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“Sortition Shakes” on the rise as citizens feel the strain of possible Archonship

January 9, 2017 By Jaakkima Kuikka, TMD Mental Health Reporter

sortition-shakes

No, it’s not a snack. Or even a dance. It’s a real psychological condition that afflicts Park citizens. And it’s on the rise.

According to Park therapists, cases of  “Sortition Shakes” or “Lottery Nerves,” as they are also known, are up substantially this year. And, they say, it’s not surprising.

“I would say it was to be expected,” says Dr. Chloris Cougar of the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine.

“We’ve seen increasing pressure on the Archons, as zoocracy has matured and the expectations of Park government have grown,” she says. “It’s not surprising that a position that was once almost ceremonial but which now carries with it heavy responsibilities, should produce feelings of anxiety, and almost dread, in those who feel they may not be up to the task.”

Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist who also serves as a staff member at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic agrees.

“I’m seeing many of my former patients return for help with severe cases of the Sortition Shakes,” she says.

Dr. Gibbon says many are “racked by guilt” that they are not more knowledgeable and they are anxious about their abilities to make decisions that could prove life-altering for Park citizens.

“I also think that this year’s celebration of the thirty-fifth anniversary of zoocracy has added even more weight to the position,” she says. “They know all eyes will be on them and they’re worried about doing the right thing if they are selected.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: selection of Archons, sortition, Sortition Shakes, zoocracy

Director Douglas Cheetah to head fundraising at Extinction Anxiety Clinic

December 8, 2016 By Jaakkima Kuikka, TMD Mental Health Reporter

Extinction AnxietyRenowned film director Douglas Cheetah will join The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic in January as its head of fundraising, it was announced today.

Cheetah and EAC head Dr. Berthilidis Strix made the announcement at a press conference this morning.

“The need for fundraising underscores the seriousness of the situation,” Strix said, as Cheetah fielded questions from reporters about the dire situation faced by his own species.

In an emotional response to the question of why he decided to take the job, for which he will not receive a salary, the director said he thought it was time he did his part in the fight against extinction and extinction anxiety.

“For too long, I turned away from the reality of the situation. I convinced myself that I wasn’t threatened. But I see now that that was extinction anxiety at its worst and least productive. Now that I am facing it head-on, I want to do my part to help others who suffer from this debilitating condition,” he said.

Cheetah added that no fight against extinction anxiety would be effective unless it was paired with a fight against extinction, itself.

“There’s no point in just telling members of endangered species to calm down. We have to give them a reason to go on. We have to give them hope for a future,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, Technology and Science Tagged With: #extinction, Douglas Cheetah, extinction anxiety

Gunnar Rotte takes leave of absence from work at Extinction Anxiety Clinic

October 5, 2016 By Jaakkima Kuikka, TMD Mental Health Reporter

Extinction AnxietyBeleaguered Rodent Commoner journalist Gunnar Rotte has taken a leave of absence from his job as a counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic (EAC).

Rotte made the announcement on Twitter today, calling the leave “totally voluntary” and stating that it will last until the end of his trial this month. Rotte faces charges of disturbing the peace and inciting violence at a Stereotype Sunday event in August. His trial is scheduled for October 17.

In a statement released this afternoon, EAC head Dr. Berthilidis Strix called Rotte, who has worked there since January, “a valued member of our staff.”

“Gunnar Rotte is a reliable, knowledgeable, and empathetic member of our team and a valued member of our staff. He has proven to be a great asset to the clinic and we look forward to welcoming him back when he is ready to resume his duties,” the statement said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Technology and Science Tagged With: disturbing the peace charges, Extinction Anxiety Clinic, Gunnar Rotte, inciting hatred charges, Stereotype Sunday

Members of Park’s endangered species feel stigmatized: study

June 6, 2016 By Jaakkima Kuikka, TMD Mental Health Reporter

Extinction AnxietyA new study out of the University of West Terrier says that Extinction Anxiety (EA) is not the only mental health issue faced by members of The Park’s endangered species.[pullquote]In a Park in which survival is a key component of self-esteem, members of endangered species feel the stigma profoundly.”—Dr. Luule Aednik, psychologist and researcher[/pullquote]

In a paper scheduled for publication in the August issue of the prestigious Journal of Experimental and Reactive Psychology (JERP), researchers report that Animals who are formally classified as members of endangered species feel the identification stigmatizes them. This makes them loath to admit to their status publicly and to take advantage of the related benefits to which they are entitled.

