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Archives for January 2020

Official schedule of the 2020 Groundhog Day celebrations released

January 30, 2020 By Endla Metsümiseja, TMD Groundhog Day Reporter

The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations (DHFC) has released the Official Schedule of the 2020 Groundhog Day Celebrations.

At a short press conference this morning, DHFC Director of Public Relations Aintza Kanariar said she was confident that this year’s lineup of performers, games, acts, and more will “more than please” Park residents.

“We’ve put together a very celebratory, yet serious event for what some consider to be the most important holiday of the year,” Kanariar said.

While the events will span the weekend, the official schedule is only for February 2, and only for those events that will take place at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre. Other venues, including The Burrow Theatre, The New Harmony Theatre, and The Howler Comedy Club, will announce their schedules separately.

Kanariar confirmed that the 2km tunnel race would go ahead as usual, but said nothing about it being broadcast. She would not comment on speculation that one of The Park’s technology companies was planning to livestream the event.

Kanariar also confirmed that, as happened last year, 2020 “spare,” Hannu Metsämurmeli, will be awakened at the same time as 2020 POPS, Ermentrude Murmeltier.

“Ermentrude and Hannu will be awakened simultaneously, and Hannu will be acknowledged during the post-prognostication ceremony. We want her to know we appreciate her contribution and her commitment to The Park,” Kanariar said.

Kanariar acknowledged last year’s the controversy over the two comedy sets that were scheduled. The results of a survey that she handed out to all attendees last year indicated that while Park Animals love their comedy and their comedians, they didn’t think that comedy sets were necessarily appropriate for Groundhog Day. As a result, the Department compromised and this year’s schedule includes only one short comedy set, by the University of West Terrier’s Official Comedian, Woodruff Dalmatio

Kanariar also noted, with pride, that this is the first year that the Working Wounded Performing Arts Company has made it into the official schedule. 

The following musicians, among others, will participate in the event:

Polar Opposites
The Feral Four
The Canary Cousins
Spontaneous Generation
Les Chiens Débraillés
SCENTient Beings
Jargonhead
Persistent Sisters
The Cynics
Will.o.be
Memes of Production
Last Stand
Eggie and The Pigs
ZEAL
Inktvis and Krake
The All-Rodent Marching Band
The DomEstyx
The Beasts of Burden
BHR (Big Hearts Rule) formerly NIML (Not In My Lifetime)
Fish Rap

As is always the case, one of the most important aspects of the Groundhog Day celebrations will be the food. Renowned Chef Tab Triolore will reprise his “feral buffet” and supply delicious non-perishables from his grassRoutes restaurant. Other food purveyors include The Battering Ram Café, The Compost Heap, The Broop ‘n Miaow, The Draft, The Pound Gastropub, and The Cackling Goose Tavern. Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station will serve a full breakfast just after the Archons’ Address. Ants in Your Pantry and Provisions by Petrounel will send all attendees home with tasty party favours.

And, again, this year, food will be served for twenty-four hours straight.

“We’re going through from eight in the morning on the second [of February] until eight in the morning on the third,” Kanariar said.

And, don’t forget: the events will be covered live by Mammalian Daily reporters here on Twitter.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction Tagged With: #GroundhogDay

Wednesday Rewind: TMD reporters to blog live from Groundhog Day celebrations

January 29, 2020 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Groundhog Day blogger
Original Publication Date: 2 February 2011

In a statement released today, The Mammalian Daily confirmed that it will be sending some of its reporters to blog live from The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations on 2 February.

“The Mammalian Daily is seeking to amplify the amount of fun of Park residents at the annual Groundhog Day Festival by hosting a live blog to report on events as they happen in different areas of The Park. This should allow our residents to enjoy virtually everything the Festival has to offer this year,” part of the statement read.
This is the second year that the newspaper has committed a part of its staff to reporting live from the annual celebration.

