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“Non-Hibernators’ Guilt” can mar enjoyment of Winter celebrations, experts say

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Non-hibernators’ guilt, which has been linked to Sad Cow Disease, (SCD) can mar enjoyment of Winter celebrations, according to experts

With the Winter Solstice celebrations just a few days away, experts in the field of mental health have turned their attention to one of the season’s biggest scourges: Non-Hibernators’ Guilt.

“After Extinction Anxiety, Non-Hibernators’ Guilt is the most common psychological condition we see in the Winter season,” says Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist who will also serve as a staff member at The Park’s first Extinction Anxiety Clinic when it opens in January.

The condition, also known as NHG, can affect Animals who remain awake and active during the Winter season, but who have close friends and associates who are hibernators. NHG-affected Animals experience a deep sense of guilt and anxiety, concurrently with happiness, when they attend Park celebrations and important events in the Winter.

The Winter Solstice celebrations, in particular, are difficult for Park Animals. It is around that time that symptoms of NHG begin to occur, says Gibbon.

“These are the first celebrations of the Winter season, the first celebrations that are attended only by non-hibernators. In a way, they set the tone for the rest of the season. The amount of stress this puts on our non-hibernators has, I believe, been underestimated in the past,” she says.

While statistics show the number of Animals treated for NHG rising, experts in the field say the condition is not always easy to diagnose.

“Many of the symptoms of NHG are similar to those of other psychological conditions,” says Dr. Chloris Cougar, a researcher at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine.

In fact, some of NHG’s symptoms look remarkably similar to those associated with Feline Unipolar Depressive Disorder (FUDD), one of Dr. Cougar’s areas of expertise. It’s important, however, that we not confuse NHG with other conditions, Dr. Cougar stresses.

“There is some preliminary evidence that suggests a connection between NHG and Sad Cow Disease (SCD), but this is very, very early research and we have to be very careful about making assumptions based on it. SCD is a more complex condition and is much more difficult to treat,” she says.

She likens NHG, on the other hand, to “a stronger variation of normal.”

“It’s natural for Animals to miss those close to them who are in hibernation, especially during times of celebration. But some Animals experience this temporary loss more profoundly than others. Those are the Animals we are concerned about,” she says.

While acknowledging that much further research is needed, the two experts offered this advice, in the meantime, for non-hibernating Park Animals:

“Try to enjoy the Winter holiday season by understanding the dictates of nature. Your hibernating compatriots are not missing out on the fun; instead, they are doing what is necessary for their survival. Soon enough, they’ll be among us again, celebrating other joyful occasions.”

Tulip Map recall “will create havoc in the Spring”: DWBS

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The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has declared the recent recall of the 2013 Tulip Map “a disaster for The Park’s citizens.”

At a press conference held this afternoon, Cornelius Kakapo, DWBS Director of Public Relations, said the map recall will create confusion in general and “wreak havoc among our citizens in the Spring…particularly, among our hibernators.” That havoc, he said, could result in food shortages, violence, “and, possibly, death.”

The map, which is officially known as the “Map of Tulip and other Bulb Beds in The Park and Environs,” is produced annually by the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), in association with the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS), the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP), the Association of Distinct Hibernating Animals of The Park (ADHAP) and the Park Alliance of Chipmunks (PAC). The map is used in both Fall and Spring by a large number of The Park’s residents, including members of its many hibernating communities.

The 2013 map, which was released November 1, was recalled on November 28, due to “changes beyond our control,” said a SpokesAnimal for the Confederation of Ground Squirels.

“Toxic substances were discovered in the bulbs’ planting areas and the decision was made to recall the map for the sake of Animals’ health and well-being. Unfortunately, the detection of these substances occurred after the map was distributed to our hibernators,” the SpokesAnimal said.

The DWBS’s Kakapo stressed the urgency of the situation, imploring the groups involved in researching and producing the map to rectify the situation as soon as possible.

“Our citizens, particularly our hibernators, rely on the [Tulip] map in the Spring. The map is the #1 Park resource for [finding] quick food sources. It is unthinkable that we should leave our fellow citizens without a reliable guide for food gathering. More importantly, the danger of [their] succumbing to chemical poisoning due to errors in the map make correcting the situation that much more urgent,” Kakapo said.

