The Mammalian Daily

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OTD in 2017—This week’s Stereotype Sunday to celebrate official end of hibernation

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End of hibernationThis month’s Stereotype Sundays will feature two themes instead of one. And this week’s theme will be “Welcoming Home our Hibernating Friends.”

In a joint statement issued this morning, the 2017 Archons and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), announced the theme:

“As the official end of hibernation falls on a Sunday this year, we have made the decision to dedicate this week’s Stereotype Sunday to welcoming back and celebrating The Park’s hibernating community. We look forward to seeing you at this joyful event.”

The statement went on to encourage the participation of all Park citizens in this the “opportunity to educate ourselves about hibernation and estivation.”

On hand for the celebration will be actress Millicent Hayberry, star of the one-Chipmunk play and film, Mixed Nuts, who has written extensively about the importance of hibernation and Groundhog Day.

An Early Riser herself, Hayberry will be joined by other Early Risers to discuss hibernation in general as well as their decision to rise on Groundhog Day rather than on the official date of February 19. According to the Department of Statistics and Records, Early Risers constitute approximately eight percent of The Park’s hibernating community.

To kick off the celebration, Belles and Whistles will perform what they call an “anti-lullaby” which will be followed by a set by The Canary Cousins. Other Park musicians have signed on, but the DWBS has confirmed that no loud music will be played during the celebration. Food will be available throughout the day, supplied by The Compost Heap, The Battering Ram Café, The Pound Gastropub, and Florette’s Fine Edibles, among others.

All attendees at the event will be given a free copy of “The Definitive Guide to Welcoming Back Our Hibernating Friends,” which was published last year and funded in part by the Department of Well-Being and Safety.

OTD in 2015—Nesthetics designer under fire for comment about “green friends”

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Bowerbird tweetNesthetics designer Romulus Bowerbird has come under fire for a comment he made during an interview with Mammalian Daily reporters on Groundhog Day.

While discussing his aesthetic choices for the 2015 prognostication pad, which he and his company designed and constructed, Bowerbird referred disparagingly to the previous pads made by Simply Structures.

Asked about the range of colours Nesthetics used in the 2015 pad, Bowerbird replied, “It’s much brighter, and we used a range of colours, as you saw. Not just green.”

As soon as he’d uttered it, Bowerbird appeared to realize that his comment was offensive, but his attempts to clarify if only made things worse.

“Green is good,” he said. “Many of my best friends are green.”

Although The Mammalian Daily reporter tried to gloss over the remark by segueing to the “decoration” of the pad, Bowerbird continued to stumble. When Hieronymous Hedgehog joined the conversation, he tried to make light of Bowerbird’s remark, saying that he, too, had many friends who were green. After that. Bowerbird hurriedly left the interview.

Nothing more was made of the incident until two days ago, when The Reptile Register ran an editorial criticizing Bowerbird for expressing views that went against the ideals of zoocracy.

Editor Sherwin Gecko parsed every remark Bowerbird made, finding fault with his cadence as well as his sentiments and concluded that Bowerbird “had a serious problem with other species” and would benefit from having “friends of all colours.”

The issue took on a life of its own after that, with many representatives of The Park’s citizen aid and action associations calling for an apology from Bowerbird.

“It was a thoughtless comment that hurt a large segment of our population,” said Mason L. Tortoise, head of the Small Animal Reform Group (SARG). “Bowerbird should make a formal apology to all of us.”

Antoine Lézard, president of the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP) agreed.

“He didn’t have to say it. He was talking about colour in terms of design. If he didn’t think less of green Animals, it wouldn’t have come to his mind in the first place. We all deserve some sort of explanation of his thought processes, as well as an apology,” he said.

But Carlisle Chameleon sees it differently. One of Bowerbird’s few supporters, the president of Lizards for Liberty believes the designer was “well within his rights” to say what he did.

“He was just stating a fact,” says Chameleon. “He likes green—in Animals as well as prognostication pads—but he likes other colours, too. What I think we’re forgetting because of all the fuss is that while Bowerbird himself is blue, his mate is green, as are many of his relatives and friends. He doesn’t think less of them; he just wants more.”

OTD in 2015—On the anniversary of Jor’s birth, The Park contemplates its zoocratic future

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Jor, The Park's First Leader

Park Post Office issued this stamp in 2011 to commemorate Jor, The Park’s First Leader

The speeches were long, the weather was frigid, and the musicians packed up too soon, but as Animals gathered yesterday to honour Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy, what was most on their minds was the sustainability of our way of life and the future of Animal self-rule.

“I have high hopes for zoocracy, but not for the system we’ve put in place to run it,” said Antoine Lézard, president of the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP).

“I think it’s high time we realized that we are mature enough to elect our own leaders, rather than have some lottery pick them.”

Lézard’s view was echoed by many who attended the celebration. Indeed, a recent poll conducted by the Department of Statistics and Records in conjunction with the Department of Political Administration, showed that almost fifty per cent of Park citizens think some form of change in the political system would be helpful.

