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Beasts of Burden unveil new song for upcoming music fest

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Beasts of Burden new song

Last night, in a rare appearance at their own pub, the Beasts of Burden unveiled their newest song, “Llego Con Tres Juguetes” (“I Arrive With Three Toys”). The band has dedicated the song to the victims of enforced domestication.

Last night, in a rare appearance at their own pub, The Beasts of Burden unveiled their newest song.

As he ascended the makeshift stage at The Draft, lead singer Alfredo Ox motioned to the crowd and asked for silence. Then he took the microphone and made a short speech in which he said he’d dedicated his new song to the survivors of enforced domestication.

“I was moved by the many stories I read about Animals who escaped enforced domestication,” he said. “They’re a different kind of refugee, one that maybe doesn’t get as much attention as others. But since we established our new music festival, the Beats of Burden, to aid all Park refugees, I thought it was appropriate that I write a song about their struggles.”

Then, joined by the other band members, Ox sang “Llego Con Tres Juguetes” (“I Arrive With Three Toys”):

Llego con tres juguetes (I arrive with three toys)
Un muñeco de peluche (A stuffed toy)
Una pelota  (A ball)
Un hueso falso (A fake bone)

The song is the story of a Canine refugee who arrives in The Park with no food, family, or friends. His only possessions are the three toys his captors gave him: a stuffed toy, a ball, and a bone.

When the band was done, the cheering crowd clamoured for an encore. But Ox said they couldn’t oblige.

“We’re saving the rest for the fest,” he said, leaving the band’s manager, Ignatius Herder, to reassure the crowd.

“They’ll be back…just not tonight,” said Herder.

Herder also confirmed that all proceeds from the song’s sales will go to charities that assist The Park’s refugees.

Park Animals enraged by “third prong” of tourism strategy

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Park Tourism

Enraged Park Animals are planning to protest formally against the latest move by the 2013 Archons to promote tourism in The Park.

The third prong of the so-called “three-prong tourism strategy” that was laid out by the 2012 Archons calls for a change in Animals’ behaviour “to make tourists feel as if they are a welcome and valuable addition to our lives.”

In order to effect this behavioural change, the newly-established Park Office of Tourism (POT) has published a brochure outlining the new strategy and calling for Animals to act as “a more polite and welcoming guide to The Park.”

The brochure, which was distributed last week to all retail shops, grooming houses, and restaurants will be made available to Park Animals at their homes, as well. In it, the POT explains the new strategy in detail and offers a reference table of phrases that “work well with non-resident Animals, including Humans.” The brochure also includes a section of illustrated Animal facial expressions and assigns them scores according to how close they come to being “the most favourable visage for a tourist to encounter.”

Not surprisingly, the new strategy and the brochure have ignited a firestorm. They’ve also prompted some Park residents to form an anti-tourism group that is calling itself “NoPARKing.”  The group’s president, Emmanuelle Musaraigne, has pledged that her group will not let the Archons get away with what she calls “the most ridiculous scheme ever.”

“This whole idea is outrageous, costly and damaging to our way of life,” she said in an interview this morning. “We have to put a stop to it now, before it takes over our lives.”

The original tourism plan, which was revealed to the public last June, was conceived by 2012 Chief Archon George Newt as a way of opening up a new revenue stream for The Park. The plan was met with skepticism initially and has continued to anger Park residents, even though many hoped it would benefit The Park both financially and culturally.

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“Mongoose Summer” protests may finally bring change

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Protesting Mongoose Summer

With another “Mongoose Summer” upon us, Park Animals have ramped up their campaign to change the way that weather is dealt with in The Park.

Another “Mongoose Summer“ is upon us and there are many in The Park who are hoping that this one will be a game changer.

After months of experiencing temperatures that have fluctuated between too cold and too hot and skies that have been predominantly cloudy, Animal groups have begun to voice their concerns not only about the way in which weather is funded and purchased in The Park, but about the way in which the issue of weather, itself, is viewed by Park officials.

