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Archives for February 2013

FCSW president suspended over allegations of misconduct

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FCSW President Gareth Shepherd is a 17-year veteran of the Park Police Force. He was suspended from his duties on Monday pending investigation of allegations of misconduct made by members of the group that calls itself  Les Amis de Hieronymous

Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), has been suspended from his duties pending an investigation into allegations of misconduct. The misconduct is alleged to have occurred during arrests he made at the Ceremonial Return of the Nut on February 20.

At a press conference held this morning, a spokesAnimal for Park Police confirmed that six members of the group that calls itself Les Amis de Hieronymous (The Friends of Hieronymous) have filed a formal complaint against Shepherd, alleging that the police officer bit them repeatedly as he pushed them into a vehicle bound for the police station. The six were arrested by Shepherd at the Return of the Nut and were formally charged later that day at the police station.

The spokesAnimal said Shepherd was suspended from his duties early this morning.

“The Park Police Force has had a policy in place for more than 20 years that explicitly forbids its officers from biting alleged offenders,” said the spokesAnimal. “We want to assure the public that we are taking this complaint very seriously.”

The six LAdeH members who were arrested were released late last night and will appear in court later this week. All six of the group members were charged with resisting arrest, disrupting a public event, and endangering the lives of other Animals. One member was charged with misrepresenting a public figure and four members were charged with assault with intent to harm or maim.

Shepherd, a 17-year veteran of the Park Police Force, has a “clean record,” according to the spokesAnimal. “This is the first complaint that has ever been lodged against him,” he said.

As FCSW President, Shepherd is best known for his role in rallying the Federation’s membership during the strike of 2004.

Chaos reigns as Return of the Nut marks end of hibernation

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Chaos reigned in The Park as 2013 Keeper of the Nut Tapio Orava returned the Nut at celebrations held on February 20

Chaos reigned yesterday in The Park, as Tapio Orava prepared to fulfil his duties as 2013 Keeper of the Nut.

Orava could not hide his discomfort as he stretched out his arms and returned the Nut to the citizenry in a ceremony that has great historical significance.

Swearing the ancient oath that the Nut was “kept from harm and preserved intact,” he said he could see and hear thousands of protesters around him, waving signs and shouting at each other.

“I didn’t know, at first, that they weren’t protesting against me, but I didn’t know why they would be doing that,” he said later. “So I just tightened my tail and got on with the business at hand.”

The protesters came from two different camps: some were members of The Park’s hibernating communities who had come out in support of Hieronymous Hedgehog and others were vehement supporters of controversial Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros. At one point, surrounding Orava, they declared war on each other and Park Police were forced to step in to quell the demonstration.

“I was mortified…for The Park and for him [Tapio Orava]…and I was sad,” said Beatrice Zilonis, a professor in the Department of History at the University of West Terrier.

“This is a day of great significance to us…a day that has always been one of pure joy, marking the end of hibernation and reuniting most of The Park’s residents. It is a day when we all come together and celebrate our survival. They [the protesters] had no business being there,” she said.

Noticeably absent from the ceremony was Hieronymous Hedgehog, who is at the centre of the controversy, along with Yannis Tavros. According to his hibernating compatriots, he is still resting in his burrow and is unaware, as yet, of the firestorm that his Groundhog Day remarks created.

“He’s living in blissful ignorance,” said his cousin Cyril, stifling a laugh. “But I doubt that that can last much longer.”

Meanwhile, according to Park Police, the half-day celebration of survival and solidarity yielded 400 arrests, 175 injuries and, as of today, 4 lawsuits.

“I guess you could say it wasn’t just another day in The Park for us,” said Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), who oversaw security at the event.

Tavros “Bullish” on The Park, say his supporters

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Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros is “Bullish” on The Park and only wants the best for his adopted home, says a group of his supporters who have set up camp in front of the radio station.

“I think everybody’s got it all wrong about Yannis,” says Gottfried Stier. Stier has been marching up and down in front of Toro Talk Radio’s door since Tuesday, when the radio station relieved the controversial talk show host of his duties for an indefinite period of time.

Stier points to the photo on the sign he’s been carrying, then asks in a genuinely puzzled tone:

“Does that look like the face of a Bull who’s gratuitously cruel?” he asked.

That epithet is one of many that have become attached to Tavros’s name. Always known as outspoken and often seen as controversial, many believe Tavros crossed the line last Tuesday, when he criticized the intellectual capabilities of Hieronymous Hedgehog and his family.

“Nobody here thinks he should have said that,” says Stier, who says he agrees with those who believe Tavros should come forward and apologize.

“But I don’t think it’s an indication of his views. He’s argumentative…and combative on the air. That’s his persona. But his loyalties lie with The Park and he’s a staunch supporter of zoocracy. Considering where he came from, that’s not a surprise. But you won’t find many Animals who are as willing as he is to lay it on the line so The Park can be its best. I don’t think, right now, that Park Animals have any appreciation of his real attitudes. All they can hear is this one mistake. I think we owe it to him to give him a chance to speak honestly,” Stier says.

