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Excitement, controversy attend opening of Summer Games

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ISG 2013 opening ceremonies

The Park is in a state of heightened anticipation as the 2013 Interspecial Summer Games enter their first day. The opening ceremonies were held yesterday afternoon.

The excitement in The Park was palpable, as the opening ceremonies of the 2013 Interspecial Summer Games began yesterday afternoon.

The ISG Committee was treated to hoots, woofs, brays, and just about as many jeers as cheers as it made its way onto the field. But the response to the procession of athletes was one hundred per cent positive and seemed to leave every Animal in The Park in a festive mood.

“I can’t wait for the events to start,” said Mairéad Gabhar. These are her first Interspecial Summer Games and she had high praise for all the athletes, but “especially the Canines.”

“I have so much respect for them, the way they set aside their differences for the Games,” she said.

Indeed, the Canine athletes were greeted on the field as if they were royalty. And that’s no surprise; until early Saturday morning, no one thought they would see a Canine in these Games. But thanks to the mediation skills of Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd, the CAA and the ISG Committee agreed to revisit their dispute after the closing ceremonies.

“We were committed and we worked non-stop until we came to an accommodation,” said Terrier, a former athlete himself and an avid sports fan.

Details of the agreement between the two parties have not been released, but rumours posted on the gossip web site headsNtales imply that the next Park swimming competition will include the Dog paddle among the competitive strokes.

Appearing tired but happy at the opening ceremonies, CAA President Alexandre Caniche would not comment on the rumours, but did acknowledge that some progress had been made over the weekend.

“I wouldn’t say it was a win, but I’d say we’ve come closer than we ever have to getting the job done,” he said.

CAA threatens to boycott Interspecial Summer Games

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2013 Interspecial Summer Games

The Canine Athletic Association is threatening to keep its athletes home from the 2013 Interspecial Summer Games. The Games are scheduled to begin September 22

The Canine Athletic Association is threatening a last-minute boycott of the 2013 Interspecial Summer Games.

“We will pull all our athletes from the Games unless our demands to reinstate the Dog Paddle as a competitive swimming stroke are met,” CAA President Alexandre Caniche advised in a statement released early this morning.

The Dog Paddle has not been used in any official Park swimming competitions since the establishment of zoocracy 31 years ago. The Canine Athletic Association has spent the last seven years fighting to reinstate it as a competitive swimming stroke. Earlier this month, the CAA lost its most recent battle, when the ISG Committee decided against reinstating the stroke in time for the 2013 Games.

Today’s statement is the strongest on record, with Caniche alleging on behalf of the Association that “specism” was a factor in the decision-making. He also called for a full investigation of the ISG Committee members.

If the CAA decides to follow through with its threat, it will have a detrimental effect on the Games, say sports commentators and representatives of the Park Broadcasting Corporation, the official broadcaster of the 2013 Games.

“Canine athletes compete in almost every sport in the Games and they have an avid following both inside and outside The Park. Without Canines in the field and in the water, we will have a much smaller audience and, to be frank, a far less interesting — and fair — competition,” a PBC spokesAnimal told The Mammalian Daily.

Asked in a radio interview this afternoon whether there were dissenters among the Association’s ranks, Caniche demurred, then answered that members “had not been polled recently on specific matters.”

“Our membership has been united in this fight for over seven years and I have no reason to believe that has changed. In any case, all Canine athletes in The Park are required to be members of our Association, so the point is moot. No Canine will be competing in the Summer Games if the CAA calls a boycott,” he said.

The Interspecial Summer Games are scheduled to begin on September 22 and run until October 1.

See also:

CAA renews campaign to “Bring Back the Dog Paddle!”
CAA steps up pressure on Summer Games committee
CAA to ISG: “This is not the Dog paddle we asked for!”

CAA to ISG: “This is not the Dog paddle we asked for!”

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This is not the Dog paddle the CAA asked for

It appears that the Canine Athletic Association has lost its bid to reinstate the Dog paddle as a competitive swimming stroke. The ISG 2013 Committee has, however, given the green light to Dog paddling in a canoe across the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond.

