The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2011—TMD reporters to blog live from Groundhog Day celebrations

By

In a statement released today, The Mammalian Daily confirmed that it will be sending some of its reporters to blog live from The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations on 2 February.

“The Mammalian Daily is seeking to amplify the amount of fun for Park residents at the annual Groundhog Day Festival by hosting a live blog to report on events as they happen in different areas of The Park. This should allow our residents to enjoy virtually everything the Festival has to offer this year,” part of the statement read.

This is the second year that the newspaper has committed a part of its staff to reporting live from the annual celebration.

OTD in 2014—Tavros to host third annual “Pundits’ Parlour” on Monday

By

YannisTavros


Yannis Tavros will host another “Pundits’ Parlour” on Toro Talk Radio this Monday

For the third year in a row, Yannis Tavros will host Toro Talk Radio’s “Pundits’ Parlour” on Monday, February 3.

Manfred Stier, spokesAnimal for the radio station’s programming director, confirmed today that The Park’s best known political pundits will again have the chance to express their views on our incoming government on Tavros’s popular show.

“Yannis [Tavros] will once again relinquish his usual talk show format to moderate what has become a very popular annual forum,” Stier said.

This year’s guests include Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy at the University of West Terrier, historian and author Pieter Paard, Professor Ludwiga Saimiri of the Cuthbert School of Journalism, UWT Law Professor Fionnula L. Fox, Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces, UWT Professor of History Beatrice Zilonis, and Gertrude C. Owl, Mammalian Daily senior political correspondent and Dean of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism. Other participants include Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, Yuri Sturgeon of The Kaluga Register, Camlin “Cayuga” Newt of The Salamander Evening Post, and Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct Professor of Human Studies.

OTD in 2015—Gunnar Rotte to break silence this week on Yannis Tavros’s radio show

By

YannisTavros After almost two months of relentless criticism, scrutiny, and defamation, Gunnar Rotte will break his silence in an interview this week with radio host Yannis Tavros on Toro Talk Radio.

The Rodent Commoner reporter confirmed through his representative this morning that he has accepted an invitation from Tavros to “tell his story” in a live interview.

“After a period of serious consideration, Gunnar Rotte felt it was time for him to speak for himself and, perhaps, change some minds about the reality of Animal life in The Park. Rotte feels very strongly that he has been misrepresented and he would like to set the record straight on a number of things,” the representative’s statement says.

The interview has not yet been scheduled, but media and advertising experts say it will prove a windfall for the station.

“It’s a big get and I don’t know how he got it, but kudos to him,” said J.J. Chanticleer, manager of CLucK Radio.

Although seen as controversial and extremely hot-headed, Tavros has offered his show as a forum on a number of occasions to allow others to tell their story, starting with The Cynics in April of 2010.

OTD in 2015—Gossip site: Thisbe had relationship with Mammalian Daily Balls columnist

By

The Park’s “most-watched”  gossip web site headsNtales is reporting that, some years ago, Thisbe had a relationship with Bailey, The Mammalian Daily’s longtime Balls columnist.

According to the report, the founder and lead singer of The Park’s most successful and beloved musical group had a “short but productive relationship with Bailey, who was the Mammalian Daily Balls Columnist for over a decade. Sources say they remained friends long after.”

Although the site does not define the word, “productive,” and does not elaborate on “long after,” many are speculating that Thisbe might have raised a family secretly with Bailey.

headsNtales co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo says she contacted the group’s manager, Hilde Blaft, for confirmation, but has not heard back. Despite that, Guacamayo says she feels confident in going to press because the site has more than one “reliable source” for the information.

OTD in 2015—”It’s about the message,” say protesters as standoff continues at TMD offices

By

Park Police Riot Squad

The standoff between protesters and The Mammalian Daily has entered its third day

As the standoff between protesters and Mammalian Daily editors enters its third day, the reasons for this historic protest are becoming clear.

“Primarily, it’s about the message you’re sending, particularly with that photograph of Gunnar]Rotte],” says Dedrick Knaagdier, Media Relations Representative for The Park’s aid group, Rodents at Risk.

Knaagdier has been in attendance at the protest since the beginning, though he wasn’t among those who started it.

“They weren’t even Gunnar’s friends, but they saw the injustice and the way the paper was manipulating the message and they couldn’t take it anymore,” he says.

“Gunnar made a legitimate complaint but it was overshadowed by that photograph.”

The photograph in question shows Rotte holding two pies that he says he purchased at a bakery outside The Park. His complaint was that he had been assaulted at the bakery while trying to buy the pies.

“The way the photograph was taken, it makes it look as if he’s a thief,” says Knaagdier.

“He looks as if he’s smiling … as if he got away with something, rather than he did his duty [by paying] but was treated terribly. The photograph just plays into the stereotyping of Rodents … something they experience on a daily basis.”

Despite attempts by all major Park media to contact Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas, no official statement has been made, nor has the name of the photographer been revealed.

“They’ve said nothing, not even ‘We stand by our story,'” says Knaagdier.

OTD in 2015—Breaking: Police called to growing protest outside Mammalian Daily offices

By

Park Police Riot SquadBREAKING NEWS
Just hours after the swearing-in ceremonies of the 2015 Archons, Park Police have been called to the offices of The Mammalian Daily as a large protest against the newspaper grows outside the main door.