He also said his Department intends to “fully mobilize” in early Winter to prevent an outbreak of chemical poisoning in the late Winter and early Spring.

Mammalian Daily editorial policies criticized by rival Park newspapers

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While rival newspapers have criticized the editorial policies of The Mammalian Daily, its readers are satisfied with the paper’s coverage of events, says a survey

The Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN), whose members include The Mollusk Messenger, The Canary Courier, The Insect Intelligencer, The Halibut Herald, and The Salamander Evening Post, has formally criticized the editorial policies of The Mammalian Daily.

At a media conference held this month at the University of West Terrier’s prestigious Cuthbert School of Journalism, a group of ANMPN editors expressed concern about certain aspects of The Mammalian Daily’s editorial guidelines.

“After examining the newspaper’s [editorial] policies, we have concluded that The Mammalian Daily falls short of its mandate to be The Park’s official newspaper. We recommend that steps be taken immediately to make the newspaper more inclusive and, thus, make it more representative of The Park’s population as a whole.” said Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and Executive Director of the Association.

ANMPN members were unanimously critical of the newspaper’s official policy of anonymous reporting which, the Association said, allowed Mammalian Daily journalists to “hide behind their species.”

“Unless a writer’s species is declared,” said Tarrance Turkey, Deputy News Editor at The Galliforme Gazette and an ANMPN founding member, “readers have no way of knowing what that writer’s bias is in reporting.”

The Mammalian Daily drew further criticism for what the Association deemed a “pro- Human slant” in its coverage of events outside The Park, and for its limited reporting of news and events of a non-Mammalian nature.

“Even though my community participates fully in Park affairs, I find only on rare occasions do we receive the amount of attention that we deserve,” said Senior Finance Reporter Antoinette Anhima of The Avian Messenger.

While these criticisms reflected the common sentiment among rival Park publications, others expressed a more positive view of The Mammalian Daily.

Speaking at the conference’s concluding dinner, UWT Professor Ludwiga Saimiri, said she found much to commend in The Mammalian Daily. The distinguished scholar is the former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ).

She praised the paper for its forward-thinking policies, supporting its stand against the frivolous use of descriptive terms in its newspaper.

“Neither fur nor feather colour is to be reported, nor family, political, or financial status, unless it is germane to the story,” she said, quoting from The Mammalian Daily’s 25 AZ Statement of Editorial Intent.

“Too many Park publications indulge in ‘Werturteilfreude,’ she said, explaining the term that she has coined to mean “joy obtained from the making of a value judgement.”

“These judgements, made by reporters and editors, masquerade as descriptive terms in the [other] papers’ headlines and stories. But they are unfair, often unfounded, and have no place in responsible journalism,” she declared.

As for the newspaper’s supposed pro-Human slant, Professor Saimiri was sanguine about Humans and the role they play in Park affairs.

“We could do worse than attempt to present a balanced view of the Human world,” she said.

This article originally appeared in Issue #116 of The Mammalian Daily

Museum’s “Archonic Visions” breaks all attendance records

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The Park Museum’s “Archonic Visions” travelling exhibition set an all-time record for attendance

“Archonic Visions”, The Park Museum’s 2012 travelling exhibition, has set an all-time record for attendance, according to statistics compiled by The Park’s Department of Culture and Heritage.

“We just smashed the records,” said Sukuta Rhinoceros in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio. Rhinoceros is a member of The Park Museum’s Board of Governors and one of its founders.

“And that’s for any exhibition, cultural or artistic, since the founding of zoocracy. This bodes well for the museum and for the future of The Park, itself,” he said.

Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces echoed that sentiment.

“We were thrilled to see those numbers. We view this as a re-awakening of interest in Park history,” he said.

The exhibition, which was sponsored by the Marine Mammal Bank of The Park, highlighted the ideas and accomplishments of the Archons who served in the government from the first year of zoocracy until the end of 2010. The exhibition closed November 30.

