The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2017—Score one for Rotte: March’s Stereotype Sunday theme will be Rodents

By

GunnarScore one for Gunnar Rotte,

The beleaguered Rodent Commoner reporter and part-time counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic (currently on leave), has been campaigning for years to get us to focus on the plight of the Rodent population—both inside and outside The Park—and the damage caused by the “traumatic narrative” on which his species is raised.

After a string of attempts to have the Archons and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) declare an official “Rodents’ Day,” Rotte has finally succeeded in getting our attention, albeit on a different stage than he’d planned.

Despite that, he says he is seeing it as a win and a first step toward the “enlightenment of other Park species.”

“My campaign—if that’s what you want to call it—has been misrepresented as one that says, ‘Rodents first.’ That’s nonsense. I would more accurately portray it as, “Rodents, too,’ ” he said in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

Rotte, who says he hopes next Sunday’s event will be only the first of many, told host Cornelio Orsetto that he had “many irons in the fire and many surprises to unleash” in the coming months. He also confirmed rumours that he would be returning to work at the Extinction Anxiety Clinic in May.

“My work there is some of the most important that I’ve ever done,” he said.

OTD in 2016—”Unfit to predict:” Rotte launches campaign against Tavros’s POPS bid

By

gunnartweetoct18In a full-on offensive this morning, Gunnar Rotte let it be known that he believes radio talk show host Yannis Tavros is an unfit candidate for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

At a gathering outside the law courts, Rotte said that Tavros’s past remarks about hibernators prove that he is not only unaware of the reality of hibernators’ lives, but that he has no respect for them or for the importance of the Groundhog Day prediction.

“How can we support a candidate who believes that hibernators are less intelligent than other Animals?” Rotte asked, as onlookers chanted what has become his signature phrase, “Unfit to predict!”

Tavros has gotten himself into trouble on a number of occasions for making disparaging remarks about hibernators. Recently, Tavros tweeted that he believed there was a difference in intelligence between hibernators and other Animals. But most notably, he was suspended in 2013 by Toro Talk Radio after saying that Hieronymous Hedgehog hailed from “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.” The reference was to  the Hedgehog’s uncle who served as Archon in 1998 and who died of premature awakening from hibernation ten years later. Tavros was accused of spreading ignorance and disrespecting an Archon and other hibernators. He and Hieronymous made peace later, but his support was noticeably absent last year when Hieronymous was made The Park’s Official Hibernation Ambassador and he has criticized him repeatedly for being the spokesAnimal for the hibneration outfitter GoUnderground.

Back at the law courts, Rotte pledged to grow his campaign against Tavros until the Bull suspended his campaign.

“We will not, under any circumstances, tolerate the running of the Bull,” Rotte said.

OTD in 2016—Gunnar Rotte takes leave of absence from work at Extinction Anxiety Clinic

By

Extinction AnxietyBeleaguered Rodent Commoner journalist Gunnar Rotte has taken a leave of absence from his job as a counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic (EAC).

Rotte made the announcement on Twitter today, calling the leave “totally voluntary” and stating that it will last until the end of his trial this month. Rotte faces charges of disturbing the peace and inciting violence at a Stereotype Sunday event in August. His trial is scheduled for October 17.

In a statement released this afternoon, EAC head Dr. Berthilidis Strix called Rotte, who has worked there since January, “a valued member of our staff.”

“Gunnar Rotte is a reliable, knowledgeable, and empathetic member of our team and a valued member of our staff. He has proven to be a great asset to the clinic and we look forward to welcoming him back when he is ready to resume his duties,” the statement said.

OTD in 2016—Gunnar Rotte tweets, then takes his case to the Archons

By

Screen Shot 2016-08-10 at 9.00.45 AMGunnar Rotte has never backed away from a fight.

Indeed, he rose to prominence almost two years ago, when he published a controversial editorial in The Rodent Commoner comparing the plight of his own species to that of The Park’s striped and spotted citizens.

Now, the beleaguered journalist and part-time counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic is doubling down on his mission to make all Park citizens understand the real life challenges of Rodents and, in particular, Rats.

After taking to Twitter yesterday to react to the announcement that this year’s Park ART Walk will celebrate the work of our striped and spotted citizens and to complain that no Park event honours Rodents, Rotte has begun a campaign to pressure the Archons into establishing just such an event.

Calling for an annual , “Rotter Day,” Rotte says he plans to march in front of the law courts and all government buildings until the Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations agree to his plan.

And he just might be successful.

