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OTD in 2017—DWBS “disappointed” that Mating Dance selfie warnings not heeded

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Pig SelfieFor the second year in a row, selfies and other photos of Park Animals that were taken during last Friday’s Mating Dance have been posted on the internet.

“It appears that our repeated warnings to Park Animals to take precautions against Humans photographing them taking selfies fell on deaf ears,” said Cornelius Kakapo, Director of Public Relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), at a press conference this morning.

While Kakapo confirmed that a second investigation has been launched into the posting of Mating Dance photos, he was quick to emphasize that little could be done about the problem at this point.

“This is about prevention, not about cure,” he said. “The time to do something about it is before it happens. We have no way of forcing Humans to remove the pictures from their sites. We can only do our best to prevent it. ”

Kakapo said the department had received legal advice and was told that although under Park law the posting of these photos is considered a hate crime, Park Animals have no ability to pursue their legal rights outside The Park.

“Unfortunately, that is the case,” explained Fionnula L. Fox, professor of law at the University of West Terrier and a specialist in extra-hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park) on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

“It does not lie within our jurisdiction to prosecute Humans who reside outside The Park.”

OTD in 2014—Park Museum to mark Enforced Domestication Awareness Month

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Park Museum

The Park Museum will open part of a ground floor wing to host an exhibit marking June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month

The Park Museum, which is scheduled to open officially in the Autumn of 2014, has announced that it will use part of a ground floor wing to host an exhibit marking June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

In a press statement released today, the Museum’s Board of Governors said the exhibit, which is tentatively entitled, “It Could Happen to You,” will open to the general public on June 1.

A Museum spokesAnimal confirmed that the Board of Governors decided to open the Museum ahead of time “because this is such an important issue.”

“The Board felt it was incumbent upon the Museum to take a stand in the face of the growing number of our citizens who have been taken. They felt they couldn’t wait another year, so they met with their construction advisers and that part of the Museum has been certified for safe use,” the spokesAnimal said.

The Museum does not plan to charge Park residents to visit the exhibit, the spokesAnimal confirmed.

OTD in 2014—Thisbe and The Barkettes to appear together at Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

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halcyondaysMAMMALIAN DAILY EXCLUSIVE

Thisbe and the Barkettes are planning to appear together on May 20 at the 2014 Anixi Agrarian Jubilee.

According to a source close to the popular singing group, the decision was made “in the last few days”  and “it was unanimous.”

The source, who spoke to The Mammalian Daily on condition of anonymity, said Thisbe has missed her audience over the past several years.

“While The Barkettes [Estelle, Lorraine, Carmen and Mercedes] have performed together on a number of occasions, Thisbe has not sung with them since 2007. Her health is still in a fragile state, but she says she now feels well enough to perform and she believes that getting back onstage will make her stronger,” the source said.

Though the source refused to comment on the reunion rumours posted recently on the gossip web site headsNtales, he did say that they have been in the studio in the past month “looking around” and they are contemplating a comeback recording.

Thisbe was last seen in public at the debut of “I Love a Man in a Collar,” Rauf Wiedersehen Shepherd’s documentary about the group that opened the 2012 Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

OTD in 2016—Fowl Ball fully hatched: organizer touts mature event for 2016

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Fowl Ball

The Park’s third annual Fowl Ball will take place on Tuesday, May 31, 2016

The Fowl Ball is all grown up and ready to be the “main event”of The Park’s Spring social season.

“We had some growing pains, there’s no doubt about that. But we’re happy to say we’re over them and we’re ready to move forward as a mature event,” Rafael Ortega said this morning.

As the sole guest on Toro Talk Radio’s Yannis Tavros show, the Ball’s chief organizer had the opportunity to expound on his goals for the charity affair and some of them seemed quite lofty. But Ortega had an answer for any doubters:

“Birds like to think big and fly high,” he said.

Ortega has achieved many of his goals thus far. In two short years, he has made the Fowl Ball one of the most anticipated events on The Park’s social calendar. And it has brought in more money than Ortega anticipated it would do in the course of five years.

