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Archives for December 2012

Archons declare calendar harmonization “complete”

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At midnight on 1 January 2013, The Park’s original calendar, also known as the Varrian Calendar, becomes history, as calendar harmonization is declared “complete” by the 2012 Park Archons

The harmonization of The Park’s calendar with that of the wider world has been fully realized.

Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt made that announcement at a press conference this morning.

“That which the 2010 Archons began,” he said,  “the 2012 Archons hereby declare complete.”

Flanked by fifteen of his thirty-four compatriots, Newt spoke briefly, giving the 2010 Archons credit for their foresight and for aiding in the modernization of The Park.

“In their wisdom, they [the 2010 Archons] refused to back down on an issue that had scared off many before them. But they knew that modernization could no longer wait. They risked their reputations and, in some cases, their own safety, for the sake of The Park. We will be, forever, in their debt,” he said.

The legislation enacted by the 2010 Archons, whose formal name is “The Calendar Harmonization Act” (“An Act to harmonize The Park’s calendar with that of the calendar or calendars used outside The Park and to amend certain Acts in consequence thereof”), came into effect in March of 2010. Its full impact was not felt until more than two years later. While it still receives mixed reviews from Park residents, a recent survey indicated that most Animals are “resigned to it” and only a small percentage would make the choice to return to the old calendar.

Looking back on Park life: what made the news in 2012

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As 2012 draws to a close, we look back at what made news in The Park this year

As 2012 (30 AZ) draws to a close, we look back on some of the biggest stories of the year:

As 2011 Archons’ term ends, talk of elections begins anew

GooseBook opens to all species

Chitter Radio rescues literary awards

Economy forces Animals to work as “domestics” outside Park

Majority of Park Animals home-schooled: study

New device may help distinguish news from entertainment

Striped Animals not getting fair share of economic pie: study

 Security breach at LynxedIN leaves hundreds vulnerable

Eggie and The Pigs turn music’s business model upside-down

Central Bank warns against short-term interest rate hikes

Hibernators blame calendar change for premature deaths

 Slow Art Movement picking up steam in Park

“Mating Dance Blues” are real, says expert

Bad Boy Chef to open new restaurant at Park Museum

CatsCare Foundation puts out urgent call on behalf of formerly domestic Cats and Kittens

Archons plan to outlaw washing in public: secret report

Deaths from premature awakening on the rise: study

NIML wow crowd at Park’s first pop-up musical event

Food production scandal rocks Park

Advice columnist to join UWT Human Studies Department

Archons, PFO blasted over Human Direct Investment in Park

 

Caution is key to safety this holiday season: DWBS

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Beware of Humans: The Department of Well-Being and Safety has issued its annual safety alert for the holiday season.

The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has issued its annual seasonal advisory, warning Animals to beware of Humans who display certain characteristics that “might prove dangerous down the road.”

The advisory, which was issued on December 20, warns Park Animals against associating with Humans who display overly-friendly behaviour toward them or who take an “interest in their life circumstances that goes beyond normal friendship.”

“We are advising Park Animals always to be aware, to listen carefully and be observant of Human behaviour, especially during the holiday season,” says DWBS Director of Public Relations, Cornelius Kakapo.

The advisory warns Animals to be on the lookout for Humans who say they are seeking “animal companionship” and who try to entice them with food, or who make cooing noises at them or call them by names such as “cutie” and “sweetie.”

“The sentimentality of the season makes Humans more likely to succumb to urges to take Animals home with them or to give them as gifts to other Humans. Especially at this time of year, Humans seem to lose the ability to see Animals as captains of their own destiny. They sincerely believe they are doing good when they remove us forcibly from our homes and families,” he says.

Any Animal who does experience a problem with Humans is encouraged to report the incident immediately to one of the following DWBS hotlines:

Feral Cat Helpline: 1-899-33725228
Assaulted Animals Helpline: 1-899-27728583
Missing Animals Registry: 1-899-64774642

Doves of Peace appear at Celebration of Winter Solstice

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The Park’s Doves of Peace appeared at this year’s Celebration of the Winter Solstice

Setting aside their dispute with Park administration for a day, The Park’s Doves of Peace appeared at the Celebration of the Winter Solstice on December 21.

“It was a very generous thing to do, considering the intensity of their feelings on the matter,” said Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

Kanariar also confirmed that, after consulting with the Department of Well-Being and Safety as well as with Park Police, her Department decided to keep Police presence at the event “minimal and discreet.”

“Perhaps that was one of the reasons they were willing to attend,” she said.

