The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

On This Day—December 30, 2014: Park Museum bows to pressure, delays official opening until after hibernation

By

Park MuseumThe Park Museum will celebrate its official opening in March rather than as previously stated in January, it was announced on Sunday.

In a short communiqué posted on its web site, the museum’s Board of Governors confirmed the official opening date of 1 March 2015.

No mention was made of any previous opening day announcements, nor was any reason given for the change. There is, however,  a record of a series of meetings that were held in late October between the museum’s Board of Governors and a number of organizations representing The Park’s hibernating communities. Many believe those meetings resulted in the later opening date.

“Yes, we did meet with them and they were very sympathetic to our situation, though they weren’t able to give us an answer immediately,” says Tarquinius P. Shrew, president of the Small Animal Scientific Community (SASC), many of whose members are hibernators.

“Our members have contributed greatly to scientific knowledge in The Park and they [the board of Governors] did seem to understand that opening the museum without our representation seemed unfair.”

Shrew says the meetings were also attended by representatives of the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) and the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS).

In an interview this morning, Eduarda Teresinha Coelho, 2015 Keeper of the Nut, said she is “so pleased” that the museum re-thought its opening date.

“I think they were so focussed on not having another delay that they didn’t realize what they’d done initially,” she said.

“But they’ve demonstrated their commitment to inclusiveness and that will be much appreciated by the hibernators. It will make the museum truly ‘Our Museum,’ as the slogan says.”

Read the Park Museum’s announcement.

On This Day—December 27, 2016: Bedfellows’ backing singer on bed rest after near-fatal attack outside Park

By

Hugo PercevejoHugo Percevejo, backing singer with the group PolyTICKS and The Bedfellows, is on bed rest today after he suffered a near-fatal attack yesterday outside The Park.

According to Kalervo Lude, the group’s manager, Percevejo left The Park yesterday afternoon to visit friends in their new home. Their visit was interrupted by a gang of Humans who threw them out of the home after spraying them with some kind of toxic substance.

Lude said Percevejo told him he was “left to die” on the sidewalk but he managed to crawl back to The Park, where he was taken by Elephant Emergency Brigade to the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. Unfortunately, Percevejo’s friends were not as lucky.

After spending the night in the hospital, the singer was sent home and told to remain on bed rest for a week.

The group’s members issued a statement early this afternoon, confirming that Percevejo will not be performing with them at Wednesday’s Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

“We are devastated by this event and its consequences to our beloved colleague and his friends. We are heartened that Hugo will recover, but our hearts are heavy with sorrow for those who will not,” the statement said in part.

According to Lude, the group will not be replacing Percevejo at Wednesday’s performance

On This Day—December 26, 2015: “All Our Lines Are Busy:” Park Museum to host fundraiser for its music gallery

By

All our lines are busyThe Park Museum will host a fundraiser on February 29, 2016 in support of its as-yet-unopened music gallery.

In an announcement today, the museum’s Board of Governors invited all Park Animals to “a spectacular night of song, dance, food, and fun.” All proceeds, according to the announcement, will go toward the completion of the music gallery.

A spokesAnimal for the Board said the evening’s theme of “All Our Lines Are Busy” is meant to reflect the importance of The Park’s vibrant arts community and, in particular, its musical one.

“From the beginning, music has been a very important component of our life here,” said the spokesAnimal. “The Board of Governors, as well as many others, believe that music is fundamental to zoocratic life. Without a full [musical] staff, we would not be The Park that we are.”

The Board has requested that those attending respond at rsvp@parkmuseum.info.

The museum’s invitation may be read here.

On This Day—December 26, 2016: Archons unveil logo of “Zoocracy 35”

By

zoocracy-35The 2016 Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations (DHFC) have unveiled the official logo of this year’s celebration of the founding of zoocracy in The Park.

At a press event this morning, DHFC director of public relations Aintza Kanariar introduced Chief Archon Raymond Mink, who spoke for a few minutes about Park history and the struggle for Animal self-rule. Then, assisted by his fellow Archons, he pulled the cover off a picture of the official logo.

Commissioned for the occasion by the 2014 Archons, the logo was designed and produced by slow artist Heike Slak, whose painting, “Beacon,” hangs in the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA).

The year-long celebration in The Park, which will begin on 1 January 2017, will be called “Zoocracy 35,” Mink told the press.  Slak’s “Zoocracy 35” logo features Animals of different species standing together above the words “Zoocracy/35/1982-2017.”

Slak, who spoke briefly at the unveiling, answered reporters’ questions about his colour choices for the logo.

“In many ways, I believe my choices regarding colour make the logo accessible to all,” Slak said. “The use of green, of course, symbolizes The Park. And gold seemed like the best colour to portray the value of Park life.”

Chief Archon Mink said the logo would appear on all official Archon correspondence, as well as on all Park letterhead, and announcements about Zoocracy 35 events. In addition, he confirmed that Park shops would be selling official Zoocracy 35 merchandise, including clothing, bowls, sportswear, and collectibles. A portion of all proceeds will go to a special Zoocracy 35 Fund, which will support The Park’s most needy residents.

On This Day—December 21, 2015: Winter Solstice celebrations extended

By

Winter SolsticeThe hours for this year’s Celebration of the Winter Solstice have been extended.

In a short communiqué this morning, the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations announced that the festivities will officially end at 3:00 a.m. December 22. Food stations will remain open until 2:00 a.m. and entertainment will continue until 2:30 a.m.

“Due to the lateness of the solstice itself, which will occur tonight at 11:49 Park Time (4:49 Universal Time), we thought it best to extend the official hours of the celebration,” the communiqué said.

The department confirmed that all restaurants and vendors had agreed to the extension. In addition, Herman Stoat announced an encore performance by his dance company at half past midnight.

