BREAKING NEWS: Less than a week before the annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee, the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park has averted what its leaders are calling a “disaster for the ages.”
At an emotional press conference this morning, WMPSAP president Kalliope Sun Bear revealed that early last week, she and the leader of another Park environmental group (whom she declined to name) were made aware of Chief Archon Klarissa Kuttu’s plan to import weather from outside The Park in time for the Jubilee.
“In so many ways, this would have been a disaster—environmentally, economically, and socially, ” Sun Bear said, as she recounted her initial shock and then outlined her now successful plan to stop the importation.
“With all due respect to the Chief Archon, she does not, in our opinion, have the expertise to make any kind of weather selection or purchase, especially in haste,” Sun Bear said. “We have no idea what kind of harm could come to us from the ingredients in that weather.”
Immediately after Sun Bear got wind of the scheme, she rallied members of The Park’s environmental groups, including Keep Your Paws Out of Our Ponds, the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers, Skunks Against Gunk, and Skunks Über Vehicles (SUV) and they made a surprise visit to Kuttu.
Although Sun Bear did not elaborate on what she called the “heated exchange” that followed the ambush, she said they made it clear to Kuttu that Park citizens would not stand for weather purchases made by the ill-informed.
“We don’t doubt that our Chief Archon had good intentions,” Sun Bear said, acknowledging that recent weather patterns made it look as if it would be too cold to enjoy the outdoor event fully. “But damage to The Park is not mitigated by good intent. And, in our opinion, the environment comes before the economy and before our enjoyment.”