Archives for June 2019

This poster, which depicts an overly-enthusiastic Animal expressing thanks to tourists was produced by a group that is planning to protest the Archons’ latest strategy to encourage tourism in The Park. The image pokes fun at an instructional brochure published by The Park’s new Office of Tourism.

Original Publication Date: 10 July 2013

Enraged Park Animals are planning to protest formally against the latest move by the 2013 Archons to promote tourism in The Park.

The third prong of the so-called “three-prong tourism strategy” that was laid out by the 2012 Archons calls for a change in Animals’ behaviour “to make tourists feel as if they are a welcome and valuable addition to our lives.”

In order to effect this behavioural change, the newly-established Park Office of Tourism (POT) has published a brochure outlining the new strategy and calling for Animals to act as “a more polite and welcoming guide to The Park.”

The brochure, which was distributed last week to all retail shops, grooming houses, and restaurants will be made available to Park Animals at their homes, as well. In it, the POT explains the new strategy in detail and offers a reference table of phrases that “work well with non-resident Animals, including Humans.” The brochure also includes a section of illustrated Animal facial expressions and assigns them scores according to how close they come to being “the most favourable visage for a tourist to encounter.”

Not surprisingly, the new strategy and the brochure have ignited a firestorm. They’ve also prompted some Park residents to form an anti-tourism group that is calling itself “NoPARKing.”  The group’s president, Emmanuelle Musaraigne, has pledged that her group will not let the Archons get away with what she calls “the most ridiculous scheme ever.”

“This whole idea is outrageous, costly and damaging to our way of life,” she said in an interview this morning. “We have to put a stop to it now, before it takes over our lives.”

The original tourism plan, which was revealed to the public last June, was conceived by 2012 Chief Archon George Newt as a way of opening up a new revenue stream for The Park. The plan was met with skepticism initially and has continued to anger Park residents, even though many hoped it would benefit The Park both financially and culturally.

Related articles:

• • Archons’ plan to promote tourism draws criticism
  • Second prong of Archons’ tourism strategy: signage

LynxLink, CatsCare and Tortoise Immigrant Aid are among charities that want a say in music fest’s funding distribution

Original Publication Date: 09 September 2015

Some of The Park’s charities are demanding a say in the distribution of funds raised by the Beats of Burden Musical Festival.

In an open letter published on Monday and addressed to the Beasts of Burden, the festival’s creators and hosts, the presidents of six of the Park’s charities call for a meeting with the Beasts and the festival’s financial managers to discuss fund allocation.

“We wish to congratulate you on the success of the Beats of Burden Musical Festival,” the letter begins. But it goes on to say that now that the festival is well-established and has become a big money-maker, the charities feel it’s time they had some input into how the money is spent.

The three-day-long festival, which is now in its third year, was conceived of by the Beasts as a way to aid The Park’s refugees. In addition to their performances at the festival, the musical group has donated two songs in support of that cause, and other Park musicians and artists have made similar donations. The festival also includes auctions and other events aimed at raising money for our ever-growing refugee community.

While the charities say they appreciate all the fundraising efforts, they believe they know best when it comes to funding allocation.

“Because we are at ground zero when it comes to working with The Park’s refugees, we feel our expertise is invaluable. And because this is a timely matter, we would very much like to offer our assistance at your earliest convenience,” the letter concludes. It is signed by the presidents of LynxLink, Runaway Rovers, Home to Roost, CatsCare, Rodents at Risk, and the Tortoise Immigrant Aid and Mentor Programme.

Although the Beasts of Burden have made no public statement since the letter was published, their manager Ignatius Herder confirmed the group has read it.

Original Publication Date: 17 July 2012

The CatsCare Foundation has put out an urgent call to Park citizens to assist in the re-homing of hundreds of formerly domestic Cats and Kittens.

CatsCare Community Fundraiser, Elwanda Lynx, issued the call early this morning, as the charity began to run low on supplies for the Cats.

“Some of these Cats have never lived on their own,” she said. “They need everything — food, water, building materials for homes. There are mothers who have new litters, who need a place to stay for the next few weeks. We’re saying to any Animal in The Park who has room for these Cats, or can donate some time or money, please do so,” she said.

Lynx said the Cats are some of thousands who have begun to flee their homes outside The Park.

“I think we’re seeing the beginning of a movement…or even a revolution,” Lynx said. “Many of these Cats were abducted when they were Kittens. They know almost nothing about Park life, but they’ve chosen to take the risk and leave their comfortable domestic situations for the chance to pursue real lives as Cats. It’s our duty to help them as much as we can.”

Not all the Cats are leaving voluntarily, however, and not all are escaping “comfortable” situations.

According to CatsCare Re-Homing Specialist, Lisandara Puma, many of the Cats making their way to The Park have come from abusive situations and some of them have even been abandoned.

“Some have been left just outside The Park’s fence, just left there to find a new life on their own. And many of them lack not only the means, but the skills to move forward without help. And what we’re seeing more and more of is Cats who are coming to us with the signs of [having suffered] physical abuse. Many of them have no claws on their front paws or they’ve had their tails removed. These Cats will require special care,” Puma said.

For more information or to volunteer or make a donation, please contact CatsCare at 228-72273.