According to a TMD spokesanimal, the blog was up and running as of 26 January. The blog can be found at: http://www.groundhogdayinthepark.wordpress.com

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: #WednesdayRewind

Wednesday Rewind: Banking scandal prompts special meeting of Archons

January 22, 2020 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

A special meeting of the Archons has been called to discuss the activities of some of The Park’s banks.

Original Publication Date: 30 July 2012

An investigation that revealed significant irregularities in The Park’s banking system has prompted a special meeting of the Archons this afternoon.

According to Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, the purpose of the meeting is to discuss the implications of the results of an investigation conducted by The Park Finance Office (PFO) into the internal activities of several of The Park’s major banks.

Files obtained by The Mammalian Daily indicate that the Monotreme Savings Bank (MSB), the Arthropod Commercial Bank (ACB) and the Founding Families Financial Corporation (FFFC) are alleged to have engaged in a system of internal lending that violates the PFO’s rules of conduct and puts the value of some customer deposits at risk.

At a press conference held early this morning, Alouatta refused to comment on rumours that the three banks have been lending funds to each other in one curency only: Ftoo.

If the rumour is true, say financial experts, it could have a major effect on financial institutions and on life in general for residents of The Park.

“If that is what they are doing, then they effectively have established an official currency in The Park and exchanged funds accordingly,” says Sierpinski Squirrel, Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners and author of Tools for Trade: Ten Strategies for Expanding The Park’s Economy.

The Park does not currently have an official currency and the establishment of one in law would require the usual unanimous agreement of the Archons.

“If these rumours are true,” says Sierpinski, “it means the banks, essentially, have usurped the power of the Archons and assumed the role of government. That would be a very serious and dangerous situation for us to find ourselves in,” he says.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: #WednesdayRewind

Names of 2020 Archons announced

January 15, 2020 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2020 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.


ARCHONS – 2020
Bustard, Aristokles Euphranor   (Chief Archon)
Boophis Ankarafensis, Edmé Manouelle (Deputy Chief Archon)

Alligator, Humphrey Bartholomew; Black Rhinoceros, Adjoa Mudiwa; Bumblebee Bat, Myitzu Hayma; Chameleon, Fiona Miary; Chub, Ewald Felix; Cricket, Rupert Stanley; Crocodile Lizard, Mai Phuong; Eekhoorn, Kasper Meine; Flowerpecker, Kavya Aaradhya; Gharial, Deenath Rohan; Hoverfly, Eudora Jane; Hydra, Zachary Theodore; Jellyfish, Croia Adele; Kestrel, Iseabail; Kokopu, Manaaki Ihaia; Mary River Turtle, Lucas Henry; Panda, Baozhai Lanfen; Pangolin, Abioye Emeka; Peacock, Reyansh Arav; Pink Velvet Worm, Florence Eustasia; Pupfish, Mateo Jorge; Salamander, Berenice Agape; Saola, Shirley Marguerite; Shrew, Timothy Barnard; Snail, W. George Oliver; Squatina, Angela Martina; Squid, Anakoni Lono; Suckermouth, Rosamie Jasmine; Toad, Amelia Freya; Turtle, Angus Cameron; Wallace’s Flying Frog, Hilmi Ashraf; White-Bellied Frog, Liam Maxwell; Wren, Francisca Adriana.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

Wednesday Rewind: The University of West Terrier needs your support!

January 15, 2020 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Original Publication Date: 17 January 2012

For the first time in its history, The University of West Terrier is asking those outside the institution for their support.

In a statement released today, the Governors of the University respectfully requested “a little help from our friends”:

As is the case currently with almost all academic institutions, UWT is having trouble meeting its financial commitments. These commitments, of course, constitute our academic commitments.  We, therefore, are asking for a little help from our friends. If you or your friends are UWT alumni, please consider purchasing our new commemorative mug. If you reside inside The Park, show your commitment to higher education by doing the same. If you reside outside The Park, remember your friends of all species and order a mug to support their future. Do it for yourself, do it for your family, do it for your friends. Do it for the future. We’ll all be better off for it.

