The Mammalian Daily

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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2016—DWBS to Archons, PFO: Increase aid to immigrants, domestication survivors

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Animal Aid RaccoonAs Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) draws to a close, the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has embarked on a new campaign to encourage the Archons and the Park Finance Office to allocate more funding to aid immigrants and the survivors of domestication.

In an open letter to the Archons and to PFO head Valentina Abeja, the DWBS cited alarming statistics that suggest that The Park may soon be home to many tens of thousands of Animals who have either escaped enforced domestication or found themselves homeless after the closing of a number of Human-run zoological parks.

“It is imperative that we prepare for this incoming wave of desperate Animals. It is our duty to ensure their safety and security,” the letter states.

The DWBS says there is plenty of time to increase funding for aid, since the 2017 budget likely will not be finalized until late August.

While not openly criticizing Abeja for her first budget, the DWBS suggested the PFO head take a “deeper and broader” look at The Park’s population and at circumstances outside The Park.

“Last year’s budget allocated a mere four percent to immigration and refugee support. This was, at the very least, somewhat naïve and short-sighted,” the letter says.

The DWBS has acknowledged the upcoming meeting of the Archons and the PFO head, which is scheduled for next Wednesday.

“It is our hope that this item will be first on their agenda,” DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo told The Mammalian Daily.

OTD IN 2014—Central Bank reminder: June 28 last day to make pre-estivation deposits

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Central Bank of The Park

Pre-estivation deposits must be made by June 28

The Central Bank of The Park has issued a reminder to all Park residents who intend to estivate this Summer: June 28 is the last day that deposits can be made.

A spokesAnimal for the Bank also advised Animals who are still seeking a place to park their funds during the dormancy period that they should be vigilant and “not believe in artificially high interest rates.”

“Remember the concept of ‘enough’ when researching [interest] rates. Remember, if something looks too good to be true, it may very well be,” said the SpokesAnimal.

Many of The Park’s financial institutions offer substantially higher interest rates to hibernators and estivators. But there is a catch, says Uzoma Serval, author of BankWoe.

“When the dormancy period ends for these Animals, they find they are not at liberty to withdraw their funds as they wish. They find they’ve signed away that right, without even knowing it. And their interest rate quickly plummets ten percent or more,” Serval says.

Estivation officially begins on Sunday, June 29. The Central Bank of The Park will be closed on Monday, June 30 for the mid-year tally.

OTD in 2012—Archons’ plan to promote Park tourism draws criticism

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A plan initiated this Spring to promote tourism in parts of The Park has met with criticism from a number of Animal groups.

The plan, which was revealed to the public just days ago, was conceived by Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt, according to a source close to the Archons.

Newt, who became Chief Archon in January of this year, was the owner of a profitable recreational facility when he was chosen by lottery to serve as Archon. His plan to make The Park an attractive venue for non-residents has infuriated a number of Animal groups, who question the wisdom of inviting outsiders to spend more time in The Park.

“Personally, I don’t understand the whole thing,” says Ferit Kokarca, President of Skunks Against Gunk. “They come here and make use of our beautiful facilities, but they don’t add anything substantial to the economy,” he says.

Wellington Whistlepig, founder and current president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) concurs: “It’s not as if they buy anything from our shops,” he says.

In the meantime, The Park’s environmental groups, incensed by the plan, have decided that action speaks louder than words. Some particularly infuriated members of the group, Keep Your Paws out of Our Ponds, have set up barriers in the new tourist areas in the hope of discouraging return visitors.

Still, there are those who see positive aspects to welcoming tourists to The Park.

Park Finance Officer, Milton Struts, says studies have shown that other Parks have benefitted “not just financially, but culturally” from interacting with outsiders. And André-Philippe Campagnol, the new owner of the popular Park restaurant, The Compost Heap, says his eatery has been the beneficiary of “a significant windfall” since tourists have begun frequenting The Park.

“We’re finding that we’re able to offer a wider variety of fare this summer,” he says.

OTD in 2016—Farmers, weather makers, tech company reps agree to summit at The Draft

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Draft with borderIn a surprise move, The Park’s farmers and weather makers and the representatives of some technology companies have agreed to sit down together at The Draft pub and discuss their positions and mutual goals.

In a carefully worded statement released this morning, the three groups acknowledged the assistance in this effort of The Beasts of Burden, who own The Draft, and said they were “cautiously optimistic” that they could come to an agreement that would benefit all residents of The Park.

The series of meetings will begin next month. In a simultaneous statement, The Beasts of Burden announced that their pub will be closed every Tuesday and Thursday in July to accommodate what is now being called, “The Draft Summit.”

The main issue under discussion will be the effect of technology on The Park’s food supply. The issue came to a head in early Spring, when the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) complained that through their food-finding apps, technology companies were encouraging Animals to abandon their natural practices of finding food. The SCPCPGF believes that this will negatively affect the “natural pacing” of food finding and will lead to uneven distribution, more food imports, and food shortages. At one point, they called on technology companies to stop producing their apps until the issue was resolved.

