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OTD in 2011—Small Animal Community releases 2012 Tulip Map

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In anticipation of the official hibernation date of November 17, the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), in association with the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS), the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP), the Association of Distinct Hibernating Animals of The Park (ADHAP) and the Park Alliance of Chipmunks (PAC), has released its official “2012 Map of Tulip and other Bulb Beds in The Park and Environs.”

The map, which has been one of the highlights of the pre-hibernation season for the past several years, is available for purchase at select stores in The Park.

OTD in 2016—Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt: Park Museum hosts first pop-up exhibit to honour POPS election process

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beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt-for-park-museumIn celebration of this year’s POPS election season, The Park Museum will host a pop-up exhibit entitled, “Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt.”

In an announcement yesterday afternoon, the museum’s Board of Governors said the multimedia exhibit is meant to honour the POPS election process as well as this year’s unconventional campaign.

The exhibit will showcase material related to the 2003 decision by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon to open the position of POPS to elections. It will also feature memorabilia from past campaigns, including posters, flyers, buttons, newspaper interviews, television and radio interviews, and recorded speeches.

This is the first pop-up exhibition hosted by the museum since its opening in March of 2015.

“Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt” will run from 31 October until 17 November 2016.

OTD in 2015—Millicent Hayberry to star in new Gianfranco Colocolo mystery series

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Millicent Hayberry

Millicent Hayberry will return to the stage in 2016

Millicent Hayberry will ring in the new year by starting a new gig at the Burrow Theatre.

In a press communiqué today, the renowned actress announced that, beginning in mid-February, she will star in a series of mysteries by award-winning author Gianfranco Colocolo.

“I am very pleased to announce that 2016 will find me back onstage at the Burrow Theatre, in a series of mysteries by Gianfranco Colocolo, the award-winning author of Murder at the Fishbowl. I look forward to working with our brilliant director Jean-Luc Briard and the rest of the wonderful cast,” the communiqué said.

The Burrow Theatre confirmed that rehearsals for the first play begin on Monday.

“As Millicent is a hibernator, she will not be available after November 17, so we have to get going right away and use the time we have,” a spokesAnimal for the theatre said.

Hayberry, who is best known for her portrayal of author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, is one of The Park’s early risers and, as such, she does not plan to return to her burrow after Groundhog Day. Instead, said the theatre’s spokesAnimal, “she expects to arrive here on February 3, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to get back to work.”

OTD in 2016—October 28: Your Election update in five

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pops-election-reporter

Welcome to Your Election Update in Five Points

As of today, this is what is happening in the race for POPS:

  • The Park Museum will host its first pop-up exhibition from October 31-November 17. Entitled “Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt,” the multimedia exhibit will “honour the POPS election process as well as this year’s unconventional campaign.” The exhibit will showcase material related to the 2003 decision by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon to open the position of POPS to elections. It will also feature memorabilia from past campaigns, including posters, flyers, buttons, newspaper interviews, television and radio interviews and recorded speeches
  • Sylvana Rana, president of Save Our Political System, said in an interview today that “hundreds” of POPS candidates are anti-sortitionists and have entered the race in order to destroy our current political system. So far, no candidate has responded to her charge
  • The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations continues to take flack for their decision to hire Fleck + Stone to design what is now being called the “posh pad.” Other prognostication pad designers are said to be banding together to fight the decision
  • Celebrity Chef Tab Tricolore has made an ad warning Animals not to vote for Yannis Tavros. The two fought for months over Tricolore’s policy of allowing only striped Animals into The Tabby Club until Tricolore opened the pub up to all during the five days of the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)
  • Rumour has it that psychotherapist and Extinction Anxiety Clinic staff member Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon is at work on a book called, “POPS Psychology.” The book analyzes the psychological makeup of a Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) and discusses the toll the stress of the prediction takes on the successful candidate

OTD in 2012—A call for calm as Archons outlaw Noon Nuttiness rioters

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The Park’s Chief Officer of Peace called for calm this morning, after a special meeting of the Archons resulted in the outlawing of the group responsible for the Noon Nuttiness violence on October 4.

In a statement read at a hastily-convened press conference, Raymond H. Mink, Chief Officer of Peace, asked all Park residents to respect the decision of the Archons to outlaw membership in Realidad Incorporated.

“Our governing body has seen fit to take action against those who, in an ongoing way, seek to disturb the peaceful ambience of our Park. I would ask that all Park residents respect this decision and that those who take issue with it do so in a peaceful and calm manner, as per the laws of The Park,” the statement read in part.

The Archons’ decision comes four days after GooseBook announced that it has filed a suit for damages against the group, whose members destroyed hundreds of the cackle™–enabled devices the company had lent to a film festival audience. The audience members had assembled at the Park Cinema to view the comedy, Kribbles, which was screened as part of the Noon Nuttiness component of the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF). Just as the film began, members of Realidad Incorporated grabbed the devices from audience members. The group later issued a statement explaining that their actions had been a protest against cackle™, a new “happy only” social networking site that is owned by GooseBook.

In a written statement released this afternoon, the Archons cited a number of factors that influenced their decision, including what they termed “an unprecedented degree of tension among Park citizens” and “the need to preserve peace at all costs throughout The Park”.

OTD in 2016—October 25: Your election update in five

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pops-election-reporterWelcome to Your Election Update in Five Points.

