for clarification from a number of Park newspapers, including The Mammalian Daily, headsNtales has refused to comment on the posting.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Gossip and Rumour, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

Park Finance Office comes in early on cuts, late on budget

July 24, 2012 By Adelbert Mókus, TMD Financial Reporter

Although The Park’s Finance Office will present the 2013 budget late, it has already announced cuts in funding

Struggling to meet the demands of a growing population, The Park’s Finance Office (PFO) announced today that it will be late in presenting the budget for the fiscal year 2013.

At a press conference held this morning, Park Finance Officer Milton Struts said that configuring the coming year’s budget has been an “agonizing process” for the PFO and, as a result, it will not be able to present the budget until “mid-August, at the earliest.” Budget projections for the coming year have been announced in mid-July since the establishment of zoocracy.

Despite lacking an actual budget, Struts was able to confirm the rumours of cuts to funding in the areas of arts, sports, and special events.

“It was a tough decision, to be sure,” said Struts. “But it came down to…do we take the money from healthcare, security, refugee services? These are not areas that can be funded by anyone else. But arts, sports, and events can and some events have received private funding in the past. We’ve had success with sponsorships from Park businesses and we’re hoping to see more of that in the coming year.”

When asked about expectations regarding The Park’s economy, Struts said there was reason to believe there would be growth in the coming year.

“We continue to be cautiously optimistic about The Park’s fiscal future,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: budget

Radical group claims responsibility for leaked report

June 23, 2012 By TMD Reporters

The radical political group, ArchonWatch, has claimed responsibility for intercepting a secret report that includes details of planned changes to some of The Park’s core laws.

The radical political group, ArchonWatch, has claimed responsibility for intercepting a secret report on Wednesday.

The report, which was leaked to The Mammalian Daily, includes details of planned changes to some of The Park’s core laws.

“We are proud to take responsibility for informing The Park’s citizens of plans that will affect them adversely. We hope that, by doing so, we may be able to prevent the further erosion of zoocracy,” the group said in a statement released this morning.

The group, whose stated goals are “to support zoocracy and freedom in The Park,” traces its origins to the foundation of zoocracy 30 years ago. Its most recent public campaigns have been in support of establishing annual elections for the selection of Archons, rather than continuing the present system of sortition or lottery. The group is also rumoured to have financial ties to other political groups in The Park, including Lizards for Liberty and Produce for Progress.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

Archons plan to outlaw washing in public: secret report

June 21, 2012 By TMD Reporters

Life may be about to change dramatically for Animals who call The Park their home.

According to a confidential report obtained by The Mammalian Daily, there is a plan afoot to alter the public behaviour of resident Animals.

According to the report, the Archons are considering a plan to change some of The Park’s core laws, namely those that pertain to public comportment and guarantee Animals the right to “behave as they do naturally, according to their own species and land of origin.”

The plan, which goes by the code name, ParkPerfect, lists 15 laws that, in the language of the report’s authors, “require modernization to bring them in line with current belief systems and ways of life.”

In addition to modifying Animals’ bathing behaviour, the Archons are considering enacting or modifying laws that pertain to public acts of self-expression and food gathering and consumption.

No time frame for the changes was mentioned in the report.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

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