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Satirical fiction in newspaper form
With little more than a week to go before the 2012 Archons are sworn into office, talk has begun anew of instituting direct elections to choose the 35 Animals who form The Park’s government each year.
The Mammalian Daily has learned that, as one of their final acts, the 2011 Archons have struck a special committee to investigate the feasibility of using the ballot box to choose Archons. The committee’s report is due in the second half of this year and will be presented to the 2012 Archons before the end of their term.
The incoming Archons (and all others who have served throughout the 30 years since Zoocracy was established) were selected by the process of sortition. Also known as the “allotment” or “lottery” method, this is the system that was put in place by Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy.
Proposals for change in the Archon selection process have been made for over a decade. Any movement toward direct elections has been blocked, however, by those who believe that this method leads to favoritism and can result in representation that is not balanced.
“Sortition allows for a balance of species in the Archon mix,” says Sylvana Rana, of the anti-election group, Save Our Political System (SOPS). “Direct elections can become a personality contest and the result could be the loss of adequate representation of many species.”
Those who favour elections, however, are quick to point out that the current system already yields a government in which some species of Animals are underrepresented.
“Thirty-five Animals cannot hope to represent The Park’s population in a balanced way,” says Antoine Lézard, a longtime Park resident who says he thinks direct elections might bring more fairness to government.
“Already there are too many Mammals among the Archons. They draw lots from six basic Animal groups, but the majority of the extra [five] Archons always seem to be Mammals.”
The names of those who were chosen to serve as Archons for 2012 will be announced on January 15. The swearing-in ceremony will occur at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre the following day.
The Archons of The Park, in conjunction with the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) have issued a call for calm throughout The Park after the discovery of what appears to be a specist handbook.
The book, which was discovered under the Ancient Oak Tree early this morning, is written in the Human English language, experts say. Language specialists at the University of West Terrier are currently studying the book and its contents. In a statement issued at midday, they said they plan to make a full report to the Archons as soon as they have completed their study.
The book was discovered by Rodnina Owl, police confirmed. The Owl was reportedly eating a snack in the Tree, when she noticed something shiny at the base.
“The glossy cover caught my eye and I swooped down to see what it was,” she said in an interview on PBC Radio late this morning. “I was shocked when they told me what it said.” The Owl does not speak any Human languages.
In their appeal for calm, the Archons emphasized the need for patience on the part of Park Animals.
Two hours after the Archons issued their appeal, Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, fielded questions from residents and media. The major concerns were for Animal security, with many calling for barricades and some suggesting pre-emptive strikes. Calls for an all-out war, fuelled by rumours that Humans intend to take over The Park, were quickly dismissed by FCSW President, Gareth Shepherd.
“We cannot afford to react until we know the full extent of the assault,” said Shepherd.
When violence broke out between Park Police and protesters at an otherwise peaceful anti-amalgamation rally in August, many Animals (both in attendance and at home) assumed that The Park’s court system would deal with the fallout. After an open investigation into the matter, which relatively few Animals attended and which was only covered superficially by Park media, the event receded into memory. Never mind that one Goose was killed and several others were injured at the event; there was The Park’s film festival to attend and hibernation preparations to be made, among other (seemingly more important) things.
Contrast this with the intense reaction to the murder of the Tartan Crab, the Groundhog Day violence, and the Mongoose weather trial and you might think you see a growing trend toward apathy among Park residents.
That is, in fact, what is happening, says veteran psychoanalyst Dr. Berthilidis Strix, who is best known as co-author of the book, The Silent Cluck.
In her new book, Shaken But Not Stirred, Strix discusses the two distinct lines that she sees forming in The Park: growing prosperity alongside growing apathy. In Strix’s view, it is at the point at which these lines intersect that they become a threat to our way of life.
Unlike many analysts, Strix believes that these two seemingly independent streams feed each other and that, in fact, our growing apathy is responsible, in part, for our growing prosperity:
“Without this new-found ability to ignore the plight of others, it would be next to impossible for us, in good conscience, to amass these great quantities [of food and other material goods]…and, now, the pursuit of same has become the foundation of our growing economy.”
Strix is highly critical of what she calls this “new division of consciousness” and warns that unchecked apathy will have dire consequences for Park Animals in the future.
“We need only look to other species to see the end result [of apathy]”, she writes.
While Strix emphasizes in Shaken But Not Stirred that she can offer no solutions, one suspects that these may appear before long in a follow-up book. Her insights are far too important to serve only as philosophical fodder.
Zachariah Skunk caused a stink last night when he took his place among the other candidates at the annual POPS all-candidates’ debate.
Because he announced his candidacy for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) at the last minute, The Park’s Election Office had not had the opportunity to inform the other four contenders, who stood in amazement as the Skunk’s name was called.