“I don’t believe the Archons or The Park Finance Office or whoever ultimately makes the budget decisions in this Park fully understands the importance of weather,” says A.P. Civet, of the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

According to Civet, the past few years have seen the worst harvests in Park history and he says he knows why.

“At the same time as The Park Finance Office and the [past] Archons have rented out portions of The Park’s farmland to Humans, they’ve cut back on financing weather that could bring us a bountiful harvest. When asked about this decision, the PFO can only say that it has budgeted for the importing of food, if necessary. My question is, why should we have to import food? The PFO doesn’t seem to understand something very basic: Animals cannot eat money. Without the proper weather and enough farmland, we cannot feed ourselves. This is a very important issue and one that all Park Animals should pay attention to before it is too late,” says Civet.

The Park’s weathermakers agree. A few months ago, their group criticized Finance Officers for purchasing cheap and inferior weather from outside The Park.

“Cost is all they care about,” says Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP).

“They don’t look at quality or whether it’s appropriate weather for The Park. And they seem to have forgotten that we [WMPSAP) have a degree of expertise that outsiders simply don’t have,” Sun Bear says.

Many Park business owners, particularly those in the food business, have been sounding the alarm for some time.

“We have been suffering from their [The PWO] short-sightedness for years,” says Beatrice T. Orang of Provisions by Petrounel.

This year, however, they say they will keep up their protests until something is done.

“It’s about the future of The Park and, ultimately, about our independence. It’s worth fighting for, for as long as it takes,” says Orang.

Museum confirms addition of library to building complex

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Park MuseumThe Park Museum will house a library within its building complex, it has been confirmed.

In a statement released today, the Board of Governors of The Park Museum announced that after “extensive consultations” with the Museum’s architects, Fleck + Stone, they were able to alter the original plans for the Museum to include a library that will house books, manuscripts, and musical scores.

In what amounts to an admission of error on their part, the Board of Governors expressed their gratitude to the architects for allowing them the opportunity to “correct an oversight” and to reaffirm their commitment to making the project a comprehensive one.

No mention of extra cost was made in the statement, nor was the matter of further delay addressed.

The Park Museum is scheduled to be completed by the end of this year.

Archons urged to reveal modernization plan before budget

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New budget

The 2013 Archons are under pressure to reveal the details of their “modernization” plan before the release of the 2014 budget by The Park Finance Office

The 2013 Archons are facing increasing pressure from the public to declare the details of their modernization plan before The Park Finance Office releases its 2014 budget later this month.

Following rumoured changes to The Park’s immigration policy, several of The Park’s citizen aid and action associations joined forces to mount a united response to any measures the Archons intended to implement.

Despite reassurances that “nothing drastic” is in the works, the ad hoc group has been pressuring the Archons for weeks to disclose details of any changes they plan to make to The Park’s core laws, [pullquote]“If the budget is being adjusted to accommodate changes we don’t agree with, we want to know before the numbers are set in stone.”
– Killeen Echidna, President of The Monotreme Alliance[/pullquote]including those regarding immigration, citizenship, freedom of assembly, freedom of expression, and food cultivation.

“It’s bad enough that any announcement at all will come this late, when so many of our compatriots are already estivating and unable to voice their opinion,” says Malinda L. Hamster, President of the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC). Her group is among those that have joined the ad hoc association.

“Or was that their intent all along?” asked Killeen Echidna, President of The Monotreme Alliance, on Toro Talk Radio last week.

For their part, the Archons “believe they have done their best to reassure Animals that any changes will be implemented slowly, in a step-by-step fashion,” said their press secretary Balthasar Alouatta. He declined to be specific about what “any changes” might mean, but was eager to remind Park citizens of the “orderly way in which calendar harmonization was achieved.”

That may well be true, but groups such as the SAHC and The Monotreme Alliance are more concerned about funding allocation than about whose calendar is used in The Park.