Thank you.”

The purchase of UWT Commemorative Mugs is supported by The Mammalian Daily. If you are interested in acquiring one or more mugs, please email us at orders@mammaliandaily.com.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: #WednesdayRewind

Wednesday Rewind: Archons plan to halt economic growth: think tank report

January 8, 2020 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

An independent think tank claims in a report that the 2013 Archons plan to halt the growth of The Park’s economy

Original Publication Date: 26 January 2013

The report of a Park think tank says the 2013 Archons plan to adopt policies that will halt the growth of The Park’s economy.

According to the Council of Independent Economic Advisors (CIEA), an independent think tank that is headquartered in The Park, the Archons, who have been in office only ten days, plan to reduce The Park’s economic expansion by discouraging the business community from increasing its footprint.

“Due to the political and economic philosophies of the overwhelming majority of the 2013 Archons, The Park’s economy will see little or no growth in the coming year, as businesses will be discouraged from expanding and extra-hortulanial trade (trade that occurs outside The Park) will be curtailed,” the report concludes.

Those who have read the report, which has not been released formally, say the CIEA is “overreaching” and has drawn conclusions based solely on the attitudes and opinions expressed by certain Archons before they were appointed on January 16, 2013.

“It is not clear from the report whether they [think tank members] are talking about intent or result,” said Dr. Anneliese Cissa, head of the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier during a panel discussion on Mammalian Daily Radio.

“Do they believe the Archons’ actions, driven by opinions they expressed in the  past, will lead to economic stagnation or do they believe that the Archons will, due to their opinions and beliefs, attempt to create that stagnation by purposely curtailing economic activity? I can’t say, for sure, nor can I say how accurate a forecast it [the report[ might be. But I do believe the Archons are wiser than the CIEA gives them credit for. Still, we won’t know until Groundhog Day (the day of the Archons’ first address to the citizens of The Park) what direction the Archons plan to take us in, economically or otherwise. Until then, everything is just speculation,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: #WednesdayRewind

Mark your calendars for these important January 2020 events

January 1, 2020 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

January is one of The Park’s busiest months. To make sure you don’t miss anything, mark these dates on your calendar:

January 1-15: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry, For Tomorrow You May Have to Govern
Because we use the sortition method to select our Archons every January, we are all aware that this duty may fall to us. So, in the days leading up to the selection and announcement, spend time with your friends and family, and enjoy yourself. You may not have much time to do so in the coming year.

January 5: “The Nature of Zoocracy/The Zoocracy of Nature.”
This one-day symposium on the subject of zoocracy and nature will be hosted by the University of West Terrier’s departments of history, political philosophy, and psychology. Faculty members and other experts in those fields will discuss the reciprocal relationship between natural behaviour and zoocracy. Keynote speakers: Magnus Marmoset, holder of the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy and BirdBrains directors Gwendolyn Goose and Henry Gander, authors of “Zoocracy After Thirty-Five: A New Avian Era.” Location: University of West Terrier.

January 6-10: “Sortition Shakes” Pop-Up Clinic
Learn more about this newly-identified condition that affects a large percentage of The Park’s adult population. The clinic will be staffed by therapists from the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine and the Extinction Anxiety Clinic, who will spend at least fifteen minutes with each patient. No appointment is necessary. No time for therapy? Just stop by and take Dr. Chloris Cougar’s 10-point test and leave with an explanatory brochure. Either way, a visit here will ease your nerves.

January 7-14: Special Pre-Archon Selection Series of Discussions with Park Authors
In the week leading up to the announcement of the 2020 Archons, proprietor Wyuna Winkle of The Literary Apothecary will host a series of politically-oriented discussions and debates with prominent Park authors. Don’t miss your chance to hear Pieter Paard, Yoshita Tigru, Dr. Berthilidis Strix, Inari Marakatti, Magnus P. Marmoset, and Beatrice Zilonis, among others.