Despite that result, Sylvana Rana, president of Save Our Political System (SOPS), insists that the present system of sortition works best and, in her words, “is the only thing that protects us from becoming a Human-like society.”

“We’ve seen what goes on in societies that have elections. It’s not only the elections that are the problem; it’s what goes on beforehand … the manipulation, the lying, the cheating. What is superior about that? At least, with sortition, we know that we all have an equal chance to participate and we come to the job in an honest fashion. I see no need to change anything,” she said.

But despite the discussion among Park citizens, there is no evidence that the 2015 Archons plan to make any changes, at least not in the first half of their term.

“They [the Archons] are focused on the economy and dealing with inequality. The present system was established by Jor and there are no plans on the table to discuss its reform,” says the Archons’ press secretary, Balthasar Alouatta.

OTD in 2017—Tavros in trouble again for posting disrespectful tweets about hibernators

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tavros-gh-tweetAlmost two weeks after Groundhog Day, Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros has found himself in trouble with hibernators. Again.

In a court filing dated this morning, Hieronymous Hedgehog et al. allege that Tavros “libelled hibernators en masse and individually and disrespected the office of the Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS)” when he tweeted disrespectfully about 2017 POPS, Ditmar Bosmarmot.

Bosmarmot, who was suffering the effects of  premature awakening from hibernation (PA), was able to make the prediction of an early Spring on Groundhog Day before he was taken to hospital, where he remains sedated and in stable condition.

In the filing, Hieronymous Hedgehog et al. cite as evidence not only Tavros’s “disrespectful” tweets, but his attitude toward the event and toward hibernators and hibernation in general, including his campaign for POPS early in the Autumn of 2016.

“Based on the behaviour of Yannis Tavros, it is obvious to us that he has no respect for the hibernating class as a whole, nor for the office of Park Official Prognosticator of Spring in particular,” the filing reads in part.

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon will hear the case on March 15, according to the court docket. The plaintiffs are represented by Zvonimir Kojot of the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg. Yannis Tavros has not yet released the name of his representative.

OTD in 2015—Police, citizen aid workers say they want to meet with Tab Tricolore

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FCSW President Gareth ShepherdMembers of several branches of The Park’s police force and a number of citizen aid and action organizations have expressed an interest in meeting with Tab Tricolore, the renowned chef, restaurateur, and award-winning author who returned to The Park in December, three weeks after being abducted outside The Park.

“We are seeking information in a few key areas, particularly information that relates to certain groups of individuals who live outside The Park and we feel that Tab could be immensely helpful to us in that regard,” says Gareth Shepherd, a 18-year veteran of the force and president of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW).

Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit and Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit also said they plan to request a meeting with Tricolore “at his convenience.”

“It’s entirely up to him, of course, but we would very much appreciate the opportunity to ask him a few questions,” Fossa says.

No official police representative has been in touch directly with Tricolore yet, however, Fossa said.

Also interested in meeting with the chef are members of a number of The Park’s immigrant and refugee aid organizations and other Animal associations.

“We want to find out, to the extent that it is possible, whether his [Tab’s] stripes had anything to do with his disappearance,” says Aiofe Badger, who is president of the Sisters and  Brothers of the Narrow Band.

Keeva Moffatt, president of The Park’s Spotted Skunk Sedan Patrol says her group would also like to meet with Tab.

“If he was abducted because he is a tabby, this could affect us, too, in the future,” she says.

Other groups, including Home to Roost and Runaway Rovers say they would like to have a general meeting with the chef to share their joint knowledge and experience.

Tricolore was abducted on December 2, on one of his regular trips outside The Park to source ingredients for his fine dining restaurant, Klo. He returned on December 25, but the usually bombastic  and outspoken Feline has kept a low profile ever since.

OTD in 2015—Archons move on budget, appoint new head of Park Finance Office

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Bee 2012 A1Moving swiftly on the matter of preparing a budget for the current year, the 2015 Archons announced today that Valentina Abeja will assume the rôle of head of the Park Finance Office for at least the next two years.

At a press conference held this morning, the Archons’ press secretary Balthasar Alouatta confirmed the appointment, saying, “The 2015 Archons and the Park Finance Office are delighted that Valentina Abeja has agreed to take on the onerous task of preparing a suitable budget for The Park. We will welcome her officially on February 15th and we look forward to working with her.”

Abeja, Alouatta emphasized, arrives with impressive credentials.

“She has significant financial as well as Animal skills,” he said, “having she spent the past few years working as an analyst at The Park’s All Species Credit and Commercial Bank (ASCCB).”

Abeja will succeed Milton Struts, whose tenure lasted more than six years, but who was relieved of his duties this past November after a series of scandals related to his allegedly accepting food from Humans and using his position of influence to encourage Human tourism in The Park. Struts is currently the subject of an investigation headed by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon.

