Satirical fiction in newspaper form
Park media’s second annual Month Without Metaphor (MWM) begins today!
The initiative aims to gauge the effectiveness of reporting the news “without embellishments, comparisons, and the painting of pictures for the reading public,” according to its organizers.
You can follow Park media as they tweet through the month at Month Without Metaphor (MWM).
Ronald Grouse has declared war. But we’ll only be able to print that until Monday.
Just a few days before the start of Park media’s Month Without Metaphor (MWM), The Avian Messenger’s chief political analyst and newly-elected MWM director held a press conference this morning in which he himself used the war metaphor. And many more.
“It’s time we declared war on some of the tools that media use,” he said. “We need to communicate better and more effectively. We need straight talk: just the facts, no hyperbole. And we need to stop manipulating our readers. Our job is to inform, not to perform,” he said.
Grouse, who has in the past criticized the direction in which Park media appeared to be headed, said he is looking forward to May’s event.
“I look forward to steering Month Without Metaphor toward success,” he said. “The challenges we face as Park citizens are serious ones that require us to be clear-eyed and open-minded. I hope to be able to engage the hearts and minds of readers and listeners and build momentum toward creating a more honest and open media that will help with the problems we face.”
The Mammalian Daily’s longstanding policy of not naming its reporters has continued because of the terms of its journalists’ contracts, it has been revealed.
Facing a herd of reporters at a press conference yesterday morning, Orphea Haas admitted that the newspaper has “suffered greatly” from the policy and is now experiencing a decline in readership.
“Not all of our troubles are due to this policy, but some of them are. We admit that the criticism we’ve faced is valid. The policy is outdated and not in keeping with our ethos of transparency, but we haven’t been in a position to change it, at least as far as our current employees are concerned,” she said.
Haas confirmed that new employees will sign “revamped” contracts that will include the publication of their name and, if they agree, their species.
“We do not believe that printing a reporter’s species is essential to transparency. Thus, we will give every journalist the opportunity to decline.”
On the issue of declaring species, Haas emphasized that The Mammalian Daily was in a unique position, since so many different species were qualified to work there.
“This isn’t as big an issue for The Reptile Register or, indeed, for The Equine Echo. But the possibilities [of species identification] are so much broader for us,” she said.
As for May’s Month Without Metaphor, Haas confirmed her newspaper’s support of the project and urged all Park media to participate in the event.
“It is a wonderful opportunity for us to take a critical look at what we say and how we say it. We have supported the event from the get-go and we intend to do so in the future,” she said.
With just two weeks to go, The Park’s media organizations are gearing up for what some have called the biggest experiment in the history of journalism.
“All systems are go,” pronounced Alvin Tinamou with pride, at a hastily-organized update at his office yesterday afternoon. The subject was May’s “Month Without Metaphor,” but the Elephant in the room was the state of the industry, itself.
“It’s no secret that the modern era has presented us with a huge challenge,” Tinamou admits, but he backs away from any suggestion that the industry is on its last legs.
In fact, the publisher of The Avian Messenger winces at the term “experiment” to describe the month-long initiative of which he is one of the organizers. Instead, he refers to it as the “Grand Resuscitation,” an ambitious description that some in the profession say it could well turn out to be.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if it kickstarted interest, especially among the newspaper readership,” says Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP). “Whether the media and, particularly, our newspapers, can hold that interest, though, is the question.”
Gertrude C. Owl, Dean of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism and Mammalian Daily senior political correspondent agrees.
“I think it’s a brilliant idea, really, inviting the public to, almost, scrutinize the business…allowing them to feel a part of it, while still keeping the boundaries clear. I’m cautiously optimistic about it, but I think it will take more than one go at this type of thing to be truly effective,” she says.
The Cynics, who have remained tightlipped amid the controversy surrounding one of their best-known songs, plan to break their silence next week in one of the most unlikely places — in an interview with radio host, Yannis Tavros, on Toro Talk Radio.
The radio station, whose slogan, “All Bull. All The Time,” reflects its strict and exclusionary policy, explained the exception in a statement released yesterday afternoon:
“We at Toro Talk Radio are deeply committed to freedom of speech in The Park. When that freedom is threatened for any reason, we feel it is important to speak up and to defend this most sacred of rights. As a result of the unfortunate decision taken by the Association of Park Radio Stations regarding a song by The Cynics, we feel it is incumbent upon us to provide The Cynics with a neutral environment in which to discuss the implied charges. For this reason, we have invited them, along with their manager, Damien Skyle, to discuss their situation with Toro Talk Radio host, Yannis Tavros. We have also reached out to the APRS, but have not had a response from them to date. We look forward to providing The Park’s citizens with a free and open discussion regarding censorship and music on 18 Myrodia.”
The Mammalian Daily’s longstanding policy of not revealing the names and species of its reporters could jeopardize the success of Park media’s third annual Month Without Metaphor, says Alvin Tinamou.
In a front page piece that appeared in his newspaper today, Tinamou—the publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the organizers of the May event—called on TMD managing editor Orphea Haas to “modernize” and to “get out ahead of your colleagues’ criticism.”
“We are living in an age of incredible transparency, yet Haas runs her newspaper from the darkness of a cave. Those old ways of wielding authority in that manner have given way. It’s high time The Mammalian Daily let its readers know who is reporting their news so they can judge its quality and its authority by themselves,” he wrote.
Tinamou also accused The Mammalian Daily of being hypocritical by participating in Month Without Metaphor (MWM), saying the annual media event was meant to strip news reporting of its “fiction, obfuscation, and obscurity” and replace it with simplicity and clarity.
“How can this event be taken seriously by other media and grow in to the movement it was meant to be when one of its major participants refuses to stop pulling the wool over its readers’ eyes?” he asks.
