The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2015—”It’s about the message,” say protesters as standoff continues at TMD offices

By

Park Police Riot Squad

The standoff between protesters and The Mammalian Daily has entered its third day

As the standoff between protesters and Mammalian Daily editors enters its third day, the reasons for this historic protest are becoming clear.

“Primarily, it’s about the message you’re sending, particularly with that photograph of Gunnar]Rotte],” says Dedrick Knaagdier, Media Relations Representative for The Park’s aid group, Rodents at Risk.

Knaagdier has been in attendance at the protest since the beginning, though he wasn’t among those who started it.

“They weren’t even Gunnar’s friends, but they saw the injustice and the way the paper was manipulating the message and they couldn’t take it anymore,” he says.

“Gunnar made a legitimate complaint but it was overshadowed by that photograph.”

The photograph in question shows Rotte holding two pies that he says he purchased at a bakery outside The Park. His complaint was that he had been assaulted at the bakery while trying to buy the pies.

“The way the photograph was taken, it makes it look as if he’s a thief,” says Knaagdier.

“He looks as if he’s smiling … as if he got away with something, rather than he did his duty [by paying] but was treated terribly. The photograph just plays into the stereotyping of Rodents … something they experience on a daily basis.”

Despite attempts by all major Park media to contact Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas, no official statement has been made, nor has the name of the photographer been revealed.

“They’ve said nothing, not even ‘We stand by our story,'” says Knaagdier.

OTD in 2016—Director Zebra peddles compassion and hope in WINK: PIFF Feature Film Review

By

WINK Movie Poster 1WINK
♥♥♥♥♥♥

Directed by G.D. Zebra | 65 minutes | Premiere screening October 1 at the Park Cinema

It sounds cliché, but it was true: there wasn’t a dry eye in the theatre on the night of October 1.

By the time the credits rolled at the premiere of G.D. Zebra’s amazing new film, WINK, it seemed as though all Park Animals had found it in their hearts to embrace each other for the rest of time.

Of course, we knew it wouldn’t last. And it didn’t. But for one brief shining moment—all right, several, as the film was screened again on October 5—The Park seemed as Jor had meant it to be: open, free of prejudice, and dedicated to providing a peaceful, safe, and prosperous life to all its citizens.

Produced by Kevin Kodkod (of Black Cats Can’t Jump fame), and narrated in parts by Willem Leopard, WINK takes us on the personal journey of a group of striped and spotted Animals who, after suffering a lifetime of prejudice, opt to have their visible differences removed.

One might expect Zebra to have made his mark on the film through his personal perspective, but what makes WINK so powerful is the fact that he steps back and lets the participants tell their own stories. And, in large part, it is the timeline itself that allows us to feel the full effect of those stories.

As we follow the group for a period of three years—before, during, and after their stripe and spot removal procedures—the participants cease to appear to us as a homogeneous group. Rather, we see them as individuals who have experienced similar but distinct reactions to their visible otherness. And in discussing those reactions, they open a window through which we see their suffering and hopes more clearly.

As they introduce us to their families, their friends, and their way of life, their “otherness” seems to disappear. By the time they’ve booked their procedures, we find ourselves wondering why they’ve done it. Unfortunately, that wonder doesn’t last very long.

Indeed, we learn from the film’s title that these Animals have no way of escaping their past experiences which inform their lives forever. The title comes from a statement made by participant Aadhya Leopard, who when asked how it felt to emerge as a solid-coloured Animal, said, “It’s like a wink. It’s like I’m saying I’m just like you, but we both know I’m not.”

Participant Maximilian Appaloosa went even further. “What I discovered is that there is no such thing as an invisible minority. What your ancestors have suffered and the narrative you were raised on determines who you are and how you interact with others. And other Animals can sniff that out even if you look the same as they do. I discovered that all Animals have some kind of radar. It’s not just Bats,” he said.

The film, which lasts just over an hour, includes interviews with popular Park musician and anti-stripe-removalist ZEAL, anti-sortitionist and self-described “naturalist,” director Douglas Cheetah, and SCENTIENT Beings composer and father of Reekabilly music Faramund Stinktier, who announced his transition to being a Zebra last year.

But the film isn’t about the famous, or even about the striped and spotted Animals whose stories it tells. It is really about the rest of us, whose duty it is to confront our own otherness in order for all otherness to disappear.