Not surprisingly, technology company representatives disagreed with the SCPCPGF’s assertion and refused to shut down production. They maintain their products enhance the food-finding experience, reduce stress, and save Animals a significant amount of time.

According to today’s statement, the first item of business will be to agree on an agenda. That agenda-setting meeting will take place on July 5.

OTD in 0217—Noreen gets police protection after brawl breaks out at UWT event

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Official NoreenNoreen was escorted home by Park Police yesterday after a brawl broke out at an event she was co-hosting at the University of West Terrier.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist, who is also an adjunct professor of Human Studies at UWT, was the co-host, with Chittenden School of Law professor Fionnula Fox, of an extended Q&A session after the launch of their joint project, the Domestic Empowerment Initiative (DEI). The DEI is designed to empower Animals who are currently living in a domestic situation with Humans.

During the Q&A, a brawl broke out among audience members who misunderstood Noreen’s words and took them to mean she was in favour of Animal domestication. Although she made several attempts to clarify her position, the audience members would have none of it. After several minutes of name-calling and threats to Noreen’s safety, UWT security removed the offending Animals and shut the session down. Park Police officer Gareth Shepherd then escorted Noreen home.

On Twitter this morning, Noreen thanked Officer Shepherd and sought once again to clarify her stand on Animal domestication.

gareth

“I did NOT say that domestication by Humans is acceptable,” she wrote. “Rather, I said that domestication is a complicated issue and there are circumstances under which living with Humans is the best option.”

She also wrote that she believes that strengthening The Park’s economy, educating Animals and encouraging Animal self-rule are the best methods by which we can eliminate both the need and desire for domestication.

“Life is never easy, but self-determination beats domestication,” she concluded.

OTD in 2013—New “Beats of Burden”music fest will aid Park refugees

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What a difference a letter makes!

Despite having decided months before that their comeback would include an annual charity concert in aid of The Park’s refugees, the Beasts of Burden found themselves putting off an official announcement. Stopped dead in their tracks by their inability to find an appropriate name for the event, they even considered shelving the project, worthy though they thought it was.

“I understood the problem, but I couldn’t help. They didn’t just want to put their name on it and call it ‘The Annual Beasts of Burden Charity Concert.’ They wanted the name to have more meaning than that,” said the band’s manager, Ignatius Herder.

“So, we had a meeting at The Draft (the band’s pub) to strategize. Alfredo (Ox, the band’s lead singer) started filling out some forms that we needed and then Haimo (Maultier) noticed he’d left a letter out of the word ‘Beasts,’ so it read, ‘Beats of Burden.’ We all laughed, then we looked at each other and we knew we were all thinking the same thing.”

And that is how the annual “Beats of Burden” Music Festival was born.

“It was pure genius and one hundred per cent serendipitous,” laughs Ox. “If I’d been more careful, we’d still be sitting there planning, instead of announcing the biggest charity music festival ever in The Park.”

With almost every Park band and singer signed on to the event, the new festival promises to be something truly out of the ordinary.

“A concert can only do so much, but a festival, with all sorts of different music and events and other things tied in…we can really make a difference to the lives of The Park’s refugees,” says an excited Ox.

The festival, which is scheduled to begin at sunrise on September 14 will go on for three days, with the music expected to last late into each night.

“The way I see it, they’re [the audience] going to have to ask us to go home. We’re not going to want to stop playing. Nobody is,” says Maultier.

Just the facts

What:    The Beats of Burden Music Festival
When:   Every year from now on; September 14-16 inclusive, sunrise to whenever
Where:  At venues across The Park; expect more details in the coming weeks
Why:     To raise funds in aid of The Park’s refugees
Who:     Almost all Park bands and singers; expect some “surprises” as well

OTD in 2015—Lottery will decide who gets tickets to Barkettes’ free Memorial Pond concert

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Barkettes #4 ticket
Tickets to Thisbe and the Barkettes ‘ free concert at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond will be assigned by lottery, it was announced today.

In a joint statement released this morning, the promoter, Iglu Entertainment, and the group’s manager, Hilde Blaft, said the decision to hold a lottery for the tickets rather than sell them on a first-come, first-served basis was made “to add a degree of fairness to the process.”

“The event will be a very emotional one for us in The Park and we felt that adding a rush for tickets would make it even more emotional for those who wish to attend. As a result, we have taken the decision to hold a lottery for the tickets, which are free of charge,” the statement said.

In addition, the statement confirmed that no tickets will be held back for Archons or Park celebrities and that only a few tickets will be held for the Tartan Crab’s immediate family. That decision was made at the request of the Barkettes, the statement said.

The group will be wrapping up The Park’s portion of their Bring Your Own Bone tour in August, with one final concert at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. The date for that concert will be announced next week.