Another protester, Jurella Tamaraw, points out the irony in Tavros not being on the air.

“The last time there was a controversy about free speech, Yannis was there to help resolve it,” she says. That controversy, which involved the decision made by the Association of Park Radio Stations to pull a Cynics song from the airwaves, was resolved when Tavros offered the Cynics a chance to defend their song on his show.

Many would argue, though, that the current issue is not, technically, one of free speech. The protesters outside Toro Talk Radio believe there is a simple solution, nevertheless.

“I think he should apologize and we should all move on from this,” says Tamaraw.

Founding Families, Petrounel pull ads from Toro Talk Radio

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The Founding Families Financial Corporation has pulled its advertisements from Toro Talk Radio in response to remarks made on February 12 by the station’s talk show host, Yannis Tavros.

In an announcement dated today, The Park’s oldest and largest bank said it “could not in good conscience support the radio station given the nature of the remarks made by one in its employ.”

As its name suggests, Founding Families Financial Corporation was established by a number of The Park’s original families. These include Groundhogs, Ground Squirrels, Arachnids, Hedgehogs, Beavers, Wasps, Polar Bears, Cattle and Bees, among others. Many of these families are members of The Park’s hibernating communities and some have suggested that this may have been a factor in the bank’s decision.

In an interview on Chitter Radio this morning, Rodolfo van de Gier, President of the Association of Media Outlets of The Park (AMOP) said he thought it was “far from a coincidence that the bank’s announcement came today, [since it is ] the official end of the hibernation period.”

“Not only do some members of its Board of Directors come from our hibernating communities, but a great number of its clients do, as well. They can’t be seen to be supporting a station that appears anti-hibernator,” he said.

He also believes this is the main reason that Provisions by Petrounel pulled its ads from Toro Talk Radio.

“They’re grocers and caterers and they serve all species, but it’s been estimated that a good 40 per cent or more of their business is post-hibernation. How could they afford not to pull their ads after Tavros insulted a pair of very well-known and well-loved hibernators?” he said.

As of this afternoon, Toro Talk Radio had not responded to the companies’ announcements.

Radio station suspends Tavros over Hedgehog remarks

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Toro Talk Radio announced this morning that it has suspended Yannis Tavros “for an indefinite period of time” over the negative comments he made on air about Hieronymous Hedgehog

After enduring more than three days of around-the-clock protests in front of its offices, Toro Talk Radio announced today that it has suspended talk show host Yannis Tavros “for an indefinite period of time.”

In a statement released this morning, the radio station said that after a review of Tavros’s remarks about Hieronymous Hedgehog the owners felt it would be best to remove the broadcaster from the airwaves for a length of time.

“Toro Talk Radio was saddened to hear the remarks that Yannis Tavros made during the essay portion of his talk show on Tuesday, February 12. These remarks in no way reflect the beliefs or opinions of this radio station or of any Animal employed here. In light of the nature of those remarks, however, and of the pain that they have caused many Park residents, we feel it would be best for all concerned if Tavros spent some time away from the airwaves. We have, therefore, suspended Yannis Tavros from his duties here at Toro Talk Radio for an indefinite period of time,” the statement said.

The station went on to assure its listeners that Toro Talk Radio “takes tremendous pride in drawing its listeners from a wide variety of species” and that it “values and respects The Park’s hibernating communities.”

One of the most contentious remarks that Tavros made concerned Hieronymous Hedgehog’s late uncle, Hamlin Jarvis Lambert Hedgehog, who served as Archon in 1998. Ten years later, the Hedgehog died of premature awakening from hibernation, a circumstance that Tavros blamed on the lack of intelligence that he believes afflicts the former Archon’s entire family.

Experts in the field, however, say that premature awakening, which is on the rise in The Park, has nothing at all to do with intelligence.

“For whatever reason, he is spreading a falsehood and a dangerous one at that,” says Dr. Jagger Zebu, Professor of Mammalian Medicine at the University of West Terrier and one of the authors of a recent report on premature awakening in The Park.

“There are a number of factors involved in premature awakening but none is related to intelligence,” he said.

Meanwhile, members of a group that calls itself Les Amis de Hieronymous (The Friends of Hieronymous) are calling for a formal on-air apology from Tavros.

“We will not be satisfied until he apologizes publicly for his treatment of Hieronymous,” said a spokesAnimal for LAdeH.

“The Strange Case of the Topaz Toepad” to begin filming this Spring

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The Strange Case of the Topaz Toepad, the best-selling mystery novel by Kylie Springbok, will begin its journey to the big screen this Spring.

Annika Maasusi, Editor-in-Chief of Hyena Whodunits, the book’s publisher, confirmed the sale of the film rights in a press release late this afternoon.

“Hyena Whodunits is pleased to announce that Mandrill Entertainment has purchased the rights to the highly successful novel, The Strange Case of the Topaz Toepad,” the release said.