The Doves, who are a fully autonomous sub-group of Park Police, usually attend all Park celebrations and days of significance. On November 15, however, they initiated a strike to protest against and to shed light on what they called The Park Police’s “heavy-handed tactics” at recent events. As a result of the strike, Winter Solstice celebrants expected the Doves to stay away from this year’s event.

“Their appearance was “one of the greatest surprises of the day,” said Dewi Beruang, who has attended every Park festival this year.

“They said there were going to be surprises, but I don’t think they had the Doves in mind. Seeing them made the celebration even more special,” she said.

For their part, the Doves were “delighted” to make a non-official appearance, according to their SpokesBird, Georgina Golub.

“We have attended every Celebration of the Winter Solstice since the establishment of zoocracy,” Golub said. “We didn’t want to miss it this year, even though we weren’t, officially, working. So, we held a vote and the decision was made to attend as guests. It’s a very important celebration and we wanted to be there, no matter what,” she said.

Celebration of Winter Solstice to begin at sunrise: officials

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The Department of Hoildays, Festivals, and Celebrations announced today that the Celebration of the Winter Solstice is to begin at sunrise this year

The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has announced the itinerary for this year’s Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

At a press conference held this morning, Aintza Kanariar, director of public relations for the Department, said she was “very pleased” to announce that this year’s festivities will begin at sunrise on December 21.

“This is the first time in seven years years that the Winter Solstice celebrations have begun at sunrise and it marks a return to the beginning of Park life under zoocracy,” she said.

The Celebration will be a mixture of old and new and will incorporate familiar and foreign elements, she confirmed.

Invited musical guests include Eggie and The Pigs, SpontaneousGeneration, SCENTient Beings, Inktvis and Krake, NIML, rap artist Will.o.be, The Tweeters, and The Endeka Elephant Band.

The Herman Stoat Dance Company will perform a new work entitled, “The White Dance,” which was choreographed for the occasion by the company’s assistant choreographer, Gustav Hermelin.

Other entertainment acts include jugglers, clowns, a Human imitator, and a Canine comic. As well, several students from the Hani Gajah School of Art will be on hand to paint “three-minute portraits” of Solstice celebrants.

As always, a major component of the festivities will be the food. This year, Kanaria said, Clowder and The Cackling Goose Tavern will provide the festive fare. As well, courtesy of Ants in Your Pantry and Provisions by Petrounel, all attendees will go home with tasty party favours.

“With these plans in place, as well as a few surprises, we expect this to be a joyful, memorable occasion for all,” said Kanaria.

The Celebration of the Winter Solstice begins at sunrise on December 21. Food will be served until 11:00 pm.

“Non-Hibernators’ Guilt” can mar enjoyment of Winter celebrations, experts say

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Non-hibernators’ guilt, which has been linked to Sad Cow Disease, (SCD) can mar enjoyment of Winter celebrations, according to experts

With the Winter Solstice celebrations just a few days away, experts in the field of mental health have turned their attention to one of the season’s biggest scourges: Non-Hibernators’ Guilt.

“After Extinction Anxiety, Non-Hibernators’ Guilt is the most common psychological condition we see in the Winter season,” says Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist who will also serve as a staff member at The Park’s first Extinction Anxiety Clinic when it opens in January.

The condition, also known as NHG, can affect Animals who remain awake and active during the Winter season, but who have close friends and associates who are hibernators. NHG-affected Animals experience a deep sense of guilt and anxiety, concurrently with happiness, when they attend Park celebrations and important events in the Winter.

The Winter Solstice celebrations, in particular, are difficult for Park Animals. It is around that time that symptoms of NHG begin to occur, says Gibbon.

“These are the first celebrations of the Winter season, the first celebrations that are attended only by non-hibernators. In a way, they set the tone for the rest of the season. The amount of stress this puts on our non-hibernators has, I believe, been underestimated in the past,” she says.

While statistics show the number of Animals treated for NHG rising, experts in the field say the condition is not always easy to diagnose.

“Many of the symptoms of NHG are similar to those of other psychological conditions,” says Dr. Chloris Cougar, a researcher at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine.

In fact, some of NHG’s symptoms look remarkably similar to those associated with Feline Unipolar Depressive Disorder (FUDD), one of Dr. Cougar’s areas of expertise. It’s important, however, that we not confuse NHG with other conditions, Dr. Cougar stresses.

“There is some preliminary evidence that suggests a connection between NHG and Sad Cow Disease (SCD), but this is very, very early research and we have to be very careful about making assumptions based on it. SCD is a more complex condition and is much more difficult to treat,” she says.

She likens NHG, on the other hand, to “a stronger variation of normal.”