Indeed, on its own, the Ball has funded the establishment of The Park’s first retirement residence for wounded and elderly members of the Avian community. The residence is set to open this Autumn, but Ortega says he won’t be spending the time between now and then “sitting pretty” or resting on his laurels.

“My goal is to make the Fowl Ball not just a signature event, but a Park institution,” he told Tavros.

Doubters: consider yourselves warned.

The Park’s third annual Fowl Ball will take place on Tuesday, May 31, 2016. Tickets are on sale now and are available at all Park retailers, as well as at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. 

OTD in 2017—Noreen nominated for literary award for UWT speech on Human architecture

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Official NoreenBREAKING NEWS: Noreen has been nominated for a Chitter Radio Literary Award.

In an announcement this morning, CRLA director Guadalupe Tucán confirmed Noreen’s nomination in the speech category for her address at a University of West Terrier forum this past Autumn.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies served as chair of the two-day October event, which discussed the effects of Human architecture on other Animals. Other participants included faculty members in the UWT Schools of Architecture, Medicine, and Economics and Social Science, as well as community architects and professionals working in the fields of physical and mental health.

Noreen’s speech, which was entitled, “Doors, Screens, Walls, Halls: The Ins and Outs of Human Architecture,” was exceptionally well-received at the event, according to university officials and forum participants.

This is Noreen’s first CRLA nomination.

The Chitter Radio Literary Awards will be held on June 15, 2017.

OTD in 2012—CPAP to investigate Daffy Dill’s “natural product” claims

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 The Consumer Protection Agency of The Park (CPAP) confirmed today that it plans to investigate claims made by The Daffy Dill that its whisker bouquets are made exclusively of “natural” products.

At a press conference held this morning, CPAP head Ursula M. Bjørn said that, in launching its investigation, the Agency was answering to a number of concerns voiced by consumers over the past 12 months.

“Consumers have been questioning the veracity of [Daffy Dill’s] claims, particularly those made about its whisker bouquet products,” Bjørn said. “We determined that these queries warranted some further examination.”

The Agency’s decision to launch its probe may also be due, in part, to recurrent rumours that non-resident Animals have been detained illegally in The Park for the purpose of harvesting their whiskers. Bjørn would not comment on these rumours, but did not deny that such activity “would be a great concern, if it were found to be true.”

While Daffy Dill owners have remained silent about the investigation, Wellington Whistlepig, founder and current president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), issued a statement just hours ago. In it, he chastised CPAP for “doing the bidding of a few disgruntled customers” and said the complaints may well have been connected to recent price increases.

“Many shops in The Park have experienced customer anger lately, as a result of necessary price increases. That is a fact of life in business, but customer anger should not be grounds for a full investigation,” the statement read.

OTD in 2012—Ask a Poodle: Is Pink the new Black?

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DEAR POODLE: I come from a long line of award-winning Poodles. Both my mother and father were champions – in fact, they met on the show circuit and have been together ever since. My five littermates and I are all interested in following in our parents’ footsteps, but we’ve been told that we have no chance of winning because we all have black coats. They say that black is out and pink is in. We are so disappointed. Should we dye our coats to suit this current trend or should we continue to compete, au naturel? – BLACK AND BLUE

DEAR BLACK AND BLUE: If I have only one life to live, let me live it as a pink Poodle?

Seriously, folks, what has gotten into us? This whole “pink Poodle” thing smacks of an unmentionable sensibility (can you spell H-U- M-A-N?) and I don’t understand why we’ve fallen for it.

Even though I abhor psychology, I do wonder why so many of us are not content with the selves that we are. While I’ve never been against a little dash of something here or there, just to enhance what is naturally wonderful, the idea of undergoing the sort of dye-job you mention sends shivers down my tail.

Now, I won’t even address the obsessive need that we Poodles have to exhibit ourselves, but I will say this: no matter what anyone tells you, pink is NOT the new black. It is unnatural, unnerving and, more than anything else, it is untrue to who we are.

Let me humbly suggest that, instead of thinking about changing yourself to suit someone else’s vision, you and your littermates might be better off pursuing a different – dare I say, more meaningful — career. And one, perhaps, for which black is best.