The Canine Athletic Association has lost its bid to have the Dog paddle reinstated as a competitive swimming stroke in time for the 2013 Interspecial Summer Games.

In a statement released on Friday, well past the time the ISG 2013 Committee originally said it would announce its decision, the Committee wrote that there had not been enough time to examine all aspects of the issue and to evaluate the consequences of such a “bold decision.”

In an interview this morning on Canine Communications Radio, CAA President Alexandre Caniche called that a “ridiculous excuse.”

“I fail to see what the consequences would be,” he said. “And, truth be told, they’ve had over a year to deliberate. I would hardly call that not enough time. I also take issue with calling the reinstatement of the swimming stroke a ‘bold decision,'” he said.

In addition to the announcement nixing the Dog paddle stroke, the ISG Committee confirmed on Friday that the 2013 Interspecial Summer Games would be the first to include a Canine canoeing event across the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond.

While the CAA has refused to comment officially on that issue, President Caniche had strong words for the ISG Committee members:

“I would ask the Committee a simple question: who is to benefit from keeping the Dog paddle out of the competition? I would cautiously assert that the answer to that question might lead to a place the ISG Committee does not wish us to go.”

CAA steps up pressure on Summer Games committee

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With less than two months to go before the official opening of the 2013 Interspecial Summer Games, the Canine Athletic Association (CAA) has stepped up pressure on the ISG Committee to reinstate the Dog paddle as a competitive stroke.

In a statement issued this morning, the Association once again asserted that the swimming stroke is an excellent test of aquatic prowess and, as such, should be reinstated immediately.

“Unless the ISG Committee takes swift action on this issue, we will see our amazing athletes sidelined once again. We cannot allow this to happen. Our Canine swimmers have been training for more than six years for these Games and they deserve a chance to compete,” said CAA President Alexandre Caniche.

This is not the first time the CAA has attempted to have the swimming stroke reinstated. But, last year, it embarked on an extensive multi-media campaign to raise awareness of the issue. The year-long campaign featured well-known sports figures and celebrities and the Association even commissioned a new scent, ‘”Soggy Dog,” that helped them raise funds to continue the fight.

“We thought we were getting somewhere with them [the ISG Committee], but now I’m not sure. Time is not on our side,” said Caniche.

The ISG Committee has stated that it will announce its decision on August 15. The Games begin on September 22.

“That’s cutting it pretty close, but until we know, we’ll keep encouraging our Dogs to train as hard as they can,” Caniche said.

Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Tennis Ball

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Bailey Balls Columnist

Today’s ball is the TENNIS ball.

The tennis ball has a long history with Dogs.

Originally employed in the ancient world, cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe that the tennis ball was first used in the hospitality rites that were common among the ancient Canines.

Evidence from Canine epic poetry suggests that the balls were used in the entertainment portion of these rites. Citing lines from The Kyniad, the oldest of these poems, cynologists at the University of West Terrier have supported their belief that the balls were used in a type of “dance” that was performed in front of guests at the end of a meal. In Books VI and VII of the poem, young female Canines toss the ball back and forth, nose to nose, to the sound of string music.

These balls, which were originally terracotta spheres, were covered in vine leaves in order to cushion the blow to the Dogs’ noses. Historians postulate that, as this rite evolved, paddles fashioned from tree branches and fitted with cloth at one end were used to strike the ball. Many years later, the balls were refashioned out of more flexible material.

While this hospitality rite eventually disappeared from use, the dance became a favourite pastime in the years before zoocracy.

Since that time, Dogs everywhere have enjoyed various forms of play with the tennis ball.

Sources: The Kyniad; Daily Life in the Ancient Canine World, Volume 3: Balls; Balls of the Ancient Canine Games; Hospitality Rites and Rituals in the Ancient Canine World; From Sphere to Shining Sphere: A History of Balls Across the Ages; The Canine’s Illustrated Guide to Balls; Ancient Spherophiles and their Influence on History; Follow the Bouncing Ball: How Dogs Introduced Balls to the Human World; The Concept of Play in the Ancient Canine World; Balls: An Appreciation; various newspaper articles and reports.  