“It’s natural for Animals to miss those close to them who are in hibernation, especially during times of celebration. But some Animals experience this temporary loss more profoundly than others. Those are the Animals we are concerned about,” she says.

While acknowledging that much further research is needed, the two experts offered this advice, in the meantime, for non-hibernating Park Animals:

“Try to enjoy the Winter holiday season by understanding the dictates of nature. Your hibernating compatriots are not missing out on the fun; instead, they are doing what is necessary for their survival. Soon enough, they’ll be among us again, celebrating other joyful occasions.”

Tulip Map recall “will create havoc in the Spring”: DWBS

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The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has declared the recent recall of the 2013 Tulip Map “a disaster for The Park’s citizens.”

At a press conference held this afternoon, Cornelius Kakapo, DWBS Director of Public Relations, said the map recall will create confusion in general and “wreak havoc among our citizens in the Spring…particularly, among our hibernators.” That havoc, he said, could result in food shortages, violence, “and, possibly, death.”

The map, which is officially known as the “Map of Tulip and other Bulb Beds in The Park and Environs,” is produced annually by the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), in association with the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS), the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP), the Association of Distinct Hibernating Animals of The Park (ADHAP) and the Park Alliance of Chipmunks (PAC). The map is used in both Fall and Spring by a large number of The Park’s residents, including members of its many hibernating communities.

The 2013 map, which was released November 1, was recalled on November 28, due to “changes beyond our control,” said a SpokesAnimal for the Confederation of Ground Squirels.

“Toxic substances were discovered in the bulbs’ planting areas and the decision was made to recall the map for the sake of Animals’ health and well-being. Unfortunately, the detection of these substances occurred after the map was distributed to our hibernators,” the SpokesAnimal said.

The DWBS’s Kakapo stressed the urgency of the situation, imploring the groups involved in researching and producing the map to rectify the situation as soon as possible.

“Our citizens, particularly our hibernators, rely on the [Tulip] map in the Spring. The map is the #1 Park resource for [finding] quick food sources. It is unthinkable that we should leave our fellow citizens without a reliable guide for food gathering. More importantly, the danger of [their] succumbing to chemical poisoning due to errors in the map make correcting the situation that much more urgent,” Kakapo said.

He also said his Department intends to “fully mobilize” in early Winter to prevent an outbreak of chemical poisoning in the late Winter and early Spring.

WatchDog group warns of impending newspaper war

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The Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP) warns of a major newspaper war in The Park

The Park may soon become the battleground in a major newspaper war.

That is the opinion of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP), a group that monitors changes in Park media policy.

“The Park’s media are gearing up for a significant scuffle, if not an all-out war,” said the Centre’s Executive Director, Noburu Akita, at a policy conference held in conjunction with the publication of the group’s semi-annual SNAPshot report.

The report, which was released at the beginning of January, cited a number of key factors that led the group to conclude that a serious war of the “word worlds” was in the offing.

Among the most significant of these, according to C-SNAP, is a change in editorial policy at a number of Park publications.

“We have seen this demonstrated most notably at The Insect Intelligencer, The Rodent Commoner, The Eagle Star, and at The Mammalian Daily, with the introduction of their undercover reporting,” Akita said.

Each of these newspapers has added investigative reporting to its regular news coverage. The Insect Intelligencer added six investigative journalists to its roster in order to service its now regular “Fly on the Wall” feature, while The Mammalian Daily is planning to use four of its senior journalists on a rotating basis to fill its investigative positions.

The SNAPshot report cited several significant changes at The Mammalian Daily which, it said, could signal the newspaper’s intent to do battle openly against its rivals. In response to recent criticism by the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN), for instance, The Mammalian Daily released the names and photographs of some of its higher-ranking journalists. Their bylines, however, still do not appear in the paper. The report also noted that The Mammalian Daily has gradually changed its focus by “casting an eye toward the world outside The Park.”

“Considerable space has been devoted, not only to events, but to the opinions and reactions of those who live outside The Park. Some of the stories that have been reported have had the outside world and, specifically, the Human world, as their focus,” the report said.

In addition, the watchDog group says that it has detected a sizeable increase in advertising revenues derived from non-Mammalian businesses and services. This increase, the group feels, may reflect a change in the definition of The Mammalian Daily’s target market.

“We believe that TMD may be directing some of its advertising and content at the non-Mammalian members of The Park, namely the Avian, Amphibian, Reptilian, and Insect population, in order to secure its position as [The Park’s] official newspaper,” Akita said.

Other factors predictive of “war,” according to C-SNAP, are a series of “strategic defections” of key staff members across the medium’s spectrum, and the high number of influential journalists who have “shifted position” in the last few months.