On This Day—December 19, 2015: Faramund Stinktier signs two-book deal with Prionailurus Press

By

Faramund StinktierFaramund Stinktier has signed a lucrative two-book deal with Prionailurus Press.

The Reekabilly star, composer, and the most famous half of the SCENTient Beings duo announced yesterday that he has come to a “very favourable arrangement” with the esteemed Park publisher.

In a separate press release, Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press, confirmed the deal.

“Prionailurus Press is pleased to announce that, in keeping with our most recent mandate, we have welcomed Faramund Stinktier to our stable of writers. We look forward to working with him on two books, the first of which will be published in the coming year,” the press release said.

The name of that book, according to the press release, is “The Skunk Who Would Be A Zebra,” and as its title suggests, it is Stinktier’s memoir.

The singer shocked Park residents when he announced in September that he believed he was always meant to be a Zebra. He made the announcement while a guest on the Yannis Tavros radio show. In the few months that have followed, he says, he has experienced “great joy” but also “enormous sorrow” due to his shunning by members of his own and other species.

The publisher’s press release contains no information on the second book, but it is believed to be a book about music.

Prionailurus Press announced last April that it intended to promote the work of The Park’s striped and spotted community and in a brief telephone interview, Yamaneko confirmed that this is the mandate to which she referred in her company’s communiqué.

SCENTient Beings will perform at the Celebration of the Winter Solstice on December 21.

On This Day—December 18, 2014: On the comeback trail, Thisbe takes a moment to say “thank you” to her fans

By

Thisbe Laulaa coverTMD EXCLUSIVE: Excerpt from Laulaa® Magazine
Although Thisbe needs no introduction in The Park, she says that this time around, she’s determined “to let my fans in as much as possible so they know who I really am.”

As the founder and lead singer of The Park’s most popular group prepares for a comeback tour, she appears more settled and thoughtful than before.

“I didn’t realize how important my fans were to me,” she says in an exclusive interview in Laulaa® Magazine, due out on December 25.

“And I think they deserve a little more than I’ve given them … not in my singing so much, but in my time and thought.”

The singer has had a lot of time for thought the last few years. Since cancelling the group’s farewell tour in 2007, Thisbe has suffered from a variety of illnesses, the worst of which she says was melancholia.

“When I had to stop performing, I thought I would enjoy it. There were so many things I’d never done … so many of my senses I’d never used. But it didn’t turn out to be that way at all. First, I lost one of my littermates. And even though we weren’t exactly close, that loss hit home. It made me focus on what I really wanted and what I wanted to do. I could see that time was of the essence. But it took me a while before I could use that realization to any advantage. And in the meantime, I kept myself isolated, which was the exact opposite of what I had planned,” she says.

The star credits her fans, who never forgot her, with re-awakening her interest in living.

“I never lost my bark but for a while, I lost my bite,” she laughs.

The full interview with Thisbe will appear in Laulaa® Magazine, The Official Magazine of the Canine Music Association, on December 25, 2014. 

On This Day—December 12, 2012: Museum’s “Archonic Visions” breaks all attendance records

By

“Archonic Visions”, The Park Museum’s 2012 travelling exhibition, has set an all-time record for attendance, according to statistics compiled by The Park’s Department of Culture and Heritage.

“We just smashed the records,” said Sukuta Rhinoceros in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio. Rhinoceros is a member of The Park Museum’s Board of Governors and one of its founders.

“And that’s for any exhibition, cultural or artistic, since the founding of zoocracy. This bodes well for the museum and for the future of The Park, itself,” he said.

Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces echoed that sentiment.

“We were thrilled to see those numbers. We view this as a re-awakening of interest in Park history,” he said.

The exhibition, which was sponsored by the Marine Mammal Bank of The Park, highlighted the ideas and accomplishments of the Archons who served in the government from the first year of zoocracy until the end of 2010. The exhibition closed November 30.

On This Day—December 10, 2014: Inktvis and Krake to join lineup for Celebration of the Winter Solstice

By

3-hearts-1-headInktvis and Krake will be joining the lineup of musical performers at this year’s Celebration of the Winter Solstice, their agent confirmed today.

In a short communiqué released this morning, the agent said they were “very much looking forward to performing at this joyful celebration.”

This will be the second time the aquatic duo has performed at the Celebration of the Winter Solstice and the live performance coincides with the re-release of their most successful collection, 3 Hearts, 1 Head.

Other performers who have confirmed their appearance this year are The Feral Four, Eggie and the Pigs, SCENTient Beings, and The Beasts of Burden. For the third year in a row, the Herman Stoat Dance Company will perform a new work choreographed for the occasion.

The full itinerary for the event will be released shortly, according to the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

The Celebration of the Winter Solstice begins at sunrise on December 21. Food will be served until 11:00 pm.

On This Day—December 5, 2015: Endangered species band announces dates, venues for “The Farewell Tour”

By

Endangered species bandLast Stand, the newly-formed band whose members all hail from endangered species, has announced the dates and venues of its “Farewell Tour.”

In a press release issued today, the band’s founder and lead guitarist, who goes by the name of RAYdius, declared his band to be “ready, willing, and able to embark on its first and last tour.”

But this may just be the beginning. In a radio interview yesterday, RAYdius expressed his hope that there would be more concerts to announce. He also put out a call to the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations that the new band would love to receive an invitation to appear at some of The Park’s major events.

“We’re hoping to be invited to the swearing-in ceremony of the new Archons and to the Groundhog Day celebrations, but so far, we haven’t heard anything,” he said.

Tickets for the first concert, at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, will go on sale on Monday, December 14.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

July 2025
M T W T F S S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031