“We don’t know what it’s all about yet, but the protesters all appear to be holding the same photograph of [Rodent Commoner reporter] Gunnar Rotte,” said Officer Gareth Shepherd, minutes after arriving at the scene.

Witnesses who had been there earlier said the protest began with two Rats who were holding signs and shouting profanities, calling the newspaper “specist and petty” and threatening to destroy it.

“I thought they were friends of Gunnar [Rotte], but they said they didn’t even know him. It was the principle that mattered … and the paper had broken faith with its readers,” said Marcellus Wolverine.

Log onto mammaliandaily.com for new details as this story unfolds.

OTD in 2016—Blandine Okapi: “Sortition gives us a coalition of the unwilling and unable.”

By

Blandine OkapiFormer Archon Transition Team (ATT) member Blandine Okapi is taking some heat for her most recent remarks about sortition and the annual selection of government in The Park.

In an op-ed piece published in The Ruminant Free Press yesterday, Okapi calls the process of sortition, which has been the only method used to select The Park’s 35 Archons, “a ridiculous idea” and says bluntly, “All it does is give us a coalition of the unwilling and unable.”

Okapi, who quit the ATT two years ago in order to work with the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP), claims she is drawing from her experience in politics and government when she says that sortition is “keeping The Park in a state of inertia.”

“As we look forward this year to celebrating the thirty-fifth anniversary of zoocracy, we have to ask ourselves what we’ve accomplished here,” she writes. “If our goal was to mature as a Park and to be the model for Animal self-government everywhere, I would say we have failed miserably.”

Reaction to Okapi’s scathing criticism has been swift. At a joint press conference this morning, 2014 Chief Archon Buckminster Moose and Sylvana Rana, president of  Save Our Political System (SOPS), countered her arguments, saying that sortition is the best method available to ensure fair and equitable representation in government.

Former Chief Archon Moose went on to speak of his experience in governing The Park:

“I unequivocally dispute Okapi’s portrait of the members of our governments as being either unable or unwilling or both. During my term as Chief Archon, I worked with some of the most able Animals I have ever met and every one of them was one hundred percent committed to zoocracy and to the values that Jor stood for,” he said.

OTD in 2018—The year of not writing well: Month Without Metaphor presents the words journalists across The Park would like to ban from media in 2019

By

The staff at The Park’s Month Without Metaphor initiative (MonthWithoutMetaphor) has been working hard all month to gather the words and phrases that journalists and readers across The Park have submitted as items they’d like to ban from media in 2019. Director Priscilla Weevil says she was “gobsmacked” by the sheer number of submissions and the “intensity of emotion” that accompanied those submissions.

“There is clearly, across all media, the feeling that we are not serving our audience well,” she said.

Below are the most frequently-submitted words and phrases that Month Without Metaphor received:

OTD in 2016—2017 will be the year of the political book, say Park publishers

By

Pile of booksA slew of books dealing with politics and zoocracy is set to be released in 2017, according to the Association of Park Publishers (APP).

Inspired by the upcoming celebration of zoocracy’s thirty-fifth anniversary, some of The Park’s most esteemed thinkers began toiling in secret a few years ago, setting down their analyses and ideas about Animal self-rule. Their work will be released in published form beginning in January.

“This is definitely the year of the political book,” says Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press.

“We realized that back in 2014, when we started getting manuscripts dealing with zoocracy and Park history. Some of them could have been published earlier, but we decided to wait and make it a literary celebration of this political phenomenon. We feel very privileged to have the opportunity to release twenty-five books this year on the subject.”

Other Park publishers agree. Marcellin de la Griffe, who owns and manages Marcellin de la Griffe Publishers, says his company has been working on the same theme for a couple of years. The publisher says that after wooing historian and University of West Terrier professor Pieter Paard away from Birch Bark Books, he managed to convince other prominent writers to publish their books with his company.

“Our authors— who are historians, political philosophers, scientists, psychologists, and artists—represent some of The Park’s greatest thinkers. We’re going to have an incredible year-long launch party,” he says.

OTD in 2016—Celebrity chef to feature food of the feral world in new TV series

By

Tab TricoloreCelebrity chef Tab Tricolore will try his hand at television again in the new year.

In a run-up to his first Feral Roots Festival in July, the chef and restaurateur will host a television series on Vertebrate Vision Television (VVTV) featuring the “foods of the feral world.”

In a joint announcement across all media, VVTV and Tricolore shared their excitement about the show and emphasized their commitment to each other, despite their troubles last year.

In a separate post on his GooseBook page, Tricolore talked about his own feral roots and his relationship with the feral community outside The Park, where he was born.

“On food gathering missions for my many restaurants, I’ve had the privilege of reconnecting with the feral communities outside The Park. They have been enormously generous to me, sharing their crops and their recipes and I look forward to doing the same with my audience. Thank you again, Vertebrate Vision, for this great opportunity,” the post said, in part.

The television series will be broadcast on Tuesday nights, beginning in February 2018, a spokesAnimal for VVTV told The Mammalian Daily.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

August 2026
M T W T F S S
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31