“If the budget is being adjusted to accommodate changes we don’t agree with, we want to know before the numbers are set in stone,” said Echidna.

Park Finance Officer Milton Struts is expected to release the 2014 Park Budget at the end of July.

Domestication survivor: “I was a famous Human’s pet!”

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Hercule Parrot

 

The audience listened intently last night as one of The Park’s most famous novelists spoke candidly about his struggle to escape life as the pet of a famous Human.

Hercule Parrot, 2012 Chitter Radio Literary Award winner and part-time mentor at BirdBrains, The Park’s first Avian mentoring programme, alternated between the emotional and the entertaining as he described his daily life in a “gilded cage.”

“Everything was made available to me. Everything I needed, I was given…food, company, friends, toys…I lacked for nothing, except for autonomy and the ability to live my life as I wanted to, in a truly free and Avian way.”

Holding court at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond during the last scheduled event held in conjunction with Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, Parrot mesmerized his audience of thousands, regaling them with tales of treats, grooming sessions, voyages to exotic locations, movie offers and more.

Parrot made it clear, however, that it was not a life he would have chosen for himself nor would he recommend it to any Animal. Calling it “wholly unnatural,” he warned his listeners not to succumb to the idea of “the easy way.”

“The easy way is tempting, but it is not as easy a life as it sounds,” he said.

“Living with Humans usually means you do not go hungry for food. But the hunger for your natural way of life, for Animal companionship, for the ability to direct your own life, that is something you hunger for every day. Not a day went by that I wasn’t plotting my escape, planning the route I would take from that hand that fed me to freedom.”

Although speaking to a largely anti-Human audience, Parrot did not downplay the role of emotional attachment in the domestication process and spoke openly about the sense of guilt he felt when he finally fled the Human who had domesticated him.

“It’s a myth that you can live in a domestic situation — even an enforced one — and not have feelings for your keeper. And that attachment is difficult to break. Many times, I berated myself for it and wondered if I truly desired freedom. But my reluctance to leave really was due, in part, to the attachment that I felt toward my Human keeper,” he said.

Eventually, Parrot did escape and made his way to The Park, where he has resided for more than two decades. He credits The Park’s “outstanding” refugee services with his ability to find happiness in his new community. And, though he has not had any contact with his ex-keeper, he says he thinks about him almost every day.

“Enforced domestication stays with you for life. It affects everything you do, everything you think, every way you react. You take a certain sadness with you everywhere you go. That’s just the way it is and that is the reason we must be vigilant and prevent its occurrence as much as possible,” he said.

New “Beats of Burden”music fest will aid Park refugees

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What a difference a letter makes!

Despite having decided months before that their comeback would include an annual charity concert in aid of The Park’s refugees, the Beasts of Burden found themselves putting off an official announcement. Stopped dead in their tracks by their inability to find an appropriate name for the event, they even considered shelving the project, worthy though they thought it was.

“I understood the problem, but I couldn’t help. They didn’t just want to put their name on it and call it ‘The Annual Beasts of Burden Charity Concert.’ They wanted the name to have more meaning than that,” said the band’s manager, Ignatius Herder.

“So, we had a meeting at The Draft (the band’s pub) to strategize. Alfredo (Ox, the band’s lead singer) started filling out some forms that we needed and then Haimo (Maultier) noticed he’d left a letter out of the word ‘Beasts,’ so it read, ‘Beats of Burden.’ We all laughed, then we looked at each other and we knew we were all thinking the same thing.”

And that is how the annual “Beats of Burden” Music Festival was born.

“It was pure genius and one hundred per cent serendipitous,” laughs Ox. “If I’d been more careful, we’d still be sitting there planning, instead of announcing the biggest charity music festival ever in The Park.”

With almost every Park band and singer signed on to the event, the new festival promises to be something truly out of the ordinary.