Mandrill Entertainment, best known for producing fast-paced action and adventure films, released a statement simultaneously, confirming both the purchase and its plan to begin filming in The Park in the late Spring.

“We are pleased to inform Park Animals that the film’s casting and shooting will all be done within The Park,” the release also said. No other information regarding the cast was revealed.

The book, which was originally published in 2007, will be re-released in March to coincide with the making of the film, Maasusi confirmed.

Archon’s nephew blasted over Groundhog Day remarks

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The nephew of a former Archon is being criticized for remarks he made this month in an interview during The Mammalian Daily’s live coverage of The Park’s annual Groundhog Day celebrations.

Hieronymous Hedgehog, who has been described as one of The Park’s great citizens, had been out of hibernation for only three hours when he consented to an interview with Mammalian Daily reporters. When asked his impression of the festivities, the Hedgehog was openly critical of some aspects of the celebrations, including the Park Historical Society’s film tribute to zoocracy.

“I don’t know about this movie…That sounds a touch…Human,” he said. He went on to express a number of other controversial opinions, including his belief that Humans’ interest in The Park is restricted to “our natural resources, our wealth,” and that running The Park is a job that even its resident Animals were hesitant to do.

“Nobody wants to take over The Park,” he said. “Look how long it took us to accept the responsibility.”

These last remarks were quoted yesterday by Yannis Tavros in the opening essay of his popular talk show on Toro Talk Radio.

“It seems as though even the nephew of an Archon can be anti-Animal at heart,” Tavros began. He continued his tirade against the Hedgehog, accusing him of being “openly un-zoocratic, given to delusions of grandeur, and a phony” before he ended by calling the Hedgehog “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.”

This last remark was denounced as being “over the top” and “gratuitously cruel” by a spokesAnimal for The Park’s hibernating communities. Hieronymous Hedgehog’s uncle, Hamlin Jarvis Lambert Hedgehog, died as a result of premature awakening from hibernation on February 3, 2008. Deaths from premature awakening have risen substantially over the past few years. Hamlin Jarvis Lambert Hedgehog served as Archon in 1998.

For his part, Hieronymous Hedgehog has not had a chance to respond to Tavros’s tirade. He returned to his burrow late on Groundhog Day and is not expected to surface until February 19, the official end of the hibernation period. In his absence, though, his friends and compatriots have taken up his cause, calling for Tavros’s resignation and threatening to boycott not only his show, but his radio station.

“Long gone registry” first official act of 2013 Archons

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The first act of the 2013 Archons is the establishment of a “long gone registry” to catalogue Animals who have left The Park

Bowing to pressure from the Park Historical Society, the 2013 Archons announced today that their first official act as The Park’s governing body will be the establishment of a registry of Animals whose departure from The Park was “caused by either death or desire”.

At a press conference held this morning, Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, said the “Long Gone Registry” was deemed essential by all parties concerned “so that we can have truly accurate population and participation records for The Park.”

“All organized societies require accurate records so that they can both learn from the past and look to the future,” Alouatta said, quoting from a statement issued earlier by the Archons.

According to Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces, who advised the Archons as they drafted legislation to establish the registry, no formal records exist of or about departed Park citizens or residents.

“We don’t know who left or why they left, or even when they left. We have not kept those kinds of [exit] records, as we should have done. All we have to go on are published death announcements, family notices, citations from educational institutions, or hospital and physicians’ notes. We have no formal records regarding mobility or participation. This leaves a huge hole in our knowledge of life in The Park. There are, undoubtedly, many Animals who contributed to our life here and who form part of our history, but we know nothing about them,” he said.

The registry, which was established to rectify this situation, will of necessity rely heavily on anecdotal evidence and family lore, Alouatta said. For this reason, the Archons have engaged the services of faculty members of the University of West Terrier’s Department of History, as well as members of the Park Historical Society, in gathering the information required from The Park’s resident Animals.

The registry, which will fall under the jurisdiction of The Park’s Department of Statistics and Records, will begin data intake in the Spring, Alouatta said.

2013 POPS Bastiaan Groundhog predicts an early Spring

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The Right Honourable Bastiaan Groundhog, 2013 POPS

At precisely 07:59 this morning (Official Park Time), 2013 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) Bastiaan Groundhog predicted an early Spring for The Park.

The POPS, who left his burrow at 07:57, greeted well-wishers as he walked to the official prognostication mound. When he arrived at the mound, he waved to the crowd, stood still for one minute, failed to see his shadow, and proclaimed an early Spring. The official proclamation was signed at 08:00.

“I’m glad it’s over,” the Groundhog said to reporters and festival-goers, as he made his way toward the stands for the Archons’ address. He took his place in the front row, just behind the lectern and beside the other 34 Archons.

“The pressure was enormous. Unless you’ve been POPS, you can’t really understand that. I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders,” he said.

After the festivities, the POPS confirmed his plans to return to his burrow until the official end of hibernation on February 19.

“I need the rest,” he said.

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