“I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he got it done,” says Rosbritt Piggsvin, President of Rodents at Risk, a Park charity that aids The Park’s at-risk Rodent community.

“Gunnar is nothing if not persistent,” says Piggsvin, who has known Rotte since his birth.

“He gnaws at things and doesn’t let them go. And on this particular subject, I can tell you, he won’t rest until all Park Animals understand and acknowledge the pain and suffering of Rats and many other Rodents.”

Still, many say it will be an uphill battle for Rotte to get the Archons to agree to add an event to The Park’s calendar so late in their term.

“Yes, he may have to march in the snow, but I’ll bet he’s already put together a plan to confront the new Archons on the day of their swearing-in,” says Piggsvin.

On This Day—August 15, 2016: “I smell a Rat,” Stinktier cries, as Rotte jailed after Stereotype Sunday stunt

By

GunnarGunnar Rotte was hauled off to jail yesterday afternoon, after what he calls a “social experiment gone awry.”

According to a spokesAnimal for Park Police, The Rodent Commoner journalist was arrested for disturbing the peace and jailed for inciting violence at The Park’s weekly Stereotype Sunday.

The charges stem from Rotte’s actions yesterday, when he arrived at the weekly event disguised as a Skunk, claiming he was visiting family. Rotte contends he was trying to prove that Skunks receive more hospitality in The Park than Rats.

What he failed to anticipate, however, was that his “experiment” would offend Park Skunks.

It didn’t take long for him to find out, though. After about half an hour of walking around the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, tasting snacks and questioning other attendees, Faramund Stinktier, of the SCENTient Beings, outed him, declaring for all to hear, “I smell a Rat!”

The singer and composer, who was born a Skunk but now identifies as a Zebra, spoke to The Mammalian Daily by telephone this morning. He says he was incensed by the idea that a Rat would pose as a Skunk for the purpose of claiming that Skunks’ lives are easier than those of Rats.

“I may not feel in my heart as though I’m a Skunk, but I have experienced my entire life as a Skunk and I know it isn’t easy. We are are shunned by many, including Humans, and we suffer the same trauma as any other Animal in that position. I take offence to what Gunnar Rotte did and I believe he should apologize to the entire Skunk population of The Park,” he said.

Rotte will appear before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon this afternoon. He will be represented by Pernilla Varghund, junior partner in The Park’s oldest law firm, Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

Score one for Rotte: March’s Stereotype Sunday theme will be Rodents

By

GunnarScore one for Gunnar Rotte,

The beleaguered Rodent Commoner reporter and part-time counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic (currently on leave), has been campaigning for years to get us to focus on the plight of the Rodent population—both inside and outside The Park—and the damage caused by the “traumatic narrative” on which his species is raised.

After a string of attempts to have the Archons and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) declare an official “Rodents’ Day,” Rotte has finally succeeded in getting our attention, albeit on a different stage than he’d planned.

Despite that, he says he is seeing it as a win and a first step toward the “enlightenment of other Park species.”

“My campaign—if that’s what you want to call it—has been misrepresented as one that says, ‘Rodents first.’ That’s nonsense. I would more accurately portray it as, “Rodents, too,’ ” he said in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

Rotte, who says he hopes next Sunday’s event will be only the first of many, told host Cornelio Orsetto that he had “many irons in the fire and many surprises to unleash” in the coming months. He also confirmed rumours that he would be returning to work at the Extinction Anxiety Clinic in May.

“My work there is some of the most important that I’ve ever done,” he said.

“Unfit to predict:” Rotte launches campaign against Tavros’s POPS bid

By

gunnartweetoct18In a full-on offensive this morning, Gunnar Rotte let it be known that he believes radio talk show host Yannis Tavros is an unfit candidate for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

At a gathering outside the law courts, Rotte said that Tavros’s past remarks about hibernators prove that he is not only unaware of the reality of hibernators’ lives, but that he has no respect for them or for the importance of the Groundhog Day prediction.

“How can we support a candidate who believes that hibernators are less intelligent than other Animals?” Rotte asked, as onlookers chanted what has become his signature phrase, “Unfit to predict!”

Tavros has gotten himself into trouble on a number of occasions for making disparaging remarks about hibernators. Recently, Tavros tweeted that he believed there was a difference in intelligence between hibernators and other Animals. But most notably, he was suspended in 2013 by Toro Talk Radio after saying that Hieronymous Hedgehog hailed from “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.” The reference was to  the Hedgehog’s uncle who served as Archon in 1998 and who died of premature awakening from hibernation ten years later. Tavros was accused of spreading ignorance and disrespecting an Archon and other hibernators. He and Hieronymous made peace later, but his support was noticeably absent last year when Hieronymous was made The Park’s Official Hibernation Ambassador and he has criticized him repeatedly for being the spokesAnimal for the hibneration outfitter GoUnderground.