“A concert can only do so much, but a festival, with all sorts of different music and events and other things tied in…we can really make a difference to the lives of The Park’s refugees,” says an excited Ox.

The festival, which is scheduled to begin at sunrise on September 14 will go on for three days, with the music expected to last late into each night.

“The way I see it, they’re [the audience] going to have to ask us to go home. We’re not going to want to stop playing. Nobody is,” says Maultier.

Just the facts

What:    The Beats of Burden Music Festival
When:   Every year from now on; September 14-16 inclusive, sunrise to whenever
Where:  At venues across The Park; expect more details in the coming weeks
Why:     To raise funds in aid of The Park’s refugees
Who:     Almost all Park bands and singers; expect some “surprises” as well

“Stereotype Sundays” aim to foster harmony among species

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Stereotype Sunday

 

In their continuing effort to foster interspecial harmony in The Park, the 2013 Archons have instituted a series of public gatherings that will take place every Sunday at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

“Stereotype Sundays,” as they will be called, are the latest in a long list of administrative efforts to promote the kind of peaceful coexistence among species that Jor hoped to achieve when he established modern zoocracy in The Park 31 years ago.

But, as the Archons admitted this morning when they announced this latest venture, “almost every success in this area has been hard-won. Worthwhile…and a major step forward, but hard-won.”

This new idea, which was unanimously approved by the Archons in April, differs in its approach in that it is meant “to encourage Animals to be open about what they think and how they feel,” said Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros this morning.

“Free is the operative word,” she emphasized.

“We want all Animals to feel free to bring something to these gatherings. And by that, I mean, to bring their beliefs, their ideas about other species. We want to hear what they think, what their ancestors taught them. We are going to try not to judge, but to educate…to illuminate. After all, we are a community of thousands of different species…there is bound to be an abundance of misinformation,” she said.

The gatherings will begin on Sunday, June 23. For the first event, the Archons have requested that those attending bring a “stereotype” of their own species to the forum.

“An idea, a picture, a quotation…anything…as long as it will spark discussion. That is all we need,” said the Rhinoceros.

The 5 Ws of it all:

Who:    All Park Animals, including citizens, residents, regular visitors, and their friends and families
What:   “Stereotype Sundays”
When:   Every Sunday, 1:00 pm until 6:00 pm
Where:  Ancient, Open-Air Theatre
Why: To foster harmony among all the species that live in The Park by dispelling myths and understanding others’ beliefs

Theatre Review: The Sound of One Nut Cracking

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Mixed Nuts Stage Play PosterThe power is in the understatements in “Mixed Nuts,” the compelling one-Chipmunk drama that opened for a short time in Alepou (November) and is scheduled for a return engagement this Barnabus (February) at the Park Repertory Theatre.

This should come as no surprise, given that the author is Imogen Aardeekhoorn, who has adapted her now famous chronicles for the stage. Understatement is the hallmark of Chipmunk literature and Aardeekhoorn ranks among the best of her species, drawing on the tradition as if she were sucking sand from a straw. Take, for example, the line with which she concludes the story of her harrowing escape from a trap that was set in the backyard of a house outside The Park: “It wasn’t my time.”

A lesser writer might say more but Aardeekhoorn, played by the lovely and lively Millicent Hayberry, need not explain. We know, from the get-go, how she will react to the many challenges of modern Chipmunk life. We are also privileged to be her confidantes as she lays bare her feelings about herself, her ancestors, and her species as a whole, in this deeply personal account that lasts only sixty-five minutes but sweeps across the terrain of some fifty generations.

The struggle of Park Chipmunks has not gone uncharted; as a founding family, they have experienced the best and the worst of The Park. But it is a rare occasion on which a member of this secretive species speaks openly about the struggle for survival, the trials of colonial life, and the emotional burden that is placed on a generation born and raised in a world unfamiliar to its parents.