Ask a Poodle is a regular feature of The Mammlian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for the Poodle, please e-mail it to her at askapoodle@mammaliandaily.com. We regret that the Poodle cannot send responses directly to you.

OTD in 2017—Month Without Metaphor director “revises and remakes” Park media circus

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mwm-flyersFive years after The Park’s first media circus, the new director of Month Without Metaphor is about to “revise and remake” the event for a different purpose.

In an announcement this morning, Ronald Grouse confirmed rumours of his recent talks with Rodolfo van de Gier, president of the Association of Media Outlets of The Park (AMOP), who was in charge of the 2011 event. Grouse’s announcement said the two have agreed to work together on a “new kind” of media circus that will have an “altogether different” purpose, but it offered scant details.

“We are planning to host a two-day event toward the end of the month that will have the full participation of Park media. We also extended an invitation to The Park’s literary community, including writers, publishing companies, and journal editors, as well as representatives of the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism. Together, we are hoping to have a full and open discussion about the dissemination of information, the use of language and the responsibility of all those who are involved in communication,” the announcement said.

No exact times or locations were mentioned, nor whether the “fun and games,” such as playing reporter or hosting a mock interview, would be included in the new event.

OTD in 2012—Some seasonal suggestions for the Spring shedder

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The grass is green, the flowers are in bloom, and the Birds are singing in the trees. Everywhere in The Park, the signs of Spring surround us. Not all those signs are pleasant, though. The warmer temperatures and abundance of sunshine do help to elevate our moods, but they are also responsible for one of the less agreeable rites of Spring: our annual shedding frenzy.

“It’s not uncommon, at this time of year, to see Animals literally running around in circles, biting off chunks of their Winter coats,” says Dr. Bregitta Oreamnos, chief trichologist at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine, and author of Hair Bawls: The 100 Most Common Complaints about Hair (The Poplar Press, 2006).

While no cure exists for our “detachment disquietude,” Dr. Oreamnos advises her patients to adopt a proactive approach to their coats, and she suggests the use of natural techniques to ease us through this season of discomfort. A few of her suggestions appear below.

“And don’t forget,” Dr. Oreamnos adds, “a good tongue-lashing can work wonders on your coat.”

The Natural Approach to Handling Shedding

SHAKE: Even undercover agents blow their covers in the Spring! Shake off that dead hair before it shakes you! A good shake before breakfast will set your day in motion!

RATTLE: Don’t just stand there — do something! Whether you’re waiting in line or hunting down lunch, remember: not all your feet need to be planted on the ground at the same time! Let’s shimmy!

ROLL: Got a nice, thick mane? Make it shine! A good, forward tumble will give you a gleam that no commercial product can match!

Excerpted from Hair Bawls: The 100 Most Common Complaints about Hair © Bregitta Oreamnos

OTD in 2016—Park Museum’s Flyball exhibition to open at noon on Sunday, May 8

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Flyball DogThe Park Museum announced today that its first exhibition dealing with sport will open at noon on Sunday, May 8.

Flyball and the Importance of Balls in the Everyday Life of Park Animals will feature more than five hundred works that illustrate the relationship of Park Animals to balls and sport. These works include oil and watercolour paintings, photographs, sculpture, works in metal and glass, and textile impressions, all of which celebrate balls and the way they inform Park life.

The exhibition was co-curated by The Park Museum’s resident curator Dorika Pumi and Mammalian Daily Balls columnist and sports historian Bailey.

This is the first time that Bailey has been involved in what he calls “institutional” work. In an interview on TMD Radio this morning, he talked about his association with the museum and the generous donation of his private collection of balls to the exhibition.

“I was honoured to be associated with The Park Museum. They are real professionals and serious about their work,” he said. “I didn’t hesitate for a minute in making the donation, which was my idea, in fact.”

He went on to praise the museum’s staff and said he had a “great working relationship” with them.

“The dedication of museum staff and the meticulousness they brought to their work impressed me. We’ve developed a mutual understanding and respect that goes beyond this exhibition and I hope I will be able to work with them again.”

Flyball and the Importance of Balls in the Everyday Life of Park Animals will run until the end of October.

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