January 12 : “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Park Government”
Be prepared! If your name comes up, you’ll want to serve honourably and intelligently. Fortunately, historians Pieter Paard, Beatrice Zilonis, and Clark Cascanueces as well as political philosopher Magnus Marmoset have you covered. Their crash course is designed to teach you everything you’ll need to know about zoocracy, sortition, and the duties of Archonship. Open to all and free of charge, but reservations required. Location: University of West Terrier.

January 13: Extinction Anxiety Clinic Open House
For only the third time since its opening in August 2012, The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic will host an Open House. Both locations will welcome Park residents from 10:00-4:00 for some frank talk about Extinction Anxiety, including the newest treatment options. Refreshments will be served.

January 15: New Archons Announced
In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts early on the morning of January 15, an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Courts until the end of the week, so that all citizens and residents may review the names. The list will also be published in the January 15 edition of The Mammalian Daily.

January 16: Archons sworn in (half-day holiday)
For the selected Archons, the swearing-in ceremony will be a first; for Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, it will be his twenty-first. The ceremony is always meaningful and poignant, and a reminder of our great fortune to live under Animal self-rule.

Until March 31: The Park Museum presents, “The Means and the Message: A Decade of Prognostication Pads”
This multimedia exhibit
honours not only those who have been elected Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but the means they’ve used to make their predictions: the prognostication pad.

The Winterlong exhibit showcases the evolution of the prognostication pad throughout the past decade, putting the pad in historical context, and demonstrating the way in which its use has changed the office and duties of the prognosticator as well as the way in which spectators view the prediction.

January 29: University of West Terrier Annual Open House
The annual open house at The Park’s most renowned research institution attracts hopeful would-be students, alumni, and all those interested in higher education. Come for the tour and the snacks, but stay for the annual speaker. You’ll never be disappointed!

Lead-up to Groundhog Day
One of our most important holidays (if not the most important), The Park’s Groundhog Day celebration will include, of course, the prognostication, the Archons’ address, and the welcoming home of our hibernators. Shadow or no shadow, this year’s GD celebration is sure to be a great one. See you there!

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Health and Medicine, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: #JanuaryEvents

Wednesday Rewind: Cynics’ digital re-release tops charts

January 1, 2020 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Original Publication Date: 22 January 2010

Munch on this: Park recording artists, The Cynics (a.k.a. Philosopher Dogs) appear to have made a spectacular comeback with the digital re-release, this month, of their debut recording, Eat Your Food.

The group, which was certified by the Canine Music Association in 24 AZ, released two recordings during their first year, Eat Your Food and Take the A Frame. Sales of both recordings were “extremely strong, especially for newcomers”, says CMA President, R.F. Aarrf. But that success was not matched by their next release, No Dogs Allowed. Their next two recordings, Long Cool Human and S.I.T. were considered to be flops in terms of sales and many feared that the group would be unable to secure another recording contract.

Experts in the business side of music claimed the problem was a matter of timing and was caused by the music-buying public’s shift away from strident political statements.

“The Cynics were born of a political movement…if not an anti-Human movement, then, definitely, a questioning of Human-Canine integration. Unfortunately for the group, this came on the heels of a very strong conciliatory movement, both inside and outside The Park. Suddenly, no one wanted to hear about an interspecial struggle; they wanted to listen to tunes telling happier stories. And that wasn’t what the Cynics had to offer.”

Aarrf doesn’t believe that the group’s recent success signals a deterioration in Human-Canine relations. Instead, he thinks, it may indicate a cautious re-thinking of Humans’ place in The Park.

“I think Animals are taking a step back, paying more attention to their history, maybe, before they jump, with all four feet, into anything [with Humans] that might jeopardize their rights in the future,” he says. “And, so, they may be listening to the [Cynics’] lyrics more attentively than before.”

The Cynics, for their part, have made no public comment about their turn of fortune. According to their representative, no concerts are scheduled “at this time,” but the group is working on a new recording, to be released later this year. The title of that release is Do Clause.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: #WednesdayRewind

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