Back at the law courts, Rotte pledged to grow his campaign against Tavros until the Bull suspended his campaign.

“We will not, under any circumstances, tolerate the running of the Bull,” Rotte said.

Gunnar Rotte takes leave of absence from work at Extinction Anxiety Clinic

By

Extinction AnxietyBeleaguered Rodent Commoner journalist Gunnar Rotte has taken a leave of absence from his job as a counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic (EAC).

Rotte made the announcement on Twitter today, calling the leave “totally voluntary” and stating that it will last until the end of his trial this month. Rotte faces charges of disturbing the peace and inciting violence at a Stereotype Sunday event in August. His trial is scheduled for October 17.

In a statement released this afternoon, EAC head Dr. Berthilidis Strix called Rotte, who has worked there since January, “a valued member of our staff.”

“Gunnar Rotte is a reliable, knowledgeable, and empathetic member of our team and a valued member of our staff. He has proven to be a great asset to the clinic and we look forward to welcoming him back when he is ready to resume his duties,” the statement said.

UWT group to Rotte: Learn how to do social experiments or leave them to us

By

UWT COAT

As Gunnar Rotte ended his sojourn at The Park Jail on Friday, a group of University of West Terrier professors was joining forces to lecture The Rodent Commoner journalist on the ethics of conducting his so-called social experiment.

Rotte, who was arrested for disturbing the peace and jailed for inciting violence at The Park’s Stereotype Sunday on August 14, was freed on bail on Friday. He claims that he attended the event dressed as a Skunk as part of a “social experiment” to determine which Animal’s life was easier: that of a Rat or that of a Skunk.

The reporter, who began a second career last November as a counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic, rose to fame in December 2014, when he published an editorial contending that his own species suffered more but received far less sympathy than striped and spotted Animals. Since then, he has made it part of his mission to enlighten Park citizenry about the lives of Rats and other Rodents.

But the UWT group, which includes Chief of Research at the UWT Medical College Simone Gibbon, psychologist Hume. T. Goat, Milada J. Goose, head of the Honking Hollow Laboratory, and Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy, among others, thinks Rotte should go back to school first and learn how to conduct an experiment properly. Or, better yet, leave the social experiments to them.

In a statement released this morning, the group praises Rotte for his passion, but calls on him to leave the academic studies to those who know how to conduct them.

“While we understand your passion and your position, we implore you to think twice before embarking on something that could benefit few, but hurt many,” the statement concludes.

Rotte has not commented on the group’s statement as of yet.

“I smell a Rat,” Stinktier cries, as Rotte jailed after Stereotype Sunday stunt

By

GunnarGunnar Rotte was hauled off to jail yesterday afternoon, after what he calls a “social experiment gone awry.”

According to a spokesAnimal for Park Police, The Rodent Commoner journalist was arrested for disturbing the peace and jailed for inciting violence at The Park’s weekly Stereotype Sunday.

The charges stem from Rotte’s actions yesterday, when he arrived at the weekly event disguised as a Skunk, claiming he was visiting family. Rotte contends he was trying to prove that Skunks receive more hospitality in The Park than Rats.

What he failed to anticipate, however, was that his “experiment” would offend Park Skunks.

It didn’t take long for him to find out, though. After about half an hour of walking around the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, tasting snacks and questioning other attendees, Faramund Stinktier, of the SCENTient Beings, outed him, declaring for all to hear, “I smell a Rat!”

The singer and composer, who was born a Skunk but now identifies as a Zebra, spoke to The Mammalian Daily by telephone this morning. He says he was incensed by the idea that a Rat would pose as a Skunk for the purpose of claiming that Skunks’ lives are easier than those of Rats.

“I may not feel in my heart as though I’m a Skunk, but I have experienced my entire life as a Skunk and I know it isn’t easy. We are are shunned by many, including Humans, and we suffer the same trauma as any other Animal in that position. I take offence to what Gunnar Rotte did and I believe he should apologize to the entire Skunk population of The Park,” he said.

Rotte will appear before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon this afternoon. He will be represented by Pernilla Varghund, junior partner in The Park’s oldest law firm, Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

April 2025
M T W T F S S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930