“We were surprised at first by the findings,” the study’s lead researcher, psychology professor Dr. Luule Aednik, said in an exclusive interview with The Mammalian Daily.

“Our natural reaction is to think they would welcome the empathy or sympathy of their fellow Park citizens. But when we dug deeper into the endangered experience, we realized these Animals were dealing with something much more insidious and almost as dangerous. And that is the unsympathetic attitude they experience from other species,” Aednik said.

Aednik explained that since survival itself remains the fundamental and overarching ethos of The Park, those who are marked as non-survivors—even generations hence—can experience unfair treatment and may even feel ostracized by members of other species.

“In a Park in which survival is a key component of self-esteem, members of endangered species feel the stigma profoundly, even without the attendant problems of low income, low employment levels, and a lack of support from other communities,” she said.

Referring to the background of the study, Aednik said she was moved to investigate when she read about the low levels of participation in the Department of Well-Being and Safety’s Endangered Species Benefit Programme (ESBP).

“In a way, that defied logic. I sensed there was a problem here that was worth investigation,” she said.

Aednik said she and her fellow researchers will continue to study citizens’ reactions to endangered species and she hopes the information will spark conversation among members of non-endangered species.

Filed Under: Breaking News Tagged With: endangered species, stigma, survival

Domestication survivor: “I was a famous Human’s pet!”

June 30, 2013 By Jaakkima Kuikka, TMD Mental Health Reporter

Hercule Parrot

 

The audience listened intently last night as one of The Park’s most famous novelists spoke candidly about his struggle to escape life as the pet of a famous Human.

Hercule Parrot, 2012 Chitter Radio Literary Award winner and part-time mentor at BirdBrains, The Park’s first Avian mentoring programme, alternated between the emotional and the entertaining as he described his daily life in a “gilded cage.”

“Everything was made available to me. Everything I needed, I was given…food, company, friends, toys…I lacked for nothing, except for autonomy and the ability to live my life as I wanted to, in a truly free and Avian way.”

Holding court at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond during the last scheduled event held in conjunction with Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, Parrot mesmerized his audience of thousands, regaling them with tales of treats, grooming sessions, voyages to exotic locations, movie offers and more.

Parrot made it clear, however, that it was not a life he would have chosen for himself nor would he recommend it to any Animal. Calling it “wholly unnatural,” he warned his listeners not to succumb to the idea of “the easy way.”

“The easy way is tempting, but it is not as easy a life as it sounds,” he said.

“Living with Humans usually means you do not go hungry for food. But the hunger for your natural way of life, for Animal companionship, for the ability to direct your own life, that is something you hunger for every day. Not a day went by that I wasn’t plotting my escape, planning the route I would take from that hand that fed me to freedom.”

Although speaking to a largely anti-Human audience, Parrot did not downplay the role of emotional attachment in the domestication process and spoke openly about the sense of guilt he felt when he finally fled the Human who had domesticated him.

“It’s a myth that you can live in a domestic situation — even an enforced one — and not have feelings for your keeper. And that attachment is difficult to break. Many times, I berated myself for it and wondered if I truly desired freedom. But my reluctance to leave really was due, in part, to the attachment that I felt toward my Human keeper,” he said.

Eventually, Parrot did escape and made his way to The Park, where he has resided for more than two decades. He credits The Park’s “outstanding” refugee services with his ability to find happiness in his new community. And, though he has not had any contact with his ex-keeper, he says he thinks about him almost every day.