Survivor Profiles: You don’t know Tab (part one of three)

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Tab Tricolore, Chef and Restaurateur

In the kitchen, they call him “Chef” and feign a kind of deference to him that lets the kitchen run smoothly and allows them to keep their jobs. In private, the cooks in his restaurants say they respect him for what he’s achieved and for his “encyclopaedic” knowledge of food, but they don’t necessarily condone his behaviour.

Tab Tricolore (pronounced “tree-caa-lore-ay”), famous “bad boy chef” and The Park’s most successful restaurateur, scoots around the equipment in the kitchen of Clowder, the oldest of his four restaurants. His eyes dart back and forth, surveying his kingdom and looking for mistakes his staff has made.

The confidence that he displays, in himself and in his work, belies his origins. The only survivor of a litter of four, he was born on the street to a feral mother and a father he thinks might have been his mother’s father, as well.

“I think I saw him twice, in passing. He came by to see if we had any food he could have. I don’t remember him even looking at us [Kittens],” he says, matter-of-factly.

Almost everything Tricolore says in conversation is delivered in this cadence of matter-of-factness. He speaks primarily in a kind of running monotone, giving his listeners the freedom to punctuate his sentences and to supply emotion where they feel it ought to be. He has no time for emotion, he says. Or regret or longing.

“They write a lot about the feral world,” he says, when he finally sits down to a bowl of broth cooked in Clowder’s kitchen.

“But what they don’t write about is the good part. Sure, it was tough. You never knew where your next meal was coming from or what danger lurked around the corner. You couldn’t trust anybody and you had to learn early to look out for yourself. But I knew my mother. And we stayed together for a long time. That’s more than a lot of domestic Cats can say.”

Tricolore snarls when he’s asked about the apparent incongruity of a starving feral Cat becoming a picky, gourmet chef. The question, often asked, usually gets his back up. But this afternoon, he offers a more mellow response.

“Everybody eats,” he says, in that characteristic monotone. Then, he launches into an a cappella rendition of The Feral Four’s hit song of the same name: “Everybody eats/Maybe not every day…”

When’s he’s done, Tricolore admits that “under different circumstances” he, too, might have been a musician.

And what songs would he have written?

“No regrets,” he says and then he emits a hearty laugh, at both himself and his interviewer.

Next up:
What it takes to be a successful restaurateur in The Park

Park citizens feigning illness to avoid Archon duty: report

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A report says that a rising number of Animals are feigning illness to avoid being chosen to serve as Archon

A new report released by the Department of Political Administration (DPA) paints a bleak picture of Park citizens’ commitment to participation in their government.

According to the report, entitled “Don’t Count Me In”, the number of Park citizens who feign illness to avoid having their names entered in the annual Archon lottery (known officially as sortition) has doubled since the last tally was done in 2009.

“It’s surprising, given the precarious state of the world outside [The Park], that Park Animals would take such a casual attitude toward zoocracy,” says Delia Quagga, head of the Barnaby School of Government at the University of West Terrier.

According to the rules of zoocracy, all adult Park citizens must confirm their eligibility to stand as candidates for Archon by the end of October. Illness constitutes the only exception to this rule; Animals who are ill and who believe they would be unable to fulfil their duties as Archon due to their illness are required to advise the DPA of their circumstances by submitting a Form 12.

“Because this was established as a self-reporting system, Animals were not, initially, required to supply medical documentation of their illness,” says DPA spokesAnimal Antoinette Fourmi.

“But when we noticed the Form 12 totals rising, we knew we had to take action. So, for the past five years, we have been requesting verification of illness. Not surprisingly, we discovered that a large number of the Form 12s could not be verified,” she said.

Submitting a fraudulent claim of illness is a breach of Park law, says Fourmi, “not to mention the fact that it is morally repugnant to most Park citizens.”

The question now is whether or not authorities will pursue legal action against the feigners.

“That will be up to another branch of government,” says Fourmi. “We collected the data, but we have no jurisdiction over the consequences of that data.”

Second prong of Archons’ new tourism strategy: signage

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The 2012 Archons have revealed the second prong of their “three-pronged” plan to promote tourism in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning, Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt proudly announced that a “major construction project” will take place in The Park this Winter, with the building and erection of a number of signposts. The signposts, Newt said, will direct tourists to Park “hot spots” and make their time spent here significantly more pleasant.