WINK
The Park Cinema
October 17-31
Showtimes: 11:00; 1:00; 3:00; 5:00; 9:00

OTD in 2015—Stereotype Sundays go bold: “Hello, my name is Filthy Pig, Stupid Sheep…”

By

Stereotype SundaysAre you a Dirty Rat?

While you may not view yourself that way, apparently that is how many others see you.

That much was made clear yesterday, when The Park’s Stereotype Sundays took a bold turn and encouraged Animals to participate in what many were calling a “grand experiment.”

“We handed out name tags and told the attendees…go bold…write down the vilest thing that you have ever heard about yourself or your species. Don’t think about it too much. Just write it down and wear it around and see what happens,” said one of the event’s organizers.

The experiment, or “initiative,” as organizers prefer to call it, was the idea of Dewi Rhinoceros, whose tenure as Chief Archon in 2013 included establishing the weekly event in order to foster interspecial harmony.

Rhinoceros, now Chair of the Board of Directors of the Centre for Interspecial Harmony (CIH), says she was moved to intervene in the weekly project when she realized it had stalled and was no longer serving its purpose.

“We established Stereotype Sundays to foster interspecial harmony through honest discussion. It worked very well for the first year and a half. And, then, the honest approach seemed to lose its meaning and almost disappear. All of a sudden, we were just nodding our heads…as Hieronynous [Hedgehog] says, in active self-agreement. We were admitting our problems, but not moving forward. It was as if we’d accepted prejudice, intolerance, misinformation and stereotyping as necessary elements of life.”

The new approach won’t be a weekly component of the event, though, organizers say.

“We asked those who participated to come back next week and discuss the results. If it appears that it was successful, we’ll continue it, perhaps, on a monthly basis. In any case, it was well worth the effort. Everybody is talking about it today.”

OTD in 2015—Uneasy writers: will Squeakeasy scuffle put Polar Bears’ picnic in jeopardy?

By

owl_reading_sketch.jpg

Park poet Mirella Gufo reads her poetry at The Squeakeasy

Tuesday nights might never be the same at The Squeakeasy.

Once known as the night when Animals sway to the rhythm of poetry at the busy Park pub, last night’s scuffle, which ended in a number of injuries and arrests, may well make the evening synonymous with violence and interspecial tension.

According to Park Police, the commotion began when Mirella Gufo flew down to the microphone to read from her latest work.

“Some Animal made a remark about her beak and that’s what started it, according to witnesses,” Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Park Police’s Interspecial Investigations Unit told The Mammalian Daily. “And it devolved from there.”

Herman Wasbeer, who became involved in the fighting by accident, agrees that it started out almost innocently.

“It was a bad remark, for sure. And so unnecessary. But there was no violence attached to it at first. So, I told them to be quiet. We go there to hear poetry, not to hear what other Animals think of the way we look,” he says.

Unfortunately, Wasbeer’s intervention just added fuel to the fire.

“The next thing we knew, a whole flock of Geese descended on the place. Personally, I think they were just itching for a fight because they don’t even know Mirella Gufo,” he said.

Wasbeer says he tried to stop the Geese, but they turned on him.

“They were spewing hatred, honking about ‘stupid stripes’ and some other stuff that I couldn’t even understand. Then, a couple of Tabbies got in the act and you know it can’t be headed anywhere good when the Felines start fighting. The Geese told them to go to The Tabby Club, where they belong, and the thing just erupted into a room of flying fur and feathers.”

Wasbeer was bitten, though he says he doesn’t know by whom.

“I was arrested at first, but when they saw I was bleeding, they took me to the [Park] hospital. I guess it was later on that they found out I wasn’t one of the perpetrators.”

While he was released this morning, six more Animals remain in hospital, one in critical condition. Four others face charges, Police say, and will appear in court next week.

Meanwhile, the organizers of the Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic say their event will go on as planned.

“We have no reason to think that our annual festival of poetry will be anything but peaceful,” says the event’s chief organizer Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear.

OTD in 2015—TMD calls emergency editorial staff meeting as standoff continues

By

newspaper_bundleAs the protest grows outside The Mammalian Daily offices, Managing Editor Orphea Haas has called an emergency meeting this afternoon of all editorial staff.

A spokesAnimal for the paper confirmed that Haas personally contacted editorial staff as well as the photographer who shot the picture that started the protest.