OTD in 2013—Fish make big splash at Chitter Radio Literary Awards

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The Park's Fish population made a big splash at this year's Chitter Radio Literary Awards

While it may be stretching it a bit to suggest that The Park’s Fish population might be in ascendance, it is safe to say that our aquatic kin made their presence felt at this year’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards.

For the first time since the awards were established eighteen years ago (as The Park Literary Awards), almost every category included at least one entry from our Piscine population.

The humour category overflowed with Fishy fun and foolishness, from the darkly humorous, “Roll Over and Stare” to the somewhat frothy “Flash Fish.” While neither netted first prize in the category (that honour went to “Trooping the Collar” by Clement Samuel Tervuren), their nomination served notice to both the judges and The Park’s readers that aquatic humour has evolved.

Indeed, in her book, “Brevity and the Wit of Sole,” which was nominated in both the humour and memoir categories, Evangeline Solea writes with poignancy about her early career in comedy and humour writing and her fight against the “Flatfish stereotypes.”

“Everywhere, the view was that Fish weren’t funny…particularly Flatfish. And, in the first few years of my career, I was baited constantly, but I refused to give up,” she writes in Chapter 3 of her book which she titled, “Swimming Against the Current.”

Solea’s book won in the memoir category and another Piscine author took home a prize, as well. For her critically-acclaimed work, “The View from Under the Plastic Palace,” Barbara Puntius Everetti was declared the Most Promising Newcomer.

Declan Wolfhound’s critically acclaimed “The Upward Curve” took the prize for best novel, while poet Gwendolyn Slang’s “Locomotion” won the poetry award and short story writer Tedesco Tuatara took home the prize for his twentieth collection, “The Long and Short of It.”

As expected, Tab Tricolore’s most recent volume, “The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine,” won in the non-fiction category. It was also no surprise that the award for the best political work went to Dante Reginald Kodiak’s controversial best seller, “If We Chain the World: How Fences Alter the Way We See Ourselves and Others.”

Veteran playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn, author of the highly acclaimed “Mixed Nuts,” received the prize for her most recent work,”Truffles.” She was also honoured for her efforts on behalf of the Park Repertory Theatre.

OTD in 2014—PASS calls for public inquiry into stampede at grooming house

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tallulahstoilettage

PASS has called for a public inquiry into the grooming house stampede

The Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) has called for a public inquiry into the stampede that occurred at Tallulah’s Toilettage on May 31.

At a meeting held on Saturday June 14, members of the Association voted unanimously to recommend to the Archons that they institute a “full, free, and public investigation into the events that took place at Tallulah’s Toilettage on May 31.”[pullquote]We want Animals to realize that the security of the business community is at stake here.  – PASS president Wellington Whistlepig[/pullquote]

The Association also agreed that such a public investigation should seek input from Park Police, the Department of Well-Being and Safety and the Department of Holidays Festivals, and Celebrations, as well as from Animals resident in The Park.

“We wrote our recommendation in the strongest language possible, short of making it an outright demand,” said current PASS president Wellington Whistlepig at a media briefing this afternoon. 

“We want Animals to realize that the security of the business community is at stake here,” he said.

OTD in 2016—”Diary of a Domestic Dog” favoured to win fiction prize at tomorrow’s awards

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Chitter Radio Literary Awards take place on June 15

Natalia Barboncina’s penetrating and intelligent account of life as a Domestic Canine is favoured to win at this year’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards.

The strange thing is, that award will be for fiction.

Originally published by Kynikos Press under the title, Another Day, the book has leapt off the shelves in recent months. And it’s found an enorormously diverse audience, made up of species that some say are the least likely ever to experience domesticity.

Indeed, the author herself has spoken of her astonishment at the number of readers of species other than Canine who’ve written letters to her, posted on her web site, and attended her pawprintings. Just last month at The Literary Apothecary, the lineup to meet Barboncina was made up of fifty-five different species, according to proprietor Wyuna Winkle.

“Something about that book resonates with all Animals, despite the fact that it’s about a particular species in a particular circumstance,” Winkle says.

Barboncina credits Noreen with bringing her to some of the insights that are expressed by the main character in her book. She says that while she was in the process of writing the book, she and The Mammalian Daily advice columnist had a “series of conversations” about Humans that “opened her mind to the emotional reality of Domestic Canine life.”

“When I started the book, I saw it all in the abstract. But, after talking to Noreen, I was able to put myself in the position of my main character and to actually feel and authentically describe what she experiences,” Barboncina says.

Indeed, “authentic” is a word that has been used in many of the reviews of the book. And it was that authenticity that drew domestication survivor and 2012 Chitter Radio Literary Award winner Hercule Parrot to the work and moved him to write a blurb for the retitled book’s cover.

“Natalia Barboncina writes with great depth of meaning and describes the full spectrum of emotions experienced by the domesticated Animal. This book is a true work of art,” Parrot wrote.

Barboncina and her fellow nominees will attend the Chitter Radio Literary Awards tomorrow at The Park Repertory Theatre.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

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