“I know if I didn’t live here, I wouldn’t know where to start,” Newt said, adding that, for those who live outside it, The Park is a vast untapped resource for sports, entertainment and fine dining.

“And once The Park Museum opens, there will be even more reason to visit,” he said.

The signpost project will be overseen by Simply Structures, one of The Park’s leading construction companies. A spokesAnimal for the company said she thought the project would be completed by the end of Winter.

The Archons’ plan to promote The Park as a tourist destination, initiated this past Spring, has continued to meet with resistance from individual Park citizens, environmental groups and some businesses, who say the financial gain from tourists does not offset the physical damage to The Park and the disruption of Park life.

See also:

Archons’ plan to promote Park tourism draws criticism

Second prong of Archons’ new tourism strategy: signage

By

The 2012 Archons have revealed the second prong of their “three-pronged” plan to promote tourism in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning, Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt proudly announced that a “major construction project” will take place in The Park this Winter, with the building and erection of a number of signposts. The signposts, Newt said, will direct tourists to Park “hot spots” and make their time spent here significantly more pleasant.

“I know if I didn’t live here, I wouldn’t know where to start,” Newt said, adding that, for those who live outside it, The Park is a vast untapped resource for sports, entertainment and fine dining.

“And once The Park Museum opens, there will be even more reason to visit,” he said.

The signpost project will be overseen by Simply Structures, one of The Park’s leading construction companies. A spokesAnimal for the company said she thought the project would be completed by the end of Winter.

The Archons’ plan to promote The Park as a tourist destination, initiated this past Spring, has continued to meet with resistance from individual Park citizens, environmental groups and some businesses, who say the financial gain from tourists does not offset the physical damage to The Park and the disruption of Park life.

See also:

Archons’ plan to promote Park tourism draws criticism

Post Office honours Park’s migrators with new stamp

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The Park Post Office unveiled its latest commemorative stamp this morning. The stamp honours The Park’s migrating community.

At a brief ceremony held this morning, The Park Post Office unveiled the newest addition to its commemorative stamp series. The stamp, which honours The Park’s migrators, was designed by resident artist Luciana Lontra.

“Our migrators are an important part of The Park community,” said Postmaster Phineas Colm. “Because of their absence during a good part of the year, they can be forgotten. We hope this stamp will help us to keep them in our minds.”

The stamp will go on sale December 3 and will be available at the Post Office building as well as at selected retailers throughout The Park.

Band’s new song, “Put a Leash on It” sparks controversy

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Is this the life Les Chiens Débraillés believe Park Canines covet?

The Park’s Canine community is threatening to boycott all music by the controversial band, Les Chiens Débraillés, after the release yesterday of its new song, “Put a Leash on It.”

In an open letter to the band and its management and to the Canine Music Association (CMA), DoGGeD, a newly-formed group of “concerned Park Canines” wrote of their “dismay and feelings of dejection” when they heard the song.

“We are writing to let you know that we find the song’s message offensive and condescending. In releasing this song, Les Chiens Débraillés has alienated its fellow Canines and, in so doing, shown its lack of taste in both music and intraspecial relations,” the letter read.

In response, Philippe Chiendeur, the band’s manager, released a one-line statement saying that the band does not comment on “the meaning or message of any of its musical material”.

Canine Music Association President R.F. Aarrf also released a short statement. In it, he said the CMA does not deal directly with complaints from “disgruntled individuals or groups.” The last controversy the CMA was involved in was the dispute between the Association of Park Radio Stations and the popular Park band The Cynics, after the APRS pulled a Cynics song from the airwaves.

Earlier today, however, The Marsupial Messenger’s acclaimed music reviewer Pierre Sucre came to the defense of the band. In a short column, he wrote that DoGGeD “has it all wrong.”

“Leaving aside the stereotype that Canines have no sense of humour, this group [DoGGeD] has completely missed the point of the Chiens Débraillés song. To the rest of us, the song is a lament. It’s about the economy, stupides, and the effects the downturn has had on our sense of independence. In my opinion, the song isn’t even about Canines. It’s about trying to survive in a world in which we do not have complete control over our lives,” Sucre wrote.

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See also:

Association pulls Cynics’ song from airwaves

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