“Position shifting,” Akita explained, is Park media-speak for a change that involves not only employment, but editorial outlook, as well.

“Journalists move from paper to paper and, sometimes, from medium to medium. There is nothing intrinsically significant in that. What is significant in these changes is that reporters moved from a paper with one political outlook to another with a distinctly different political viewpoint. Some even moved to a paper that serviced another species, altogether. This openness to courting from other journals demonstrates that the reporters’ politics and species identification might have taken a backseat to a strong desire for change.”

Akita specifically noted the late December departure of Mammalian Daily star reporter, Anselm Alpaca, who now writes for The Equine Echo, and of the Galliformes Gazette’s Hamilton Snowcock, who was rumoured to have been wooed by a number of publications until he finally came to roost at The Canary Courier.

This article originally appeared in Issue #117 of The Mammalian Daily.

Mammalian Daily editorial policies criticized by rival Park newspapers

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While rival newspapers have criticized the editorial policies of The Mammalian Daily, its readers are satisfied with the paper’s coverage of events, says a survey

The Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN), whose members include The Mollusk Messenger, The Canary Courier, The Insect Intelligencer, The Halibut Herald, and The Salamander Evening Post, has formally criticized the editorial policies of The Mammalian Daily.

At a media conference held this month at the University of West Terrier’s prestigious Cuthbert School of Journalism, a group of ANMPN editors expressed concern about certain aspects of The Mammalian Daily’s editorial guidelines.

“After examining the newspaper’s [editorial] policies, we have concluded that The Mammalian Daily falls short of its mandate to be The Park’s official newspaper. We recommend that steps be taken immediately to make the newspaper more inclusive and, thus, make it more representative of The Park’s population as a whole.” said Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and Executive Director of the Association.

ANMPN members were unanimously critical of the newspaper’s official policy of anonymous reporting which, the Association said, allowed Mammalian Daily journalists to “hide behind their species.”

“Unless a writer’s species is declared,” said Tarrance Turkey, Deputy News Editor at The Galliforme Gazette and an ANMPN founding member, “readers have no way of knowing what that writer’s bias is in reporting.”

The Mammalian Daily drew further criticism for what the Association deemed a “pro- Human slant” in its coverage of events outside The Park, and for its limited reporting of news and events of a non-Mammalian nature.

“Even though my community participates fully in Park affairs, I find only on rare occasions do we receive the amount of attention that we deserve,” said Senior Finance Reporter Antoinette Anhima of The Avian Messenger.

While these criticisms reflected the common sentiment among rival Park publications, others expressed a more positive view of The Mammalian Daily.

Speaking at the conference’s concluding dinner, UWT Professor Ludwiga Saimiri, said she found much to commend in The Mammalian Daily. The distinguished scholar is the former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ).

She praised the paper for its forward-thinking policies, supporting its stand against the frivolous use of descriptive terms in its newspaper.

“Neither fur nor feather colour is to be reported, nor family, political, or financial status, unless it is germane to the story,” she said, quoting from The Mammalian Daily’s 25 AZ Statement of Editorial Intent.

“Too many Park publications indulge in ‘Werturteilfreude,’ she said, explaining the term that she has coined to mean “joy obtained from the making of a value judgement.”

“These judgements, made by reporters and editors, masquerade as descriptive terms in the [other] papers’ headlines and stories. But they are unfair, often unfounded, and have no place in responsible journalism,” she declared.

As for the newspaper’s supposed pro-Human slant, Professor Saimiri was sanguine about Humans and the role they play in Park affairs.

“We could do worse than attempt to present a balanced view of the Human world,” she said.

This article originally appeared in Issue #116 of The Mammalian Daily

Museum’s “Archonic Visions” breaks all attendance records

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The Park Museum’s “Archonic Visions” travelling exhibition set an all-time record for attendance

“Archonic Visions”, The Park Museum’s 2012 travelling exhibition, has set an all-time record for attendance, according to statistics compiled by The Park’s Department of Culture and Heritage.

“We just smashed the records,” said Sukuta Rhinoceros in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio. Rhinoceros is a member of The Park Museum’s Board of Governors and one of its founders.

“And that’s for any exhibition, cultural or artistic, since the founding of zoocracy. This bodes well for the museum and for the future of The Park, itself,” he said.

Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces echoed that sentiment.

“We were thrilled to see those numbers. We view this as a re-awakening of interest in Park history,” he said.

The exhibition, which was sponsored by the Marine Mammal Bank of The Park, highlighted the ideas and accomplishments of the Archons who served in the government from the first year of zoocracy until the end of 2010. The exhibition closed November 30.

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