“She is taking this very seriously,” the spokesAnimal said. “We pride ourselves on dealing with all stories with respect and fairness and our publishing record is proof of that. We want to understand fully why this protest has erupted.”

The protest, which enters its seventh day today, began after the paper published a photograph of Rodent Commoner reporter Gunnar Espen Rotte. The photograph was taken as Rotte returned after shopping at a bakery outside The Park. Rotte had bought two pies, but complained that he had been “assaulted” while visiting the bakery. The photograph showed Rotte with his pies but, to some, it appeared that Rotte had in fact stolen the pies. The complainants outside the newspaper offices have said that the way the photographer caught Rotte’s face makes him look “sly” or “as if he got away with something.”

Dedrick Knaagdier of the aid group Rodents at Risk says the photo “redirected the story entirely.”

“This wasn’t about Rotte or pies. It was about stereotyping and prejudice and its abusive consequences. Instead of going after those who allegedly assaulted Rotte, the paper went after Rotte himself. And that is why we must stay here until we have an answer as to why they chose to do that.”

While staff will be meeting inside, Rotte is expected to make an appearance at the protest at 1:00 p.m. Park Police say they are “prepared for whatever happens.”

OTD in 2014—Newspaper editorial should not be ignored, say Park’s aid groups

By

Rodent CommonerAn editorial published last week that has ignited a firestorm of protest, has endangered the life of its writer, and has resulted in a curfew and a ban on travel outside The Park “should not be ignored,” say members of The Park’s aid groups.

“[Reporter Gunnar Espen] Rotte makes a valid point, in that you don’t have to have stripes or spots to be treated badly, inside or outside The Park,” says Rosbritt Piggsvin, head of the aid association Rodents at Risk.

“Almost all of us have all suffered from some sort of prejudice in our lives,” she says.

Inez Gallina, president of the immigrant aid group Home to Roost, agrees: “It’s not just prejudice. It’s more than that. I sometimes think it’s a holdover from the way we’re treated outside The Park. I think it spills over into our immigrants’ lives here. Native Park citizens make assumptions about us, based on what they’ve heard outside The Park. It can be devastating to a new immigrant, especially a refugee,” she says.

But Hendrik Dalmatiër of the Spotted Animal Alliance says these Animals are missing the point.

“This is not a contest about which Animal has a harder time. There is no winner here; there are only losers. It is our opinion that if a Park treats its Animals differently on the basis of appearance, we are all losers. And there is plenty of evidence that that happens,” he says.

OTD in 2014—Could Tricolore’s “tabbiness” be connected to his disappearance?

By

Tab Tricolore: "You have to offer an extraordinary culinary experience or else Animals will not dine at your restaurant."As the fourth day of Chef Tab Tricolore’s absence brings no clues as to his whereabouts, many have begun asking what might in the past have been a forbidden question: is it possible that Tricolore’s “tabbiness” is somehow connected to his abrupt disappearance?

The celebrated chef and award-winning author went missing on December 2, after he left The Park to source ingredients for that night’s service at his fine dining restaurant, Klo.

There are few who have seen him since and yesterday’s update from Park Police left much to be desired. They are at a loss, it seems, to understand what might have happened to him or where he might be.

Increasingly, though, there have been whispers about a theory that is at once unpalatable and believable. Could it be, as many Park Animals are beginning to wonder, that Tricolore is the victim of anti-stripe prejudice?

“The timing makes me suspicious,” says Blandine Okapi. Okapi, who recently resigned from the Archon Transition Team, is acting president of Sisters and Brothers of the Narrow Band, a Park organization that offers assistance to striped Animals.

“After all, wasn’t it just the day before his disappearance that [Rodent Commoner reporter Gunnar Espen} Rotte published that despicable editorial?”

Rotte’s article expressed his lack of sympathy with striped and spotted Animals and the difficulties they encounter.

“I come from a species that is universally hated,” he wrote, implying that striped and spotted Animals were not the only ones who suffer prejudice.

Okapi is one of many who say they are worried that some Park Animals such as Rotte may have ties to anti-stripe “elements” outside The Park.

“It’s possible that some Animals who feel the same way as he does may have called in a few favours,” she says.

Park Police, however, say they have no evidence of such a situation.

“At this time, we have no reason to suspect any Park Animal of any wrongdoing,” says Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU).