See also:

Reaction to 2015 “streamlined” budget: from outrage to high praise
Struts out; new budget to be tabled in November 

OTD in 2017—Barkettes locked in legal battle with grooming house over name, image

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halcyondaysThisbe and the Barkettes have engaged the services of legal expert Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd, to help them fight their legal battle against a Park grooming house that opened its doors in early November.

The grooming house, which calls itself Halcyon Days Canine Coiffure, opened with little fanfare on November 9, 2016. Shortly after, the Barkettes approached the owner, Zenaide Cadela, and requested that she stop using the image of their album, “Halcyon Days,” on her shop’s sign. Despite initially agreeing, Cadela never acted on the request.

According to papers filed by Terrier on Wednesday, the Barkettes are now asking the court for a cease and desist order to stop Cadela not only from using their album’s copyrighted image, but from playing the song “Halcyon Days” on radio and television advertisements for her grooming house.

Terrier will represent the Barkettes before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon on February 27.

OTD in 2017—2017 POPS in stable condition as Park awaits hospital press conference

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Hermione HippoAs Ditmar Bosmarmot, 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), remains in stable condition after being diagnosed with Premature Awakening from hibernation (PA), a press conference has been called for this afternoon at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.

Hospital spokesAnimal Aurélie Brebis confirmed the press conference in a short communiqué this morning:

“The hospital’s head nurse, Hermione Hippo, will deliver a statement on the condition of Ditmar Bosmarmot and afterwards will take questions from the press this afternoon at three o’clock in the main conference room of the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.”

Bismarmot, who was elected POPS in November, was roused from his burrow at approximately seven o’clock on Groundhog Day morning. He appeared groggy and after losing his footing along the way, he was helped to the prognostication pad by two aides. While there were concerns that he would not be able to fulfill his duties, he was able to stand on the prognostication pad unaided for a sufficient length of time to make the prognostication. According to a spokesAnimal for Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, who certified the prediction, the judge had “no hesitation whatsoever in doing so” and certified the prediction “with complete certainty as to its validity.”

Immediately thereafter, Bosmarmot was taken off the pad by members of the Emergency Elephant Brigade (EEB), who helped him onto a stretcher and delivered him to the Park Hospital.

A diagnosis of Premature Awakening from hibernation was made at the scene and confirmed later that day. Until this morning, however, doctors had made no comment on Bosmarmot’s condition other than to say it was “stable.”

The Mammalian Daily will keep its readers apprised of the condition of the POPS via Twitter and Facebook.

OTD in 2015—Barkettes to honour Tartan Crab with free concert at Memorial Pond

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Tartan Crab Memorial PondThisbe and the Barkettes will honour the Tartan Crab this Spring by holding a free concert at the memorial pond that bears his name.

In a statement released this morning, the group’s manager Hilde Blaft confirmed that the group made a specific request that a free concert be held at the Pond to honour the victim of The Park’s most famous unsolved murder.

The Tartan Crab, who was Nestor’s pet, was brutally murdered eleven years ago and his body was found on the walkway in front of the Reek-o-Rama. Although several Animals, the majority of whom were Canines, were brought in for questioning, Police still have no idea who the perpetrator of the crime was.

Nestor, whom some regard as The Park’s greatest poet. never spoke of the murder and declined to be interviewed over the course of his life.

A date has not yet been set for the concert at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond.

See also:
Tartan Crab found ripped to pieces; Domestic Dogs held for questioning
New evidence emerges in Crab murder investigation

OTD in 2017—Tavros scores interview coup with zoocracy founder’s biographer

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3d-tabby-king-1Yannis Tavros has scored a major media coup by booking an exclusive, pre-publication interview with the author of a new biography of The Park’s first leader.

Yoshita Tigru will join Tavros on his Toro Talk Radio show on Friday, February 10, to discuss her book, George Livingstone Barnaby Cuthbert: The Tabby King. Four days later, The Park will celebrate the anniversary of Jor’s birth.

In the new biography, which is bound to spark controversy when it hits the shelves on February 15, Tigru claims that The Park’s revered first leader considered establishing a form of monarchy before he fixed on the idea of  zoocracy, or complete Animal self-rule.

Tigru, who was allowed full access to all the extant papers of George Livingstone Barnaby Cuthbert (Jor), including the entirety of his sister’s diary, The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat, cites his sister as a “major force” behind both his political aspirations and his political decisions.

“There is no doubt that her rôle went far beyond that of a sounding board or even an advisor,” Tigru has said in the past.

This view aligns with that of another of Jor’s biographers, Daphne D.S. Katze, whose 2014 book, Jor: The Extraordinary Life of an Ordinary Cat, claims that it was Jor’s sister who turned his attention away from “simple Feline pleasures” to the idea of promoting harmony among the species in The Park.

Katze, who had only limited access to Zoë’s historical tome, has said recently that she was envious of Tigru’s unfettered access, but would “absolutely” trust her interpretation of what she read.

Free tickets to Tigru’s February 26 book launch are available at The Literary Apothecary. The launch will begin with a short reading at two o’clock, followed by a Q&A session and paw printing.

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