The strength of the piece lies in this rarity; the operative word here is “speak.” Having read the original chronicles in hardshell, I wondered whether Aardeekhoorn’s voice could translate faithfully to the stage. I needn’t have worried; a seasoned performer such as Millicent Hayberry could not do otherwise but bring authenticity to the rôle. She does so brilliantly, all the while infusing it with an “everyAnimal” sensibility that draws us closer to her with every revelation.

And it is here that Hayberry reveals the full range of her dramatic and vocal artistry. Few of the “great secrets” that she is given to impart are, in fact, unknown to the audience. Aardeekhoorn’s life is legendary in The Park; the secrets of this “twitching teller of tales” are, at once, shocking, familiar, and predictable. Yet, in mining the depths of her own emotions, Hayberry conveys Aardeekhoorn’s own sense of shock and dismay and jolts the audience out of its complacency. No longer predictable, she disarms and charms her captive audience for the full sixty-five minutes. It is a performance well worth studying for her technique alone.

A good deal of credit for the play’s vigour must go to director Donald Merriami, whose fluid style marries well with Hayberry’s vocal dynamism. Praise must also go to set designer, Roland Xerus, whose faux burrow is exquisitely lit by Constantine Lampris, and to costume designer, Oberon Pavo, whose “over-the-top” stripes add an extra dimension to the drama.

MIXED NUTS
By Imogen Aardeekhoorn, based upon her chronicles; directed by Donald Merriami; sets by Roland Xerus; costumes by Oberon Pavo; lighting by Constantine Lampris; sound by Marit Chauna; production stage manager, Burkhard Shepherd; associate director, A.S. Tami. Presented by Hudson Meerkat and Anthony Abert, executive producers. At the Park Repertory Theatre, 2-13 Alepou (returning 14 Barnabus-32 Varrah). Running time: 65 minutes.

This article originally appeared in Issue #117 of The Mammalian Daily

Fish make big splash at Chitter Radio Literary Awards

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The Park's Fish population made a big splash at this year's Chitter Radio Literary Awards

While it may be stretching it a bit to suggest that The Park’s Fish population might be in ascendance, it is safe to say that our aquatic kin made their presence felt at this year’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards.

For the first time since the awards were established eighteen years ago (as The Park Literary Awards), almost every category included at least one entry from our Piscine population.

The humour category overflowed with Fishy fun and foolishness, from the darkly humorous, “Roll Over and Stare” to the somewhat frothy “Flash Fish.” While neither netted first prize in the category (that honour went to “Trooping the Collar” by Clement Samuel Tervuren), their nomination served notice to both the judges and The Park’s readers that aquatic humour has evolved.

Indeed, in her book, “Brevity and the Wit of Sole,” which was nominated in both the humour and memoir categories, Evangeline Solea writes with poignancy about her early career in comedy and humour writing and her fight against the “Flatfish stereotypes.”

“Everywhere, the view was that Fish weren’t funny…particularly Flatfish. And, in the first few years of my career, I was baited constantly, but I refused to give up,” she writes in Chapter 3 of her book which she titled, “Swimming Against the Current.”

Solea’s book won in the memoir category and another Piscine author took home a prize, as well. For her critically-acclaimed work, “The View from Under the Plastic Palace,” Barbara Puntius Everetti was declared the Most Promising Newcomer.

Declan Wolfhound’s critically acclaimed “The Upward Curve” took the prize for best novel, while poet Gwendolyn Slang’s “Locomotion” won the poetry award and short story writer Tedesco Tuatara took home the prize for his twentieth collection, “The Long and Short of It.”

As expected, Tab Tricolore’s most recent volume, “The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine,” won in the non-fiction category. It was also no surprise that the award for the best political work went to Dante Reginald Kodiak’s controversial best seller, “If We Chain the World: How Fences Alter the Way We See Ourselves and Others.”

Veteran playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn, author of the highly acclaimed “Mixed Nuts,” received the prize for her most recent work,”Truffles.” She was also honoured for her efforts on behalf of the Park Repertory Theatre.

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