Park Police and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) confirmed today that a group of Humans was responsible for taking and distributing photos showing Park Animals in various stages of hibernation.
At a joint press briefing this morning, Cornelius Kakapo, DWBS Director of Public Relations and Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crime Unit (SHCU) revealed the findings of their investigation.
“We are here to confirm that through extensive investigation we have determined that a group of Humans was responsible for the cache of photos in question that was distributed via the internet in January,” Addax said.
The photos, which Police confirmed were taken by cameras installed secretly in hibernators’ burrows, were posted serially, at the rate of approximately one every half-hour, on January 23. They appeared simultaneously on an internet site run by Humans and on The Park’s gossip web site, headsNtales.
Police also confirmed that they had questioned the gossip site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo. They did not say what they learned from Guacamayo, nor whether she and her co-founder would be charged for posting the photos. The name of the Humans’ web site has not been revealed.
Although police took no questions at the briefing, Kakapo was able to confirm rumours that the Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS) had been deployed during the investigation.
Yesterday’s launch of Yoshita Tigru’s biography turned ugly as an angry mob swarmed the author the minute she arrived at The Literary Apothecary.
A scheduled book signing inside the store was cancelled and Tigru was escorted by Park police to a safe location, where she gave a series of interviews via the web to Park television and radio stations.
According to Wyuna Winkle, the bookstore’s owner, Tigru had just arrived at the door when they rushed her, “grabbing at her tail and spitting at her.”
Other witnesses said some members of the mob were holding signs calling Tigru a traitor and an “unzoocratic Animal not fit for Park citizenship.”
Winkle said the mob members were angry at Tigru’s assertion that Jor, The Park’s first leader, initially had planned to rule The Park as king, instead of establishing zoocracy.
“That idea is abhorrent to them and they refuse to believe it,” she said. “To them, Jor was a perfect specimen of Felinity whose brilliance resulted in the reality of Animal self-rule. What Tigru reveals in her book, though, is that zoocracy was the result of a long process of thought on Jor’s part. What we ended up with as our government was not his first idea, but it was his best. For some reason, they think that revealing that fact is disrespectful to him.”
Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press, the book’s publisher, has confirmed that there are no other events planned at this time for Tigru.
The nephew of a former Archon is being criticized for remarks he made this month in an interview during The Mammalian Daily’s live coverage of The Park’s annual Groundhog Day celebrations.
Hieronymous Hedgehog, who has been described as one of The Park’s great citizens, had been out of hibernation for only three hours when he consented to an interview with Mammalian Daily reporters. When asked his impression of the festivities, the Hedgehog was openly critical of some aspects of the celebrations, including the Park Historical Society’s film tribute to zoocracy.
“I don’t know about this movie…That sounds a touch…Human,” he said. He went on to express a number of other controversial opinions, including his belief that Humans’ interest in The Park is restricted to “our natural resources, our wealth,” and that running The Park is a job that even its resident Animals were hesitant to do.
“Nobody wants to take over The Park,” he said. “Look how long it took us to accept the responsibility.”
These last remarks were quoted yesterday by Yannis Tavros in the opening essay of his popular talk show on Toro Talk Radio.
“It seems as though even the nephew of an Archon can be anti-Animal at heart,” Tavros began. He continued his tirade against the Hedgehog, accusing him of being “openly un-zoocratic, given to delusions of grandeur, and a phony” before he ended by calling the Hedgehog “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.”
This last remark was denounced as being “over the top” and “gratuitously cruel” by a spokesAnimal for The Park’s hibernating communities. Hieronymous Hedgehog’s uncle, Hamlin Jarvis Lambert Hedgehog, died as a result of premature awakening from hibernation on February 3, 2008. Deaths from premature awakening have risen substantially over the past few years. Hamlin Jarvis Lambert Hedgehog served as Archon in 1998.
For his part, Hieronymous Hedgehog has not had a chance to respond to Tavros’s tirade. He returned to his burrow late on Groundhog Day and is not expected to surface until February 19, the official end of the hibernation period. In his absence, though, his friends and compatriots have taken up his cause, calling for Tavros’s resignation and threatening to boycott not only his show, but his radio station.
Yannis Tavros has scored a major media coup by booking an exclusive, pre-publication interview with the author of a new biography of The Park’s first leader.
Yoshita Tigru will join Tavros on his Toro Talk Radio show on Friday, February 10, to discuss her book, George Livingstone Barnaby Cuthbert: The Tabby King. Four days later, The Park will celebrate the anniversary of Jor’s birth.
In the new biography, which is bound to spark controversy when it hits the shelves on February 15, Tigru claims that The Park’s revered first leader considered establishing a form of monarchy before he fixed on the idea of zoocracy, or complete Animal self-rule.
Tigru, who was allowed full access to all the extant papers of George Livingstone Barnaby Cuthbert (Jor), including the entirety of his sister’s diary, The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat, cites his sister as a “major force” behind both his political aspirations and his political decisions.
“There is no doubt that her rôle went far beyond that of a sounding board or even an advisor,” Tigru has said in the past.
This view aligns with that of another of Jor’s biographers, Daphne D.S. Katze, whose 2014 book, Jor: The Extraordinary Life of an Ordinary Cat, claims that it was Jor’s sister who turned his attention away from “simple Feline pleasures” to the idea of promoting harmony among the species in The Park.
Katze, who had only limited access to Zoë’s historical tome, has said recently that she was envious of Tigru’s unfettered access, but would “absolutely” trust her interpretation of what she read.
Free tickets to Tigru’s February 26 book launch are available at The Literary Apothecary. The launch will begin with a short reading at two o’clock, followed by a Q&A session and paw printing.