“This is an outrage,” said Malinda L. Hamster, President of the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC).
The Hamster did not elaborate, leaving spectators to wonder whether the “outrage” was the Skunk’s last-minute candidacy or his species.
According to rules that were put in place in 23 AZ (2003), subsequent to a the decision of Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in the landmark case of “Spring’s Unsprung Heroes” vs the descendants of E. Bromley Groundhog, all species of Animals are eligible to enter the race to become Park Official Prognosticator of Spring. To date, however, only Animals belonging to the species Marmota monax have put their names forward.
The POPS election occurs today, ten days before the official date of hibernation. Aside from Zachariah Skunk, candidates for 2012 POPs are W. Chester Whistlepig, Alderina Woodchuck, Ingersoll Marmot, and Ulrica Gilda Groundhog.
The third edition of Anticipatory Zoocracy For All, a simple and informative guide to the principles of our form of government, has arrived in bookstores throughout The Park.
This updated edition includes information on the most recent decisions made by the current set of Archons, including those involving calendar harmonization. A separate section on the currency amalgamation debate will prove valuable to newcomers as well as to those who have not followed the debate closely over the last several years.
Several copies of the guide, which sells for 13.50 Ftoo per copy, will be made available in The Park Library, said a spokesAnimal for the publishers, Birch Bark Books. In addition, the publishers have committed to providing copies to the libraries of The Park’s institutions of higher learning.
Mammalian Daily Associated News Services (MDANS) is reporting that some former members of the Association for the Preservation of Individual Currencies (APIC) have disassociated themselves from APIC and created a splinter group to fight currency amalgamation in The Park.
The group, ninety per cent of whose members are Geese, calls itself “Fowl Cry” and plans to stage a two-day protest against currency unification this weekend.
In a statement distributed to all Park media, the group excoriated APIC as a “do-nothing” organization and its current President, Rowena Goose, as a “stand-by and watch” official.
“At a time when it is most important to take action, she [Rowena Goose] has adopted a ‘wait and see’ attitude,” the statement said. The group has also accused the Goose of feathering her own nest by hoarding the dominant currency (Ftoo), while leaving the rest of Park citizens to fend for themselves.
APIC released a counter-statement early this morning, defending its record and touting its success in staving off currency amalgamation, which has been on the table in The Park for more than seven years. The group did not address the charges that Fowl Cry made against its President, nor has Rowena Goose yet stepped forward to dispute them.
Park Police say they have called in reinforcements in order to keep peace in The Park during the demonstration.
One Goose is dead and at least seven were injured after a clash with Guard Dogs at this weekend’s anti-amalgamation protest in The Park.
The fallen Goose, whose name has not yet been released, was last seen alive at the ancient open-air theatre on Sunday. She was, reportedly, organizing a parade with a small gaggle of her compatriots to protest currency unification in The Park. The Goose was part of a group that calls itself “Fowl Cry.”
Witnesses at the scene said that the Guard Dogs, who were on high alert, became agitated at the sound of “all that honking” and told the Goose to quieten down.
“That just made her mad,” said a friend who was also a participant at the protest.
“We have the right to express our opinions. Jor gave us that right and it is enshrined in The Park’s constitution. No one has the right to tell us to shut up.”
According to one witness, when the Goose refused to cooperate, the Guard Dogs rushed the group and allegedly bit several of the Geese. A fight broke out between the Guard Dogs and the Geese and the result was one death and a host of injuries, some serious enough to land several of the Geese in the hospital.
Early this morning, Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), took to the airwaves to calm Park residents and to assure them that the security force, along with the Archons, will conduct a “full and fair” investigation into the incident.
“We invite all citizens and, particularly, those who were present at the gathering in question, to testify at the open investigation, which will commence at the end of the month,” he said.
For their part, the members of Fowl Cry say that they will wait to hear the testimony of the witnesses and the explanation of the Guard Dogs before they take any action.
“In the meantime,” said a spokesGoose for the group, “we have to plan a memorial service for our fallen leader and tend to the needs of the others who were injured.”
The recent call by the governor of the Central Bank of The Park to unify Animal currencies has given rise to what some have called an “unlikely alliance.”
Members of a number of advocacy groups, including APIC (Association for the Preservation of Individual Currencies), Lizards for Liberty, The Monotreme Alliance, the Confederation of Ground Squirrels, the Small Animal Reform Group, and IHOP (the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park), have banded together in an effort to block any legislation the Archons plan to enact regarding currency amalgamation.
The newly-formed alliance has chosen Rowena Goose as its spokesBird. The Goose, who has been fighting currency amalgamation for almost a decade was elected President of APIC in 23 AZ (2003).
“We won’t take this lying down,” said the Goose in an interview on CLucK RADIO early this morning. “We’re going to fight until [currency amalgamation] is defeated.”