“Enforced domestication stays with you for life. It affects everything you do, everything you think, every way you react. You take a certain sadness with you everywhere you go. That’s just the way it is and that is the reason we must be vigilant and prevent its occurrence as much as possible,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

“Mating Dance Blues” are real, says expert

May 9, 2012 By Jaakkima Kuikka, TMD Mental Health Reporter

If “woe is me” describes the way you’re feeling after Sunday’s Mating Dance, take heart. A new study shows that at least a third of those who attend mating events such as Sunday’s dance suffer some kind of psychological letdown in the days and weeks that follow.

The results of the study, which was conducted by Dr. Chloris Cougar at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine, also suggest that finding the right mate may be more complicated for Animals today than it was for our forebears.

“I truly believe it was simpler then,” Dr. Cougar said in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

The researcher, who is renowned for her groundbreaking study of Feline depression, “Even Miaowgirls Get the Blues,” and for her work on Feline Unipolar Depressive Disorder (FUDD), says that her new study shows that planned mating events can, sometimes, have a backfire effect on the participants.

“I think part of the reason is that these [planned] events raise expectations so high that they just can’t be met,” she said.

“The result is, predictably, a letdown…a deflation of sorts. But, rather than deflating our ridiculously-high expectations, these events tend to deflate our hopes of finding a suitable mate, while leaving those unrealistic expectations of others intact.”

Dr. Cougar says it is best to take it slowly and to pace yourself, in order to avoid the frenzy of a planned mating event.

“If you do choose to attend one, try to see it as a social gathering and try to enjoy the company. Try not to pressure yourself and others and do your best not to respond to the pressure of others on you,” she advises.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life

Research Cautions: Even Miaowgirls Get the Blues

June 29, 2007 By Jaakkima Kuikka, TMD Mental Health Reporter

Even Miaowgirls get the blues.

That is the determination of six University of West Terrier researchers who have analyzed the results of the first phase of a three-part study of depression and its effects on Cats.

The study, entitled, “Depression in Cats: Even Miaowgirls Get the Blues,” was funded in part by The Catnip Company and is the first undertaking of its kind in the history of UWT’s School of Medicine.

“We are very excited about this study,” said Dr. Chloris Cougar, who heads the team of dedicated researchers.

“Until recently, we had to make do with second-hand information, most of which came from Human sources and did not, necessarily, reflect the realities of Feline life.”

The current study, she said, “gives us the opportunity to analyze data that pertain solely to Felines. This will enable us to understand the full effects of depression on our particular species.”

The UWT Researchers estimate that Feline depression accounts for a significant loss of productivity in The Park, as well as profound mental anguish and physical discomfort for the individuals involved.

In addition, Dr. Cougar believes that depression can cause or affect other illnesses in Cats.

“We have long suspected that depression has been, in part, the cause of other conditions that Cats presented with at our hospital and at Dr. Bourru’s office. We look forward to having the chance to test that hypothesis.”

To date, analysis of the first phase of the study has enabled the UWT team to isolate at least one distinct depressive syndrome in Cats, which it calls Feline Unipolar Depressive Disorder, or FUDD (see symptoms below).

“This is truly a breakthrough,” said Dr. Cougar, “Once we are able to recognize the symptoms of depression in Cats, we will be able to develop effective treatments for the disease. This study has given us all new hope.”

Results of the second and third phases of the study are expected to be published within the next three years.

_________________________________________

FUDD: The Symptoms

Physical symptoms include changes in appetite and sleep patterns, fatigue, and restlessness:

  • A large number of Cats reported being conscious more than half the day.
  • Most Cats reported a marked decrease in their interest in food.
  • Psychomotor activity changes include decreased incidence of and ability to knead, claw, climb, jump, spring, and pounce.
  • Researchers noted decreased speed in eye movements and claw retraction.
  • Mood symptoms include a reduced capacity to enjoy warmth and sunshine, as well as a generalized lack of interest in adult daily life.
  • Some Cats experienced a desire to return to the behaviour of kittenhood, and reported an increase in the desire to suckle.

This article first appeared in Issue #110 of The Mammalian Daily

Filed Under: Breaking News, Health and Medicine, Park Life

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