OTD in 2016—Gunnar Rotte tweets, then takes his case to the Archons

By

Screen Shot 2016-08-10 at 9.00.45 AMGunnar Rotte has never backed away from a fight.

Indeed, he rose to prominence almost two years ago, when he published a controversial editorial in The Rodent Commoner comparing the plight of his own species to that of The Park’s striped and spotted citizens.

Now, the beleaguered journalist and part-time counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic is doubling down on his mission to make all Park citizens understand the real life challenges of Rodents and, in particular, Rats.

After taking to Twitter yesterday to react to the announcement that this year’s Park ART Walk will celebrate the work of our striped and spotted citizens and to complain that no Park event honours Rodents, Rotte has begun a campaign to pressure the Archons into establishing just such an event.

Calling for an annual , “Rotter Day,” Rotte says he plans to march in front of the law courts and all government buildings until the Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations agree to his plan.

And he just might be successful.

“I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he got it done,” says Rosbritt Piggsvin, President of Rodents at Risk, a Park charity that aids The Park’s at-risk Rodent community.

“Gunnar is nothing if not persistent,” says Piggsvin, who has known Rotte since his birth.

“He gnaws at things and doesn’t let them go. And on this particular subject, I can tell you, he won’t rest until all Park Animals understand and acknowledge the pain and suffering of Rats and many other Rodents.”

Still, many say it will be an uphill battle for Rotte to get the Archons to agree to add an event to The Park’s calendar so late in their term.

“Yes, he may have to march in the snow, but I’ll bet he’s already put together a plan to confront the new Archons on the day of their swearing-in,” says Piggsvin.

OTD in 2015—Zorro verdict likely this month; court transcripts to be released in October

By

Raimundo ZorroClosing arguments were heard Friday in the trial of SplotchWatch web site owner Raimundo Zorro and the verdict of Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon will likely come down this month, experts say.

Zorro faces two counts of “inciting hate” and one count of “inciting discord.” The former charges refer to the intent of his web site; the latter refers to its effects.

Zorro, whom some have described as a disgruntled former journalist, was represented in court by his lawyer, Pernilla Varghund. Varghund is a junior partner in The Park’s oldest law firm, Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

During the trial and in closing, Varghund argued vehemently that Zorro’s only intent in running the web site was to encourage “openness and honesty” and to let Park Animals know who among them had removed their stripes or spots.

The issue became of major concern this year when The Park’s major grooming houses reported that stripe removal had become their most sought-after service. This is likely due to both social and financial concerns, as numerous reports and studies have indicated that striped and spotted Animals do not receive equal treatment in The Park.

After almost six months of police surveillance, Zorro’s web site was shut down last March and he was subsequently charged. The original trial date was set for June 25, but it was held over until July 13 due to the temporary absence from The Park of several key witnesses.

A spokesAnimal for The Park’s court system confirmed that, in the interest of openness, the transcripts of the trial will be made public in October.

OTD in 2015—Six arrested for stripespotting: Police

By

StripespottingSix Park Animals were arrested and are currently in jail awaiting a bail hearing after being charged with stripespotting within the boundaries of The Park.

In a short statement released at noon today, Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) confirmed the arrest early this morning.

“On the morning of June 25, Park Police attended at the site of the Ancient Oak Tree and found six Animals, residents of The Park, engaged in the illegal activity of stripespotting. Following confirmation of these activities, Police arrested all six Animals. The Animals are now at the Park Jail awaiting the assessment of bail charges and the setting of dates for trial,” the statement said.

Legal experts told The Mammalian Daily that the arrested Animals are likely to be waiting in jail for some time.

“They picked a bad day to be arrested, particularly on those charges,” said Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

Terrier was referring to the fact that Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court is presently hearing opening arguments on the first day of the trial of SplotchWatch owner and operator Raimundo Zorro. In April, Zorro was charged with two counts of “inciting hate” and one count of “inciting discord” by means of operating the SplotchWatch web site, which names Animals who have had their spots or stripes removed.

“I don’t think there’ll be much sympathy for those Animals today, not if they were caught stripespotting,” Terrier said.

The act of stripespotting, which is a form of bullying, involves pointing to and calling out striped Animals as they pass by. The calling out is usually done in a threatening voice. Although some Animals still consider it a harmless prank or even a valid pastime, the act itself was outlawed eleven years ago and, according to Terrier, those few who still practise it can expect harsh punishment from the courts.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

January 2026
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031