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com.

This column originally appeared in Issue #118 of The Mammalian Daily.

CAA renews campaign to “Bring Back the Dog Paddle!”

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The Canine Athletic Association has renewed its campaign to reinstate the Dog paddle as a competitive stroke.

In a statement published today, the Association once again asserted that the swimming stroke, which fell out of fashion some years ago, is an excellent test of aquatic prowess and should be reinstated in time for the next Interspecial Summer Games in 2013.

A spokesDog for the CAA said the Association’s renewed efforts will include multimedia coverage featuring well-known Park sports figures as well as celebrities such as Bisbee Bichon and I.S. Chow, stars of Varden Spaniel’s 2009 film, Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed.

“This will be an all-out sensory assault,” said the spokesDog, who confirmed that radio spots had been scheduled on all Park radio stations, public service announcements will be broadcast on all television stations and advertisements will run in most of The Park’s print media.

“We’ve even commissioned a new scent, ‘Soggy Dog’, which will be available for purchase exclusively at the Reek-O-Rama beginning in September,” he said. Proceeds from the scent will go to supporting Canine athletes who are currently training to swim in the Dog paddle competition at the 2013 Summer Games.

“That’s how sure we are that we will be successful this time around,” said the spokesDog.

The Canine Athletic Association launched its first Dog paddle campaign two years before the 2008 (26 AZ) Interspecial Summer Games. That campaign, however, was not successful.

The 2013 Interspecial Summer Games will take place during the last two weeks of September 2013.

Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Tennis Ball

By

Today’s ball is the TENNIS ball.

The tennis ball has a long history with Dogs.

Originally employed in the ancient world, cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe that the tennis ball was first used in the hospitality rites that were common among the ancient Canines.

Evidence from Canine epic poetry suggests that the balls were used in the entertainment portion of these rites. Citing lines from The Kyniad, the oldest of these poems, cynologists at the University of West Terrier have supported their belief that the balls were used in a type of “dance” that was performed in front of guests at the end of a meal. In Books VI and VII of the poem, young female Canines toss the ball back and forth, nose to nose, to the sound of string music.

These balls, which were originally terracotta spheres, were covered in vine leaves in order to cushion the blow to the Dogs’ noses. Historians postulate that, as this rite evolved, paddles fashioned from tree branches and fitted with cloth at one end were used to strike the ball. Many years later, the balls were refashioned out of more flexible material.

While this hospitality rite eventually disappeared from use, the dance became a favourite pastime in the years before zoocracy.

Since that time, Dogs everywhere have enjoyed various forms of play with the tennis ball.

Sources: The Kyniad; Daily Life in the Ancient Canine World, Volume 3: Balls; Balls of the Ancient Canine Games; Hospitality Rites and Rituals in the Ancient Canine World; From Sphere to Shining Sphere: A History of Balls Across the Ages; The Canine’s Illustrated Guide to Balls; Ancient Spherophiles and their Influence on History; Follow the Bouncing Ball: How Dogs Introduced Balls to the Human World; The Concept of Play in the Ancient Canine World; Balls: An Appreciation; various newspaper articles and reports.  

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com

Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Squash Ball

By

Today’s ball is the SQUASH ball.

The squash ball has a long history with Dogs.

Originally found in European royal households (or courts, as they are called) cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe that the first squash balls were used by the court Dogs as vessels for the preparation and dispensation of medicines.

Early illustrations suggest that the first squash balls were hollow and inflexible spherical contraptions that were made of polished ebony. The first balls were manufactured in two pieces which were fastened together with two nails whose heads protruded at one end of the ball.

Historians postulate that one part of the ball was filled with dried leaves, berries, and other plant materials that Dogs ingested to relieve the symptoms of illness. The other part contained a number of rough stones. When the two parts of the ball were joined together, the ball was thrown hard against the wall, 50-100 times, in order to pulverize the materials inside. Once these medicaments were ground to a powder, they were dispensed through the holes that were left when the nails were removed.