As of today (October 25), this is what is happening in the race for POPS:

  • Yannis Tavros has hired Raimundo Zorro as his campaign manager
  • Millicent Hayberry announced that she will run her own campaign
  • Park Election Office says it’s overwhelmed by applications
  • Gunnar Rotte takes his “unfit to predict” campaign to The Park’s commercial district tomorrow
  • Douglas Cheetah announced today that he is filming the entire campaign for a documentary to be screened at PIFF 2017

OTD in 2014—Human diet “deadly” for all: Park nurse

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Park General Hospital nurse Hermione Hippo

Whether or not, as has been alleged, Park Finance Officer Milton Struts accepted food from Humans, health care specialists are issuing a stern warning to Animals who might be tempted to try the food of The Park’s two-legged visitors.

“The Human diet can kill you,” says Hermione Hippo.

The veteran health professional and current head nurse at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm spoke bluntly and honestly in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio yesterday afternoon.

“Human food is no longer real food. It is a deadly combination of chemicals and garbage and eating it will likely result in a number of health issues, not all of which are treatable,” she said.

The well-respected nurse went on to describe the processes that result in what she calls “barely recognizable forms of food” and “ingredients that are so filthy and ugly that I hesitate to mention them on-air.”

Hippo said problems arising from the consumption of Human food have been documented not just by health care workers, but by The Park’s top groomers and aestheticians, as well.

“We are even looking at the possibility that certain conditions, such as Bovine Lumpy Skin Disease, are caused by Human food [consumption]. Our fellow citizens should take care not to graze in areas that may have been used as picnic lands by visitors,” she said.

Hippo offered this advice to those who believe they inadvertently may have ingested Human food: go directly to your physician or to the hospital, she said.

“We have ways to treat this type of poisoning in the early stages, so don’t wait. If you believe you may have eaten Human food, seek help immediately.”

OTD in 2014—Controversial new “game” lets Animals experience capture, domestication

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New Park game

Groups blast game that lets players experience capture, domestication

A new game that bills itself as “the extreme Animal experience” is being criticized by many, including some of The Park’s citizen aid and action associations.

The game, which is called “Kokemus!,” was created by KartalTechSolutions, S.A. in association with Geoffrey’s Cat Entertainment. This is the first time that Geoffrey’s Cat Entertainment, best known for their award-winning film, Black Cats Can’t Jump, has ventured outside the world of film.

In a statement released today, leaders of the majority of The Park’s immigrant and refugee aid groups came down hard on the game, saying it “traumatized the young, caused and promoted fear, and made light of the real experiences suffered by Park Animals.”

Angus Deerhound, media relations representative for Runaway Rovers, a group that assists formerly domestic Canines, called the game “despicable” and suggested that it be outlawed as soon as possible.

“If the creators of this game knew anything about the situations they depict as fictional, they would never have produced such a thing. It is an insult to any Animal who has survived enforced domestication,” he said.

Inez Gallina, President of Home to Roost, echoed Deerhound’s sentiments this morning in an interview on CLucK Radio.

“They [the creators] must be heartless to suggest that it’s fun to put Animals through the kind of trauma that we see every day,” she said.

But Talia Katsikas, Founder and Director of the Working Wounded Performing Arts Company, praised the game.

“Anything that raises awareness of the plight of those who have experienced enforced domestication or suffered the pain and loneliness of immigration, is a positive thing, in my view. The more they play that game, the greater will be their understanding of many of our fellow citizens. We should all welcome any opportunity to spend some time in another Animal’s coat,” she said.

OTD in 2015—Canine Music Association, PHS join forces to push for Barkettes museum

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barkettes-museumThe Canine Music Association has teamed up with the Park Historical Society and members of The Park’s music community to push for the establishment of a museum to honour the life and work of Thisbe and the Barkettes.[pullquote]The Barkettes broke the species barrier when it came to music and they paved the way for the success of all other Park musicians. We are long overdue in honouring them by keeping their accomplishments alive for the next generations.—Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces [/pullquote]

In the current issue of the Association’s monthly newsletter, CMA president, R.F. Aarrf makes the case for the museum, writing that the disappearance last May of the set list from the first concert of the Barkettes’ Bring Your Own Bone tour was “the straw that broke the Barkettes’ back.”

“The intention was for the set list to be preserved for eternity,” Aarrf writes. “Instead, it was stolen from right under our noses because there was no security. If nothing else, this event highlights the need for a proper home to honour the group’s legacy.”

Aarrf also criticizes the decision to place the original sheet music of “Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed” at The Park Museum.

“With all due respect to The Park Museum, this is a travesty. Not to have a suitable home for such an important piece of Park musical history is an embarrassment to the Barkettes. Shame on The Park,” he writes.

This is not the first time that Aarrf has fought for a Barkettes museum. Two years ago, he called out the Park Finance Office (PFO) for incompetence and short sightedness for not properly supporting the arts and he warned that funding cuts and ignorance threatened the Barkettes’ legacy.

This time, Aarrf says he won’t take no for an answer, nor will his ally, Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces. In fact, they are asking everyone to sign a petition to tell the Archons that The Park needs a Barkettes museum.

“The Barkettes broke the species barrier when it came to music and they paved the way for the success of all other Park musicians. We are long overdue in honouring them by keeping their accomplishments alive for the next generations,” he said on the Yannis Tavros show yesterday.

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