Long after the ebony balls ceased to be used for grinding, the court Dogs still engaged in the ritual of throwing them against the wall. This sport was made even more pleasurable for them after they discovered rubber (more than 200 years before zoocracy) and began to manufacture the balls from this substance.

Since that time, Dogs everywhere have enjoyed various forms of play with the squash ball.

Sources: Balls: History and Prehistory, Volume 5; The Ball Files; Royal Dogs and their Balls; The Effects of Balls on the European Court; The Use of Balls in the Modern Age; Butternut Balls: A Modern Study; BALLography:Historical Truths and other Tales about Balls; various newspaper articles and reports. 

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com

Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Bowling Ball

By

Today’s ball is the BOWLINGball.

The bowling ball has a long history with Dogs.

Originally designed as a culinary tool, cynologists (those who study Dogs) believe that the bowling ball was the first vessel used by the Cave Dog when he began to mix and cook his morning gruel.

Shards gathered at the rich clay areas of The Park suggest that the first bowling balls were earthenware creations. These balls originally had no holes; later balls discovered near the site were found to have three holes. Scholars postulate that the Cave Dog added holes at a later time in order to allow steam to rise from the ball when it was placed on the open fire.

As Canine cooking methods evolved, Dogs began to favour open pots. Bowling balls were relegated to the shelves as decoration until many centuries later, when they became one of the tools of War Dogs in Human military campaigns.

Military logs displayed in The Park’s Canine Military Museum reveal that the bowling ball was used by the War Dogs as a “paw grenade.” After filling it with gunpowder, the Dogs rolled the ball into enemy territory, where it exploded. So successful was this manoeuvre that it was employed in many wars and came to be known as the “three-hole punch.”

As more sophisticated combat methods replaced the “paw grenade,” the ball’s use became strictly recreational. Since that time, the bowling ball has provided many hours of joy for Dogs everywhere.

Sources: Canine Culinary History, Volume 1; Annals of the Canine Military Museum, “L’enfer, c’est la guerre,” by Denis Bagarre; Various newspaper articles and reports. 

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com

Let’s Talk Balls! with Bailey: The Golf Ball

By

Today’s ball is the GOLF ball.

The golf ball has a long history with Dogs.

Originally known as the “gulf” ball, these dimpled, spherical formations were discovered at the mouth of the Gulf of México, many thousands of years before the common era (and Zoocracy).

Naturally occurring and of limestone, archaeological evidence suggests that the ball’s dimples were formed by erosion that was caused by the thick sands found in the deep Gulf.

Many scholars believe that the first gulf balls were discovered by Chihuahuas who had set up camp in the area. Others are of the opinion that it was the Havanese who were the first to find the gulf ball, living as they did at the mouth of the Gulf of México. All are in agreement, however, that it was, indeed, the Havanese who spearheaded the campaign to manufacture replicas of the ball and to encourage its use as a recreational tool. It was also the Havanese who transported it, many centuries later, to the British Isles.

The first recorded use of the gulf ball was found in the log of a ship captain.

It read:“The dog [sic] brought the stone gulf ball onto the ship and [one of] the crew[men], [who were] by then exhausted and of low spirits, took a long, sharp object and smacked the stone back into the water. The rest of the crew applauded his effort and thought the deed done until the dog brought another stone for smacking…”

Thus was born the game that we now call “Golf,” which is played with the ball of the same name, the word “gulf” having undergone vocalic change as a result of its pairing with the word “ball.”

Since that time, the game and its ball have provided many hours of joy for Dogs everywhere.

Sources: A Short History of Canine Sport; Balls: History and Prehistory, Volume 1; The Havanese and the Coming of Golf; Golf: The Game and its History; Limestone Cowboys; Balls Across the Water: The True Story of the Gulf Ball; Dimpled Future: The Effect of Golf on the Lives of Humans; various newspaper articles and reports.

Bailey can be reached at bailey@mammaliandaily.com.

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